“Oh my!”

Dick Enberg

Forget Elite. The first night of the round of eight was epic. Who could have possibly imagined the Purdue Boilermakers playing in two consecutive overtime games with only one day of rest between them? How about the Texas Tech Red Raiders going to their first Final Four in school history? So many utterly crazy, heart-stopping, hair-pulling, yell-at-the-TV-until-it-is-covered-with-spittle moments happened tonight, there is no way I can write about them all, but there is one moment in particular that captured my attention.

As the overtime period was about to begin, Purdue’s Carsen Edwards and Virginia’s Mamadi Diakite had an exchange where they smiled at one another and shook their heads as if to say, “Can you believe this game?” Sometimes as rabid fans we forget what we are watching, and that is essentially a bunch of kids having fun playing a game.

Nice Shootin’, Tex

I will go ahead and lead with the horrible pun that has been blowing up my phone and social media feeds all night: They zigged when they should have Zagged. As I mentioned in my last tome, I feared the Red Raiders’ formidable defense, and it was basically as advertised. I will offer a few thoughts and observations from this game with the disclaimer that I am an unapologetic Gonzaga fanboy. My bias will show, but it’s my commentary, so get over it.

• Rumbin’, stumblin’, bumblin’. The Zags had some real banana peel moments in this one, due in part, no doubt, to playing a team that seemed to have twenty hands instead of ten, and if you were a Bulldog with the ball, about six of them were in your pockets. I will give Texas Tech credit. They have the quickest hand, perhaps, that I have ever seen, and this frustrated Gonzaga all night.
• Bobby Huggins would be proud. Don’t get me wrong. A lot of what Texas Tech does is good defense, but some of it is just downright fouling that doesn’t get called. This game was chock full of grabbing, pushing, shoving, slapping, and poking. Their style reminds me very much of that of West Virginia, which I also found infuriating. I mean, I get it. You can’t call EVERYTHING, and I am not suggesting that the officials should. Sometimes I get the feeling that teams earn a reputation as good defenders, and that the officials, being human, are swayed by that. I don’t know. That isn’t why Gonzaga lost, mind you. They had ample opportunity to win this game.
• Two points is not nearly enough. With only a two point lead at the half, I was worried, knowing that the Bulldogs are prone to long second-half scoring droughts. Sure enough, the Texas Tech defense clamped down, and Gonzaga couldn’t buy a basket.
• From his own mouth, Gonzaga’s Josh Perkins owned the boneheaded play of the day when he reached across the out of bounds line and fouled the in-bounder. This with the Zags down just two points after some truly crazy moments that brought them from certain defeat to still alive.
• Is it just me, or does every shot from Rui Hachimura look as though he is shooting down at the basket? I cannot decide if that’s an optical illusion due to the camera angle, or if his shot is just really flat. Hachimura had a terrific game despite the loss.
• Mama Mia! Much was made about Texas Tech’s Davide Moretti coming alive in the tournament once his parents and other family members flew over from Italy to watch him play. If I’m not mistaken, his mother had never seen him play before their last game versus Michigan. In this game had a real international flavor with a number of players on both teams hailing from overseas. The aforementioned Rui Hachimura is only the fifth Japanese born player in NCAA Division I Men’s Basketball. Killian Tillie is from France.
• Yet another inexplicably non-reviewable call got under my skin again tonight. After a truly extraordinary blocked shot by Texas Tech’s Tariq Owens, he clearly landed out of bounds. He then jumped back up in the air and “saved” the ball, tipping it back to himself. This, of course, is out of bounds on Owens and Gonzaga basketball. Unfortunately, no referee was looking at his feet, and the call was missed. And even though it was in the last minute of the game, and even though there was indisputable video evidence, the call was, by rule, not reviewable. Even rules analyst Gene Steratore agreed that the NCAA needs to expand the use of replay to cover such situations. Did that call cost Gonzaga the game? Probably not, but who knows? The Zags pulled within two before Perkins’ blunder. Why not get it right?

Edwards Scores 42, But It Isn’t Enough

The Purdue Boilermakers scored 75 points. Carsen Edwards had 42 of them, including ten 3-point shots. What can you say about the man? He was unconscious, and yet somehow, Virginia found a way to win, or perhaps, Purdue found a way to lose. I will report, and you can decide.

• Here’s that wacky review/no-review situation again. I know I repeat myself, but clear out of bounds plays – not reviewable…ever…regardless of game circumstance or presence of indisputable video evidence. But hold the phone. If you make a basket at any point in the game, and there is some question as to whether you beat the shot clock, that is reviewable. Just ask Purdue. They were denied three points on such a review in the first half, and I direct your attention to the fact that this game went in to overtime. Now, Wahoo fans doth protest that it was the right call. Yes, it was, but that is precisely my point. Riddle me this, Batman. Why is it only OK to get the obviously right call right in certain situations? This makes no sense to me.
• I’m not the only one who thinks Matt Haarms looks like Ivan Drago. In a pre-game interview, Haarms says he gets that all the time.
• Did you notice that both teams made it to halftime without putting the other team in the bonus? I’m sure that happens, but I am not sure I’ve ever witnessed it.
• Go big or go home. That’s exactly what Virginia did in the second half, rolling out their assembly of giants in an effort to stymie Purdue’s arsenal of three point shooters. Well, OK, it was really just to stop Edwards, who could not be stopped. Coach Bennett put the unusual combination of the 6’7″ De’Andre Hunter, the 6’9″ Mamadi Diakite, and the 6’10” Jack “the pillar of” Salt on the court together for long stretches. What this also allowed Virginia to do was dominate the offensive glass. At one point in the second half Purdue spent a full 90 seconds on defense because of two consecutive offensive rebounds by Virginia.
• That’s the ugliest free throw motion I’ve seen since Shaquille O’Neal. If you’ve never witnessed a Nojel Eastern free throw, don’t. It is truly cringe-worthy. Nevertheless, he did make one of two, which is more than normally could be said of Shaq.
• He made it when it counted. Diakite’s game-tying basket at the buzzer that sent the game into overtime was his only field goal of the second half. The events leading up to that improbable shot will be the topic of discussion around water coolers throughout West Lafayette come Monday, in particular coach Matt Painter’s decision to foul Ty Jerome with five seconds left rather than risk a game-winning three point shot. Now, we wouldn’t even be having this conversation had Ryan Cline made both free throws just two seconds earlier. Nevertheless, Purdue essentially failed to do the two things they absolutely had to do. One was make free throws. The other was secure the rebound on what was obviously going to be an intentional miss on Jerome’s second free throw. Again, lack of rebounding killed them.
• Call George Orwell. This is Virginia’s first Final Four appearance since 1984.

Quick Hitters

• After years of retirement, Gene Keady is still yelling at the refs.
• Allie LaForce looks like Ronda Rousey. Nice bracelet, by the way.
• Those KFC commercials featuring Colonel Sanders and Mrs. Butterworth are downright creepy.
• My favorite commercial, though, is the State Farm add where Clutch, the mascot for the Houston Rockets, starts firing t-shirts from a Gatling Gun when “Jump Around” starts playing on the television.
• Given the state of my bracket, I am now like a losing coach in the tournament. They get invited to the studio to comment, but they are no longer in the game.
• Funny things Brad Schafer put on my text feed tonight:
  • “Haarms needs to spend more time in the weight room and less in the salon.”
  • “Cline is so slow he’s still not on daylight savings [time].”

Quick Awards

And I do mean quick…

• The Stick To Pancakes award goes to Brad Schafer in honor of his favorite Gonzaga player, Josh Perkins. Brad gets a gift certificate to Perkins Family Restaurant.
• The Thanks For The Sour Persimmons, Cousin award goes to Zach Richardson for sending me a Red Alert gif barely two minutes into the second half. Harsh.
• The I Stand Corrected award goes to alert contestant Joe Goggin who reminded me of my fifth-grade U.S. geography. It turns out Louisville most certainly is south of the Mason-Dixon line, and I apparently am not smarter than a fifth grader.
• And finally, the OK, You’re In First, So You Can Stop Complaining About The Scoring System Now award goes to new contest leader Gavin Hand, who certainly deserves the top spot given his incredible win-loss record of 52-6. I don’t believe Gavin has the contest sewn up just yet, but he, ahem, certainly deserves a hand.

OK, minions, church in the morning. Time to sign off. The remaining two Final Four teams will be decided tomorrow. So far we have one ACC and one Big 12. We are guaranteed one SEC team in the Final Four. Will it be two ACC teams, or will the B1G have a representative? Tune in tomorrow to find out.

The Wizard of Whiteland

Contest Home Page

“Set your eyes to Zion”

P.O.D.

Some really good basketball was played tonight, especially in the late games. I hope you were able to watch, but in case you weren’t, read on for the Wizard’s take on tonight’s battles. The field has now been reduced to eight – a great eight. (Contest veterans may recall my aversion to the term “Elite Eight”. For reasons completely irrational, I don’t like it. It just doesn’t have a nice ring to it.)

Great Hair, Bad Calls, Injuries, and Close Calls

While the first two days of March Madness are the arguably the best two days in sports, from a perspective of writing these commentaries, these two days – the Sweet Sixteen rounds – are probably my favorite. With just four games a night, the material to cover is just perfect – not too much, not too little. It’s baby bear territory – just right.

• East bound and down, loaded up and truckin’. UNC’s Luke Maye bears a strong resemblance to a young Burt Reynolds. I also agree with Sam Brauen’s take that he shared on Twitter: “Fairly certain Luke Maye was at UNC longer than Aaron Craft was at Ohio St.”
• March Madness can get a little hairy. UNC’s Coby White has reportedly been growing his hair since he was a freshman in high school, giving him a coif about which play-by-play man Ian Eagle quipped, “He’s got that weeping willow look.” Speaking of great hair, Virginia Tech’s Ahmed Hill puts his braids up in pig tails that give him a Shrek kind of vibe. It’s truly spectacular.
• Duke wins another close one. Zion Williamson is a pro playing among amateurs. He is the most dominant player in college basketball, and it’s not close. The man is headed for a big payday this summer. With Cam Reddish a surprising late scratch due to injury, the Blue Devils needed 100% from their NBA lottery pick, and he delivered. Incredibly, for the second game in a row, Duke’s opponent had a shot at the basket as time expired, albeit this time for a tie instead of a win. One could argue that Duke should never have been in that position, as replay clearly showed Virginia Tech’s Kerry Blackshear had his foot on the line as he saved the ball from going out of bounds with 5 seconds to go. Of course, that play is not reviewable, because logic, and because it would have been so easy to get it right in, like, two seconds of review time. But no, the only time we have video reviews is when we want to spend five minutes deciding whether to put two tenths or three tenths of a second back on the clock, or to decide if player Z committed a flagrant foul with unnecessary or excessive contact above the shoulders. Meanwhile both teams get a free timeout. But we can’t possibly change a blatantly missed, easily correctable call for which we have conclusive video evidence. That would be unfair…or something. Horse dead. Dismounting.
• The Fighting Barkleys win again, making their deepest tournament run in 33 years. Auburn made 17 three-pointers, including four from Danjel Purifoy on their way to hanging 97 big ones on North Carolina. It may have been something of a pyrrhic victory for the Tigers, however, as team leader and leading scorer for the game Chuma Okeke went down with what coach Bruce Pearl believes could be a very serious knee injury. Nevertheless, the Auburn win sets up an SEC showdown in the Midwest regional final with the subject of our next take…
• To win in March, sometimes you need a Herro. Kentucky was very happy to get PJ Washington back from injury, but it was Tyler Herro who hit the go-ahead three-pointer to lift the Wildcats to victory over Houston. This was another nail-biter, and to be fair, Houston’s Cory Davis was probably fouled on his game-tying shot attempt, but he didn’t get the call. Kentucky fans have to like their chances of another Final Four appearance now that they get to face a familiar opponent most likely without their best and most versatile player.
• Panic! At the tournament. I’m fairly confident that in every game I’ve watched so far, I have heard one of the pep bands playing a song by power pop act Panic! At The Disco. At least we are spared endless repetitions of the theme from Game of Thrones this year.
• It seems that the NCAA may be a little geographically challenged. The West regional is in Anaheim, CA. Makes sense. Midwest is in Kansas City, MO. Roger that as well. East is in D.C. OK, I’ll buy that, too. But the South regional is being played in…Louisville, KY? Sure, if you grew up in Indiana like I did, Kentucky is south…ish, but Louisville? Louisville is in northern Kentucky, and it definitely snows there in the winter. To me “South” has to be at least south of the Mason-Dixon line. Your mileage may vary.
• Balance has been restored to the Force. After both 3 seeds defeated their 2 seed opponents yesterday, the roles were reversed this evening with both 2 seeds advancing. UNC gets the dubious honor of being the first 1 seed to go down. Auburn is the lowest remaining seed at 5. What does all of that mean? Not much, really, except that there aren’t many upset bonus points left to be earned in the contest.
• The best thing I heard in a post-game interview tonight happened when Coach K was asked (in reference to the final play of the game when Ahmed Hill, aka Shrek, had practically a layup for the tie), “How do you usually defend that?” Coach K’s response: “Better.”
• And now for a short lesson in the rules of basketball. There is this mythical foul oft mentioned by fans, parents, analysts, and announcers the world over, and despite its ubiquitous references, it doesn’t exist in the basketball rule book. The foul I am referring to is “over the back”, and I assure you, there is no such thing. If a taller player grabs the ball over a shorter player while positioned behind him, it is not automatically a violation, though you will almost always hear the howls of protest from the stands. “That’s over the back, ref! Open your eyes!” No, sorry, but it is not against the rules to grab the ball while standing behind another player so long as you do not foul said player in the process. What is against the rules is to use your body to gain an advantage on such a play, and that is true regardless of whether said player is positioned behind, in front of, or beside the offended player.
• Reality check. The latest commercial for the new Orange Vanilla Coke features a dilapidated pick-up truck full of oranges crashing through a concrete
  highway barrier, spilling a handful of oranges and continuing merrily on its journey to join forces with the vanilla ice cream truck. That’s clever and all, but what actually happens when a piece of junk pick-up truck hits a concrete barrier at high speed? The concrete barrier does not shatter in a cloud of dust. It doesn’t even move. The pick-up is smashed to smithereens, and oranges aplenty are strewn down the freeway for miles, leading to a massive traffic jam and thousands of angry commuters. But I suppose that plot line wouldn’t sell much soda.
• Don’t look now, but a drop-the-mic worthy war of words is being waged among the employees of Visage Imaging via their contest aliases. You know who you are.

Awards Time

• I was a bit surprised to find that no one got all eight of the Elite Eight correct with original picks. Therefore, the Crazy Eights award goes to one Kathy Deaver, the only minion who picked all eight games correctly with the benefit of the re-picks. Kathy is currently in 47th place.
• The One Day, A Jedi Will You Be, Young Padawan award goes to Brock Zagel who informed me that he provides his own “mini-Jeff commentary” each morning for his co-workers who play in the contest. Well done, my apprentice.
• The Best Alias I Saw Tonight goes to Peter “Error //UNC/ChampionshipPath AccessDenied” Szabla. Well played, sir. (See aforementioned alias war.)
• The Father Still Knows Best award goes to Brad Walters who has finally moved one spot ahead of his son, Luke Walters. They are 21st and 22nd respectively.
• The Oh Ye Of Little Faith award goes to David “the year of the boiler” Ricks, currently in 13th place. When I looked at David’s picks, I fully expected to find Purdue as national champion, but David does not even have them in the Final Four. Clearly David resisted the temptation to pick with the heart rather than the head.
• The Best Alias Relating To Today’s Hair Theme goes to Brian “J. Bilas wishes he had Coby White’s hair” Trout. My guess is that Jay Bilas wishes he had anyone’s hair. Brian is currently tied for 100th with Purdue senior Braden Murray, who gets the While The Basketball Team Is Off Pursuing Hoops Glory, I’m Stuck On Campus Studying award.
• The There’s No Sense In Giving Myself Another Award award goes to me. Though I am still in the lead, I will not remain there. I have lost two Final Four teams on the same side of the bracket, meaning I can only win four of the remaining seven games. Not sure who is in the best position to win now, but I am confident it is not the Wizard. All talk of cheating and Russian collusion can stop now, thank you.

Great Games Tomorrow

It doesn’t take much analysis to see there are a very large number of Purdue fans in the contest this year. The Boilers will have their work cut out for them tomorrow night against Virginia, but since they have already beaten my pick, I wouldn’t mind a Purdue victory so much. The other game is much more important to me as an unabashed Gonzaga fanboy. I will admit that the stifling defense of Texas Tech worries me, but I think the Zags can win in a grinder, and I think they have the size to match up with the Red Raiders that Michigan lacked.

That’s all for tonight, minions. Tune in tomorrow for more March Madness musings.

The Wizard of Whiteland

Contest Home Page

“I only feel this way when Purdue plays. I don’t know how people watch sports all the time. It’s so stressful.”

Sara Marshall, Sister-In-Law to the Wizard

I have a lot to say tonight, which stands to reason seeing that we had an overtime game which pushed the final game’s conclusion past 12:30 PM EDT. Nevertheless, the commentary must be written or the barbarian minion hordes will be at the gate! Excuse me, then, while I fire up the Keurig for one more cup of coffee before I dive in.

Cue 80s Muzak…”We built this city on rooockkk…”

Destiny, Defense, and Dumb Decisions

• It was deja vu all over again. For the first time in nearly two decades, the Sweet 16 featured a rematch of two teams that played each other in the Sweet 16 the previous year, Gonzaga vs Florida State. A considerable number of contestants had the Seminoles winning this game, assuming their size would give the Zags the same trouble it did last year. To an extent that was the case, but the outcome was different this time around.
• Plenty of Forrest, but not enough trees. FSU’s Trent Forrest had a stellar performance with 20 points, 5 rebounds, 4 assists, 3 steals, 1 block, and a partridge in a pear tree. Conversely, big men Koumadje and Kabengele combined for just 16 points and 8 personal fouls between them. Foul trouble plagued the 7’3″ Koumadje, limiting him to just 11 minutes of court time. Meanwhile, four of the five Gonzaga starters scored in double figures.
• The word you are looking for is “tertiary”. I live in Indiana. Have my entire life. That means I’m a Pacers fan, and by extension, I love Uncle Reggie. The poor guy had a little difficulty tonight, though, when trying to explain why Florida State just didn’t have enough fire power to overcome Gonzaga. They were missing some key bench players due to injury and a death in the family, and their big men were saddled with fouls. Reggie wanted to point out that after Forrest, they really had no other scoring options. This was when he said, “They have no secondary or third-ee…uhm…third options.” He almost said thirdiary, I promise. You would think a guy who made his living with threes would know the related terms, but apparently not. Speaking of Reggie Miller…
• Kevin Harlan is great. Reggie Miller is tolerable. Dan Bonner is an insufferable Zags-hating, FSU homer! OK, I’m a little biased. OK, I’m a LOT biased, but it sure seemed like he really wanted the Seminoles to win. Speaking of homers…
• Boiler Up! A whopping 225 contestants picked Purdue to advance to the Elite Eight. Sadly, I was not among them. Even more sadly, I had Tennessee in the Final Four. If you didn’t see any of this game, Purdue was up big, only to see the Volunteers come all the way back and even lead the game with mere seconds left to play. But alas, they could not come away with a victory in large part because of…
• The boneheaded play of the day goes to Tennessee’s Lamonte Turner who fouled Purdue’s Carson Edwards on a three point shot attempt that missed with less than two seconds on the game clock. The Vols were up two at the time, and victory was almost assured until the whistle blew. Edwards incredibly missed the first of three free throws. Two makes and one overtime period later, and the Boilermakers were headed to the Elite Eight for the first time in 19 years. Never foul the jump shooter. Ever. It’s a cardinal rule of basketball.
• I must break you! I know I Tweeted this out earlier, but does anyone besides me think that Purdue’s Matt Haarms looks like Ivan Drago? Alert minion Jason Cooper posted a picture on the Facebook page. You be the judge.
• More 18 inches of nope. Aside from the Purdue-Tennessee 99-94 overtime score-fest, and Gonzaga’s respectable 72-point total, scoring was scarce. The final two games of the night were defensive battles, and that’s being kind. The four teams playing in the second games at both sites were a combined 37.5% from the field. Virginia hoisted up an incredible 33 three-point shots and made just nine. Not to be outdone, Michigan shot 19 threes and made one. I know it’s cliche, but the Wolverines have lived by the three often this season, and tonight, they died by it.
• First team to 30 wins. The game between Texas Tech and Michigan was like a pick-up game at the playground or the local YMCA. The halftime score was 24-16. That’s the fewest points the Wolverines have scored in a tournament game since 1948. I can appreciate good defense as much as the next guy, but this game was excruciating.
• The glass slipper has been shattered, with the only legitimate Cinderella left in the tournament, 12 seed Oregon, falling to top seed Virginia. The Wahoos are on a mission this year to erase the memory of their historic debacle last year when they became the first 1 seed ever to lose to a 16. Oregon had not lost since late February, and even led this game late in the second half. It was not to be, however, and the hopes of 26 minions salivating over a 23 bonus point bonanza went down with the Ducks.
• Did that bear just poo in our tent? By now you’ve seen the Buick commercial where the kid with a million questions wears his dad out on the family road trip. I have a few questions of my own, such as, why were the first few minutes of the Michigan-Texas Tech game called remotely by the crew in the studio instead of the court-side crew at the game? It turns out it was because they lost power to the TV truck, probably because the bear tripped over the extension cord. Thus we were treated to several minutes of the color commentary genius of one Charles Barkley. Gotta love that guy. Why are video reviews of out of bounds/possession calls only allowed in the last two minutes of the game? They can and do review the clock and “was that a flagrant foul” throughout the game, but for some reason we are to believe that a missed possession call in the first half isn’t as consequential as one in the last two minutes? I understand not wanting to continually interrupt game flow, but, well, they are already continually interrupting game flow. Why not have a “video official” ala the NBA and NFL who can buzz the refs and stop play in the event that video shows a CLEAR missed call? Every play should be reviewable or none of them should be. That’s my take.
• Ban the bail-out foul call. This happens in the NBA a lot. Player takes shot. Ref waits to see if player makes shot. Made shot, no whistle. Missed shot, late whistle and a foul. Now, in the NBA, officials are actually on record justifying this practice as a way of protecting players from fouling out. I am not sure if that’s the same rationale in the NCAA, but it seems to be happening with increasing frequency, and I am not a fan.

A Few Awards

Time to bring this rant in for a landing with a few awards.

• The Spiritual Warfare award goes to Joel “repicks are for wimps (or Tacko fans)” McDaniel, who messaged me on Instagram with this gem: “I’m facing major spiritual battles dude…I have Purdue winning but my family has Tennessee winning.”
• The That’s It, I’m Blocking Your Numbers award goes to my relatives Josh Marshall, Sara Marshall, and Jeffery Cardwell, who were blowing up my phone with non-stop snarkyness as Purdue closed in on their victory.
• The Top 10 award, sponsored by David Letterman, goes to Kristin Detamore, who has climbed from 342nd all the way to 10th and has picked all four games correctly this evening with original picks.
• The Look Out Below award goes to Jeff Davis who, once as high as 4th, has dropped to 567th.
• The Who Do You Think You’re Fooling? I Know You Were Watching Baseball All Night award goes to Dylan “First time i haven’t used repicks” Scheumann. I know that Dylan is a big baseball fan, and I know today was opening day. Dylan is actually doing quite well in the contest, currently in 61st and yet to lose a game in round 3. Personally, I’d rather watch that Michigan-Texas Tech game repeatedly all weekend than watch a single baseball game.

Yes, I am still leading the contest, but my chances of staying in that position dropped dramatically tonight thanks to Purdue…or Tennessee, depending on how you look at it. There have basically been about ten of us trading places in the top five with each passing game. It will be interesting to see who ends up in the lead after the weekend.

That’s all I have for tonight. The next thrilling edition of the contest commentary will be coming your way after tomorrow night’s session, hopefully a bit earlier than tonight.

The Wizard of Whiteland

Contest Home Page

When the dust has cleared
And victory denied
A summit too lofty
River a little too wide
If we keep our pride
Though paradise is lost
We will pay the price
But we will not count the cost

Alex Lifeson / Neil Peart / Geddy Lee Weinrib

Medieval Madness: Wizards, Dukes, and Knights

The field of 64 is now 16, the Sweet Sixteen, as it is called, and this year’s Sweet Sixteen is historic in that, for the first time ever, all twelve 1 thru 3 seeds have survived opening weekend.

• Perhaps the committee got it right this time. After a bevy of upsets in the round of 64, the round of 32 belonged to the favorites, or the “chalk” as it is often called. The second round provided only a single bonus point in terms of our contest scoring courtesy of Auburn’s victory over Kansas. What’s more, the Sweet Sixteen consists of only two teams outside the expected 1 thru 4 seeds if things proceeded according to Hoyle – #5 Auburn and #12 Oregon. One has to wonder if the newly developed NET rating system was instrumental in what could be the most accurate seeding of teams in tournament history, or, if it’s simply a fluke. Nevertheless, contestants who stuck mostly to the chalk line in the second round are performing the best in the standings so far. The first round was the time to pick your upsets this year, not the second.
• It is the natural order of things. The Knight must always bow before the Duke. ICYMI, the game of the day, and arguably the game of the tournament so far, was the much ballyhooed showdown between The Big Burrito and Mount Zion, between the Master (Coach K) and the Apprentice (Coach Johnny Dawkins, who played for Coach K decades ago). With under two minutes to play, the game was UCF’s to lose, but when Dayon Griffin raced down the floor for what seemed to be the dunk that would put the exclamation point on their improbable victory, he was rejected by the rim, a mistake that lead to a 3-point basket by Duke’s Cam Reddish on the other end. The five-point swing turned what would have been a six point lead into just a single point. What happened next will become a permanent part of March Madness lore. After two free throws put UCF up three with 45 seconds to play, Duke’s next offensive possession led to what at first looked like a certain charge on Zion Williamson drawn by Tacko Fall, the unquestioned descendant of Goliath of Gath. But wait, Tacko’s large frame was his undoing, as replay clearly showed one size 22 shoe in the restricted area. Zion gets the and-one, and Tacko gets the DQ for five fouls. Zion then misses the game-tying free throw, but RJ Barrett gets the offensive rebound and the put back. Duke is now up one with 11 seconds left. Final possession – B.J. Taylor drives for the layup and misses. That’s when son-of-the-coach Aubrey Dawkins, who ended the game with 32 points, came sailing in with a perfectly-timed leap and a tip that rolled…around…the rim…and then fell to the ground. And thus did the Blue Devils snatch victory from the gaping jaws of defeat. What a game.
• K is for Klass. In Coach K’s post-game interview, he spent about 20 seconds commending his team and players, and the rest of his time pouring out effusive praise for the vanquished opponents. “They deserved a win tonight. I hurt for Johnny. I love him.”
• The one that almost got away. Tennessee seemed assured of victory after building a 25 point lead over Iowa only to see it evaporate in the second half when Admiral Schofield was demoted to captain and banished to the bench thanks to foul trouble. In overtime, the remaining Volunteers did yeoman’s work to S.E.A.L. the victory. See what I did there?
• Drought alerts in March – Scoring droughts, that is, and there were plenty today. Buffalo went an incredible 60 minutes of real time without scoring a single point. Oregon, though ultimately prevailing, needed almost 8 minutes of the second half to score their first points of the half. With 4:00 left to play, Washington had missed a whopping 31 shots. No wonder we have had so many blowouts.
• Add Steven A. Smith to the list of experts giving out bad advice. Early in the tournament, Tony Isch lodged his complaints against ESPN’s Jay Bilas via Twitter. Today, Heather Little voiced her regret over allowing Smith to influence her picks. These guys certainly know a lot about basketball, but they aren’t fortune tellers. On average, they are likely not that much better than any of us at picking a bracket.
• The funniest commercial I saw on TV today is the one for Uber Eats where the delivery driver talks about taking his order to someone’s Sweet Sixteen party. After waxing eloquent about the scene he expects to arrive to – a house full of hoops fans screaming at the TV – he is surprised to walk in to a family’s sweet sixteen birthday party for their daughter. “I get my sweet sixteens mixed up sometimes,” he quips. Speaking of commercials, the AT&T ads with Phil the “just OK” NCAA announcer are pretty good, as are this year’s crop of Capital One ads featuring Samuel L. Jackson, Spike Lee, Charles Barkley, and Jim Nance. Grab your Chucksedo and hurry to the Final Fourgasboard for some good eating before the next round of games begins.
• Liberty and Virginia Tech are schools separated by just 97 miles, but they were many more miles apart than that in terms of the final score. This was a popular upset pick that didn’t pan out for a sizable number of contestants. Add to that category Ohio State who were picked by 159 contestants to advance to the Sweet Sixteen as an 11 seed. A lot of B1G homers in the contest this year.
• The re-pick phase of the contest has officially started. You can find the detailed instructions for making your re-picks here and at the bottom of this commentary. Please, please, pretty please, read the instructions thoroughly before sending me hate mail claiming a) the re-picks don’t work, or, b) you picked a game correctly but the web site says you got it wrong and didn’t give you your points. Neither of those things are true. Again, it is all explained in the instructions. If you have questions or find the instructions confusing, send me email.
• Tacko puns abound among the aliases after UCF’s loss. Those crack me up…like a taco shell. Also plentiful on the contest’s Facebook page are wisecracks tying a certain 2-year investigation that has been in the news all day to suspicions that my success is due to cheating, manipulation of the data, or collusion with the Russians. I assure you, I would never do such things. Still, my good friend Brad Schafer has all but guaranteed that should I ultimately win, I will never hear the end of it from him. “Barndt (City of Champions in the contest) and I will ride you like a rented mule,” he warned.

Round Two Awards

• The Picked To Perfection award goes to three contestants who picked all sixteen of the Sweet Sixteen correctly: Rick Morgan (70th), Ethan Hoeft (204th), and Ray “The Rainman!” Walker (20th). Great job, gentlemen!
• The Positive Attitude award goes to last place contestant Desaray “Smile girl” Schwarz. Just keep swimming, Desaray.
• The Hey I Should Have Gotten An Award award goes to Braden Murray who alerted me to the fact that I missed him in an earlier award given to folks who picked all three of the 12-over-5 upsets correctly.
• The I Really Needed Those Upsets award goes to Wayne Murray who could have been at or near the top of the standings had only Ohio State or Liberty pulled off a victory.
• The Best Inside Joke award goes to Dennis “Where are my pants?” Livingston, whose new alias stems from an exchange on the contest’s Facebook page.
• The Mistaken Identity award goes to Giuseppe “Not First Place Giuseppe” Moore, currently tied for 624th. No doubt he updated his alias whilst Giuseppe “G-Funk” DiIulio was still in first, so if it makes you feel any better, the other Giuseppe is now in 5th. I also think it’s totally crazy that we have two dudes named Giuseppe in the contest field.
• The Leggo My Eggo award goes to Maureen Proffit who insists she should have received yesterday’s What Are You, A Prophet? award.
• And finally, I humbly receive the How Sweet It Is award for leading my own contest, for the first time in 24 years, after the round of 32. I think my chances of taking home the grand prize are reasonably good, but I am fretting over a few of my remaining picks. I now must decide, as all of you must as well, whether to change any in the re-pick round (and pay the re-pick tax, as Brad Schafer calls it), or let my original picks ride.

Speaking of re-picks, again, please pay close attention to the instructions given below and on the web site. The best advice I can give regarding the re-picks is as follows:

• Always re-pick games where the original winner you picked has already lost. This is a no-brainer. It gives you a chance to score points where you otherwise would not.
• You cannot re-pick games that have already happened. I know, thanks Captain Obvious, but it is a point of confusion sometimes.
• Finish your re-picks by 7:00 PM on Thursday.

Now stick a fork in me, because I am done for this weekend. Look for the next edition of this commentary after Thursday night’s game. Good luck, minions!

The Wizard of Whiteland

Contest Home Page

Re-Pick Round Instructions

Here are the steps you need to follow to enter your re-picks for the final 15 games of this year’s contest.  NOTE: DO NOT attempt to click on the “Enter Your Picks” buttons in the FAQ section.  You will just confuse yourself and send me email saying, “The re-pick doesn’t work.”  The “Enter Your Picks” buttons are ONLY for the beginning of the contest, not the re-picks.  Follow the instructions below to enter your re-picks.

1. Go to the Contestants Picks page and click on the link for your entry.  You will be asked to enter the password you entered when you originally made your picks.  If you forgot your password, use the “I forgot my password” link on the page where you enter your pasword, If that doesn’t work, Email me, and I will reset it for you.
2. You will be presented with your re-pick screen.  Now, it is important that you understand what you are looking at on this screen.  The teams listed in the grid for rounds 1 and 2 are the teams that ACTUALLY WON the games, not necessarily the teams YOU PICKED.  Any games that you MISSED will appear in RED, and games that you got correct will appear in GREEN.  PLEASE NOTE:  All the teams shown in the Re-Pick Screen for rounds 1 and 2 are actual tournament game winners.  If a team shows up in RED for a round 1 or round 2 game on your Re-Pick Screen, it does NOT mean that team lost.  It means YOU picked some other team for that game, and therefore you got that game WRONG.  It is set up this way so that the 16 teams listed in your Re-Pick Screen are the actual remaining teams, which allows you to pick ANY team to win ANY of the remaining 15 games by clicking that team’s button.
3. The teams listed in the grid for round 3 through the championship are the teams YOU ORIGINALLY PICKED for those games.  Any teams that have already lost will appear in RED.  These are the games you definitely want to change.
4. The re-pick screen will only allow you to change picks for the remaining 15 games in rounds 3 through the championship.  To change a pick for any game, simply click on a button to advance the team to the next round, just like you did at the beginning of the contest.  As I stated before, you should at least change your picks for any RED games you have in the remaining rounds.  In fact, if you attempt to update your picks WITHOUT changing all your remaining RED picks, your updates will not be entered, and you will be asked to re-enter.
5. When you are finished making changes, click on the Update Picks button.  Your picks will be checked for errors.  If your updates are successful, you will get a confirmation screen.  If there was a problem, you will get an error screen or a pop-up error message.
6. If you return to your Re-Pick Screen before Thursday, you will see your latest picks for the final 15 games along with the ACTUAL WINNERS for rounds 1 and 2.  You can continue to make changes, even changing a pick back to your original choice, provided your original choice has not already lost, through the Thursday 7:00 PM deadline.

You will only be able to view your own picks during the re-pick phase of the contest.  This is so that your changes can be kept secret, making the contest as fun and competitive as possible.  Certain reports that would give away information for picks in the remaining rounds will also be disabled until the re-pick phase is over.

After 7:00 PM on Thursday, the Contestant Picks links will return to normal.  You will be able to view anyone’s picks, and the grid will show each contestant’s actual picks for the entire contest, including any changes made in the re-pick phase.  As the contest completes, games you miss will appear in RED, and games you get right will be marked in GREEN.

“In this tournament, everybody has something to lose.”

Kentucky Coach John Calipari

Let us not bury the lead, here. The Wizard of Whiteland finished the day in second place overall. This is by far my best showing in my own contest in well over a decade. We will see if I’m in the same position this time tomorrow. But enough about me.

Random And Not So Random Thoughts From Day Three

• The enemy deserves no mercy. The first two games of the day were competitive, decided by a total of 8 points. The last six games were decided by an average of 19 points. The most exciting – indeed, about the only exciting – moment of the day was when LSU’s Tremont Waters made the game winning layup just over the outstretched fingers of Maryland’s Jalen Smith with 1.6 seconds to play. Shades of Tyus Edny there. (Bonus points if you get the reference.)
• TNT’s Ernie Johnson has one of the most pronounced hitchhikers thumbs I have ever seen. That is the only thing I remember from the commercial he appears in this year. I don’t even recall the product being advertised, but man, that thumb is totally at a 90-degree angle.
• Say what you will about Kentucky coach John Calipari, but he understands the game and has embraced his stated mission of accepting one-and-done players headed for the NBA with no delusions of finishing college first and grooming them for the rigorous demands of professional basketball. Speaking of Kentucky, the Wildcats held the NCAA’s all-time leader in 3-point shots made, Wofford’s Fletcher Magee, to 0-12 from 3-point range today. To put that in perspective, Kentucky won the game by just six points. Had Magee only shot a woeful 25% from 3-point range, it would have been enough to win the game.
• Five Guys burgers and fries. Have you ever seen a single player draw all five defenders? I did today when Murray State’s Ja Morant drove to the basket and found himself quintuple teamed. Sure, the Racers got smoked by a frighteningly good Florida State squad, but Morant is the real deal and will definitely be getting paid next fall. Speaking of Murray State, their coach, Matt McMahon, had the quote of the day when he told his team, “You gotta guard somebody. We’re making them look like the Golden State Warriors out there.” The Seminoles did look rather impressive, and as a Gonzaga fan, I am frankly worried. FSU bounced the Zags from the tournament last year, and they are just as much of a match-up nightmare this year. One has to wonder if the committee considers these sorts of rematches when putting together the bracket.
• Make that 23 years. The crew calling the Michigan State vs Minnesota game pointed out that the Gophers haven’t been to a Sweet Sixteen in 22 years. The Spartans made sure another year was added to that total. Speaking of long droughts between Sweet Sixteen appearances…
• It has been sixteen years to the day since Auburn earned its last Sweet Sixteen appearance, and they did so tonight in convincing fashion, more than doubling Kansas’ score at the half. In an earlier commentary I cracked a joke about the Bill Self coached incarnations of the Jayhawks‘ penchant for losing early in the tournament. That may not be a completely fair assessment – after all, Kansas made the Final Four just last year. In fact, the Jayhawks have made it to the Sweet Sixteen or better in six of the last ten tournaments. However, in three of the years where they failed to win two games, they were either a 1 or a 2 seed. In fact, in 10 straight tournament appearances since 2010, this year is the only year Kansas was seeded lower than 2. Draw your own conclusions.
• Anybody got a stopwatch I can borrow? What is wrong with the clock operators this year? I never seen so many stoppages of play due to “game clock issues” in all my years of watching March Madness. The clock operators need to get it together.
• At one point in Purdue’s shellacking of defending champion Villanova, Carson Edwards had 22 points. The entire Villanova team had 24. That was in the second half. Ugly.
• Who turned out the lights? Both low-beam headlights in my wife’s vehicle burned out at the same time, apparently. What are the odds of that? We made this discovery as she was about to head out to run an errand just after dark. Now you know what I will be doing tomorrow afternoon when I should be watching more hoops.
• Correction: Alert minion Bethany Davis pointed out that Liberty University does, in fact, have a football team. They actually play in the FBS and were 6-6 last season. Go figure.
• After seeing the plethora of commercials for Orange Vanilla Coke, I decided to try it. Turns out it is not as disgusting or bizarre as it sounds. Basically, it tastes like vanilla Coke with a hint of citrus. It’s not great, but it’s not horrible, either. I give it 2 stars out of 5.
• Bring back the jump ball. It is high time for college basketball to jettison that relic of the 80’s, the alternating possession arrow, and bring back the jump for held ball situations. The alternating possession arrow has been around for so long now, no one remembers why it was introduced in the first place. If it was intended to save time, that argument no longer holds water. Way more time is wasted in the course of a typical game by the officials going to the monitor for whatever reason than is saved by taking turns on held balls. I mean really, how many held balls are there in a typical game? Two or three? Simply giving the ball to the team that didn’t get it last time is far from equitable, and the risk of a “bad toss” by the referee is a dumb reason to eliminate such a historically fundamental part of the game. Join the revolution. Demand the reinstatement of the jump ball.

Best Alias Awards

The time has finally come for the annual ritual you have all been waiting for, the moment of discovering if your clever alias will receive a shout out from our esteemed panel of judges. That panel, incidentally, is a panel of one.

• Most Incomprehensible Alias: Mike “DMB of the Ballers (say it fast)” Baines. I’ve said it fast, with a variety of different syllabic inflections, and I still don’t get it. Somebody fill me in on this one.
• Most Original Picking Strategy: Ann “Picks based on her Instagram feed” Barndt
• Most Worthy Of A Snarky Response From The Wizard: Rob “I am due!!!” Barta. Are you pregnant? Honorable mention: Jim “Jim the blond bomber” Calhoun. Dude, you have no hair.
• Most Original Instance Of A Recurring Contest Theme: Once again, the Fairchild family organized their aliases so that, when viewed alphabetically by their names in the overall contestant list, they read out a clever phrase or verse. This year’s quip gets bonus points for the Dr. Who reference. “People assume that time is a strict progression of cause to effect but actually from a non-linear non-subjective viewpoint it’s more like a big ball of wibbly wobbly timey wimey stuff.”
• Most Committed To Their Spouse: Jenn “Just want to be my husband” Fandl.
• Best Star Wars Reference: Anderson “Ando Calrissian” Cooper.
• Best Attempt At Imitating, Or Perhaps Mocking, The Contest Manager: Remmy “The Pirate of Southport High” Davidson.
• That Made Me LOL:: Rob “So what’s the character limit on this th” Janik.
• Best Critique Of Conference Naming Stupidity: Kelly “Go Big 10…I mean 12…um make that 14?” Zeoli.
• Best Zion Williamson Reference: Chris “Set Your Eyes to Zion” Jones.
• Nerdiest Alias: Jay “\\UNC_PATH\toThe\championship” Namboothiri.
• Best Rhyme: Kim “is the sharper” Harper. Honorable mention: Richard “I stubbed my toe in Mexico” Schrimpf.
• Best Crack On Indiana University: Brent “I Who?” Bolin.
• Best Crack On The Contest Manager:: Chris “No$4u” Johnson.
• Best Self-Deprecation: Mike “Another year, Another useless bracket.” Desch.
• Best Happy Days Reference: Keith “Franzarelli” Franz.
• Best Karate Kid Reference: Jay “Sweep the Leg” Newland.
• Best Robin Williams Reference:: Cheri “Oh Shazbot, not again!” Rayles. (Incidentally, the Mork from Ork character was actually introduced on Happy Days before getting his own show.)
• Best Weirdly Awesome Martial Arts Film Reference: Tony “Crouching Boiler Hidden Bearcat” Smurlo.
• Most Stubborn Alias: Andrew “I’m still not cheering for Purdue” Cox.
• At Least We Know Why You Entered: Traci “Helping Jeff Get To 800” Murray. Thanks for your support!
• Wait, How Many Games Are There?: Mark “46 coins Flips” Knutsen.
• Most Hilarious Use Of A Foreign Language:: Holli “PolloEnFuego” Heffner. (Chicken on fire? LOL!)
• Best Crack On Tom Brady: Jason “Hates that Tom Brady will win this too” Cooper.

If you’ve been playing the contest for any length of time, you know that I love puns. Thus, puns are in a class by themselves when it comes to the best alias awards.

Best Puns Making Use Of The Contestant’s Name

• Scott “Now You’re Playing With” Bower
• Abraham “AbraHam sandwich” Hadley
• Benjamin “Son of my right” Hand (Especially good because that’s literally what Benjamin means)
• Mark “It Down” Heyerly
• Bobby “Roe-ing Down the Standings” Roe
• Jason “Sniffin’ the Chemt” Roehl (only funny if you know that his last name is pronounced like “rail”)
• Todd “SamplePicks” Sample
• Brock “Gon-Zaga Gon-” Zagel
• Don “Year of the Z ‘GonZaga, Zion, and Zerb'” Zerbian

Best Puns Referencing A Player’s Name

• Ted “No Haarms in Trying” Badgley
• Christopher “There’s morant 1 way to win ja bracket” Randazzo

Best Puns, Period

• Raleigh “J. Edger Hoopers” Wade
• Shelby “Steph Ascope” Risner

Best Aliases Overall

• Third Runner-Up: Terry “What’s With All the Bracket?” Banks
• Second Runner-Up: Amber “Little Family Champion est. 2015” Little
• First Runner-Up: Anna “Anna Wears Hoops” McGuire
• Grand Champion: Ryan “Here’s Johny oops wrong 1 shining moment” Helton

Other Contest Awards

• The Biggest Loser award goes to Johnathan Hernandez who was once as high as 4th, but now sits in 337th.
• The Rising Star award goes to Traci Murray who has climbed from 844th to 142nd.
• The Seasick award goes to Levi Eads whose fortunes have swung wildly between a low of 844th and a high of 88th. He now sits in 184th.
• The Little Red Caboose award goes to Evangeline Grunden who is currently bringing up the rear.
• The Wrong Sport award goes to Rob “Go Cubs” Fair, currently tied for 62nd.
• The Doing So Might Help You Win award goes to Tim “one of these years I’ll read the rules” Miles, currently in a tie for 53rd.
• The Demoted To A Lesser Office award goes to Tony “El President” Morales. Once in 1st, Tony is now in 4th.
• The What Are You, A Prophet? award goes to the still-incredible Gavin Hand who lost only one more game today. That brings his loss total to just two games over the first three days, but he’s still not in first place, though he did spend a brief moment there earlier in the day. That honor goes to…
• The Play That Funky Music, Ball Boy award goes to the current contest leader, Giuseppe “G-Funk” DiIulio who leads the Wizard only by virtue of the games-won tiebreaker. I’m coming for you, G-Funk!

That’s all I have for tonight, minions. Church in the morning. Games in the afternoon. Another commentary in the third watch of the night.

The Wizard of Whiteland

Contest Home Page

“I don’t eat fast food often, but I love tacos. I could write prophetically about how perfect the taco is.”

Ken Baumann

Life, Liberty, and The Love of Tacos

It was another great day of hoops featuring several upsets, a couple of first time winners, and the world’s largest taco…sort of. Read on for this year’s round one wrap up.

• Things I will not be watching in March, 2019: When we were newly married, my wife, Heather, was looking for college basketball on the TV on a night that, unbeknownst to her, the tournament had not yet begun. This was before all of the play-in silliness started, mind you. Coming across a game in the post-season NIT, she asked, “NIT? What’s the NIT?” After a brief but perfectly timed comedic pause she exclaimed, “Not In the Tournament!” Exactly. Sorry, Indiana fans, but the NIT will not be discussed here. I won’t be watching. Add to that list the latest predictably doomed experiment in forming an professional American football league to compete with the NFL, the Alliance of American Football. Like its predecessors, the USFL and XFL, this ragtag collection of football has-beens, rejects, and wannabes will take its place on the ash heap of sports history with only an ESPN 30 for 30 film to remind us of its existence. Speaking of football…
• If Liberty University had a football program, #0 Myo Baxter-Bell could play left tackle. (Well, actually at 6′ 5″ and 255 lbs, he’s way too small to play O-Line in the FBS, but Liberty is a small school, after all, so…) He’s a wide body and a key contributor to Liberty’s first-ever NCAA tournament victory, one of three wins by a 12 seed in this year’s bracket. Incidentally, this is the first time three 12’s have advanced in the same tournament in five years. Speaking of firsts…
• Top seeds get another minor scare. For the first time in tournament history, two 16 seeds led games at the half on the same day. Neither went on to victory like last year’s UMBC. Thus, the web masters for Gardner-Webb and Iona need not fear their servers being crashed this evening by overwhelming traffic from people trying to figure out who they are.
• The bigger they come, the harder they Fall. Tacko Fall, that is, the 7′ 6″ (you read that right – the man is actually seven-and-a-half feet tall), size 22 shoe wearing, sleeps in two beds pushed together, can’t find clothes big enough to fit him, showers on his knees phenom from the University of Central Florida with the, hands down, best name in basketball. I had this amusing exchange via text with Mrs. Little this evening relating to the big man. Heather: “Ok fav player UCF Tacko Fall”. Jeff: “Yes! He’s awesome.” Heather: “As are all tacos.” Seriously, the man is just enormous. The TV broadcast showed a still image of him standing between the 5′ 2″ Tracy Wolfson, who barely comes to his waist, and the not-small-at-all 6′ 8″ Grant Hill, whom he also dwarfs. Fall is a computer science major, which makes me love him all the more.
• Ban the free time outs. Is it just me, or are this year’s officials becoming increasingly anal-retentive over how much time ought to be on the game clock, especially after stoppages happening in the final minute? In the games I watched it seemed as though the zebras were constantly going to the monitor to put anywhere from a few seconds to a few tenths of a second back on the clock. Now, I’m all for accuracy in the era of super slow motion instant replay, but the problem with this practice is that it provides what amounts to a free time out to both teams. This can be significant. In at least one game I watched, such a situation arose at a point where neither team had a time out remaining, and yet there they were, at their respective benches going over strategy with their coaches. If the NCAA is really committed to the officials going through this Doctor Strange time adjustment routine several times a game, the players on the floor should be sent to opposite corners away from their benches where they can talk among themselves but not with their coaching staff. Get with the program, NCAA. No more freebies!
• Do you know the way to San Jose? This particular site provided plenty of drama and bonus points, with the first three games all being won by double-digit seeds.
• The B1G (pronounced “Big Ten” for reasons known only to folks like Prince who adopt weird symbols in place of actual names and expect us to know what we are supposed to call them) is now 7-1 thanks to Ohio State’s semi-surprising victory over Iowa State. Big Ten apologists will use this as evidence to support their assertion that the B1G (there’s that weird symbol again) is the strongest conference in the country. Indiana fans will use it to justify their offense at the Hoosiers omission from the tournament field.
• 18 inches of nope: I have always loved those clever Allstate commercials with the actor who plays the incarnation of Mayhem. This year’s newest installment has Mayhem taking on the form of a basketball goal in which he describes himself as “18 inches of nope”. Nowhere was this better demonstrated than in the UCF–VCU game where the score was 5-2 nearly seven minutes in. I wonder if Mayhem watches March Madness with his incarnate pals Death, Famine, and War. I heard Thanos was there, too, but Death sent him out for chips and dip.

Round One Awards

I know I implied that the best alias awards would be given tonight, but seeing that it is 2:21 AM EDT, and sensing the fog of exhaustion settling over my heavy eyelids, those will have to wait until I have both the time and energy to judge the creative wit of hundreds of minions. Until then, have a banana and enjoy these round one awards.

• The I Hate This Stupid Scoring System award, self-awarded via his alias, goes to Gavin Hand, who incredibly picked 31 out of 32 round one games correctly! That’s right – he missed just a single game. The problem for Gavin is that the game he missed, UC Irvine’s victory over Kansas State, was worth 10 points total thanks to the upset bonus. This puts him in eighth place, not first.
• The Dirty Dozen award, given in honor of the three 12 seeds that won in the first round, goes to the contestants who picked all 12 (yes, that’s ironic) first round upsets correctly: Tim Warren, Billy Brundage, Chad Wright, Dave Barndt, Adams Drew (did you reverse your first and last names in the entry form?), Don Townsend, John Hart, Paul Smith, Kip Layman, and Matthew Hickey.
• Kip Layman also gets the Career Counselor award for advising me to quit my day job and become a sports writer. As much as I appreciate the sentiment, I think I will stick with what I know and keep this as a hobby.
• The Hope Springs Eternal award goes to Sydney “I lost last year hopefully not this year” McDaniel, who is, indeed, not in last place…barely.
• The You Know That Strategy Never Works award goes to Matthew Hickey, who, true to his annual tradition, picked the upset for all 32 games. This puts him in a tie for 49th, but there’s nowhere to go but down from there.
• The I Might Beat You, But I Will Never Cheat You award goes to yours truly thanks to my current position of third place. First, I am way too invested in the integrity of this contest to rig it in my favor, so put those thoughts out of your head. Second, I have never won my own contest in 23 tries so far, so give me the benefit of the doubt.
• The First Runner Up award goes to second place contestant Giuseppe DiIulio. If Steve Harvey were running this contest, you would be in first.
• The You Ignored The Rules But I Will Let It Slide Since You Are Doing So Well award goes to Lizzy Randomly Picking who failed to enter her actual last name in the entry form. Tisk tisk, Lizzy, but if you really did pick randomly, your 15th place ranking says something about how much of this contest is luck versus strategy.
• The Look On The Bright Side, Your Final Four Are All Still Alive award goes to last place contestant Stevie Cooper. Hang in there, Stevie. You likely will not remain in last for long.
• And finally, the Leader In The Clubhouse award goes to first place contestant Billy Brundage, who not only has a terrifically performing bracket, but also a name that is totally fun to say!

That’s it for now, minions. Time for a little battery recharge before today’s games give us the first half of the Sweet Sixteen and our next edition of the commentary. Until then, I bid you good night.

The Wizard of Whiteland

Contest Home Page

” Porridge. Who does she think I am, Goldilocks? Anteaters only eat ants. And that’s an ant.” – The Aardvark from The Ant and the Aardvark

Fear The Anteaters!

Greetings, fair minions! I am happy to report that I am home, unpacked, and back in the saddle for a full weekend of March Madness. The nice thing about coming back from a golf vacation is still being on vacation and, thus, having time to watch basketball all day. In case you missed it due to mundane responsibilities like work, here are a few highlights from today’s afternoon session.

• What’s a guy gotta do to get an ant? Anyone remember the cartoon from the early 70’s called The Ant and the Aardvark? It aired as part of The Pink Panther, which was my favorite Saturday morning cartoon when I was a young wizard. Remember when you used to get up at the crack of dawn on Saturdays just to watch cartoons? Sweet memories. Now I get up before sunrise on Saturdays to spend 24 straight hours at a show choir competition, but I digress. Anyway, the big story of the day so far is UC Irvine’s first ever tournament victory, a 13-over-4 upset of Kansas State. The Anteaters have a winning streak dating back to January, and one would think that a Sweet Sixteen appearance would be a real boon to the contestants who picked them. Weirdly, however, another win by UC Irvine would be worth only a single upset bonus point thanks to today’s other big upset…
• The Big 10 finally loses a game. After going 6-0 in early tournament action, the Big 10 suffered its first loss when the Wisconsin Badgers lost in the quintessential 12-5 trap game to trendy tournament Cinderella Oregon. Personally, I detest watching Wisky games. Their style of play sets basketball back 50 years. The Ducks will now face the aforementioned anteaters, guaranteeing a double-digit seed makes the Sweet Sixteen this year.
• Cincinnati’s woes continue. I forget the exact stat, but I heard it mentioned in the live game call. The Cincinnati Bearcats have failed to make the Sweet Sixteen for several years in a row now, and this year will not break the trend. In another upset, the Iowa Hawkeyes provided three more upset bonus points to the sharp minions who picked them.
• Virginia says “never again”. In the worst possible case of deja vu, the Virginia Cavaliers were down six at the half to 16-seed Gardner-Webb. You may recall that the Cavaliers have the dubious honor of becoming the only 1-seed ever to lose to a 16 last year. Fortunately, they woke up in the second half and beat the pants off of the school that sounds more like a personal injury lawyer. Seriously, the poor fellows walked off the court sans pants. Very embarrassing.
• First four no more. Since its inception in 2011, the First Four has provided four “play-in” games where eight teams compete for four spots in the field of 64 – two 16 seeds and two 11 seeds. Every single year for eight years, one of the 11 seeds has won at least one game in the actual tournament. That streak comes to an end this year with both Belmont and Arizona State failing to advance past the first round.
• Double duty. If you watched any of the games on CBS, you may have heard from NCAA rules analyst Gene Steratore. NFL fans may be surprised or confused, because Steratore was a well-known NFL referee for many years. Indeed, Steratore worked as both an NFL referee and an NCAA basketball official.
• It’s good to be king. So far teams seeded 1-3 are undefeated. That isn’t all that unusual. Only once has a 16 seed won a game. 15 seeds have only 8 wins in tournament history, and 14 seeds have just 21 wins. Perhaps Georgia State can get the job done against Houston this evening.

Quick Awards

This being the midday update, I only have time for a few awards. Look for more this evening in the round one wrap up.

• The Don’t Blink, You’ll Miss It award goes to Adam Detamore and Vanessa Sopke for the fleeting moments they spent in first place in the contest. It was fun while it lasted.
• The You’ve Got Mail award goes to perennial contestant Bill Spyksma, aka Wazzu Spike, who has been emailing me all day, mostly in reference to the fact that he now sits atop the standings. He fears it may be short-lived. It usually is.
• Not to be outdone, the Helping Hand award, sponsored by Hamburger Helper, goes to Jonathan Hand, who also sits atop the standings at the moment in a tie with Bill.
• The Blame Game award goes to Tony Isch for his amusing tweets blaming ESPN’s Jay Bilas for his lousy bracket performance. That’s what you get for trusting the experts, Tony.
• The Flattery Will Get You Nowhere, But It Will Get You A Shout Out award goes to Dave Barndt, who messaged me on Facebook to express his feeling of honor and privilege to be tied with The Wizard of Whiteland in the standings. Here’s hoping it doesn’t stay that way, Dave.

Time to turn our attention back to the evening session. There is plenty more to come late tonight in the final round one commentary. Until then…

The Wizard of Whiteland

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If you watch a game, it’s fun. If you play it, it’s recreation. If you work at it, it’s golf.

Bob hope

Golf And March Madness Make Strange Bedfellows

I spent the afternoon attempting to do simultaneously two activities that require singular focus: golf and updating the Jeff’s March Madness Contest results. The results were mixed, although I am not certain that I can blame the deficiencies in my golf game on the distraction of day one hoops. My biggest problem on the golf course was hitting 24-foot putts 12 feet and 12-foot putts 24 feet. For the uninitiated, that is not the object of the game. Nevertheless, a good time was had by all, I managed to update all of the game winners within a reasonable time frame (except for the Murray State game, which I updated late in the evening thanks to a tweet from alert minion Jordan Lane), and no golf clubs were harmed in the process. That’s a good day.

Another Record Setting Year

I was pleasantly surprised when I saw that we have a record number of entries this year at 869. The popularity of this little contest never ceases to amaze and humble me. Thanks to all of you, faithful minions, this is the biggest (and hopefully the best) contest in its storied 24-year history. Please forgive me if this first edition of the commentary isn’t quite up to the usual standards. It is rather incredible what a day in the Florida sun will do both for and to the mind and body. Therefore, please enjoy this brief but hopefully entertaining rundown of the day’s action.

The Best Things I Saw On My Phone This Week

Unedited for your reading pleasure…

• “i poked fun at claire for picking murray st over marquette and now i look stupid” – Amber Little, daughter of The Wizard and Rose-Hulman Freshman
• “Would northeastern going to the sweet sixteen qualify for a scategories bonus? (thinking emoji” – Elliott Murray
• “Did I make it in? Lol” – Angie Davis, text sent at exactly 12:00 PM EDT (She was thinking the deadline was noon instead of 12:15 PM
• “3 Big Ten Teams in the same 1/2 of a region? MSU possibly playing Minnesota and Maryland to get to Duke??? NCAA is officially insane. MSU already played the Big Ten Tournament.” – Fess Bryson, who remembers the very earliest days of the contest.

Basketball Games Were Also Played Today

You might be surprised at how much basketball I actually got to watch today, 18 holes of self-abuse not withstanding. Items of note include…

• Thousands of Michigan State fans nearly went into cardiac arrest when 15-seed Bradley took a two point lead to the halftime locker room. Nightmarish visions of Sparty’s defeat at the hands of 15-seed Middle Tennessee State in 2016 must have been dancing in their heads. Fortunately, the Spartans took care of business in the second half and saved about 800 entries in our contest.
• Methinks the 1 seeds will be on a mission to obliterate their 16-seed opponents after last year’s history-making UMBC over Virginia debacle. Gonzaga got things rolling tonight with a near 40-point drubbing of hapless Farleigh Dickinson, proving once again that if your school name sounds like the main character in a Emily Bronte novel, you probably do not belong in the tournament field.
• The 12 seeds always prove problematic for their 5 seed opponents, and today was not exception. Auburn has become something of a bandwagon pick this year, and with good reason, but they survived a real scare, beating New Mexico State by only one point. The aforementioned Marquette was not so fortunate, falling to a team we all knew was better anyway, the Murray State Racers. Well, I guess it’s actually that we all knew that Ja Morant, who has already been crowned the next best thing coming to the NBA since LaBron James, was better. The man put up a triple double. Read that again…slowly…a triple double…in a college game.
• Then there were the upsets that we were all counting on that didn’t happen. Belmont led for most of the game before losing somehow (I didn’t get to watch any of this game) to Maryland, who as far as I am concerned is still an ACC team. (You’re welcome, Fess Bryson.) Saint Mary’s led defending champs Villanova for a time before finally succumbing 61-57.
• The school you’ve never heard of, the Wofford Terriers, who will never win the most menacing mascot award, whooped Seton Hall in convincing fashion. The real headline from this game, though, was Wofford’s Fletcher Magee setting the NCAA record for career three point shots made. If you are a college recruiter looking for a three-point sharp shooter, look for the guy with two last names.
• Nevada was a disappointment. Minnesota was a surprise. There is still plenty of time for Kansas to choke.

Day One Awards

Without much time for review or analysis of the 869 entries, I am not well positioned to hand out many awards tonight. However, since I know this is the best and most coveted part of the contest, I offer a few to whet your appetite.

• The Never Get Advice From The Competition award goes to Claire Perkins, who is the “Claire” mentioned above who was mocked for her Murray State pick. The rest of that story is that she was dissuaded from her choice and changed her pick. Bad move.
• The Top Seller award goes to the private group with the most members, Cru Digital Strategies. The fine folks at Cru contributed a whopping (not to be confused with the aforementioned whooping, which is something different altogether) 63 entries to the contest. Many thanks to the Cru crew.
• The Peter Piper Picked A Peck Of Perfect Picks award goes to six brilliant minions who picked all 16 day-one games correctly: Eleanor Klein, Charles Harper, Gerardo Macias, Rita Dieringer, Gavin Hand, and Ken Dunbar. Way to go!

That’s all I have for today, minions. I will back tomorrow with more in depth analysis, groan-inducing witticisms, and the much anticipated “best alias” awards. Until then, good night.

The Wizard of Whiteland

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