“You have just become a prisoner of the Commonwealth of Virginia.”

George Rogers Clark

We end this year’s tournament and this year’s contest with a few firsts. The championship game goes into overtime, of course, keeping the Wizard up even later penning the final tome of 2019. And, one really stupid local criminal gets his comeuppance. All this and more in the final edition of our contest commentary.

First, A Few Thoughts On The Game

• Is that Saint Francis of Assisi? Well, he’s not quite that old, but, fun fact, Texas Tech’s top scorer Brandone Francis was former Florida Gators coach Billy Donovan’s last recruit. How long has Donovan been coaching the Oklahoma City Thunder now? Francis was everywhere tonight and a big reason why the Red Raiders were able to force overtime.
• Can I get an explanation on that one, Gene Steratore? Something I saw a lot in this year’s tournament is a player driving to the basket and executing every component of a layup except the layup. After coming to a stop, he then passes the ball out to a teammate…or something. My question is, how is that not a travel? As far as I know, the NCAA rules are still that you get the step where you gather the ball plus one more on a layup (As opposed to the NBA wherein they have, no joke, codified two full steps into the rules, which is why it looks like NBA players are simply running around with the ball – because they are). But aren’t you required to actually, you know, attempt the layup? And please don’t lecture me about the jump stop. I know what that is, and I don’t think this is that. Somebody help me out, here. I am looking for some actual, factual rule and not just opinions. I don’t think I ever saw it called a travel, so, what provision in the rules allows that?
• Return of the Bench Mob. Remember the Bench Mob from Monmouth a few years back? Those guys were hilarious. In fact, if you ever watched a Monmouth game, you missed half the game – even watching it on TV – because the camera was constantly cutting away to the hijinks of those dudes on the bench who barely played any basketball, but were spectacularly clever in their celebrations. I miss those guys. Anyway, the Texas Tech bench, which was really just Francis and Edwards, scored 29 points. In contrast, the Virginia bench had only 6, and those all came from one Key player. See what I did there? The Texas Tech bench honestly outplayed the starters until the late stages of the game, whereas it was Virginia’s front line players that carried the day for the Wahoos. And speaking of Wahoos…
• What in the world is a Wahoo, anyway? I am so glad you asked. According to that great fount of often incorrect information, Wikipedia, the term Wahoo means, quote, “Official University of Virginia sports documents explain that Washington and Lee baseball fans first called University of Virginia players ‘a bunch of rowdy Wahoos,’ and used the ‘Wahoowa’ yell as a form of derision during the in-state baseball rivalry in the 1890s, presumably after hearing them yell or sing ‘wa-hoo-wa.’ The term ‘Wahoos’ spread around the University and was commonly in use by the 1940s.” And now you know.
• The boneheaded play of the day came courtesy of Virginia stars DeAndre Hunter and Kyle Guy who quite literally nearly threw the game away with nary a second left on the clock in regulation. With the score tied, Hunter collected the rebound on a missed shot. Losing his balance, he threw a pass to Guy, not wanting to turn the ball over on a traveling violation. At the same instant, Guy, wanting to preserve time for a final shot to win the game, turned his back to Hunter as he begged the referee for a time out. The ball passed right by Guy’s backside and bounced out of bounds, giving Texas Tech one second for a final shot, which ended up being blocked by Virginia’s Braxton Key. This Virginia team has the wrong nickname. They should be some form of cat, because they definitely have nine lives.
• Remember that wretched NFL season not so long ago when the officials went full-on crazy with instant replay on catch/no-catch and fumble plays? Long periods of time the referee spent under the hood watching super-slow-motion replays captured by cameras filming at hundreds of frames per second to see if even the tiniest, most imperceptible movement of the ball, invisible to the naked eye, could be detected. Announcers would exclaim with extreme gravitas, “That ball moved, Jim!” Thus we ended up with catches-turned-incomplete, preposterous “fumbles”, and denied touchdowns (I’m talking to you, Steelers fans). There’s a reason the NFL doesn’t do that anymore. Well, here we are in basketball, circa 2019, and we’re watching the same frame-by-agonizing-frame replays trying to determine if the ball came in contact with at least one square millimeter of the man’s epidermis before sailing out of bounds. Yes, that happened to Texas Tech in this game. I know I have been an ardent proponent in this blog of the use of replay to fix obvious missed calls, but I want to put emphasis on the obvious. This was borderline silly, and again, both teams got an extended free timeout. But I repeat myself.
• Far be it from me to question the strategy of the national champions, but I was incredulous at Virginia’s penchant for one guy dribbling out the entire shot clock while the other four guys stood and watched. This seemed to be their primary MO at both the end of regulation and overtime as they were trying to protect their lead. I am never a fan of playing not to lose. This wasn’t the mode of play that got them the lead in the first place, which is why I find it so puzzling. Ultimately it ended up not hurting them, as they did one thing any team must do to seal a victory, and that his hit free throws down the stretch. At one point I think they made 14 freebies in a row.
• From worst to first, the story of this Virginia Cavaliers team is truly one for the annals of March Madness lore. After suffering the most humiliating defeat in tournament history, becoming the first #1 seed to ever lose to a #16 and putting UMBC (who?!!) on the map – and off the grid (their web server crashed from the traffic) – they returned the very next season to win a national championship. It is worth noting that the aforementioned DeAndre Hunter was injured last season in the ACC tournament and did not play in that first round debacle.

From The Grab Bag

• Everyone who picked Virginia as national champion in the contest finished in the top 100.
• I had many thoughts I wanted to share on the much-maligned one-and-done phenomenon in college basketball, but rather than fill up this commentary with hundreds of words on the subject (if not thousands), I voiced my musings in a Facebook Live Video which you can find posted here if you are at all interested.
• Strange but true, there were no real buzzer beaters in this year’s tournament. Close games, yes, but no games won by a shot at the buzzer, though Virginia Tech and UCF saw their would-be buzzer beaters beat them by not going in.
• Corniest Commercial Award: Caldwell Banker – A realtor has a Brady Bunch teaching moment with a kid who is not wanting to move by suggesting if he puts a basketball goal on the side of the house, new friends will beat a path to his door.
• Best Commercial Award: Geico – “Pie!” Don’t you wish that worked for things besides pie? You know, just shout it and the short order cook behind the counter has it on the way while the word is still on your lips. How about “Money!” or “New Car!” or “Obedient Children!” or “Five minutes of March Madness without Charles Barkley!”?
• Funniest Commercial Award: Buick – “Did that bear just poo in our tent?” Yes.
• Dumbest Criminal Award – A serial lawbreaker decided to brazenly carjack a Hamilton County, Indiana man in his own driveway in broad daylight. Now, I am not in any way attempting to downplay the harrowing nature of the experience, as the carjacker was armed, and the victim’s small daughter was nearby. However, the victim was also a Hamilton County Corrections officer…who happily let Mr. Carjacker drive away in his LoJacked vehicle, which allowed the county Sheriff to track and apprehend him less than an hour later. Whatcha gonna do when they come for you?
• Those 3D videos they project onto the court for the pre-game player introductions are totally legit, unlike my command of the vernacular of modern youth, as I am certain that “totally legit” is no longer legit.
• The Masters is coming up this weekend, professional golf’s first major, but the PGA is shaking things up this year, rearranging their season schedule to avoid the FedEx Cup playoffs having to compete with the NFL. This means that the PGA Championship, which has been the season’s final major for a long time, will now be the second major of the season and will be played in May. Does that mean that “Glory’s Last Shot” will now be “Glory’s Second Shot”? That just doesn’t have the same ring to it if you ask me. And while the US Open will still be played on the traditional Father’s Day weekend (I assume), it appears the PGA had enough sense not to put the PGA Championship on Mother’s Day weekend. If mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy, and mama probably doesn’t want to watch golf on Mother’s Day.
• I am just old enough to remember when the NCAA Tournament had a consolation game. Yes, I am completely serious. They played a game between the Final Four losers for third place. The last such game was played in 1981, and the participants were…wait for it…Virginia and LSU. Virginia won 78-74, though pretty much no one cared. This was Ralph Sampson’s sophomore season. Speaking of sporting events no one cares about…
• The 2019 NIT Championship game was played between two teams that were on the bubble on selection Sunday, Texas and Lipscomb. Texas won 81-66. Somehow that feels like winning the D flight in the club golf tournament. Lipscomb…is that like when your lips are chapped and ridged like a comb? OK, bad joke, and actually, Lipscomb was quite good this year and probably deserved a bid.
• Readers of this commentary know by now how I feel about pets. A quick look at the Mascot Watch report shows that the dogs were an unimpressive 5-8 this year, while the evil cats were 12-9. The criminals were 5-3, so maybe crime does pay after all. Most noteworthy, though, is that the military was an incredible 13-5. Members of our armed forces, we salute you! (Seriously.)

Final Awards

Enough blathering about trivia and minutia. Let us get on with the 24th Annual Jeff’s March Madness Contest Final Awards.

• The Top Prognosticator award goes annually to the contestant who picks the most games correctly with original picks. This year we had a tie between Dylan Scheumann and Gavin Hand, both with 52 wins. Dylan finished 3rd overall, while Gavin also gets the not-so-coveted I Hate This Stupid Scoring System award for finishing 61st with the same number of wins as Dylan.
• The Peter Piper Picked A Peck Of Re-Picks award goes to Drew Adams who had more re-picked games correct than anyone else with 8. Drew finished 413th and will receive a year’s supply of pickled peppers.
• The To Infinity And Beyond award, sponsored by Toy Story 4, in theaters this summer, goes to 7th place finisher Meg Seibenhar, who was once a lowly 860th. You may recall Meg was one of only two minions who got the Final Four correct this year. Meg will receive an adult-sized Buzz Lightyear onesie.
• The Selective Amnesia award goes to 5th place finisher Vanessa Sopke who sent me a text earlier today bemoaning the fact that she originally had Texas Tech in the final game only to switch it to Duke during the re-pick round because of all of the “Zion talk”. Except, she did not change her pick during the re-pick round. In fact, she didn’t change any of her picks at all. The memory is the first thing to go, and the second thing is…???
• The Rookie Of The Year award goes to Benjamin Michael who finished a respectable 28th. Benjamin will receive an autographed photo of Dennis Quaid.
• The Young Sheldon award goes to the winner of the 12-and-under age bracket, Trevor Anderson, who finished 24th overall. Trevor gets a guest appearance on an episode of The Big Bang Theory.
• The Teen Queen award goes to the winner of the 13-19 age bracket, the amazing Kristen Davis, who nearly cracked the top 10 with an 11th place finish.
• The GenZ award would normally go to the top finisher in the 20-29 age bracket, but since he already received an award, this year’s award goes to Spencer Ricks, who finished 4th overall in an attempt to follow in his Dad, David Rick’s, footsteps, who won our contest in 2013.
• The Millennial Madness award is another one that goes to the second place finisher due to the first place contestant already having received an award. This year’s winner for the 30-39 age bracket is Veronica Ramirez, a long-time contestant who finished 18th overall this year.
• The X Factor award goes to the second-best Generation Xer in this year’s contest (the top finisher in the 40-49 age bracket actually won the contest…more on that in a minute), Andrew Ables, who not only finished second in this age group, but also 2nd overall. Andrew will receive a recorded personal video greeting from Simon Cowell in which Simon mocks him for not being good enough to win.
• The Happy Days award, given because, you know, Happy Days was set in the 50s, goes to the winner of the 50-59 age group, Scott Risner, who finished 10th overall. Scott will receive a genuine leather jacket worn by the Fonz himself. Aaaayyyyyyy
• I’m sensing a bit of a pattern here, but nevertheless, the Pass The Geritol award goes to the top senior prognosticator, Toby Risner, who finished 13th overall. Not sure if Toby and Scott are related. Toby will receive a cane and a year’s supply of Depends.
• Why not? Let’s make it a Risner trifecta. The Jeff’s March Madness Contest Is Good For The Heart award goes to Shelby “Steph Ascope” Risner, who finished 6th overall. Girl power in the Risner clan.
• The Eight Is Enough award goes to 8th place finisher Alyssa Sines. Alyssa will receive an autographed photo of Dick Van Patten.
• The Fahrenheit 451 award goes to 9th place contestant Taylor Bradbury. Those picks were hot.
• The Yellow Lines and Dead Skunks award goes to middle-of-the-road finisher James Wells, who finished at exactly the median position of 435th. James had the same Final Four I had, which goes a long way in explaining his finishing position.
• The I Don’t Need No Steenking Re-Picks award goes to 26th place minion and Duke hater Sam Brauen, who picked Duke to lose in the first round out of sheer spite, refused to make any re-picks, and still nearly cracked the top 25.
• The The Devil Made Me Make These Picks award goes to 666th place contestant Philip Trout.
• The Sweet Memories award goes to 346th place contestant Richard Schrimpf, who won the contest in 2006. This matters because…
• The Blue Ribbon, Gold Medal, Green Jacket, Top Dog, Master Of The Madness, Grand Poo Bah of Prognostication, Winner Winner Chicken Dinner award goes to Richard’s bride, Shelly Schrimpf, who by virtue of her victory creates the first ever husband-and-wife dual-winner duo in the storied history of the contest. Shelly won comfortably thanks to picking both Texas Tech and Virginia as semifinal winners followed by Virginia as the ultimate champion. Actually, 2nd place finisher Andrew Ables also had the same picks in the Final Four and the national championship, but it was Shelly’s pick of Michigan State that won her the contest, as Andrew had Duke going to the Final Four. Congratulations, Shelly, our 2019 Jeff’s March Madness Contest Champion!

And Now It’s Time To Say Goodbye To All Our Company

OK boys and girls, our three-week adventure has come to a close, and it is time for the Wizard to step back behind the curtain for another 49-week hibernation. I want to thank my loving and patient wife, Heather Little, who is also my biggest fan. This hobby doesn’t happen without her, as does little else in the Little household. Many thanks to all of the generous folks who pitched in with donations to help with the expenses related to the contest. I appreciate it very much. Also a big thank you to the many, many folks who email, text, Tweet, and message me via social media throughout the tournament with your insights, quips, jokes, jabs, corrections, keen observations, and snide remarks. I tell people this is the time of year I get to watch the greatest sporting event in the world with 800 of my closest friends, and I mean that sincerely. I hope you will all be back next year for the 25th anniversary edition of the contest, and as always, I hope you bring a friend.

With that, I bid you adieu. May the Lord bless you and keep you.

Warmly,

The Wizard of Whiteland

Contest Home Page

“Texas is so wrapped up in myth and legend, it’s hard to know what the state and its people are really about. Real Texans, raised on these myths and legends, sometimes become legends themselves.”

Joe R. Lansdale

Kyle is the Guy…again. Charles Barkley swallows hard and congratulates Virginia. And Clark Kellogg tells it like it is.

Phinal Phour Philosophizing

• Blow out the candles. I went to a Final Four party today where some kid was also having a birthday. OK, actually it was my nephew’s 3rd birthday party, but I spent most of the time in front of the TV. Lest you think I’m a heartless old Wizard, I did take time out to sing happy birthday and watch him open a few presents. The poor child is mostly scared of me, anyway.
• Who let the dogs out? Speaking of the birthday party, my brother’s house has gone to the dogs…literally. I spent the afternoon stepping over two fat puggles intensely begging for a scrap from my plate and a hyperactive pup who was extremely happy to see anyone within three feet of him. I know, I know – heartless old Wizard. I am many things. An animal lover is not one of them. Pets are like children who never grow up, learn to take care of themselves, and leave home. Apologies to all the dog and cat loving minions reading this. Actually, no, I do not apologize to cat lovers. Cats are evil.
• Unhappy advertisers must be miffed at Virginia and Auburn. They played from the about the 5:30 mark of the first half all the way to the horn without a single stoppage of play, ergo, the “under-4:00” media timeout never happened. This game had 24 personal fouls total – 12 for each team – and just 26 free throw attempts. In contrast, Texas Tech and Michigan State had 33 personal fouls and 31 free throw attempts, which is honestly amazing given how physical that game was. Speaking of physical…
• Basketbrawl is back and better than ever. I can say this now, because the opponent was not Gonzaga tonight. Texas Tech plays great defense. They have quick hands, and Tariq Owens is a shot-blocking machine. They also push, pull, pinch, grab, shove, hold, scratch, claw, bite, poke, gouge, and generally get away with everything short of fisticuffs. The Red Raiders were called for 18 personal fouls and not called for about 28 more. Yes, the Spartans also played physically, because they had to. When you play Texas Tech, you match their physicality or you lose. Those are your choices. Even Tom Izzo said in the post-game interview, “The tougher team won.” If the Monday night crew allows Texas Tech to play their gritty style, I think they have a great chance to win.
• Fun socks, dude! Cool socks are all the rage. My daughter, Amber Little, has a pair with beakers, test tubes, and other assorted chemistry paraphernalia on them (Chemical Engineering Major). I have a pair of super cool golf socks. Alert minion Shelly Schrimpf posted a picture of the Texas Tech trainer’s socks bearing rolls of toilet paper and plungers in the Facebook group. Not sure what kind of statement those socks are intended to make, but I think I will just leave that alone.
• Stats and analytics are a focal point in today’s sports. One oft-hyped stat in basketball is points in the paint, ostensibly points scored in the “painted area” of the floor inside the three-second lane. But what if the painted area isn’t painted? You see this more and more these days with floor designs opting for a sort of inversion, as is the case with this year’s Final Four, where the painted area is not painted, but the area between the lane and the three point line is painted. This must be troublesome for the statisticians, and I am shocked no mention is made of it. Does that change what is considered points in the paint? Or should we call them points in the not-paint instead? I find this horribly triggering for my OCD, and I think something should be done about it.
• The BSOD (Blue Screen Of Death) reared its ugly head on my computer yesterday, leading to a trip to the local Best Buy for a new hard drive. Before all of you Mac snobs start hurling the “if you’d buy a Mac that wouldn’t happen” jabs at me, please re-read the part about “new hard drive”. It was a hardware failure. Even Macs cannot overcome a hardware failure. But, I’m sure I’ll still get an email from wiseguy@icloud.com claiming he dropped his MacBook Pro from a fourth floor window onto the concrete below and it still worked like a champ. Anyway, thanks to the miracle of Ubuntu 18.04 and virtual machines, I was back up in no time, and that is how I am able to sit here and grind out another witty commentary for you fine folks. OK, so leaving Nerdville now, we will return to NCAA basketball…
• Did anyone catch the high-stepping referee in the Michigan State-Texas Tech game? Whenever he had to run down the court, he stood upright and brought his knees up nearly chest high like an Olympic sprinter. It was quite comical, actually, but hey, his form was superb! Unfortunately, we cannot say the same thing about the crew from the first game, and no, I am not referring to the foul called on Kyle Guy’s shot at the buzzer. That call was correct – an obvious foul. The problematic call was the one that was missed a moment earlier when Virginia’s Ty Jerome dribbled the ball off his own heel, grabbed it with both hands, and then started another dribble, clearly a double-dribble violation. To their credit, the announcers and even Auburn coach Bruce Pearl refused to throw the officials under the bus, saying that a game is a collection of many things whose outcome is not determined by a single event. Well said. Still, it will be difficult for Auburn fans especially to think of this game in any other context, and that’s unfortunate, because it is true that Kyle Guy should have never had an opportunity to even take that shot…unless of course there were a steal on the ensuing inbound that Auburn should have had, followed by an incredible buzzer beater that went in or a foul on that hypothetical play. Hopefully you see what I am getting at. What-ifs and conjecture are pointless. What actually happened is that Kyle Guy calmly hit three free throws to win the game in heart-stopping (if you’re a Wahoo) or heart-breaking (if you’re a Tiger) fashion.
• The first scategories bonus has finally been awarded to nine contestants out of 869 who picked Texas Tech to advance to the championship game. Those nine received a massive 48 points for that win, vaulting them up the standings. Christy Bowen was perhaps the biggest beneficiary, moving from 800th all the way up to 85th. Now, I realize some might protest that a single game shouldn’t be worth that much. “It makes it too easy. All you have to do is pick one team, and you practically win the whole thing even if you miss most of the other games.” OK, if it’s so easy, why didn’t you pick them? Exactly. It wasn’t easy picking Texas Tech, which is why those nine brave souls were rewarded handsomely for it.
• A bit of history has been made in this year’s tournament. It is the first time since 1979, and the first time ever in the 64-team era, that two first-time participants in a national championship game are playing each other. That 1979 game was fairly memorable. You might recognize the two marquee players for each team: Magic Johnson (Michigan State) and Larry Bird (Indiana State).
• Who’s going to win on Monday? Good question. With two teams who have made their hay in this tournament on strong defense, it is a game that could very well be played in the 40s. However, both teams do have shooters and scorers as well, so it may not end up being as watching-paying-dry dull as I fear it could be. I think the status of Tariq Owens for Texas Tech is critical, as he is their primary defender and rim protector. That being said, Texas Tech is arguably the deepest team in the tournament, and that non-stop onslaught of fresh players from the bench has just worn teams out so far. I can’t help but think that destiny is in Virginia’s corner, though. After becoming the first team ever to lose to a 16 seed in spectacular fashion last season, they are on a mission to bury that horrible memory and prove their mettle. I will take Virginia to win, which given my performance since the Sweet Sixteen, is almost certainly the kiss of death and a virtual guarantee for Texas tech.

Quick Awards

• The I Couldn’t Have Said It Better Myself award goes to CBS analyst Clark Kellogg, who somehow drew the short straw and ended up on the crew that normally works NBA games for TNT: Ernie Johnson, Kenny Smith, and Charles Barkley. I believe it was Ernie (it’s always Ernie) who introduced the final segment with something like, “Let’s wrap-up this up real quick. Who do you have in the championship game?” After several minutes of rambling banter primarily between Kenny and Charles, Clark quipped, “This is the longest quick wrap-up I’ve ever seen!” That was funny, but I am pretty sure he was completely serious.
• The I Feel Your Pain award goes to Dylan “It was fun while it lasted” Scheumann, leader of the contest no more. Currently in 3rd, Dylan still has Virginia as national champ, but he cannot win the contest.
• The You Have Been Voted Off The Island award goes to Braden Murray who spent about two hours in 7th place with high hopes of winning the contest, a feat he would have accomplished with a Michigan State national championship. Thanks for playing. Better luck next year.
• The I Love This Awesome Scoring System award goes to William Hernandez who has picked more games wrong than right and yet still is in 14th place thanks to the Texas Tech pick. Great job, William!
• The TTYL I’m a TTRR! award goes to Hans “TTRR!” Koebele, who has risen like the Kraken from the murky depths of 756th all the way to 10th.
• The Always A Bridesmaid award goes to Andrew Ables who is currently in 2nd but cannot win no matter what happens on Monday.
• And finally, the Clash Of The Titans award goes to the two contestant who are vying for victory in the 24th annual Jeff’s March Madness Contest: Shelly Schrimpf, currently leading the contest, and her challenger, Matthew Muschalik, currently in 4th. A Virginia win gives the contest to Shelly, while a Texas Tech victory gives the Ultimate Scategories Bonus of 96 points to Matthew and contest win by a wide margin.

And with that, I bid you adieu until the final commentary, which will be published in the wee hours of Tuesday morning thanks to the NCAA’s ridiculous practice of tipping off the national championship game at 9:20 PM EDT. Would it really hurt them to start this game even an hour earlier? Some of us do have to go work on Tuesday morning, you know. I guess 9:20 pm is 6:20 pm on the west coast, but there are no west coast teams in this game. Even Lubbock, Texas is only an hour behind, so you could still start the game at 8:00 and give all those Texans time to get home from work, grab some wings or pizza rolls or whatever they eat in Lubbock, and settle in front of the TV. Am I right? Who’s with me?

Sleepily Yours,

The Wizard of Whiteland

Contest Home Page

“To be the best, you have to beat the best.”

Tom Izzo

After a number of yawners and blowouts in the Sweet Sixteen round, all four Epic Eight games were quintessentially March Madness. Today’s double header offered up yet another overtime thriller, another Duke game was decided by two points or less, and we have a new, first-time contest leader joining the teams making their first ever trip to the Final Four.

Sunday’s Hot Takes

Sundays can be busy for Mr. & Mrs. Wizard and family, not to mention exhausting. The Wizard decided to catch a quick snooze this afternoon only to wake up in a disoriented panic five minutes in to the first game. I am sure that never happens to any of you. Anyway, today’s ramblings won’t be quite as extensive as yesterday’s. I suspect this comes as a disappointment to some and a relief to others.

• Which inmates are running this asylum? The officiating team for any NCAA game consists not only of the three officials on the floor, but also one alternate and the crew staffing the scorers table. The off-court crew are responsible for important tasks such as clock operation (which has been woefully inept this year, for some reason), score keeping, and tracking personal fouls, among other things. In the UK-Auburn game, the off-court crew seemed to have no control over any aspect of their assignment. Aside from the aforementioned clock issues, the game announcers made known that on four separate occasions the assignment of a personal foul to a player had to be changed at the scorers table to correct a discrepancy from what was called on the floor. The result? Nobody seemed to know which players had how many fouls, and when I say nobody, I mean coaches, fans, announcers, and on-court officials. If you follow me on Twitter, this is what prompted my tweet: “Do any of the refs know what is going on in this game?”
• I heard a rumor there was a Bonnie Tyler sighting in DC today. She was standing behind the Kentucky bench belting out her 80’s hit single, “I Need A Hero!” Unfortunately for the Wildcats, Tyler Herro was short on heroics today, going just 1-5 from 3-point range and scoring only 7 points. PJ Washington was a monster for Kentucky. That dude has crazy long arms. Speaking of celebrity sightings, conspicuously missing from the UK crowd this year was alum Ashley Judd. Maybe that’s why they lost. OK, maybe not. On the other hand, Magic Johnson did show up for the Michigan State game, and Charles Broccoli was pouring on the cheese for Auburn from the studio. I’m just saying…maybe there is something to this celebrity fan stuff.
• Defense wins championships? I did some quick checking. The three #1 seeds that have all been bounced from the tournament are ranked 1st (Gonzaga), 3rd (North Carolina) and 6th (Duke) in points per game this season. Conversely, Virginia and Texas Tech rank 1st and 3rd respectively in opponent points allowed per game, i.e., scoring defense. Texas Tech is also 1st in defensive efficiency, and Virginia is 6th. Now to be fair, Gonzaga was also 5th in defensive efficiency themselves, so this isn’t a bulletproof correlation. Add to it that neither Michigan State nor Auburn rank all that highly in either category. Still, it is an interesting observation. The prospect of a Virginia-Texas Tech title game is intriguing to say the least. That game could end in the 40s.
• Useless tournament fact: In the two games previous to today’s, neither Zion Williamson nor Tre Jones sat out for a single second of game time.
• Fun tournament fact: This year’s Final Four consists of essentially three newcomers and a traditional powerhouse. While this isn’t Virginia’s first trip in school history, it is their first trip since the field expanded to 64 teams. Neither Texas Tech nor Auburn have ever been to the Final Four. The Spartans have ten Final Four appearances, eight in the 64-team era. Does that make them the heavy favorite? Past performance does not guarantee future results, so probably not. However, Coach Tom Izzo probably does make them at least the odds-on favorite. Never count that guy out in March.
• This overtime is made possible by Buffalo Wild Wings. Wait, wut? I realize everything has a sponsor these days, from kickoffs to timeouts to NASCAR pit stops to the winning putt at the Masters, so I can understand, “This overtime brought to you by…” But come on – made possible? Really? You mean, like, were it not for Blazin’ wings and fried pickles we would just call it a tie and send everyone home? Maybe the TV broadcast wouldn’t be possible without the large size box of boneless cash from B-Dubs tossed in your favorite sauce (personally, I like Asian Zing), but I’m fairly confident they would play the overtime regardless. And speaking of B-Dubs, have you ever stopped to consider what sort of creature those wonderful little drumsticks come from? When was the last time you saw a chicken that small? No Chicken Little jokes, please. This is a serious question. Inquiring minds want to know.
• Some days nothing goes your way. Down two points with under five seconds to play, Duke’s RJ Barrett had a job to do – make both free throws and tie the game. He tried to make the first, but missed. Now RJ has a new mission – miss the second free throw and hope for an offensive rebound miracle ala Virginia the night before. Good solider that he is, he tried very hard and very obviously to miss that second free throw, and of course, it went in.
• Bonus points aplenty await a handful of minions should either Texas Tech or Auburn win even one more game. In fact, a national championship by either team will be worth so many points as to literally have the potential to win the contest for someone who isn’t even on the first page right now. I love this awesome scoring system. (Insert wink emoji here.)

Regional Awards

With all four regions now complete, it is time for the annual region-by-region awards, plus a couple of others.

• The Fantastic Beasts Of The East award – where to find them? In Gabe Foster, Yardley Glassley (which is really fun to say), and Tim Miles, all of whom got every game in the East region correct with original picks.
• The West Side Story award goes to Robert Puglisi, the only contestant to be perfect in the West region with original picks. Do you feel pretty?
• The Mouth of the South award goes to five contestants who got 14 out of 15 correct in the South region. Even with the benefit of re-picks, no one got every game right in the South. This year’s winners are John Ulmer, Phil Sadaka, AJ Spuches, Dave Barndt, and Jonathan Hand. Each of you will receive a signed photo of Jimmy Hart.
• The Buy Me Some Barbecue award goes to those contestants, also five of them, who picked 14 out of 15 correctly in the region that concluded in Kansas City, the Midwest. The winners are Dale Roberts, Meg Siebenhar, Elaina Mullins, John Connell, and James McKay. Each of you will receive a bottle of your favorite sauce from Buffalo Wild Wings…plus a coop of miniature chickens.
• The Upset Stomach award, sponsored by Tum-Tu-Tum-Tum-Tuuummmms, goes to Billy Brundage who correctly picked 17 of the 19 possible upsets in this year’s tournament. That’s with original picks, folks. No, he did NOT go the “weenie” route and pick all of the upsets in the first round. This would have made it impossible to pick the later games right, as most winners would have been lost after the first two days. Go have a look at his bracket. It’s pretty remarkable. Billy is currently in 15th place and has Michigan State as national champion.
• The I Missed The Part About The Bonus Points award goes to four contestants who did not pick a single upset correctly: Ron Marshall, Andrew Fabrizi, Evan Cress, and Lee Braddock.
• The Fantastic Four award goes to just two prescient minions who correctly picked all four Final Four teams with original picks. Given the make-up of this year’s Final Four and how unusual it is, I am truly impressed. The winners are Dylan Scheumann (rhymes with limon, which is a cross between lime and lemon and the secret ingredient that makes 7-Up taste so good when you are sick) and Meg Seibenhar (I have no idea what that rhymes with). Dylan is also our new contest leader – so congrats, Dylan – while Meg is 28th.

Closing Thoughts

The contest is still very much up for grabs, with a good number of contestants still able to win all three remaining games. OK, when I say it is up for grabs, I am misleading you a bit. Actually, with only four teams remaining, some quick math reveals that there are only eight possible outcomes from here. Thus, there are at most eight possible winners of our contest, fewer if a particular minion wins in more than one scenario. And even though Ryan Fogle made the extremely cool suggestion of adding a maximum score report that would be available once the Final Four is set, alas, the exercise is left to the reader, at least for this year. Duty (i.e., work) calls, friends. Duty calls.

Now it’s time for a five-day break from the Madness. See you again next Saturday after the national semifinals.

The Wizard of Whiteland

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