Final Four Familiar Faces

After two consecutive years featuring newcomers to the Final Four, this year’s crop marks a return to the old guard.  In fact, this year’s Final Four is made up of four of the top seven in terms of number of all time appearances in the Final Four with a combined total of 48 appearances!  Cinderella?  Not even close.  These guys smashed the glass slipper, made her eat it, banished her from the ball, and beat up the fairy godmother on the way out just for good measure.

• Thunder Cats – Lions, Tigers, and Bears, oh my?  Hmph.  These little kittens from Kentucky scoff at such things.  Not only did they feast on the Baylor Bears, but also on Hilltoppers, Cyclones, and Hoosiers (whatever those are).  Conventional wisdom says neither birds nor nuts are going to fair any better.
• Rock Chalk, Jayhawk – You know, I’ve never done the research to determine if the Jayhawk is an actual bird, but it is of little consequence, since I’m fairly certain a Tarheel is not an actual species of goat, either.  UNC were certainly the goats in this contest.  It was 68-67, Kansas, with 3:34 to play, and UNC would never score again.  Anyone doubting the impact of the absence of Kendall Marshall need doubt no more.

Final Four Awards

Being midnight with much to do not relating to March Madness, I present the traditional Final Four contest awards.

• The Fantastic Four award goes to Kristin “Special K” Detamore, the only contestant out of 531 to correctly pick all four Final Four teams with original picks.  Kristin will receive one of the actual costumes worn by Jessica Alba in the first Fantastic Four movie.
• The Beasts of East award goes to three contestants who picked all 15 games in the East Region correctly with original picks: Dennis Helke, Colleen Bradley, and Sam Bowen.
• The Wild, Wild West award goes to Wyatt Boswell, Eric Shelton, and Grant Keller, each of whom picked 13 out of 15 games correctly in the West Region with original picks.  These gentlemen will each receive an autographed copy of Will Smith’s soundtrack to the movie after which this award is named.
• The Southern Comfort award goes to Sam Brauen for going 14-1 in the South Region.  Sam, who is from New England, will receive a southern accent.
• The Great Lakes award goes to Russell Jones and Andrew Bolin for picking 13 of 15 games correctly in the Midwest Region.  Andrew and Russell have chosen to commemorate their award by going over Niagra Falls in a barrel.
• The Upset Stomach award, sponsored by Pepto Bismol, goes to Kasiah Hand and Julia Harper, each of whom correctly picked 13 upsets in this year’s contest, more than any other contestants.  I’m not sure why it’s the ladies who are so upset this year.  Maybe I should just stop right there.

Looking Ahead

With Sam Brauen still leading the contest, there are some interesting scenarios brewing next weekend.  While Kentucky and Ohio State were very popular picks for national champion, Louisville and Kansas were not.  In fact, a Louisville victory over Kentucky is almost certain to drastically change the top ten in the standings, and a Louisville national championship will likely produce a brand new top ten altogether.  A Kansas national championship, likewise, will shake up the standings considerably.  This is all because of the coveted Scategories bonus, which is especially lucrative for the National Semi Finals and Final games.  Kentucky and Ohio State wins are also worth a lot of points, but won’t impact the standings quite as much.

Check your standings, do your calculations, and say your prayers.  Next weekend will conclude this year’s March Madness and determine our contest winner.  Until then, I step back behind the curtain.

Yours truly,

The Wizard of Whiteland

Contest Home Page

Strange Games, Expected Outcomes

The Elite Eight is set with only one game of eight won by the lower seed (Louisville).  Tonight the two double-digit seeds in the Midwest were tough outs.  We had our first overtime of the tournament.  One game saw almost 200 points scored by both teams.  And the night’s final game was a test of who tried harder to lose.

Game Thoughts

• I wear my sunglasses at night – So I can, so I can…watch the Baylor Bears and those awful highlighter yellow uniforms.  If you have a digital television (and who doesn’t these days), you might have also noticed how much the camera hates those unis.  Whether it provides a competitive advantage or not, Baylor dispatched the Xavier Musketeers for their trip to the South Region final.  And in other news in the South Region…
• UK wins in a track meet – This game was a statistician’s smorgasbord.  These two teams stuffed the stat sheets with everything from points to fouls, and there sure seemed to be a lot of fouls called on Indiana, but the Unibrow did spend 75% of the first half on the bench with two fouls himself.  Indiana lost, as expected, but IU fans have reason to rejoice.  Basketball is back in Indiana, and back for good.
• They might be giants – The descendants of Anak still roam the earth, and most of them play for North Carolina.  They were so big, Ohio had little choice but shoot threes all night.  And shoot threes they did – 32 to be exact, making 12.  Still, Ohio took this game to overtime, and were it not for a missed free throw just before UNC’s final possession, we might be talking about the upset of the tournament right now.
• Someone had to win this game…No matter how hard both teams tried to lose.  In an ugly, sloppy, bizarrely played low-scoring affair, Kansas nearly pulled off the ’92 Michigan Meltdown, committing 5 turnovers in the last 4 minutes and nearly giving the game away.  The Boneheaded Play Of the Day #1 award goes to Kansas’ Elijah Johnson for fouling 90%+ free throw shooter Scott Wood on a three point attempt with 1:56 to play and down 6.  NC State brings the game within one, but Leslie made a bizarre bottom-of-the-backboard blown layup on an offensive rebound.  After NC State goes to sleep on an inbound and gives Kansas an easy basket to go up three, State has one more possession to tie it up.  That’s when NC State made the Boneheaded Play of the Day #2 when a cross-court pass forced Scott Wood to step out of bounds, denying them even an opportunity to take a shot.  Strange, strange ending to a game nobody wanted to win.

Random Observations

• What’s up with the bizarre camera angles?  The ceiling cam.  The balcony cam.  The cross court cam.  The back court cam.  The fish eye cam.  The basket cam.  The tilted-court Bat Man cam?  The only thing missing is the Kapow!
• Every time I see that Chevy Volt commercial I ask myself if some Political Action Committee is holding cue cards for that guy.
• Your kitchen’s on fire!  The Allstate Mayhem dude continues to crack me up.
• Direct TV perfects the Non Sequitur.  I don’t know if it’s intended to be commentary on the general populace’s inability to think logically, but Direct TV’s step by step “proofs” that having cable causes everything from baldness to bankruptcy to exploding homes are textbook examples of the non sequitur.

Round Three Awards

Ok, I’m tired, so no clever introductions to the awards this time.  Enjoy.

• The History Is Written by the Winners award goes to Kentucky’s Doron Lamb, who said in the post-game interview, quote, “Last time they beat us [when] they made a lucky shot.”  Really?
• The Golden State Warriors Stuck in the Cellar award goes to Paul Sopke, who has never climbed higher than 519th place throughout the entire contest.
• The My Kid Beat Up Your Honor Student award goes to Matt “My wife could beat your wife” Hand, a not-so-thinly-veiled swipe at Jonathan “My wife was #1 again” Hand.
• The Perfect Seven award goes to Teresa Gschwind, Don Townsend, and Phil Sadaka, all of whom picked seven of the Elite Eight with their original picks.  Even including re-picks, no one picked all eight games correctly.
• The Completely Random Hot 100 award goes to John “Slam Dunk” Wilcox, who gets an award simply because he is in sole possession of 100th place.
• The Trust Me, I’m a Doctor award, sponsored by Dr. Pepper, goes to Aidan “Dr. Bracketology” Gillig, currently in 66th place.
• The Perfect 10 award goes to Brock Zagel, who just seems to have an affinity for 10th place.
• The Lookout Below award goes to Dennis Kennedy, who went from a high of 19th place to a low of 484th.
• The Fat Lady? I Don’t Hear No Fat Lady award goes to Trevis Litherland, who climbed from dead last to 31st.
• Finally, the Same Old, Same Old award goes to ongoing contest leader Sam Brauen, who has put a little bit of space between himself and the field, with second place 11 points behind him.  It’s not enough, though, as the weekend’s games are worth 8 points each.

Ok, folks, time to recharge before the weekend’s regional finals determine the 2012 Final Four.  Until then, I am and will continue to be…

The Wizard of Whiteland

Contest Home Page

Advertising Madness

One of the side effects of watching basketball non-stop for several days is that the tournament sponsors’ commercials start to work their way into your psyche.  Some commercials are forgettable.  Others are irritating or just plain bad.  Still others ought to be annoying or of little impact and yet seem strangely hypnotic.  It’s those commercials that worry me the most.  Thus I offer my thoughts on this year’s crop of marketing madness.

• Just say no to crack – I haven’t seen it since opening Thursday, but the Duluth long-tailed T-shirt commercial where the product is offered as a solution to fix “plumber’s butt” is an instant classic.
• Dry cleaner-er-er – It’s like having an inconspicuous convoy of gigantic tour buses full of eclectic musicians following you everywhere you go.  That’s what Buick would have us believe is the case if we purchase their new Verano that comes complete with Pandora radio.  I don’t know which is creepier – the hooded Gregorian chanters or the dude in the tight red leather pants and heart-shaped sunglasses.
• Just axe them all – Is it just me, or did the whole Axe “use our product and hot women will love you” shtick jump the shark a long time ago?  At first their commercials were shocking.  Then they were revolting.  Now they’re just stupid.
• These commercials are so 45 seconds ago – I have to admit that the first couple of instances of AT&T’s “that’s so nn seconds ago” ads were extremely clever.  It seems, though, that they either fired their writers, or they ran out of good ideas beginning with the third “episode”.  Hey, AT&T, did you hear your ads are…”already played out and totally irrelevant?  Yeah, that’s so 32 seconds ago.”
• Alice has nothing on you guys – The Vitamin Water commercial with the dancing convicts, bmx racer, and the gazell the dude rides off into the sunset?  I think they drank too much of their own product.
• John Williams, eat your heart out – The commercial is relatively unimpressive, but for some reason I find the cinematic orchestral score to the Northwestern Mutual Life commercial with their Tower of Babel reaching into the heavens rather appealing.  Maybe CBS should use it for a game roll-in.
• Mr. Mayhem, you are my hero – By far the most entertaining commercial icon since Earnest P. Worrell, the Allstate Mayhem Dude is a monument to 21st century sarcastic cynicism.  Their newest episode, “I”m your dog”, is side splitting as it ends with him being shocked by his invisible fence collar.
• This is the sound…of an 80’s band that should never, ever be rescued from the sea of forgetfulness into which it was cast – Spandau Ballet?  Really?  I know this much is true.  Most, if not all, of 80’s pop music should be left to rot on the ash heap of pop culture history.  Next thing you know, Madonna will be signing at the Super Bowl.

Game Thoughts

In between commercials, a few basketball games broke out.

• Knock Knock – Who’s there?  Orange.  Orange who?  Orange you glad you didn’t pick Wisconsin?  Of the four games this evening, this one was the closest, being decided by a single point.  I still think watching the Badgers play basketball is like watching Professional Bowling on a Saturday afternoon.  Sure, they’re really good, but who can stay awake long enough to care?
• Never pick against Tom Izzo in March – Unless, of course, he’s facing Rick Pitino in the Sweet Sixteen.  Pitino is now 10-0 in Sweet Sixteen games.  Pitino has this particular Louisville squad overachieving in impressive fashion, and Sparty becomes the first top seed to fall.  Alert contestant Jason Snyder pointed out another oddity with the way “replay” is being used in college basketball.  So the wrong dude shoots the free throw and misses, and that’s a “correctable situation”, but a blatantly obvious who-last-touched-it-before-it-went-out-of-bounds is not correctable?  I don’t get it.
• Big Ten survivor – Three of the four remaining Big Ten teams played tonight, but only one advanced.  Ohio State won the battle of Ohio, part 1, with a rather convincing late game surge to put away Cincinnati. 
• Lucky 7 – The night’s only upset came courtesy of the Florida Gators, who advance to the Elite Eight for the second consecutive year.  Will the Gators violate the iron law of March Madness and be the first 7 seed ever to advance to the Final Four?  Tune in on Saturday to find out.

Contest Shuffle

Tonight basically had the top 20 contestants jockeying for position.  We had three different lead changes, in fact, over the space of just four games.  It will be interesting to see if any of the double digit seeds can win tomorrow and give a few brave contestants a coveted Scategories bonus.

• The She Loves Me, She Loves Me Not award goes to Jonathan Hand who has been using his alias to continually comment on his wife’s on-again, off-again #1 position in the contest.
• The That’s What You Get For Taking Advice From The 492nd Place Contestant award goes to Kip Layman, who lamented on facebook that he was doing poorly because he took my oft-repeated “never pick against Tom Izzo in March” advice.
• The Four for Four award goes to Eric Shelton, the only contestant to pick all four of tonight’s games correctly.
• The Dick Vitale Memorial “Warm Up The Bus, BayBee” award goes to Sandy Feet and Stephanie Stahre, both of whom already have no remaining games they can win.
• The Dude, You Should Have Re-Picked award goes to Phil Sadaka, currently in 22nd, once as high as 8th, and whose only losses remaining in his bracket are the Missouri picks he didn’t correct in this week’s re-pick round.
• The Who Do You Think You Are, Tom Brady? award goes to Sam Brauen, who has spent enough time in first this year that we’re starting to get sick of seeing him there.

That’s it for tonight, hoops fanatics.  I’m looking forward to tomorrow night’s epic clash between Indiana and Kentucky, even though I’m skeptical of IU’s chances of being competitive.  Until then, good night, and good luck.

The Wizard of Whiteland

Contest Home Page

Sunday Thrills And Spills

After a Saturday devoid of upsets, Sunday provided a bit more drama and three upsets en route to completing this year’s Sweet 16.

Nothing Could Be Finer…

Just as the old folk tune says, being from Carolina proved mighty fine today.   North Carolina had a relatively easy time with Creighton, and North Carolina State provided the day’s first win and the Sweet Sixteen’s biggest upset when they toppled 3 seed Georgetown.  The news is not all good for Tarheel fans, however, as it was announced post game that star guard Kendall Marshall has a fractured wrist.  At this time it is unknown if he will be able to play any more games in this year’s tournament.

…Or Could It?

Two teams from North Carolina are in the Sweet Sixteen.  So what?  The state of Ohio boasts four teams in the field of sixteen, a feat never before seen in March Madness.  Three of those Ohio teams played today, to wit…

X Marks The Spot

Of the two unprecedented 15 seeds playing in the round of 32, only Lehigh made a respectable attempt to win.  Sadly, after roaring to an early lead, their second half shooting looked an awful lot like the awful shooting performance Butler put on in last year’s championship game.  (For those of you who had purged that awful memory from your consciousness, I am sorry.)  Xavier won a game that was closer than the final score indicated, but the more important result of this game was that I have officially decided that I do not like Xavier.  I am not sure if my dislike is rational, but who cares?  I just don’t like them.  I don’t like their hilljack beards.  I don’t like their Great White Whale of a center who spent as much time whining (“Get off me!  Get off me!” He could be seen yelling in a replay of a contested rebound with Lehigh’s Knutson.  What are you, a girl?  Shaddup!)  as he did scoring.  I don’t like all the woofing after making about a half-dozen “open your eyes next time” three pointers.  Sour grapes?  Maybe.  But again, who cares?  It’s sports?  I can root against whomever I want, and I want to root against this bunch.

Taking the Bull by the Horns

Ohio provided a mild upset by defeating 12 seed South Florida in a rather entertaining, back-and-forth contest that was close to the very end.  The Bobcats became just the seventh team seeded 13 or higher to advance to the Sweet Sixteen.  No such team has ever advanced any further.  I like Ohio’s chances, however, against a North Carolina team that could be without Kendall Marshall.

Somebody Call an Ambulance

Cincinnati provided the night’s final upset and the final team from Ohio in the Sweet Sixteen, beating Florida State in a bruising battle of bulk and brawn.  Cinci’s success is unexpected given that the entire team was nearly sent packing after a mid-season brawl with crosstown rivals Xavier, who, oddly enough, remain in the tournament themselves.

The Spike Lee Choke Artist Award

If Reggies Miller had called the Purdue-Kansas game, he would have walked to center court and given the choke sign to Purdue’s bench when the closing horn sounded.  Purdue led the entire game only to cough it up (literally) in the final 67 seconds.  The Bone Headed Play Of The Day Award goes to Purdue’s Lewis Jackson, who after playing brilliantly on Friday and respectably on Sunday, inexplicably checked the air in the ball for 30 of the 35 seconds on the shot clock before dribbling into traffic and turning the ball over for the Kansas go-ahead basket.  One thing is certain.  Kansas is downright lucky they weren’t the third 2 seed to go home early, and I am none too impressed with them at this point.

Norfolk Who?

Florida played a game against somebody.  Moving on.

Fish And Visitors

On a personal interest note, two of our contestants paid me a visit at home this weekend.  Brock Zagel and his daughter Abigail stopped by on Friday night for some hoops and Chinese food.  The more unexpected and more amusing visit came on Sunday when Trevis Litherland stopped by.  It was unexpected because I had no idea he was even in Indiana.  It was amusing because I had already left for Fort Wayne, the place from which I now write this commentary.  My wife, Heather Little, sends me an instant message.

“Guess who just rang the doorbell and is sitting in our living room.”

I guess Trevis gets the Sorry I Missed You, Catch You Next Time award.

Alias Banter, Part Deux

I continue to be amused by clever aliases.  Here are a few that I just can’t help but respond to.

• David “I’m ready for the madness” Brush – Apparently.  5th place.
• Brock “Now in 10th and need a cooler nickname” Zagel – Now in 12th.  Cool nickname no longer required.
• Shane “(Read from R to L) bottom the from” Rose – Lowest rank was in the 60s.  Not quite the bottom, but a clever alias nonetheless.
• Erica “I bleed scarlet and grey” Gallmeyer – I certainly hope that is not contagious.
• TheBigDeal – 29th.  Not such a big deal.
• Jonathan “My wife is #1” Hand (waits one game) Jonathan “My wife was #1” Hand – That’s looking on the bright side.
• Heather “I love the contest manager” Little – I love you, too, babe.
• John “I bleed cubbie blue” Stephenson – Oh no!  It IS contagious!!!!!
• Chad “Pickem” Wright – 69th.  Chad pickem wrong.
• Dave “Not crazy, I just love Coach K” Hostler – You should call him.  I hear he’s not busy.
• Nate The Great – Last place.  Not so great.

Round Two Awards

And without further ado, the awards go to…

• The Upset Stomach award, brought to you by Pepto Bismol, goes to Sydney Miller, the only contestant to pick all three upsets in the round of 32.  Syndey is currently in 38th place.
• The Sam, I Am award goes to Sam Glassley, Sam Bowen, and Sam Brauen who each won a contest-high 13 out of 16 games in the second round.  Apparently, it’s good to be Sam.  Honorable mention goes to Chad Bowen and Lewis Schafer who also won 13 games but are not named Sam.
• The Who Came Up With This Idiotic Scoring System? award goes to Joanna Snyder who has the same winning percentage as the contest leader and yet is in 59th place.
• The Most Appropriate Use of a 1980’s Fast Food Slogan award goes to Dylan “Where’s the beef?” Scheumann.  Apparently, Dylan, it’s not in your picks.  463rd place.
• The Not Gonna Bow award, sponsored by Russ Taff, goes to Elliott “i refuse 2 bow 2 the unibrow” Murray.
• The Hot 100 award goes to 100th place contestant Tyler Drone.
• The What Can Brauen Do For Your? award, sponsored by UPS, goes to contest leader Sam Brauen who has put together a truly impressive collection of picks.  With a 36 and 12 record and 107 points, Sam is clearly in the driver’s seat, but by no means out of reach, especially with the re-pick round coming up.  Which reminds me…

Re-pick Round Starts Today

Today through Thursday at 6:00 PM you may re-pick any of the remaining 15 games you wish.  I strongly, strongly encourage you to read the re-pick rules, as people get confused every year, it seems.  One point of confusion is always this.  Please do not email me complaining that your score is wrong because your bracket is showing red for a second round game where clearly the actual winner is listed.  The bracket is showing red because your original pick was wrong.  The only reason the real winner is listed there is so that the re-picking works properly in the pick grid.  Your grid will revert to the teams you actually picked after the re-pick deadline on Thursday.  If you are still confused, ask your 12-year-old, or send me email.

You have nothing to lose in re-picking remaining games where your original winner has already lost!  You might as well give yourself a chance to win those games, so re-pick them.

And with that, I step behind the curtain once again.  I hope you have been enjoying the madness so far, and I will see you again, virtually speaking, on Thursday, unless of course you show up at my house unannounced.

The Wizard of Whiteland

Contest Home Page

Some Excitement, All Chalk

The first half of the Sweet Sixteen was established today with some exciting games, but, ultimately, with all the higher seeds emerging victorious.

Last Basket Wins

Indiana returns to tournament glory with a thrilling seat-of-the-pants victory over bracket-busting VCU.  VCU’s Rob Brandenberg had a great look at a three to win the game just before time expired, but it bounced just short on the rim to give Indiana the victory in a game they never really controlled.  As a long-time Hoosier, it is refreshing to see them back in the Sweet Sixteen.  Their next opponent, however, will be a very tough out…

Blown Away

The Iowa State Cyclones were the ones hit by a tornado as Kentucky went on a furious scoring blitz in the second half to win going away.  Among the number 1 seeds, Kentucky looks completely dominant so far.  The Indiana-Kentucky match up will be a classic, but it will take a minor miracle for the Hoosiers to keep up on a neutral court, their early season victory over the Wildcats notwithstanding.

Fear the ‘Fro

The clash between Marquette and Murray State featured more hair and blocked shots per capita than any game in the tournament in a decade.  The official box score says there were eight blocked shots in this game, but it seemed more like 80.  Between the afro’d Edward Daniel and the dread-locked Jae Crowder there were 23 points, 4 blocks, 4 steals, 3 assists, and 27 rebounds!  Marquette looks fierce, and with Mizzou out of the way, the door is wide open for them.

Highlight Reel

Brady Heslip poured in 27 points on 9 three pointers as the Baylor Fighting Highlighters advanced to the Sweet Sixteen by blinding the Colorado Buffalos with those hideous highlighter-yellow uniforms.  I predict their next opponent will petition the NCAA to wear sunglasses on the floor.

Forensic Madness

Ok, I know I’ve ranted about this already, but this business of reviewing a video replay for minutes and minutes in an attempt to determine if a player grazed another player’s chin with his elbow is preposterous.  All the air was let out of the ball and the room in the IU-VCU game as the officials took forever to decide if Sheehey should get a flagrant one.  It’s worse than the replay delays in the NFL, and that’s saying a lot.  There’s no place for this in basketball.  Make the call.  Move on.

Contest Update

So, with all the higher seeds winning today, the result in the contest standings is subtle.  Conservative prognosticators plodded slowly and steadily up the standings, while riskier pickers remained stagnant or fell slightly.  Tomorrow’s games will likely prove more dramatic with seven double-digit seeds in the fray.  The Sweet Sixteen is guaranteed to include at least two of them, as two games involve double-digit seeds playing each other.  There are some Scategories bonuses to be had tomorrow as well, so keep your eye on the standings.

Kasiah Hand continues to hold on to first place in the standings.  Meanwhile, here are a few awards to keep things interesting.

• The Soldier On award goes to Shane “Soldiers can’t be wrong” Rose, recent U.S. Army enlistee and currently in 14th place.  We salute you.
• The You Beginner Luck award, given in memory of Noriyuki “Pat” Morita of Karate Kid fame, goes to contest rookies Kristin Bidwell and Lucas Hendricks, both hanging around the top 10.
• The Remember The Tortoise Beat The Hare award goes to Wayne Murray, once in 141st but now sneaking steadily up the standings to 31st.
• The Spare Us Your Manifesto award goes to the enigmatic Uniblocker, currently in 100th place.
• The Maybe You Should Stay Behind The Curtain award goes to yours truly.  I’m stuck in the mid 400’s.

More games, more commentary, and more awards tomorrow.

The Wizard of Whiteland

Contest Home Page

How does one begin to describe the wildest, craziest, most confounding Friday perhaps in the history of the NCAA tournament?  Let’s start by looking at it by the numbers.

By The Numbers

• 8 – Number of games won by the lower seed on Friday (half of all games played).
• 2019 – Number of days since the last time a 15 seed had won an NCAA Tournament game before Norfolk State beat Mizzou.
• 171 – Number of minutes it took for a 15 seed to do it again!
• 6 – Number of games won by 15 seeds all-time.
• 15 – Number of contestants who picked Lehigh to beat Duke.
• 18 – Number of contestants who picked Norfolk State to beat Mizzou.
• 9 – Number of double-digit seeds remaining in the field of 32 (more than 1/4th)
• 0 – Number of overtime games so far in this year’s tournament

I Stand Corrected

For the second night in a row, a player was called for a lane violation while coming in from above the three point line.  For the second night in a row, it was a turning point in the game.  For the second night in a row, I was wrong about the rule.  Apparently, if you are lined up in the lane, you can enter when the ball is released.  However, if you are standing above the three point line, you may not cross the line until the ball hits the rim.  Thus, the refs made the correct call both in the Syracuse-UNC-Ashville game and the Notre Dame-Xavier game.  You learn something every day.

Through The Looking Glass

As if one 15-over-2 upset wasn’t enough to turn our brackets and our contest standings upside down, we really entered a parallel universe when the second 15 seed of the evening stunned their heavily favored opponent.  This has two interesting effects on our contest.  First, it turns it a bit into the theater of the absurd, rewarding a handful of folks who either made their picks via dartboard or picked all the underdogs just to be cute.  Second, it vaults the youngsters in the contest to the top of standings.  As a rule of thumb, the younger the contestant, the more likely they are to pick unlikely upsets.  Nevertheless, it is what it is, and to the victors go the spoils.  More on the standings in a moment…

Cinderella’s Brawl

Listen, Cinderella has not arrived at the dance.  A dozen Cinderella’s have gathered near the door, glass slippers in hand, ready bust heads and take names.  Earlier this evening contestant Zach Richardson sent me this text message.

Everyone should be the same seed in the tournament…seeding doesn’t matter anymore…

It’s true.  Even the 16 seeds played respectably for the most part.  Sure, there were a few blowouts, and the majority of the games on day one were won by the higher seed, but you take the numbers off these teams before the game starts, and you would have a very hard time deciding who the favorite is most of the time.

The Bone-Headed Play of the Day

Another time-honored tradition of Jeff’s March Madness Contest, I will now pay homage to the day’s most outstanding demonstrations of ineptitude.

• Stand Still, Son – Up by one with less than 30 seconds to play, Saint Mary’s Clint Steindl failed to stay put as he took the ball out of bounds and was called for traveling.  For the record, you can only run the baseline while taking the ball out of bounds after a made basket by the opposing team.  Purdue eventually won the game.
• No Luck for these Irish – A sequence of bone-headed maneuvers in the final minute of their game with Xavier ended up being the undoing of the Notre Dame Fighting Irish.  First there was the cross court pass to no one that gave Xavier the ball and the possession that gave them the lead.  Then there was the bizarre lane violation that negated the first made free throw of a one-and-one by Eric Atkins. Had Eric made the second free throw, the game would have been tied.  Instead, Xavier gets the ball out of bounds up two points with 2.8 seconds left.  The final bone-headed maneuver came when Notre Dame’s Pat Connaughton grabbed the jersey of Dezmine Wells and was called for an intentional foul.  Two shots and the ball for Xavier.  Game over.

Miscellany

• And the horse you rode in on – In the closing seconds of the game between NC State and San Diego State, NC State having sewn up the victory, San Diego State’s Jamaal Franklin decided it was time for a slam dunk contest.  He hurled the ball high off the backboard, leapt from near the free throw line, caught it, and slammed it home as the bemused NC State players watched unmoved.  I’ll give it a 9.5, but they still lost the game.
• Geeks in sneaks – The Bonnies of St. Bonaventure boast such lofty courses as quantum mechanics and nuclear physics.  Basketball may not be rocket science, but this team seems to be chock full of rocket scientists.  In other news, Fryar Tuck and Nacho Libre were spotted in the stands at this game.
• The lost art of free throw shooting – Remember the days when most players on most of the upper tier teams could be counted on to make most of their free throws most of the time?  Yeah, me neither.  Creighton nearly coughed up the game by missing two free throws at the end that would have put them up by three.  I used to think that teams with poor free throw shooting were bound to lose early, but nowadays everybody stinks at free throw shooting, so I am not sure it matters.
• It just sounds cool – Is there any cooler name in all of broadcasting than Ian Eagle?  Is Jim Spanarkle really his sidekick’s name?

Round One Awards

And now without further ado, I present the Round One Contest Awards.

• The Mighty Casey Has Struck Out award goes to Samuel Hadley, who after a perfect 16-0 day one dropped to 138th by the end of day two.
• The Wycliff Award For Biblical Literacy goes to Trevis Litherland for his clever use of Biblical allusions in his two alias updates today.  Starting the day at dead last, he posted, “Shut up, Jeremiah!  You have no idea.”  Upon rising to 19th, he switched to, “Lazarus II“.  (Email me if you don’t get the jokes, especially the first one.  It took me a minute, but I got a good laugh when I finally got it.)
• The This Bracket Is Definitely Busted award goes to Garry Brackett (no, not the former Colts middle linebacker), currently tied for 521st.
• The Falling Star award goes to the Harpers, Jack and Mary Jo, who dropped from 42nd to 377th and 15th to 267th, respectively.
• The Upset Stomach award, sponsored by Prilosec ADHD, goes to Julia Harper, Kasiah Hand, and Gabriel Geistwhite, all of whom have wracked up a whopping 70 bonus points so far including Scategories bonuses.  These three contestants have 6 or 7 times as many bonus points as regular base points in the contest.
• The This Just Can’t Be Happening award goes to one-time contest leader Vince Geistwhite, who is 26-6 and yet has fallen to 59th place.
• The Reverse Psychology award goes to Daniel “my goal is to come in last:)” Labbato, currently in 11th place.
• The Bad News Bears Award for Utter Futility goes to Paul Sopke, 16-16 and dead last with just 16 points.
• The Gutter Ball award goes to Brent “Conventional Picks” Bolin, who simply picked the higher seed to win every game.  This has earned him a tie for 340th.
• The Nowhere To Go But Down award goes to 2nd place contestant Julia “I Love Mommy” Harper, whom I suspect is barely old enough to speak, and who has only five more games she can win (before the re-pick round, of course).
• The Bruce Lee Award for Mad Ninja Skills goes to Caroline “Ninja Girl” Fairchild, currently in 10th place.
• The March Mizzou-rey award goes to the 30 contestants who picked Mizzou to win it all.
• The Devil Made Me Do It award goes to the 11 contestants who picked Duke to win it all.
• And finally, the Gotta Hand It To Ya award goes to Kasaiah Hand, our current contest leader.  Kasaiah picked three of the four 15 seeds to win, and two of them actually pulled it off.  Big risk, big reward.

And with that, it’s time for this Wizard to step back behind the curtain for a few hours.  Check back tomorrow for more updates, tweets, and general foolishness.  Cheers!

The Wizard of Whiteland

Contest Home Page

I started writing this post just before 10:30 AM this morning.  The title was meant to be a joke.  I thought that with all the end-of-the-world hysteria associated with 2012, it was a fitting title for the opening post of this year’s contest commentary.  Little did I know that just a few minutes later, the server that hosts my site would crash and burn in spectacular fashion, leaving a few unlucky last-minute would-be contestants out in the cold.  The site was down for most of the day, but now we are back in business.  This is also why you haven’t heard from me all day.  Every aspect of my site was down – the blog, the mailing list, the contest site – everything.  Needless to say, these are the days that try contest managers’ souls.

Anyway, I’m sure Syracuse fans are feeling a bit apocalyptic now that star center Fab Melo has been ruled ineligible for the tournament.  (One has to wonder why the university waited until after selection Sunday to come to this conclusion.)  Certainly the first two games of the “First Four” played Tuesday night in Dayton provided meltdowns worthy of a Roland Emmerich movie.  Mississippi Valley State and Iona collectively surrendered 41 points worth of lead to lose in spectacular fashion to Western Kentucky and BYU.  Rest assured that before the next two days are over, some contestants are going to feel like the sky is falling as pick after pick goes down in flames.  But that’s ok…that is, after all, why we play.

 A New Record!

Once again we have reached a new record for the number of entries in the contest even with the ugly site crash keeping a few people from being able to enter before the deadline.  This year we have 532 entries in our contest, a modest 18 more than last year.  To all the rookies I say, “Welcome!”  To the few who didn’t get in due to technical difficulties I say, “Sorry.”

Resistance Is Futile

Each year I feel compelled to pay homage to my BS in Mathematics and present a quick rundown of what I call the statistical Iron Laws of March Madness, so named because they have yet to be broken.

Iron Laws

1. Thou shalt not pick a 16 seed to win a game. They are 0-108 and most certainly destined to become 0-112, even without Fab Melo on the floor for Syracuse.
2. Thou shalt not pick a 7 seed to make the Final Four. Seven may be both lucky and perfect, but in March Madness, it is neither.
3. Thou shalt not pick a 5 seed to win a national championship. Unlikely as it may seem, no 5 seed has ever done it.
4. Thou shalt not pick a team from the Northeastern conference to win a game. This year’s representative is Long Island University – Brooklyn.
5. Thou shalt not pick a national champion who lost the first game they played in their year-end conference tournament. Oddly enough, there doesn’t seem to be a team in the top fourth of the seeding that fits in this category this year.

Making History…Already

Before the first games were even played this year, a happening of historic proportions took place.  For the first time ever, the regular season champion from a “Big 6” conference (Pac 12, Big 10, SEC, ACC, Big East, Big 12) was not invited to the NCAA Tournament, not even to the First Four!  The Washington Huskies won the Pac 12 in terms of regular season record, but lost in the Pac 12 tournament.  As a testimony to the perceived weakness of the Pac 12 this year, the conference tournament champion, the Colorado Buffaloes, were given an 11 seed, and the only other Pac 12 team to get an invitation, California, was bounced by South Florida in the First Four on Wednesday.  Folks, that’s not a down year.  It’s a disaster.

Name Game

Now it’s time for what has become a favorite pastime of contest participants, the competition for the best alias.  I am always on the lookout for a good pun, witticism, or good natured barb, and this year’s crop has plenty of each to choose from.  Here is a collection of those that just begged for a comment.

• Andrea “3.14159265” Bauschek – You finally got your piece of the pie.
• Jim “roll yer dice & move yer mice” Cockrum – Build a better one and the world will beat a path to your door.
• Jason “One Man Flash Mob” Cooper – What is the sound of one hand clapping?
• Wendy “Creating an alias is TOO STRESSFUL” Cooper – Try managing the contest.
• Angie “onlyinthisforunclejeffscommentary” Davis – At least you have your priorities in order.
• Tim “Missing Manning” Davis – Aren’t we all.
• Jacob “2nd Place Last Year” Deaver – 212th place this year.
• Mike “A computer randomly picked these” Desch – That explains a lot.
• Ralph “using Alias = Not.Cool;” Forey – Not.Funny
• Evan “I’m the same age as this contest” Gidley – Thanks for making me feel old.
• Matt “Really?!?!?!” Hand – No, not really.
• Bronson “Good Luck Boilers” Hillman – They’re going to need it.
• David “I will beat my son again” Kincheloe – Should be easy since he didn’t enter.
• Dan “Where is a KOPP when you need one?” Kopp – Asked.
• Nathan “here’s a Kopp when you need one” Kopp – Answered.
• Brian “Probably Will Only Watch a Few Games” Miller – Loser.
• Joel “I just want Jeff to mention my name” Paine – Everyone give it up for what’s-his-name.
• Sammy “It’s Tebow Time” Randazzo – Wrong sport.
• Max “still a free man…for now” Southern – For free marriage counseling, call…
• Mark “I don’t have a chance do I” Tillema – No, you don’t.

Alias Top 10 List

10. J.R. “Socrates on Steroids” Shrader
9. Andy “Put ‘Em On The” Glassley
8. Clint “Posting up like a mailbox!” Haydon
7. Jonathan “You only live once, unless you’re Mario” Barndt
6. Braden “If at first you don’t succeed, you’ve failed” Murray
5. Kristin “I’m a doctor, Jim, not a sports analyst” Schafer
4. Ryan “2EZ2WYNN#1ALIASWYNNYOURLASTNAMEISWYNN..C” Helton
3. Jason “On The Campaign T” Roehl
2. Josh “Irsay Can’t Cut This Bracket” Pearman
1. Marc “Have you…YES I’ve” Heard

Honorable Mention: R.J. “WynnSanity” Wynn

Speaking of Names…

It has also become something of a tradition for me to pick the team with the most ridiculous mascot and ascribe to them the ridicule they deserve.  (Ridiculous does mean “worthy of ridicule, after all.)  Past “winners” have been the UC Santa Barbara Gauchos, or as I prefer to call them, the Fighting Ladies Pants, and the St. Peter’s Peacocks.  This year’s winner, hands down, is the South Dakota State Jackrabbits.  Nothing strikes fear in the heart of an opponent like a white, fluffy, floppy-eared bunny.  I mean, I suppose Bugs Bunny with his New York accent was at least moderately intimidating, but Jackrabbits?  Surely there’s a better creature indigenous to South Dakota they could have chosen.

Day One Wrap-Up

This could go down in contest history as the longest commentary ever, but that is because I’m putting what would have normally been three different posts and combining them in to one.  (See aforementioned server crash which prevented me from posting all day long.)

Jackrabbits vs Highlighters – Perhaps the only thing more ridiculous than the South Dakota State mascot is the highlighter-yellow uniform worn by the Baylor Bears.  The Jackrabbits gave them a run for their money, but in the end, Baylor owned the highlights.  Please, hold your applause.  I’ll be here all week.

Elmore’s Wit – Len continues to be one of my favorite announcers.  During the game between Southern Mississippi and Kansas State, after Southern Miss’ Neil Watson went on a scoring spurt, Len quipped, “It’s elementary.  Watson getting it done.”

Almost Famous – For only the 7th time in tournament history, a 16 seed led a 1 seed at half time.  UNC-Ashville led Syracuse 34-30 at the half and played them tough all the way to the wire.  Now, I’m always suspicious of conspiracy theories, but there were two bad calls at the end of this game the likes of which have not been seen since the infamous USSR vs. USA game in the 1972 Olympics.  The Boneheaded Play Of The Day award definitely goes to that officiating crew, who first called a phantom lane violation on UNC-Ash after they had rebounded a missed Syracuse free throw, and then called a ball out of bounds on UNC-Ash when replay indisputably showed it was touched by a Syracuse player.  If you saw the end of this game, you will agree with me when I say that they were totally robbed.

Zoeller’s Smeller – While Indiana easily dispatched New Mexico State, my wife observed that Cody Zoeller has a really big schnoz.  All the better to smell you with, my dear.

Very Upsetting – Out of 16 games played today, only two were won by the lower seed.  Of course, I picked neither.  It’s hard for me to remember the last time the upper seeds not only won so many games, but did so in such convincing fashion.  Here’s hoping tomorrow’s games offer a bit more drama.

Day One Awards

I feel as though today’s commentary has been lacking a bit in wit and creativity, but given the stress I’ve been through today with the whole website-is-dead-for-hours fiasco, I’m hoping you kind contestants will give me a pass.  Before I go, I do want to hand out some Day One awards.

• The Na Nanny Boo Boo award goes to my wife, Heather Little, who went out of her way to point out to me that I’m the only one in the family who failed to pick an upset today.  In fact, she said, quote, “You’re the one dragging us down in the family feud.”  Thanks, Babe.
• The Barnabas, Son of Encouragement award goes to the kind folks who tried to encourage me today as I was fretting over my completely inaccessible contest website.  Many thanks to Patty Brown, Jason Cooper, Nathan Stratton, Brad Schafer, and Scott Whitlow.
• The Maybe You Should Try Picking The Old Fashioned Way award goes to my good friend Trevis Litherland, an actuary who uses a carefully crafted statistical algorithm (via computer) to make his picks every year.  Current position in the standings: dead last.
• The Rick Santorum Award for True Conservativism goes to 11 contestants who picked all 16 higher seeds to win today and ended up 14-2 for their efforts: Terry Daffron, Kylie Van Winkle, Brooke Teike, Jason Larion, David Blankenship, John Cuson, Bob Huppert, Kristin Schafer, Julie Harman, Alexis Shannon, and Eric Shelton.
• Finally, the Yellow Jersey award for the Day One leader goes to Horizon Elementary School prodigy Samuel Hadley, who picked all 16 games correctly!  Way to go, kid!

With that, I am completely spent.  Time to recharge my batteries, get some real world work done, and prepare for Day Two of the madness, one hopefully devoid of any technical difficulties.  Thank you for your patience and continued support.

The Wizard of Whiteland

Contest Home Page