“From first to last
The peak is never passed
Something always fires the light
That gets in your eyes
One moment’s high
And glory rolls on by
Like a streak of lightning
That flashes and fades
In the summer sky” – Neal Peart

Many Shining Moments

At some point during this year’s tournament, the studio crew was discussing one of the more poignant aspects of March Madness, that being how short the thrill of victory can be for 63 of the 64 teams that ultimately end their season with a loss.  For some, the elation of victory can barely be enjoyed before the agony of defeat comes right on its heels.  This year we were treated to many, many incredible moments – upsets and buzzer beaters galore.  But for most teams, the glory fades quickly.  UMBC made history on Friday and went home on Sunday.  Loyola of Chicago’s incredible run to the Final Four came up about 8 minutes short of a shot at their first national championship in 55 years.  Nevertheless, for so many of these young men, for one shining moment, they were more than conquerors.  I think this is one aspect of the tournament that makes it so enduring, and endearing.  It is why we stay up late after a blowout of a game, not to hear the post-game speeches of the victors, but to watch One Shining Moment, to relive the very best moments of the last three weeks, to feel the hair stand up on the backs of our necks one more time, and, if we are brave enough to admit it, to choke back a few tears, though we are not sure why we would cry over something that is, after all, just a game.  But maybe it is more than that, somehow.  The older I get, the more I recognize how fleeting and precious life’s moments are, both in victory and defeat, joy and sorrow.  If there is any virtue left in sport, perhaps that has something to do with it.

Ok, enough waxing of elephants.  Now for a few words about tonight’s game.  It went something like this.  “Whoa.  Wait!  Oh.  Never mind.”  I predicted a blowout.  Most expected a blowout.  After a brief Michigan spurt that lasted about half of the first half, we got a blowout.  Eric Bates, who was the hero of the night at our house, because he brought the Chicago’s Pizza and break sticks, said it best: “They [Villanova] are three point assassins.”  The shots weren’t falling early for Nova, but they sure were as the game wore on, especially if your name is Donte DiVincenzo.  Go ahead and call him “The Inferno,’ because he was on fire!  With the starters struggling to hit shots, double D came in and shot 10-15 including 5-7 from three point range for 31 points.  I think I heard someone say it was the most points scored by a bench player in a national championship game in I don’t know how many years – 30?  It was a big number.  According to ESPN, he also joins Bill Walton and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar as the only players to score over 30 points and shoot better than 66% in a Final Four game.  Donte’s Inferno, indeed.

With that, it is time now for the moment you have all been waiting for, brought to at the ungodly hour of 2:47 AM by our generous sponsor, ME.  That’s right, folks.  I do everything.  I pay for everything.  You’re welcome.  {big smile emoji here}

Final Contest Awards

• The Plop Plop, Fizz Fizz award goes to the most upset of all contestants, Paula Novak, who incredibly picked 15 upsets correctly throughout the tournament.  This was good enough for 4th place overall in the contest.  You might be surprised to know, however, that though Paula picked the most upsets, she did not score the most upset bonus points.  That honor belongs to 21st place contestant Veronica Ramirez, who you may recall spent some time in the #1 spot.  Both Paula and Veronica will receive a year’s supply of Alka Seltzer.
• The Top Prognosticator award goes to Ellen Althaus for picking 46 of the 63 games correctly, more than any other contestant.  Ellen finished in 10th place.  For making the top 10, Ellen will receive a signed picture of David Letterman.
• The Air Ball award goes to Esther “Basketball Queen” (Yes, I see what you did there – clever) Neely, who picked the fewest games correctly out of all contestants, 13 out of 63.  Esther finished in 508th, which is not last, and that is what makes my contest so great, or so stupid, depending on your point of view.
• The MIM (Most Improved Minion) award goes to Elliott Murray who went from “Oh no!” (740th) to “Oh Yes!” (24th) over the course of the proceedings.  Elliott will receive a suit of body armor.  This is to protect him from the fury of Amber Little.
• The Shameless Self-Promotion award goes to the Booher clan – Patrick “Coach”, Zach “K-I-A straight out of dogtown”, and Jordin “LaBlonde James” – for texting me this on Sunday night.  They finished 25th, 56th, and 32nd, respectively.

• The Rookie Of The Year award goes to Raj Shankar, who finished 16th overall.  There were actually two other rookies who finished ahead of Raj, but they have already received other awards.
• The Young Sheldon award goes to the precocious Margaret “Marshmellow” I’ll-spell-it-how-I-want-to Dean, who finished first among all the 12-and-under contestants and an incredible 2nd place overall!  Margaret will receive the full first season of Young Sheldon on DVD.
• The Retweet! award goes to the top teenage finisher, Brody “the champ” Shea, who finished 17th overall.
• The 21 Jump Street award goes to the winner of the twenty-something age bracket, Ben “There Won That” Snyder, who finished 12th overall.  Ben will receive an autographed picture of Johnny Depp.
• Since our contest winner comes from the thirty-something age bracket, the 30 for 30 award, sponsored by ESPN films, goes to the second place finisher in this age group, Nathan Kimbrell, who finished 6th overall.  Nathan will receive the boxed set of all of ESPN’s 30 for 30 films…just as soon as I finish watching them.
• The WD-40 award goes to the top finisher in the forty-something age bracket, J.R. “I’m losing to Claire Dunphy” Shrader, who finished 3rd overall just 13 points off the lead.
• The Mele Kalikimaka award goes to the 2nd place finisher in the March Madness 5-0 bracket due to the first place finisher already receiving the award.  Guess who gets this award this year.  Your Mom!  Ha!  I’ve been waiting the whole contest to say that.  Actually, “Mom” is the simple alias of one Kate Ginty, who finished 5th overall.
• The No Country For Old Men award goes to my, ahem, old friend Dan Kopp, who finished first in the 60-and-over bracket and 7th overall.  Not bad for a Wisconsonian with no team to root for this year.
• The Kristaps Porzingas award goes to Ava “The Unicorn” Dailey, who finished in 8th place overall.  Unicorn, indeed.  I know Ava.  She’s just a kid.  Justin Dailey should be ashamed of himself…or maybe proud, come to think of it.
• The Memorial award goes to 9th place contestant Carol Taylor, given in honor of her late father Graham Taylor, sportswriter from our hometown of Madison, Indiana, who first published an article about my beloved contest in the hometown newspaper in 2002 and did so the three following years as well.  All four articles remain on the website.  You can read them here.
• The Century award goes to Lee Braddock just for finishing 100th.  Thanks for playing.
• The Yellow Lines and Dead Skunks award always goes to the contestant who finishes in the middle of the road.  This year that honor goes to 383rd place contestant John Wilcox.
• The Participation Trophy goes to Sydney McDaniel for giving it the ole college try and finishing 761st.
• The I Hate This Stupid Scoring System award goes to Emma Adams, who, believe it or not, was one of only THREE contestants who got more than 70% of the games right this year!  In fact, she picked the same number of games correctly as 6th place contestant, Nathan Kimbrell, and yet finished 53rd.
• The I Love This Awesome Scoring System award goes to 14th place contestant Tim “Where’s the band?” Warren.  Tim picked only 25 games correctly and yet still finished in the top 20.
• The Don’t Give Up, Your Time Will Come goes to long-time contestant Bill “Wazoo Spike” Spyksma, who emailed me Sunday bemoaning his standing in his friends-and-family private group.  Bill finished a respectable 143rd, which is higher than the Wizard this year.  One of these days, Bill, my son the Seahawks fan and I are going to get out there for a Seahawks game and a Gonzaga game…just as soon as I get rich.
• And finally, the Grand Champion, Blue Ribbon, Gold Medal, Green Jacket, Grand PooBah Of Prognostication, Winner Winner Chicken Dinner award goes to this year’s contest champion, Julie Bowen.  A few keys to Julie’s victory include: she had Loyola and Florida State in the Elite Eight (sigh, I can’t believe I resorted to using that abomination), Loyola and Michigan in the Final Four, and Villanova as national champion, all with original picks.  Interestingly, Julie did not need some of the other high-profile upsets to win.  She picked Marshall, but not UMBC.  She did not pick Nevada over Cincinnati, Kansas State over Kentucky, or Texas A&M over North Carolina.  What does all that mean?  Probably nothing at all, except to reinforce my mantra when it comes to winning the contest.  It’s not about picking the most games right.  It’s about picking the right games right.  Congratulations, Julie!  May the odds ever be in your favor.

Signing Off

Now that my three-week homework assignment is complete, I will sign off for another 11 months until we meet again in March of 2019.  Maybe at some point between now and then I will be able to put my newly-acquired AngularJS programming skills to work and redo the website like I’ve been wanting to do for, oh, about 8 years now.  Who am I kidding.  I’ll never have time for that.

Many thanks to all of you for your clever aliases, quips, emails, texts, and Facebook posts.  I read them all.  It still amazes me that we’ve been doing this for over two decades, and that some of you have literally grown up with the contest.  This is, without a doubt, one of the the loudest notes in the symphony of my life.  Thanks to you all, and may the Lord bless you and keep you always.

Stepping back behind the curtain,

The Wizard of Whiteland

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“The Doctor: Never use force, you just embarrass yourself. Unless you’re cross, in which case… always use force!
Amy: Shall I run and get the manual?
The Doctor: I threw it in a supernova.
Amy: You threw the manual in a supernova? Why?
The Doctor: Because I disagreed with it! Now stop talking to me when I’m cross!” – Doctor Who

Custer’s Last Stand and Supernovas

Hello, fine minions.  I know it has been a week since my wit last graced your inbox, but tonight’s tome must be brief.  Tomorrow is Easter Sunday, and I still must iron my shirt.

For about 30 minutes this evening, it looked as though Clayton Custer and the Fighting Sister Jeans might actually pull of the miracle.  The Loyola-Chicago Ramblers actually had two different 10-point leads in the second half.  Alas, it was not to be, and the clock struck midnight on this year’s Cinderella.  Michigan clamped down on defense and patiently waited for their shots to start falling, which they did.  The final score of this game doesn’t really communicate how competitive it was.  For me, the most enduring image from this game might be that of Michigan Freshman Jordan Poole, the hero who hit the buzzer beater to win the Houston game (remember that one?), tracking down Sister Jean to personally congratulate her.  We will always remember the NCAA Tournament that made a 98-year-old nun into a social media sensation.

In Spanish, “No va” loosely translated can mean “It won’t go” or, in the imperative sense, “Don’t go!”  Tonight, NOVA definitely meant the latter, as in, Kansas, you don’t go to the national championship game this year.  In fact, Kansas should have just gone to the team bus at halftime.  Oy Vey!  The Villanova Wildcats are the Golden State Warriors of college basketball.  They set the record for number of three point baskets made in a Final Four game…IN THE FIRST HALF!  If I’m not mistaken, this year’s team also holds the record for most 3’s in a tournament and most 3’s in a season.  At one point in this game they had like 15 made 3’s and no made free throws, because they hadn’t shot any!  That’s just madness!  This game was never close.  Kansas was never remotely in it.  Once Villanova obtained their first double-digit lead, I do not believe they ever relinquished it.

I heard someone call Michigan’s Moe Wagner (pronounced VOG-NER like the composer) “Mo’ Buckets”.  Actually, that’s not original.  The NBA’s Marreese Speights is the original Mo’ Buckets, but I digress.  Anyway, Moe had better score a LOT mo’ buckets on Monday night, or the national championship could be a very lopsided affair.

So, after all the craziness of this year’s tournament, after UMBC and Buffalo and Sister Jean and Nevada and Florida State and Kansas State, here we are left with two big conference behemoths playing for the national title.  Sure, Michigan is a bit of a surprise, and in an odd bit of irony, the bigger school will be playing David to the smaller school’s basketball Goliath.  Let us hope it is at least a competitive game.

Quick Awards

We will have the full rundown of the final contest awards Monday night.  For now, I have just a few shout outs.

• The Sister Jean award goes to Paula Novak whose incredible run in our contest, like that of Loyola-Chicago, ends tonight.  She remains in first place, but will not finish there.  Great job, Paula!
• The Sour Grapes award goes to my daughter, Amber Little, who has spent the better part of a week complaining about everything from her poor performance to Elliott Murray’s strong showing in this year’s contest.  Better luck next year, kiddo.
• The Blowin’ Up My Phone award goes to my good friend, Brad “Pit of Misery! Dilly Dilly!” Schafer, who supplies his own commentary to me personally in SMS soundbites.  If you think MY stuff is funny…
• The 15 Minutes Of Fame award goes to the fifteen amazing contestants who managed to pick both of tonight’s winners with ORIGINAL picks: Tony Isch, Kate Ginty, Steve Glassley, Jordin Booher, Carol Taylor, Joseph Jenkins, Alicia Davis, Alyssa Regan, Trevor Norcross, Margaret Dean, Gary McCharlson, Emily Stauffacher, Michael Randazzo, David Kinchelo, and Ben Snyder.
• The Contest Troll award goes to non-participant Paul Gallagher, who informed me on Thursday that while he didn’t enter, he’s been faithfully reading the commentary.  Isn’t that why everyone enters anyway?
• The Best Dressed award goes to Villanova coach Jay Wright, who reportedly comes to every game in a $5,000 suit.  My entire wardrobe doesn’t cost $5,000.
• The Phun With Phones award goes to Graham Little, who finally joined the I-dropped-my-cell-phone-and-broke-it club this weekend.  That’s one way to get a new iPhone, I guess (don’t get any ideas, minions).

The contest, like the tournament, has come down to two contestants vying for first place.  I would tell you who they are, but that would spoil the suspense.  Actually, if you are curious, it will take you all of five minutes to look at the standings and do the math.  We will announce the champion along with all the other fabulous prizes on Monday night.

Until then…

The Wizard of Whiteland

Contest Homepage