“Hey there, Mister Madman, what you know that I don’t know? Tell me some crazy stories; let me know who runs this show…It’s always here. It’s always there. It’s just love and miracles out of nowhere.”
– Kansas
The Final Four Is Complete
One exciting game and one not so much completes the 2018 Final Four. With all the crazy upsets we experienced this year, the Final Four ended up 75% sanity and 25% madness. Under the category of “a picture is worth 1000 words,” the following sums it quite nicely.
Nova Rolls Tech – I don’t have much to say about the first game of the day except that Villanova still looks like the team to beat. Many weapons. Terrific coaching. Yes, Kansas will be a tough test, but, well, it’s Kansas. Let’s not get ahead of ourselves.
There’s No Place Like Home – They definitely saved the best of the regional final games for last as the Duke Blue Devils and Kansas Jayhawks went to overtime in a back-and-forth affair. After The Bazooka fouled out for Kansas with 2:00 to go, it looked as though Duke might pull out the win. Those hopes faded for Duke fans as Grayson Allen’s last-second game-winning shot attempt bounced three times on the rim and fell off to the side. March Madness is a game of inches. With The Bazooka out and Sviatoslav Mykhailiuk with four fouls, the crew watching the game at my house was thinking, “advantage Duke.” Instead, Kansas’ Malik Newman channeled his inner Michael Jordan and scored all 13 of the Jayhawk points in overtime to win the game. I am reasonably confident that between The Bazooka and Mykhailiuk, all letters of the alphabet are present and accounted for in their names.
One One Will Be Done – One might say that this year’s bracket is rather conservative; it leans considerably to the right. Rim shot. I’ll be here all week. One could also argue that the national championship will actually be determined on Saturday when the two remaining #1 seeds, Kansas and Villanova, square off in what ought to be a battle royale. No doubt the rest of the country outside of Ann Arbor, Lawrence, and Villanova (yes, Villanova is actually a place in Pennsylvania and not just the name of the University) will be rooting for Sister Jean and the Rambling Hobo-Wolves of Loyola-Chicago. Everyone loves an underdog, after all. I have my doubts that Loyola can even keep the game with Michigan close, let alone win, but in a year of firsts, we should not be surprised if we see the first double-digit seed play for a national title.
And now on to the part you all skip to in the email anyway (I’m talking to YOU, Patrick Booher), the 2018 regional awards.
Awards
No one got all four of the Final Four correct with original picks this year. Shocker. However, I will give the Participation Trophy to those contestants who managed to get all four correct with the benefit of the re-picks: Ellen Althaus, Tuck Badgley, Andrew Bolin, Emma Adams, Ava Dailey, and Bob Johnson.
The Southern Hospitality award goes to the two contestants who had the most success in the brutal South region, Rena Fairchild and Paula Novak. They each picked 11 of the 15 games correctly.
The Best Western award goes to the contestants who dominated the West region with 13 wins each (with original picks): Lynsey Oberstadt, Julie Bowen, Steven Pettit, and Tyson Glassley. Each winner will receive one night’s stay in their local Best Western.
The Beasts Of The East award goes to the minions who were nearly perfect in the East region, winning 14 out of 15 with original picks: Luke Furr, Patricia Carson, Matt Cox, Nathan Kimbrell, Andrew Barndt, Ryan Lamb, Rob Puglisi, and Carol Taylor.
The Omaha! award goes to the top performer in the Midwest region, Andre Echevarria, winner of 14 games with original picks. Andre will receive a signed picture of Peyton Manning.
The Emperor Palpatine award goes to 38th place minion Raj Shankar for changing his alias to the most excellent Star Wars allusion, “I Am The Senate!“
The Best Response To A Busted Bracket award goes to Heather Little, who after losing her last team in the tournament, Duke, set her alias to this gem: “My Bracket Is DUKiE.“
The Best March Madness Pun With A Marvel Universe Reference award goes to 105th place contestant Jay “Mo ‘Thor’ Wagner-rok bringing the hammer” Namboothiri. What you all don’t know is that Namboothiri was actually the great great grandfather of Odin and original king of Asgard. No, actually, I’m just making that up. Namboothiri is really the planet where the final showdown between Kylo Ren and Rey will take place in the next Star Wars movie. You heard it here first.
The Cinderella Story award goes to Elliott Murray who continues his climb from the obscurity of 740th to the top of the leader board. Elliott is currently in 18th and can still move up.
The Ask And You Will Receive award goes to Patrick “Coach” Booher, currently in 57th place, just because he asked for it.
The Honor Your Father And Mother award goes to Sydney “My Parents Made Me” Snyder, currently in 156th. What wise parents you have, Sydney.
The Oh Ye Of Little Faith award goes to Jordan “These prayers aren’t working” Risner, currently in 57th.
And finally, the It Was Fun While It Lasted award goes to Paula Novak who held on to first place for the entire second weekend of the tournament, but, alas, will not finish there. All of Paula’s remaining teams are now out.
With that, fine minions, it is time for me to return to the real world sans basketball for a week or so. The contest standings are close, and with a couple of huge scategories bonuses on the table should Loyola manage to win another game or two, there are still a number of contestants who could end up number one. Stay tuned!
“Ultimately, ‘Cinderella’ is the story of the underdog. You root for her in this fairytale; the girl who has nothing, deserves so much more, and gets it.” – Lily James
Cinderella Arrives At The Dance
In case you missed it, the Ramblers of Loyola-Chicago earned their first trip to the Final Four since 1963, winning in convincing fashion over Kansas State. This was the first game of the tournament where the Fighting Sister Jeans did not need last second heroics in order to win. The Wildcats were never able to get the lead back under double digits in the second half. The Ramblers are only the fourth 11 seed to advance to the Final Four.
So how does an 11 seed get to the Final Four? Certainly, they must be a good team, as the Ramblers definitely are. At the same time, success in the NCAA tournament often comes down to match ups, and that is true for the better seeds and not just the underdogs. This is why there is so much grousing about seeding “mistakes” made by the committee before the tournament even begins, because where you are seeded can often go a long way in determining your fate. It would be an error to say that Loyola-Chicago had an easy road to the Final Four. They defeated Miami and Tennessee, strong teams from strong conferences. But they also benefited from other unlikely upsets in their region allowing them to face Nevada and Kansas State rather than Cincinnati, Kentucky, or Virginia. None of the previous three 11 seeds to advance to the Final Four have won a national semifinal game, and it is exactly because of the match up factor that I believe Loyola will join that winless club.
Wolverines Win Ugly Game
The Michigan Wolverines will be a match up nightmare for Loyola of Chicago. KenPom.com has the Wolverines ranked fourth in the country in defensive efficiency, and it certainly showed up in tonight’s game where I often wondered if either team would reach 50 points. Their four point victory over Florida State featured 11 blocked shots, 12 steals, 31 missed three pointers, and 25 TURNOVERS between the two teams. I am not saying a Loyola-Chicago victory over Michigan in the Final Four is impossible, as the Ramblers have shown themselves to be remarkably resilient. Nevertheless, the Wolverines will be the heavy favorite, and rightly so.
Perhaps the most interesting thing about this game happened after it was over in the post-game interview with Florida State coach Leonard Hamilton. Prompted by the panel in the New York studio, Dana Jacobson asked coach Hamilton why Florida State did not foul, down four points with eleven seconds to go. At first, the 69-year-old coach acted noticeably irritated, his response implying that he thought the question was stupid. “You think that’s why we lost the game?” For a moment it appeared that Hamilton would pull a Bobby Knight and simply walk away in disgust, but to his credit, he composed himself and gave a more lengthy – and more classy – response, giving Michigan credit for playing stifling defense and basically disrupting his team’s entire game plan.
Let It Snow
March Madness seems to be infecting everything right down to the weather. I don’t know what the weather is like where you live, but we received an unseasonal ten inches or so of snow today. This made the trip to my brother’s, fellow minion Josh Marshall, quite the adventure, but we arrived safely. It was there that I watched the first game of the night, ate pizza, talked Purdue basketball and other topics with the extended family, and fed breadstick bites to the dog. Incidentally, there are no dogs left in the tournament, but there are still cats along with a couple of wolves, though, as I have explained already in a previous commentary, their team name (Ramblers and Raiders) has nothing at all to do with a wolf. Perhaps more schools should simply change their mascot to a wolf in order to enjoy more tournament success.
Awards?
Speaking of dogs, I am sure you minions are much like Pavlov’s dogs by now, expecting awards every time one of these tomes arrives in your inbox. Here are a few tasty morsels to hold you over until tomorrow.
The Two For Two award goes to Kate “Mom” Ginty and Julie Bowen, the only two contestants to get both games right with original picks. Their prognosticating prowess has earned them 4th and 2nd place in the current standings, respectively.
The Don’t You Forget About Me award goes to my sister-in-law, Sara Marshall, who has no more teams left in the tournament. To be fair, there are no less than two dozen minions in the same situation, but I am obviously picking on Sara because we are related.
The Isn’t That Spelled With An ‘A’? award goes to Margaret “Marshmellow” Dean, the precocious young minion who’s been hanging out in the top 10 for a good portion of the contest. It turns out that Margaret is the daughter of 3rd place minion Veronica Ramirez. I guess it runs in the family.
The Yes, But You Haven’t Figured It Out Yet award goes to Don “Is There A System To This?” Naugler, currently in 116th place.
The Ancient Chinese Secret award goes to Brock Zagel, who sent me a text this morning revealing the secret to our current contest leader’s success. Brock will receive a year’s supply of Calgon for his efforts.
And speaking of the contest leader, the Phil Mickelson “Yeah, Yeah, Yeah” award goes to the STILL-in-first-place Paula “Cookie Monster” Novak. According to the aforementioned informant, Paula’s system for picking winners involved choosing the team from a state where she has friends or relatives. Who knew such a correlation existed? There are chinks forming in Paula’s armor, however, as she lost BOTH games tonight. Perhaps this opens the door for someone to take over the top spot tomorrow.
That’s it for tonight. Be sure to tune in tomorrow when I will hand out the region by region awards.
“Work eight hours and sleep eight hours and make sure that they are not the same hours.” – T. Boone Pickens
The Great Eight
I know I have ground this axe before in commentaries past, but do you not agree that we should label the last eight teams in the tournament something other than “Elite”? I know it is completely irrational on my part, but I am so averse to the term “Elite Eight” that I basically refuse to say it. It feels like a media contrivance to me, an attempt to copy the alliterative and colloquial qualities of “Sweet Sixteen” and “Final Four” in a way that just doesn’t work. Sweet Sixteen connects us to the joyful emotions of that unique coming-of-age milestone, and Final Four carries with it a sort of regal grandeur worthy of an Epic. Elite Eight falls flat where those two succeed. It just doesn’t do it for me. It says, “We had an intern in the communications department search the Thesaurus for a word starting with ‘E’ that means ‘awesome’, and this was the best he could come up with.” I think it is about time we renamed these eight teams who have managed to make it halfway to glory, winning three of the six games in a row necessary to be champion. I am partial to Great Eight myself. It rolls easily off the tongue, and the rhyme is sensible. What are your thoughts? Email or tweet me your ideas, and I will mention the best (and probably the worst, also) in my commentary.
Game Thoughts
Super Nova – Consider for a moment that West Virginia is arguably the best defensive team in all of college basketball with the exception of Virginia (and we all know what happened to them). Now observe that Villanova just put up a 90 burger on them. The Wildcats are so strong, so diverse, and have so many offensive weapons that I believe they are now the team to beat. According to our Championship Predictions report, 193 of you agree with me.
What A Difference A Bazooka Can Make – Ok, it is an admittedly poor play on words, but the much ballyhooed return of Kansas big man Udoka Azubuike just in time for the tournament has, without question, improved Kansas’ fortunes immensely. Tonight The Bazooka (which is what I shall call him henceforth) put up a 14 and 11 double-double before fouling out. Without The Bazooka there is no way Kansas beats Clemson in this game, a game decided by just four points.
Lob City – That’s what we should call tonight’s game between Duke and Syracuse. I don’t have the exact statistics, although I am certain some nerd at Elias has them somewhere, but I personally cannot remember a game with so many lobs to the basket. It appeared this was a byproduct of both teams playing that Syracuse zone defense, which oddly seemed better implemented by Duke than Syracuse this evening. With both Syracuse and West Virginia now out of the tournament, I am hopeful that we will not have to endure any more slogfests.
A Couple Of Guys Named Smith – There’s an old joke about a man with a wooden leg named Smith. “What was the name of his other leg?” is the punchline. Tonight the joke was on Purdue, as the Texas Tech tandum of Zhaire and Zach Smith combined for 27 points to beat the Boilermakers. We all know that Smith is one of the most common surnames in all of America, so there is nothing remarkable about having two Smiths on the same team, but what are the chances of having two Smiths on the same team with given names that start with the letter ‘Z’? Purdue fans will be quick to point out that the Boilermakers have their own same-surname-but-no-relation tandem of Carsen and Vince Edwards who combined for an even more impressive 42 points in the loss. If I ever get a chance to coach a college basketball team, I am going to purposely recruit five guys with the same last name just to irritate the stats geeks at Elias and exasperate Jim Nantz.
Balance Has Been Restored To The Galaxy – As I noted yesterday, the left side of the bracket is more like a “Huh? Who?” than a who’s who of basketball brilliance. That side of the bracket has a 3, two 9’s, and an 11 seed. Conversely, the right side of the bracket is more like the college basketball hall of fame (with the exception of Texas Tech, of course). On that side we have both 1s, a 2, and a 3. In a way this is unfortunate, as it means that in all likelihood the best two teams in the Final Four will play each other in the semifinal rather than the final.
Thanks, Captain Obvious – In the post game panel discussion on TBS, guest commentator and Wichita State coach Greg Marshall, when asked for his thoughts on the upcoming East regional final game between Villanova and Texas Tech offered this expert analysis: “The team that plays better is going to win.” Ya think?
Mascot Madness – A quick look at the Mascot Watch report reveals that the Native Americans, Mustelids (look it up), and Evil Spirits are undefeated thus far, a combined 9-0. One is guaranteed to remain undefeated after the weekend, as the Seminoles play the Wolverines in the West regional final. Kansas has the tall task of exorcising the Duke evil spirits from the bracket.
Games That Matter – Keep an eye on that Kansas State vs Loyola-Chicago game, as no matter who wins, some contestants will collect a 24-point scategories bonus. A trip to the Final Four for either Florida State or Texas Tech would also earn a scategories bonus for a few skilled (or lucky) minions. And speaking of luck vs skill…
The Best Thing I Saw On My Phone Today…was a text from Paul Sopke, currently in 20th place. He dropped from 16th when Purdue lost. In any case, he sent me this text: “Bro, I’m in 16th place in your contest and I literally picked all my selections not looking at the screen..{big smiley} Then, I did my re-picks via ‘eeny, meeny, miny, mo’!” There you have it, folks. The secret to success in Jeff’s March Madness Contest is as simple as eeny, meeny, miny, mo.
Round Three Awards
Now that we have our, ahem, Great Eight, it is definitely time to hand out some well-deserved awards.
The Great Eight award, given in honor of the brilliant new name the world is about to embrace for the final eight teams in the tournament, goes to Bradley Geistwhite, currently in 29th place, whose judicious use of re-picks enabled him to get all eight games correct.
The Lost In A Time Warp ward goes to second place minion Veronica Ramirez who, according to her alias, missed the re-pick deadline due to time zone differences. For future reference, all contest deadlines are in Eastern Daylight Time.
The Jekyll and Hyde award for the wildest swings in contest fortunes goes to Caroline Fairchild, who has been as high as 28th, as low as 738th, and now sits in 60th.
The Biggest Loser award, sponsored by Weight Watchers, goes to Clayton Fields, once 21st but now 708th and with nowhere to go but down.
The Rocket Man award goes to Elliott Murray, who has climbed from a dismal 740th all the way up to 34th. Elliott will receive a signed copy of Elton John’s Greatest Hits.
The Best Alias Update I Saw This Week award goes to a couple of clever minions: Jason “The Haas-pital caused Haarms” Roehl and Kelli “Who’s Ready For Another Round Of” Payne. Well played.
The Looking On The Bright Side award goes to 763rd place contestant Dylan “There’s always next year…or the next” Scheumann. Dylan took advantage of the re-picks and still managed to lose almost every game, most of his Final Four, both national finalists, and his national champ. A for effort, Dylan. A for effort.
The I’m The Better Bowen award goes to Julie Bowen, currently in 4th place and 10 points ahead of 10th place contestant, Christy Bowen.
And finally, the This Contest Has To Be Rigged Somehow award goes to the apparently clairvoyant Paula Novak, our current contest leader who incredibly picked six of the Great Eight with original picks. She didn’t pick the “easy” six, either. I’m talking Kansas State, Loyola-Chicago, Florida State, and Texas Tech to go with the “easier” picks of Kansas and Duke. Those are original picks, minions, not re-picks. She only had to re-pick one game (Villanova) and only lost one game in this round (Texas A&M).
Now that I have completed what amounts to a 24-hour marathon, I’m off to count sheep. Tomorrow’s…er, today’s South and West regional finals are sure to shake up the contest standings, so stay tuned!
“When I was your age, I always did it for half an hour a day. Why, sometimes, I’ve believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast.” – Lewis Carroll
It Seems As If I’ve Seen This Movie Before
I was just looking over last year’s commentary for this same night of the tournament, and the circumstances were strikingly similar. For one, as I was then, so I am now here typing the commentary less than three hours before I’m off to the airport to head home from Florida. (Before you get too jealous, the weather was honestly brutal, at least by Florida standards, and certainly for golfing.) But wait, there’s more. Did you know that this time last year there also was an 11 seed in position to advance to the Final Four? That’s right, a year ago it was #11 Xavier hoping to beat #1 Gonzaga to be just the fourth #11 seed to advance to the Final Four. That didn’t work out, obviously. This year, it is #11 Loyola-Chicago hoping to advance by beating another South region Cinderella surprise, #9 Kansas State, who won the battle of the Wildcats with their victory over Kentucky. That South region has caused many a bracket to go south in a hurry. In other news…
Bonus Points Aplenty – Of the four games played tonight, three were won by the lower seed, i.e., the underdog. Those of you who had Loyola-Chicago or Florida State cashed in not only on upset bonus points, but Scategories bonus points as well.
Always Wear Your Sunscreen – I’m pretty religious about avoiding sunburn, but this year presented a strange set of circumstances. The last two days of the golf trip treated us to morning temperatures in the 50s. Not only that, but yesterday we had winds gusting up to 40 MPH! The weather conditions prompted me to wear long pants and long sleeves, thus leaving very little exposed skin, making sunscreen something of an afterthought. Today I remembered to apply some sunscreen to my face, but alas, I forgot one important body part – my left ear. With a cloudless sky and many holes played into the setting sun this afternoon, being a right-handed golfer, my left ear got the brunt of the UVs and now looks like a slice of tomato on your BLT.
The B1G Wins Big – The surprising tournament juggernaut #3 Michigan absolutely pasted Texas A&M this evening. Was that really the same A&M squad that beat North Carolina by 20? I would say that Michigan is now the heavy favorite to advance not only to the Final Four, but to the national championship game given that the left side of the bracket now has two 9’s and an 11 along with #3 Michigan, but the way this tournament is going, I’m not making any more predictions.
Injuries Hurt…both literally and figuratively. Gonzaga’s loss of Killian Tilly to injury really hurt them (pun intended) against Florida State. Without their stretch 4, the Seminoles killed them on the inside. It didn’t help that they couldn’t shoot a three or make a free throw, but I saw an interesting stat on the Twitter feed of the March Madness Live website. Gonzaga shot 26 layups, but Florida State contested some outrageously high number of them – something like 20. Of the 26 layups Gonzaga shot, they made 9, I think. (I don’t remember the exact numbers, but you get the point.) You just can’t win a game that way. And as a totally random aside, is anyone besides me sick to death of that Florida State fight song or chant or whatever it is?
Quick Awards
I need a power nap before heading to the airport, so I only have a handful of awards for tonight.
The You’re Breaking My Heart award goes to my baby girl, Ashlyn Little, who sent me a text with a screen shot of her busted bracket. Sorry kiddo, but join the millions who are in the same sinking boat. Better luck next year.
The Four For Four award goes to two contestants whose judicious use of re-picks allowed them to get all four games correct tonight: Bradley Geistwhite and Andrew Bolin.
The Trifecta award goes to three contestants who picked three out of four of tonight’s games correctly with original picks: Julie Bowen, Paula Novak, and Jane Gomez. Incredibly, Paula picked the three upsets and scored a boatload of bonus points!
That’s it for tonight, minions. My tank is empty. More to come tomorrow night.
“I can calculate the motion of heavenly bodies, but not the madness of people.” – Isaac Newton
Regression Toward The Mean
It’s a principle referenced mostly by statisticians which essentially means, “The law of averages always wins in the end.” In yesterday’s assortment of eight games we saw only one upset. In today’s batch we got only three favorites advancing, and one of those was Kansas State’s victory over UMBC. I spent most of the day playing golf, not watching basketball, but I did manage to catch the conclusion of most of today’s shocking upsets.
UMBC Loses, But Who Cares? – Even the Kansas State players stood and applauded the UMBC starters as they were finally pulled from the game in the closing seconds. The game announcers reported that K State coach Bruce Weber dragged his team out of bed after curfew on Friday night, not because he wanted them to see the team they’d be facing tonight, but because he wanted them to witness history. The initials UMBC will live forever.
Purdue Survives – The Isaac Haas-less Boilermakers needed the whole game to survive the Butler Bulldogs and advance to the Sweet Sixteen. Dakota Mathias hit a three in the closing seconds to seal the victory.
Hold That Tiger – The battle of the Tigers went to Clemson in a good old fashioned country butt whoopin’. It was a 31-point victory over the Auburn Tigers. Ouch! Somewhere Sir Charles Barkley is covering his head in a paper sack. Speaking of butt whoopin’s…
No Repeat This Year – Texas A&M crushed defending champion North Carolina by 21 points. This is the game I half-watched at dinner in utter disbelief between bites of my French Quarter Pasta. Oh, and speaking of dinner…
Guess Who’s Coming To Dinner – After our round of golf today, we asked the staff at the course what was good to eat in this particular suburb of Orlando. They all recommended a place called Nona Blue near Lake Nona. Now, if you know anything about professional golf or Orlando, you will know that Lake Nona is a place many pro golfers call home. It turns out this particular restaurant is owned by pro golfer Graeme McDowell, a fact we suspected but were uncertain of as we found our way there. Upon arrival, sure enough, there was a display case just inside the door with some of McDowell’s memorabilia. As I was perusing the collection, one member of our crew said, “Isn’t that him right there?” Thinking he was talking about a picture in the trophy case, I honestly thought that was a dumb question. But no, he meant Graeme McDowell was sitting RIGHT THERE, not 10 feet from us at the bar with his wife. Sure enough, it was him. Another member of our crew who’s teenage son is a big fan even got a picture and an autograph. Cool stuff. The food was good, too.
Syracuse Wins Again – In a rather annoying turn of events, the Syracuse Orange, who seem to perennially underachieve during the season, controversially get a bid to the tournament, and then overachieve in the tournament to silence the naysayers (like me), remained true to form by dispatching #3 seed Michigan State. If my memory serves, this marks the fourth time a First Four team has advanced to the Sweet Sixteen. How does Syracuse do it? I have a theory. The teams in Syracuse’s league play them often enough to not be stymied, confused, or intimidated by their zone defense. But when Syracuse gets to the tournament, they face teams who do not play them regularly, and those teams simply cannot solve that zone. It happened to IU, you remember, the team with Victor Oladipo and Cody Zeller. If they can get you to pass the ball around the perimeter and settle for a three point jump shot, they have you right where they want you. You have to attack that zone, which I know is easy to say and perhaps hard to do. I am just frankly surprised that Tom Izzo couldn’t manage to get the job done with his team.
Lightning Strikes Twice AGAIN? – It was not a good day to be from Cincinnati. What are the chances of both Cincinnati schools losing on the same night at the same site? That is precisely what happened, back to back, no less, in the same building, AND they both lost huge leads in epic meltdowns. The Music City was not playing their song. First there was Cincinnati, who squandered a 22-point second half lead to Nevada, then there was Xavier, who lost a more modest 11-point lead to Florida State. Foul trouble was a factor in both games, but especially for Cincinnati when Jaron Cumberland fouled out with 4 minutes left and the Bearcats up by just 6.
Take Me Home, Country Road – The final game of the night is just wrapping up, and it is about the only normal thing that has happened all night. It didn’t occur to me until I saw an interview with the Governor of West Virginia, but both of these schools, West Virginia and Marshall, are in the same state. Apparently, this is the first time the two teams have played each other. I am not sure if that’s just in basketball or in any sport, but I doubt Marshall will be signing up for a rematch anytime soon. This one was never competitive.
Another One Is Done! – Xavier’s loss marks the second #1 seed to lose before we even got to the Sweet Sixteen. The entire left side of the bracket is in shambles. Think about who is left in the South region for a moment: Kansas State, Kentucky, Loyola-Chicago, and Nevada! I do not keep track of such things in detail, but this certainly feels like one of the craziest opening weekends of a tournament in recent memory. The year 2000 may rival it when two #8 seeds made the Final Four. Never has the re-pick round been more needed in the contest. More on that in a minute.
The Scategories Bonus Comes In To Play – Naturally, those who picked UMBC earned an extra 3-point Scategories bonus for that game. However, we also had two 6-point Scategories bonuses awarded in round two for those who had Kansas St. and Syracuse making it to the Sweet Sixteen.
Round Two Awards
There were a total of six upsets out of 16 games in round two. The Upset Stomach award, sponsored this time by Alka Seltzer, goes to Paula Novak and Monica Muschalik who correctly picked four out of the six (and not the same four, by the way).
The I Told You So award goes to all-upsets picker Matthew Hickey, who didn’t win a single game in the second round.
The Darth Vader Says, “Impressive” award goes to Paula Novak (again) and Nathan Kimbrell who each picked a rather amazing 11 of the Sweet Sixteen correctly. Given the number of insane outcomes so far this year, that’s not bad at all.
The Still In The Hunt award goes to now 2nd place contestant Veronica Ramirez who still has all four of her Final Four in the tournament. The plot thickens.
The I Love This Awesome Scoring System award goes to Dave “Wakawaka” Barndt, the highest ranking minion with a winning percentage below .500. Dave is currently in 12th.
The Hot 100 award goes to Giuseppe DiIulio simply for being in 100th place.
The It’s Never As Bad As It Seems award goes to Bob Johnson who lost his national champ early (Arizona) but is still in 13th place.
The Denial Is Not Just A River In Egypt award goes to last place contestant Scott “No second picks needed” Moore. If anyone needs the repicks, it’s Scott.
The That’s What You Get For Picking The Teams You’re Rooting For award goes to Luke Furr, currently in 258th. Luke is an IU guy, which makes him a B1G guy, which prompted him to put Ohio State and Michigan State in the Final Four. See the re-pick instructions below, Luke.
Finally, the Mr. Miaggi Say “You beginner luck” award goes to contest leader and contest rookie Paula “Cookie Monster” Novak. Paula leads by six points, has seven of her Elite Eight and all four Final Four teams still in the tournament. Treat yourself to some cookies, Paula.
The Re-pick Round Has Begun!
Before I close this edition of the commentary, let me remind you that the re-pick round has now officially begun. This is a critical component of Jeff’s March Madness Contest, one that you will ignore at your peril. While it is true that some of you are in a position where no amount of re-picking can win the contest for you, we have certainly had instances in the past where people LOST the contest because they failed to take advantage of the re-picks. Why have re-picks? I’m glad you asked. It is simply to keep people interested and rooting for teams for the remainder of the tournament no matter how good or how poorly they have done so far.
IMPORTANT: Everything you need to know to make your re-picks can be found on the website here. Please read these instructions care – full – ly. I know the process is a tad confusing. That is why I have written such detailed instructions. I wish I could make it simpler, and perhaps some day I will, but for now, please check the instructions, paying particular attention to step #2. Step #2 describes the part of the re-pick process about which I get the most questions every year. Of course you are welcome to email me if you still have questions or can’t figure out what is going on with the re-picks. The deadline to complete your re-picks is 7:00 PM EDT on Thursday.
With that, dear minions, it is time for the Wizard to shift attention away from hoops and toward another round ball – the little white one with dimples – for a few days. If you have any issues this week with your re-picks, send me email. If you forgot your password, use the “I forgot my password link” available on the page where you enter your password to change your picks. I will see you again Thursday night.
“The invention of basketball was not an accident. It was developed to meet a need. Those boys simply would not play ‘Drop the Handkerchief’.” – James Naismith
Mr. Wizard Goes To Orlando
Greetings from Florida! I have decided it is exceedingly difficult to watch March Madness while traveling. I spent most of the day attempting to watch games on my phone, games on my Surface Pro, games on the TV at the airport restaurant, games on the plane, games while waiting in baggage claim. Thanks to 21st century mobile technology, I caught more than I would have even three or four years ago. Nevertheless, this commentary is likely to be on the light side tonight.
We had only one upset tonight, but it felt like we had three the way the Texas Tech-Florida and Houston-Michigan games ended. Read on.
Blue Bloods Dominate – The boys in blue were impressive tonight, with Kentucky, Duke, and Villanova all winning in convincing fashion. No doubt Virginia’s stunning loss has put all the “favorites” on notice that you cannot mail it in no matter who you are playing. But even as I say that, Kansas didn’t seem to get the memo.
Another Close Call – Perhaps it is my imagination, but Kansas seems to underachieve every year. Today they survived a real scare from #8 Seton Hall, winning by just four points. The Pirates’ Angel Delgado turned in a mammoth performance with 24 points and 23 rebounds, but it wasn’t enough to upend another #1 seed.
Livin’ On A Prayer – The only upset of the day was a miracle in the making. Much has been made in the media about Loyola of Chicago’s 98-year-old chaplain, Sister Jean, who prays with the team before every game. Tonight those prayers were answered in dramatic fashion as the Ramblers’ Clayton Custer avoided his last stand by hitting the go-ahead jumper with 3.6 seconds left to be beat third seeded Tennessee. For those keeping score at home, that makes two games in a row won by the Ramblers on two last-second shots. How could you not love watching this game with a guy named Custer facing off against a dude named Admiral…and that’s his first name! Ironically, if Cincinnati defeats Nevada tomorrow, the Sweet 16 match up between Cincy and Loyola-Chicago will be a rematch of the 1963 national championship game which Loyola won.
Gonzaga Makes Fans Sweat Again – It sure is tough being a Gonzaga fan sometimes, despite their being a model of consistency and a perennial tournament participant for nearly two decades. After a close call in round one verses a scrappy UNC Greensboro, the Zags came out looking strong and determined to not let that happen again. They scored the first 15 points of the game and looked poised to win going away. Then the second half happened, and Ohio State turned up the defense. Honestly, this has been a probably with the Zags for years – they have stretches in the second half where they seem to simply lose their minds. With 6:00 left in the game, Gonzaga trailed the Buckeyes by 6. That’s when red shirt freshman Zach Norvell Jr. put the hammer down and led the Zags to victory, finishing the game with 28 points including six three pointers.
Buzzer Beater Beats The Bun – The final game of the night was also a thriller with #3 Michigan spoiling #6 Houston’s upset bid on a buzzer-beating three pointer by freshman Jordan Poole who hadn’t scored in the second half. There were so many things that happened in this game that contributed to the dramatic finish and crushing defeat for the Cougars. Perhaps it was Rob “The Man Bun” Gray’s trying to do too much and turning the ball over late in the game. Perhaps it was Devin Davis, who arguably would have been the hero of the game had Houston won, missing two free throws with 3.6 seconds left that could have sealed the victory. But ultimately it came down to history repeating itself as Houston seemed to forget the lesson of 1992. You simply must put a man on the guy inbounding the ball. Not doing so makes it too easy to throw the long pass, which advances the ball with no time expiring and gives them a better chance to get a good look. Grant Hill and Christian Laettner executed that play to perfection in ’92 when Kentucky decided not to put a man on Hill. I’m not sure of all the players’ names in this case, but with Houston choosing to not guard the out of bounds man, The Man Bun looked lost, playing a sort of rover rather than guarding anyone specific. The ball came in three-quarter court to Abdur-Rahkman, who found Poole on the wing for the game winner. Not two minutes later, long-time friend and alert minion Fess Bryson sent me a simple text: “Once again, you don’t guard the ball, you lose.” I was just thinking the same thing.
A Few Awards
It’s 1:21 AM, and I get to golf tomorrow, so I need to wrap this one up.
Look who’s in third place now. Yep. It’s Mom! Mom has been doing exceedingly well this year, and given all the garbage she’s had to put up with for decades, she deserves it. Speaking of Mom…
The Commercial That Still Makes Me Laugh Even Though I’ve Seen It 100 Times award goes to the Geico commercial with the Heckling Peasant at the joust. Every time he says, “Your Mom!” I just lose it. And if I may digress for a moment, where in the world did that particular insult start, anyway? And what does it mean? You know what…never mind. I probably don’t want to know.
The Can I Get A Mulligan? award goes to Andrew McGuire, who texted me last night asking when the re-pick round starts. Andrew is in 750th.
The Worst Place To Try To Watch A Basketball Game award goes to the Orlando International Airport Baggage Claim. That place is a zoo.
The Nyah Nyah Nee Boo Boo award has to go to Veronica Ramirez, who is still in first place. I’m looking at her bracket and wondering if it was a brilliant strategy or random luck. Tell ’em it was skill, Veronica, even if it wasn’t.
And with that, I’m ready to count sheep before I have to count strokes tomorrow. Until then…
“Oh, somewhere in this favored land the sun is shining bright;
The band is playing somewhere, and somewhere hearts are light,
And somewhere men are laughing, and somewhere children shout;
But there is no joy in Mudville—mighty Casey has struck out.”
– Earnest Lawrence Thayer
U.M.B.C.
This will be the easiest commentary I have ever written in twenty-three years.
Be honest. How many of you would have known what UMBC stood for without looking it up before about 11:00 PM EDT tonight? The University of Maryland-Baltimore County Retrievers have done the impossible. They have beaten not just a #1 seed, but the number one seed in the entire tournament, the prohibitive favorite to win the championship, the Virginia Cavaliers. At tip-off of tonight’s game, the other three #1 seeds had already done their duty, handily defeating their sacrificial lambs. The 16 seeds were 0 and 135, surely headed for 0 and 136. And then History called, and the Retrievers answered the phone.
I thought it amusing that the game was tied at 21 at the half, but I gave no thought at that point to UMBC having a chance to actually win. After all, other 1 seeds had walked this way before – playing poorly for 20 or even 30 minutes only to wake up and put away their lowly opponents. Sure, we have seen a few close calls over the years – Fairleigh Dickinson, East Tennessee State, Western Carolina (remember, Purdue fans?) – but it will never actually happen, right? So I flipped over to watch the Auburn-College of Charleston game.
After College of Charleston failed to be the third 13 seed to win in a single year for the first time ever, I flipped over to UVA vs UMBC, fully expecting a double-digit lead. A double-digit lead I saw indeed, but not in favor of the Wahoos. As I started to realize what just might be happening, I went upstairs to fetch my two youngest kids. No way was I letting them miss something this historic.
“Graham, you need to come look at the TV.”
“Why, what’s wrong with it?”
“Just come and see.”
“Ashlyn…” “I’m not dressed, Dad.” “Get dressed and come downtstairs. You need to see this.”
As they joined me in my office one at a time, all I had to do was point. The reaction was the same. First a look of confusion, followed by a slacked jaw, followed by wide eyes and then a long, “Noooooo waaaayyyyyyy.” My senior, Amber, walks in a couple of minutes later, returning from her jazz choir’s victory at the state jazz festival.
“What are you guys all doing in here?”
Dad points at the TV. Slack jaw. Wide eyes. You know the rest. It was about that time that my phone started blowing up. The world was waking up to history in the making. “Are you seeing this?” my phone says. Am I seeing this? Is the Pope Catholic? I am glued to the set, not even thinking about changing the channel even as the lead grew and grew and grew and the outcome became a foregone conclusion. There were no other games happening in my world at that moment. This was history. We may never see this again.
So how did this happen? How could a 31-2 team with the best defense in the country, only allowing 54 points a game throughout the season, give up 74 points to THEM? I am sure the pundits will talk about it all week. The sports world will talk about it for decades. My kids will tell their kids the story long after I’m gone. All I can say is that this Virginia team won all season by playing defense. They were not a high-powered offense, and when their most potent offensive weapon, sixth man De’Andre Hunter broke his wrist, many worried that it would hurt their chances to make the Final Four. No one worried it would hurt their chances to win a single game. This team is built to suffocate opponents, not come from behind or win a shootout. And so when Jairus Lyles started taking over the game and piling on the points in the second half, the Cavaliers were in uncharted territory. They couldn’t stop Lyles, which hadn’t happened to them before, and they couldn’t score points in bunches, which they had never needed before.
“These are the moments you dream of,” Lyles said after the game. Indeed. This is the stuff of 12-year-olds in the driveway, calling their own imaginary game as they make the winning shot. This will be the fixture in One Shining Moment at tournament’s end, even if the Retrievers don’t win another game. This is a tournament where the headline will become the footnote, the national champion will become the afterthought instead of the lead story, overshadowed forever by the most improbable upset in sports history. For one shining moment, these Retrievers are kings of the world, instant legends in their own time.
To borrow another of my hated sports cliches, this is why they play the game. This is precisely why we watch sports, why we find them so compelling. It is because the best team does not always win. As the Proverb says:
“The race is not to the swift or the battle to the strong, nor does food come to the wise or wealth to the brilliant or favor to the learned; but time and chance happen to them all.” – Proverbs 9:11
1-135. That’s the new record for 16 seeds in the tournament. 1-135. Chisel the name of the one in stone, the UMBC Retrievers. Well done, men. Well done. Nothing can take away your place in history.
Best Reaction To The UMBC Win I Saw On Facebook
And Then Other Stuff Happened
Believe it or not, seven other games were played tonight. A couple are worth mentioning.
You Can’t Beat Destiny…Unless You Are UMBC – I guess it is too much to ask for history to strike twice on the same evening. With two 13 seeds already advancing to the round of 32 (Buffalo and Marshall), the College of Charleston was trying to become the third 13 seed to advance in the same year for the first time ever. They came close, but it was not to be, as the Auburn Tigers escaped to face another set of Tigers, those from Clemson, on Sunday.
The Streak Continues – As I had mentioned earlier, ever since the inception of the First Four in Dayton, at least one of the “play-in” 11 seeds has advanced to the round of 32 every year. This year, I guessed it would be St. Bonaventure, but I should have known better. Instead, it was the Syracuse Orange and their maddening zone defense that notched the victory over TCU and became the second 11 seed to advance this year along with Loyola of Chicago.
An Incredible Sum – Have a look at the South region. The sum of the seeds of the remaining eight teams in that region is a whopping 66! Overall there are six double-digit seeds remaining in the field, by no means any kind of record, but that one 16 left on the bracket looms large over the rest. Cinderella has arrived at the dance. Can she last until midnight?
Oh, The Humanity! – Have a look at the Carnage Report. It shows that 380 contestants had Virginia in the Final Four, and 156 had them as national champs.
By The Numbers – Alert minion Adam Lamb sent me a text this evening asking if the 50 available bonus points this year were the most ever in the first round. It turns out the answer is no, it isn’t. Thanks to Adam’s own research, I can tell you that the top year was 2012 with 66. If you recall, that was the year two 15 seeds won on the same day, an unprecedented feat in its own right.
Best Alias Awards
And now it is time to move on to a favorite pastime of our contest, the best alias awards. Let’s begin with the categorical honorable mentions.
Best Political Aliases
David “Trump’s Former Secretary of Bracketology” Bauchspiess
Jason “Kim Jung Un’s Target Bracket” Cooper
Best Puns
Mac “And Cheese” Allen
Jordin “LeBlonde James” Booher
Gregory “Haas No Idea Who to Pick” Harman
David “Game of Jones” Jones
Jason “Ex-savory Picks” Roehl
Jordan “you wish you were this” Wise
RJ “Who, Where, What, Why &” Wynn – Best of Category
Best Cultural, Literary, or Musical References
Anderson “Ando Clarissian” Cooper
Ada “These are not the picks you are looking4” Lam
Wayne “The Rain Falls Mainly On The Plain” Murray
Katie “Nobody puts Katie in the corner” Muschalik
Gene “A Connecticut Yankee in Basketball Court” Pollastro – Best of Category
Brad “Get off my lawn” Schafer
Gary “My bracket, Jesus’ words – Both in Red!!!” Tucker
Best Nods To The Contest Commentary
Evan “Dilly Dilly!” Gidley
Philip “So Your Saying There’s A Chance” Goodwin
Jay “Round 1 goes to Houston Man Bun” Namboothiri
Luke “Come on man bun guy” Shannon
J.R. “I was born a Ramblin’ Man” Shrader
Shane “Pronounced “Smith”” Vaiskauskas – Best of Category
Aliases That Made Me Literally LOL
Richard “McGruff already went” Schrimpf
Dustin “oops I ripped my pants” Van Sloten
Brock “Big Baller Brackets” Zagel – Best of Category
Best References To The Latest NCAA Scandals
Sammy “Pickers need Paid like the Players” Brauen
Bryson “Only picked teams w/ players implicated” Davis
Rob “Cheaters win in the NCAA” Fair
Ralph “Arizona is Instant Vacate-tion” Forey – Best of Category
JC “Pitino’s Girls” Thomas (Ouch!)
Odds and Ends
Best Use of Latin – Andrea “In omnia paratus” Bauschek (“Ready for Anything”)
Best Rhyme – Scott “Tower of” Bower
Best Obscure Reference To xkcd – Jason “Little Bobby Tables” Buckner
Best Reference to a D3 School (tie)
Amber “Why isn’t Rose-Hulman int he bracket?” Little
Gary “What No Cornell?” DeLong
Good To Hear From An Old Friend – Jamie “in this through thick and thin” Prime
Been In The Contest Forever With The Same Alias – Mike “Skid Booles” Sines
Most Incomprehensible – Phil “Call me when your streak hits 111” Stump
Most Uniquely Hilarious
Typically I award the Burma Shave award to the Fairchild Family every year.Years ago they realized that the contestant picks page lists all entries in alphabetical order. So, they started creatively coordinating their aliases to read out some funny or clever saying, much like the sequential Burma Shave road-side signs back in the day. This year the Fairchilds took it to a whole other level. Their aliases form the lyrics to a song that I had to look up to know what it was, and boy am I glad I did. The song is a sort of parody in the spirit of “What Does The Fox Say” but not nearly as annoying and way funnier. It is built around the idea that the lyrics were derived via bad lip reading of scenes from the Dagoba training segment of The Empire Strikes Back. If you haven’t seen it, you simply must.
Finalists
And now for this year’s Final Four and grand champion of the best alias awards.
Third Runner Up – Ryan “Alias winner? Only time Vitale” Helton
Second Runner Up – Tamara “My Cup Boiler Over” Dunbar
First Runner Up – Josh “I put the MAN in” Pearman
Grand Champion – Mark “Anti Irish Apostrophe Discrimination” OMaley, so chosen because my ancient website will not accept the apostrophe in his name! Well played, sir. Well played.
Round One Awards
And finally, some plain old boring first round awards.
The Top Prognosticator award for the round of 64 goes to seven contestants who picked 27 out of 32 games correctly: Ryan Lamb, Jan Benshoof, Jeff Cardwell, Stacy Schulte, John Hart, Emma Dean, and Jenni Garten.
The Normally This Would Be Bad, But Thanks To UMBC, It’s Not award goes to Matthew Hickey, whose very strategy of picking ALL upsets virtually guaranteed him the fewest number of wins, 9. Nevertheless, “Captain Underdog” finds himself in 7th place…for now.
The Upset Stomach Award, once again sponsored by Pepto Bismol, goes to the three minions who picked all nine first round upsets correctly: Matthew Hickey (of course), Tim Warren, and Veronica Ramirez.
The Crash And Burn award goes to April Adams who fell from a high of 21st to 226th.
The Comeback Kid award goes to Wayne Murray, who climbed from a low of 750th all the way up to 105th.
The This Simply Isn’t Fair award goes to former first place contestant Isen Schafer, now in 20th.
The Who’s In 27th Place? Your mom! award goes to Kate “Mom” Ginty. Way to go, Mom!
The Apparently, They Are Playing Your Song award goes to Tim “Where’s the band?” Warren, currently in 2nd place and just two points off the lead.
And finally, the Green Jacket award goes to our round one leader in the clubhouse, Veronica “SWOOSH!!” Ramirez, sporting a win/loss percentage just over .500 but vaulting to the top on the strength of the UMBC pick. Veronica’s strategy was interesting, picking three 16s and then Villanova, but not advancing any 16s to the second round. Obviously hoping to hit the 16-seed-makes-history jackpot, her approach just might pan out. Stay tuned.
And with that, I have run out of energy and inspiration for one night. Things get easier for me from here on out, with only one version of the commentary required per game day. Until tomorrow night then, minions, I bid you adieu.
“In the middle of Huntington, West Virginia there’s a river. Next to this river there is a steel mill. And next to the steel mill there is a school. In the middle of the school, there is a fountain. Each year on the exact same day, at the exact same hour, the water to this fountain is turned off. And in this moment once every year, throughout the town, throughout the school, time stands still.” – We Are Marshall
It’s Deja Vu All Over Again
I was taking a peek at last year’s day two midday commentary when I realized that this year feels much like a repeat of last year. Twenty-four games into this year’s madness, we have only five upsets so far. With all the talk of “parity” in college basketball these days (and I generally agree it exists), the last two tournaments have been surprisingly “chalky”. I know this will sound like prophecy after the fact, but I personally wasn’t buying all the talk about many major upsets in this year’s tournament. My thinking was that this would be a year of mostly favorites. The remaining eight games will tell just how right I was, but nevertheless, I failed to follow my own advice and picked too many upsets myself.
The lack of upsets belies the fact that there have been several close and very exciting games, even if the better seed eventually won. But let’s not bury the lead, here. The top story of the afternoon was definitely an upset of significant proportion.
Post Game Thoughts
We Are Marshall! – The Thundering Herd went thundering into the round of 32, shocking the fourth-seeded Shockers of Wichita State with a thrilling victory. Marshall’s Jon Elmore was absolutely lights-out deadly, draining three pointers from the hash! This is another case, though, where the reality of the box score doesn’t quite match the feel of watching the game live. It felt like both teams were bombing three pointers left and right, especially Elmore and Wichita State’s Conner Frankamp, who each had 27 points. In reality, both teams shot an incredible 52 threes, but only made 17! Perhaps it was the frantic pace of this game coupled with the timing of those made threes that made it so thrilling. In any case, congrats to the 123 minions who picked Marshall and earned themselves 10 points. That definitely moved you up in the standings.
A Pyrrhic Victory For Purdue – The Boilermakers shellacked the hapless Cal-State-Fullerton Titans, at one point leading by over 30 points. Alas, it was a costly victory, as Purdue’s star big man Isaac Haas took a hard foul near the end of the game and exited with what would later be revealed as a broken elbow. It’s March Sadness for Boilermaker fans, as their chances of a deep run into the tournament diminish significantly without Haas, no disrespect to the Edwards boys.
Philosophical Question Of The Day – This one comes from long-time contestant Dan Kopp. “Which is tougher? Picking the teams that win, or picking the teams that lose?” Things that make you go hmmmm.
Sweet Caroline – The final game of the afternoon session was an overtime thriller between #7 Nevada and #10 Texas. The Longhorns controlled much of the game, leading by as many as 14 on the strength of their big man Mo Bamba. Unfortunately, after a furious Nevada comeback, Bamba fouled out with 3.8 seconds to go. A frenetic closing sequence after a silly Texas turnover failed to yield a winner, and the game went to overtime, but with no Mo Bamba. (See what I did there?) The hero of the game was Nevada’s Jordan Caroline, who scored the last three Wolfpack points of regulation to tie the game and send it to overtime. Weirdly, this game felt like an upset even though it wasn’t. Texas was the clear favorite in our contest with about 65% of the field picking them to beat Nevada.
The Butler Did It Again – While the popular upset pick of #10 Texas did not pan out, the other upset pick involving a #10 did. Butler defeated Arkansas in convincing fashion, earning a date with the now Haas-less Boilermakers Sunday. Butler was also a popular pick in the contest with just under 75% of the minions choosing the Bulldogs. Moreover, 105 minions may have reason to rejoice for picking Butler to advance to the Sweet Sixteen considering the injury to Haas.
Quick Awards
In case you are wondering, I have been reading through your aliases, and many are very clever and funny. As much as I would love to include the coveted best alias awards in this commentary, the judges need more time to tabulate their scores. Look for the best alias awards (hopefully) in tonight’s day two wrap up.
The Of Course You Did award goes to my brother, Josh Marshall, who picked Marshall to win for reasons that ought to be obvious. The funny part is that he didn’t even know they had won until I sent him a text. “How many points did I get?” I should have said ZERO for not paying attention. Hmph.
The Wait, I’m In WHAT Place? award goes to Jenni Garten, who continues to impress but has to be wondering how she could have only two losses and not be in first place. Welcome to Jeff’s March Madness Contest.
The Gimme Five award goes to the fourteen minions who picked all five upsets correctly: Brock Zagel, Jaxon Dailey, Bryce Hand, Tim Warren, Matthew Hickey, Kent Keller, J.R. Shrader, Christy Bowen, Dave Barndt, Billy Brundage, Rebecca Harper, Veronica Ramirez, Esther Neely, and Tatum Hawkins.
Of the aforementioned fantastic fourteen prognosticators, the I Love This Awesome Scoring System award goes to Orlando Boilermaker Kent Keller who is our current contest leader.
On the other hand, the I Thought Picking The Upsets Was Supposed to Help Me WIN award goes to Matthew Hickey, who guaranteed himself all of the upsets by picking nothing but upsets. Unfortunately, this strategy also guaranteed him nineteen losses and 94th place.
The That’s What You Get For Waiting Until The Last Minute award goes to Dejan “picked these with only hours left” Davis, currently in a tie for 761st.
The Look Out Below award goes to Bob Johnson who lost his national champ, Arizona, and dropped to 589th place.
The Rising Star award goes to Jeff Borod whose stock has risen from 714th all the way up to 138th.
Finally, I am compelled to award the Epic Fail award to myself for thinking that Kasiah Hand was Jonathan Hand’s son, when in fact SHE is his WIFE! Now that I think about it, I believe I have made that same boneheaded mistake in past contests. A cliche involving old dogs and new tricks comes to mind, but of course, I hate cliches.
OK, minions. It is now time for me to turn my attention to more basketball and clever aliases. Enjoy the evening session, and look for the next commentary in the morning.
“The winner’s edge is not in a gifted birth, a high IQ, or in talent. The winner’s edge is all in the attitude, not aptitude. Attitude is the criterion for success.” – Denis Waitley
What Day Is It Again?
The clock reads 2:38. I am certain I saw it read the very same thing at least once since I last slept. I have a real love-hate relationship with the opening two days of every tournament. On the one hand, it is arguably the best 48 hours in all of sports, with near non-stop basketball for two straight days. You just can’t beat the excitement. On the other hand, for me it is also a dizzying test of endurance, a battle with fatigue, attention deficit disorder, hunger, insomnia, and writer’s block. Undaunted, I soldier on.
It Felt Crazier Than It Was
I must say that today’s games felt closely contested in all but a few cases. That is why one might be surprised to look at the results and see that there were only three upsets, and one of those isn’t really a true upset, #9 Alabama beating #8 Virginia Tech. The two upsets we did get were doozies. That’s for sure. More on that in a minute. In any case, days like today are most painful to those of you who took more chances in your picks and chose more upsets. Those who played it a bit safer fared better. I will recognize some of those winners and losers in a moment, but first, a few thoughts from the night session.
Today’s Grab Bag
The Funniest Thing I Saw In A Game Today – If you caught any of the Texas Tech vs Stephen F. Austin game, you might have seen SFA’s Shannon Bogues (no idea if there is any relation to Mugsy) writhing in agony on the sideline as a result of a cramp in his hamstring. Now, before you think me sadistic for laughing at a man’s pain, what was funny was his own reaction when the trainers touched his leg in an effort to work out the cramp. The look on his face was not one of agony but rather the kind of look you would expect to see on a ticklish man being tickled without mercy. It was actually quite comical, and as a ticklish man myself, I can relate.
Two Words I Never Want To Hear Again – “Basketball IQ” – Contest veterans will know that I have an innate aversion to cliches, especially sports cliches. This one in particular is having the nails-on-a-chalkboard effect on me (which I suppose is also a cliche – oh, the irony). Chris Webber in particular seems to gravitate toward every sports cliche in the handbook. Honestly, I do not mind Webber’s color commentary. Just go easy on the “Basketball IQ” references, please, Chris. OK? OK.
Channel Surfing Is Good – I have my favorites on my cable box locked in to the four stations that carry March Madness games. That way I can quickly cycle from one to the next. The amount of channel surfing I do seems to be directly proportional to the overall competitiveness of the games. If the games are blowouts, I tend to sit on one game – the most competitive one – and ignore the others. Today I was switching channels a lot, an indicator that most of the games were competitive, and I wanted to make sure I caught the end-game drama. Speaking of close games and end-game drama…
Houston, We Don’t Have A Problem – Did you know that, before today, the Houston Cougars hadn’t won a tournament game since 1984? That was the end of the Phi Slamma Jamma era that gave us notable future NBA superstars such as Akeem Olajuwon and Clyde Drexler. The 1984 Houston team lost the championship game to Georgetown. Before today, the program hadn’t even won a tournament game since. Thirty-four years is a long time. Today’s win was anything but easy. In fact, Houston trailed San Diego State toward the end of the game. But with the game tied and time running out, Houston’s Rob Gray, sporting the man bun, hit a driving layup that was so impressive color commentator Steve Lavin dubbed it the “dipsy doo scooperoo.” But wait, there’s more. With one second left on the clock, SDSU completed a Christian Laettneresque three-quarter-court pass to Trey Kell who had an open, albeit difficult and rather long, three-point shot for the win. Alas, Trey Kell is no Christian Laettner, and Houston moves on to the round of 32.
History Maker Award – Today’s winner would rather not accept the award. If you paid any attention to the Conference Watch report, you might have noticed that the Pac-12 is 0-1. What you may not have realized is that the Pac-12 had only one team in the field of 64, Arizona. The only other two representatives from Bill Walton’s “conference of champions” were UCLA and Arizona State, both of whom lost in the First Four. So what’s so historic about that? I am glad you asked. ESPN’s John Gasaway tells us: “With Arizona’s loss to Buffalo, the Pac-12 has officially made history. (Not the good kind.) Per ESPN Stats and Info, no major conference has failed to send a team to the round of 32 since the formation of the Big 12 in 1996-97. The 2018 Pac-12 is the first of its kind.” Who’s the Truck Stop League now, Bill? And speaking of Arizona…
The Running Of The Bulls – The Buffalo Bulls pulled off the biggest upset of the day, clobbering the Arizona Wildcats by 21 points. I doubt the University of Arizona Men’s Basketball team will be planning any field trips to Pamplona any time soon. If there’s one rule of thumb for March Madness that this game exemplified to a tee, it is that the key to success in the NCAA Tournament is guard play. Arizona is a team stacked with bigs – really, really big bigs. Deandre Ayton is a giant of a man whom Jay Bilas compared to Wilt Chamberlain. He will absolutely be a lottery pick in the next NBA draft. But every time I looked up at the TV, there was one of Arizona’s big men holding the ball waist high, and then there was a Buffalo guard taking it away from him. Curiously, Arizona only had nine turnovers in this game. It felt more like 90. They simply were outplayed by Buffalo’s three-guard lineup, who together scored 67 of their 89 points. Keep an eye on this Buffalo team. They could go further than you think.
Kevin Harlan Is the GOAT – The man just has a knack for saying the right thing at the right time. I don’t remember how many years ago it was, but one year there were actually games being played on Easter Sunday. The game Kevin was calling featured a particularly impressive comeback, after which he exclaimed, “Back from the dead on Easter Sunday!” Classic. Today’s Harlanism comes from the Alabama vs Virginia Tech game. At some point in the game, Alabama’s feature player, Collin Sexton, took a shot to the chops which apparently loosened a tooth. I did not hear exactly what he said, but evidently Sexton actually commented on the tooth after the game, alluding to an impending trip to the dentist. After noting that Alabama’s next opponent is Villanova, Harlan quipped, “Nova on Saturday. Novocaine on Sunday!”
My Bonnies Drowned In The Ocean – Or perhaps they were eaten by gators, Florida Gators, that is. One of the popular upset picks of the tournament didn’t pan out for me and many others as the Bonnies of St. Bonaventure were thumped by the Gators. It was this game, in fact, that prevented our top two contestants from remaining perfect. And with that thought, we will move on to today’s awards. But first…
I Told You They Should Have Picked A Better Mascot – The wolves are 1-3 so far in the tournament. Enough said. And speaking of mascots…
The Mary Poppins Practically Perfect award goes to our two contest leaders, Isen Schafer and Stacy Schulte, who each went 15-1 today, losing only the aforementioned Florida-St Bonaventure game. Honorable mention goes to Jenni Garten who was also 15-1 but lost the Alabama game, thus missing out on the one upset bonus point and putting her in solo 3rd.
The Persistence Pays Off award goes to Ellen “Maybe I’ll Win This Year” Kozisek, currently in a tie for fourth and only one point off the lead. So far, so good Ellen. Maybe you WILL win this year.
The Take Me Back To 2012 award goes to Kasiah Hand, who as his alias suggests, did very well in the contest in 2012. So far in 2018, not so much. Hang in there, Kasiah. There’s nowhere to go but up from last place.
The The Larger The Crowd, The Smaller The IQ award goes to the 113 minions, a group which include yours truly, who foolishly picked Arizona to go to the Final Four. Our brackets are officially busted.
The I Told You So award goes to the eight contestants (names withheld to protect the guilty) who picked Oklahoma to advance to the Final Four. Everyone knows Oklahoma should not have even been in the field.
And with that, I am absolutely, positively, officially out of gas. Time for the Wizard to recharge his batteries for another full day of hoops.
“I hope you’ll understand
That I was born a ramblin’ man” – The Allman Brothers Band
Rapid Reactions
While I am thankful for the modern Ted Turner-CBS partnership that has made it possible to watch any and every game from the East coast opener at noon until the 1:00 AM West coast night cap, the arrangement has taken away the TV break I used to have between the afternoon and evening sessions. Thus, these midday editorials must be shortened. In fact, the first game of the night session (Kentucky vs Davison, Wildcats vs Wildcats) is already 5 minutes in as I write this.
Fast Start or Fat Start? – The madness started early this year with the first game of the day going in to overtime. The winners? The Rhode Island Rams defeated the much-maligned Oklahoma Sooners thanks in no small part to the 165-pound Fatts Russell, so named because he was allegedly a chubby toddler. Like I always say, I’d rather be fat than good any day.
Ending The Drought – The Tennessee Volunteers ended a tournament drought by notching their first win in four years. Sing a couple bars of Rocky Top with me.
Was That REALLY Necessary? – My game-watching was interrupted today by a (apparently obligatory) monthly test of the Emergency Alert System. Really? You couldn’t have picked one of the OTHER 30 days in the month to perform that monthly test?
Gonzaga Makes Me Sweat It Out…Again – Oh, the travails of being a Gonzaga fan. They narrowly escaped a scare from UNC-Greensboro to advance to the round of 32. The Zags have one of the longest streaks in the country both in terms of consecutive tournament appearances and consecutive first round wins, but that consistency belies the nail-biting they subject their fans to with alarming regularity.
The Best Thing I Saw On Facebook Today
The Text Of The Day came from Jim Cockrum: “If you missed it, Powerade just showed their new (quite funny) “broken ankle crossover” commercial right after an Ohio State player went down with an ankle issue.” Perfect timing.
Play Of The Day – If you missed the game between Loyola-Chicago and Miami (FL), you missed the most exciting game of the tournament so far. The madness started when the Ramblers’ Lucas Williamson managed to knock the ball off of Miami’s Lonnie Walker IV to force a turnover with about 23 seconds left. Down just one point, the Ramblers missed not one but two shots at point-blank range. Replay revealed the second shooter was fouled, but there was no call. Instead, Miami got the rebound, and Loyola-Chicago was forced to foul with under 9 seconds remaining. Walker missed his chance at redemption and the front end of the one-and-one, however. After securing the rebound, the Ramblers took it the length of the floor where Donte Ingram hit an NBA three-pointer at the buzzer to win. You may not realize that the Ramblers (whose mascot is a wolf, remember) won a national championship in 1963. Their quest for a second championship resumes on Saturday when they play the Volunteers of Tennessee.
The 8-0 Club – With only the one upset in the opening session, 47 minions are still perfect and tied for first with 13 points. How many will emerge from the evening session still perfect? My guess is none, but we will soon see.
This Just In – I just heard on the broadcast that March is colorectal cancer awareness month. Really? There’s a month for that? Now, I am in no way trying to make light of a very serious condition, especially if any of you minions or your loved ones have battled with it. But some things just, you know, maybe don’t need their own month.
Awards
This early in the contest it is difficult to come up with many significant or even insignificant yet witty awards, but I will give it a shot.
The Nowhere To Go But Up award goes to last place contestant Clayton Fields, who according to his alias apparently has a cousin who is a Kentucky fan. Maybe that Kentucky pick will help move you up the standings.
The Sorry, But Rules Are Rules award goes to the unlucky Russell Lair who unfortunately missed the contest entry deadline. While I would have liked to allow the late entry, alas, this is not possible. My guess is that Russell will be the first entry next year.
The Can You Hear Me Now award goes to my good friend, Brad Schafer, who has been blowing up my phone with regularity since about Tuesday. We used to have this banter on AOL Instant Messenger, but in case you missed it, that was app decommissioned in December. Thus, we have resorted to copious amounts of text messaging. Keep ’em coming, Pappy.
That’s all I have for now. The day one wrap up and awards will arrive in your inbox while you sleep and I don’t.
