If you watch a game, it’s fun. If you play it, it’s recreation. If you work at it, it’s golf.

Bob hope

Golf And March Madness Make Strange Bedfellows

I spent the afternoon attempting to do simultaneously two activities that require singular focus: golf and updating the Jeff’s March Madness Contest results. The results were mixed, although I am not certain that I can blame the deficiencies in my golf game on the distraction of day one hoops. My biggest problem on the golf course was hitting 24-foot putts 12 feet and 12-foot putts 24 feet. For the uninitiated, that is not the object of the game. Nevertheless, a good time was had by all, I managed to update all of the game winners within a reasonable time frame (except for the Murray State game, which I updated late in the evening thanks to a tweet from alert minion Jordan Lane), and no golf clubs were harmed in the process. That’s a good day.

Another Record Setting Year

I was pleasantly surprised when I saw that we have a record number of entries this year at 869. The popularity of this little contest never ceases to amaze and humble me. Thanks to all of you, faithful minions, this is the biggest (and hopefully the best) contest in its storied 24-year history. Please forgive me if this first edition of the commentary isn’t quite up to the usual standards. It is rather incredible what a day in the Florida sun will do both for and to the mind and body. Therefore, please enjoy this brief but hopefully entertaining rundown of the day’s action.

The Best Things I Saw On My Phone This Week

Unedited for your reading pleasure…

• “i poked fun at claire for picking murray st over marquette and now i look stupid” – Amber Little, daughter of The Wizard and Rose-Hulman Freshman
• “Would northeastern going to the sweet sixteen qualify for a scategories bonus? (thinking emoji” – Elliott Murray
• “Did I make it in? Lol” – Angie Davis, text sent at exactly 12:00 PM EDT (She was thinking the deadline was noon instead of 12:15 PM
• “3 Big Ten Teams in the same 1/2 of a region? MSU possibly playing Minnesota and Maryland to get to Duke??? NCAA is officially insane. MSU already played the Big Ten Tournament.” – Fess Bryson, who remembers the very earliest days of the contest.

Basketball Games Were Also Played Today

You might be surprised at how much basketball I actually got to watch today, 18 holes of self-abuse not withstanding. Items of note include…

• Thousands of Michigan State fans nearly went into cardiac arrest when 15-seed Bradley took a two point lead to the halftime locker room. Nightmarish visions of Sparty’s defeat at the hands of 15-seed Middle Tennessee State in 2016 must have been dancing in their heads. Fortunately, the Spartans took care of business in the second half and saved about 800 entries in our contest.
• Methinks the 1 seeds will be on a mission to obliterate their 16-seed opponents after last year’s history-making UMBC over Virginia debacle. Gonzaga got things rolling tonight with a near 40-point drubbing of hapless Farleigh Dickinson, proving once again that if your school name sounds like the main character in a Emily Bronte novel, you probably do not belong in the tournament field.
• The 12 seeds always prove problematic for their 5 seed opponents, and today was not exception. Auburn has become something of a bandwagon pick this year, and with good reason, but they survived a real scare, beating New Mexico State by only one point. The aforementioned Marquette was not so fortunate, falling to a team we all knew was better anyway, the Murray State Racers. Well, I guess it’s actually that we all knew that Ja Morant, who has already been crowned the next best thing coming to the NBA since LaBron James, was better. The man put up a triple double. Read that again…slowly…a triple double…in a college game.
• Then there were the upsets that we were all counting on that didn’t happen. Belmont led for most of the game before losing somehow (I didn’t get to watch any of this game) to Maryland, who as far as I am concerned is still an ACC team. (You’re welcome, Fess Bryson.) Saint Mary’s led defending champs Villanova for a time before finally succumbing 61-57.
• The school you’ve never heard of, the Wofford Terriers, who will never win the most menacing mascot award, whooped Seton Hall in convincing fashion. The real headline from this game, though, was Wofford’s Fletcher Magee setting the NCAA record for career three point shots made. If you are a college recruiter looking for a three-point sharp shooter, look for the guy with two last names.
• Nevada was a disappointment. Minnesota was a surprise. There is still plenty of time for Kansas to choke.

Day One Awards

Without much time for review or analysis of the 869 entries, I am not well positioned to hand out many awards tonight. However, since I know this is the best and most coveted part of the contest, I offer a few to whet your appetite.

• The Never Get Advice From The Competition award goes to Claire Perkins, who is the “Claire” mentioned above who was mocked for her Murray State pick. The rest of that story is that she was dissuaded from her choice and changed her pick. Bad move.
• The Top Seller award goes to the private group with the most members, Cru Digital Strategies. The fine folks at Cru contributed a whopping (not to be confused with the aforementioned whooping, which is something different altogether) 63 entries to the contest. Many thanks to the Cru crew.
• The Peter Piper Picked A Peck Of Perfect Picks award goes to six brilliant minions who picked all 16 day-one games correctly: Eleanor Klein, Charles Harper, Gerardo Macias, Rita Dieringer, Gavin Hand, and Ken Dunbar. Way to go!

That’s all I have for today, minions. I will back tomorrow with more in depth analysis, groan-inducing witticisms, and the much anticipated “best alias” awards. Until then, good night.

The Wizard of Whiteland

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