“You have just become a prisoner of the Commonwealth of Virginia.”

George Rogers Clark

We end this year’s tournament and this year’s contest with a few firsts. The championship game goes into overtime, of course, keeping the Wizard up even later penning the final tome of 2019. And, one really stupid local criminal gets his comeuppance. All this and more in the final edition of our contest commentary.

First, A Few Thoughts On The Game

• Is that Saint Francis of Assisi? Well, he’s not quite that old, but, fun fact, Texas Tech’s top scorer Brandone Francis was former Florida Gators coach Billy Donovan’s last recruit. How long has Donovan been coaching the Oklahoma City Thunder now? Francis was everywhere tonight and a big reason why the Red Raiders were able to force overtime.
• Can I get an explanation on that one, Gene Steratore? Something I saw a lot in this year’s tournament is a player driving to the basket and executing every component of a layup except the layup. After coming to a stop, he then passes the ball out to a teammate…or something. My question is, how is that not a travel? As far as I know, the NCAA rules are still that you get the step where you gather the ball plus one more on a layup (As opposed to the NBA wherein they have, no joke, codified two full steps into the rules, which is why it looks like NBA players are simply running around with the ball – because they are). But aren’t you required to actually, you know, attempt the layup? And please don’t lecture me about the jump stop. I know what that is, and I don’t think this is that. Somebody help me out, here. I am looking for some actual, factual rule and not just opinions. I don’t think I ever saw it called a travel, so, what provision in the rules allows that?
• Return of the Bench Mob. Remember the Bench Mob from Monmouth a few years back? Those guys were hilarious. In fact, if you ever watched a Monmouth game, you missed half the game – even watching it on TV – because the camera was constantly cutting away to the hijinks of those dudes on the bench who barely played any basketball, but were spectacularly clever in their celebrations. I miss those guys. Anyway, the Texas Tech bench, which was really just Francis and Edwards, scored 29 points. In contrast, the Virginia bench had only 6, and those all came from one Key player. See what I did there? The Texas Tech bench honestly outplayed the starters until the late stages of the game, whereas it was Virginia’s front line players that carried the day for the Wahoos. And speaking of Wahoos…
• What in the world is a Wahoo, anyway? I am so glad you asked. According to that great fount of often incorrect information, Wikipedia, the term Wahoo means, quote, “Official University of Virginia sports documents explain that Washington and Lee baseball fans first called University of Virginia players ‘a bunch of rowdy Wahoos,’ and used the ‘Wahoowa’ yell as a form of derision during the in-state baseball rivalry in the 1890s, presumably after hearing them yell or sing ‘wa-hoo-wa.’ The term ‘Wahoos’ spread around the University and was commonly in use by the 1940s.” And now you know.
• The boneheaded play of the day came courtesy of Virginia stars DeAndre Hunter and Kyle Guy who quite literally nearly threw the game away with nary a second left on the clock in regulation. With the score tied, Hunter collected the rebound on a missed shot. Losing his balance, he threw a pass to Guy, not wanting to turn the ball over on a traveling violation. At the same instant, Guy, wanting to preserve time for a final shot to win the game, turned his back to Hunter as he begged the referee for a time out. The ball passed right by Guy’s backside and bounced out of bounds, giving Texas Tech one second for a final shot, which ended up being blocked by Virginia’s Braxton Key. This Virginia team has the wrong nickname. They should be some form of cat, because they definitely have nine lives.
• Remember that wretched NFL season not so long ago when the officials went full-on crazy with instant replay on catch/no-catch and fumble plays? Long periods of time the referee spent under the hood watching super-slow-motion replays captured by cameras filming at hundreds of frames per second to see if even the tiniest, most imperceptible movement of the ball, invisible to the naked eye, could be detected. Announcers would exclaim with extreme gravitas, “That ball moved, Jim!” Thus we ended up with catches-turned-incomplete, preposterous “fumbles”, and denied touchdowns (I’m talking to you, Steelers fans). There’s a reason the NFL doesn’t do that anymore. Well, here we are in basketball, circa 2019, and we’re watching the same frame-by-agonizing-frame replays trying to determine if the ball came in contact with at least one square millimeter of the man’s epidermis before sailing out of bounds. Yes, that happened to Texas Tech in this game. I know I have been an ardent proponent in this blog of the use of replay to fix obvious missed calls, but I want to put emphasis on the obvious. This was borderline silly, and again, both teams got an extended free timeout. But I repeat myself.
• Far be it from me to question the strategy of the national champions, but I was incredulous at Virginia’s penchant for one guy dribbling out the entire shot clock while the other four guys stood and watched. This seemed to be their primary MO at both the end of regulation and overtime as they were trying to protect their lead. I am never a fan of playing not to lose. This wasn’t the mode of play that got them the lead in the first place, which is why I find it so puzzling. Ultimately it ended up not hurting them, as they did one thing any team must do to seal a victory, and that his hit free throws down the stretch. At one point I think they made 14 freebies in a row.
• From worst to first, the story of this Virginia Cavaliers team is truly one for the annals of March Madness lore. After suffering the most humiliating defeat in tournament history, becoming the first #1 seed to ever lose to a #16 and putting UMBC (who?!!) on the map – and off the grid (their web server crashed from the traffic) – they returned the very next season to win a national championship. It is worth noting that the aforementioned DeAndre Hunter was injured last season in the ACC tournament and did not play in that first round debacle.

From The Grab Bag

• Everyone who picked Virginia as national champion in the contest finished in the top 100.
• I had many thoughts I wanted to share on the much-maligned one-and-done phenomenon in college basketball, but rather than fill up this commentary with hundreds of words on the subject (if not thousands), I voiced my musings in a Facebook Live Video which you can find posted here if you are at all interested.
• Strange but true, there were no real buzzer beaters in this year’s tournament. Close games, yes, but no games won by a shot at the buzzer, though Virginia Tech and UCF saw their would-be buzzer beaters beat them by not going in.
• Corniest Commercial Award: Caldwell Banker – A realtor has a Brady Bunch teaching moment with a kid who is not wanting to move by suggesting if he puts a basketball goal on the side of the house, new friends will beat a path to his door.
• Best Commercial Award: Geico – “Pie!” Don’t you wish that worked for things besides pie? You know, just shout it and the short order cook behind the counter has it on the way while the word is still on your lips. How about “Money!” or “New Car!” or “Obedient Children!” or “Five minutes of March Madness without Charles Barkley!”?
• Funniest Commercial Award: Buick – “Did that bear just poo in our tent?” Yes.
• Dumbest Criminal Award – A serial lawbreaker decided to brazenly carjack a Hamilton County, Indiana man in his own driveway in broad daylight. Now, I am not in any way attempting to downplay the harrowing nature of the experience, as the carjacker was armed, and the victim’s small daughter was nearby. However, the victim was also a Hamilton County Corrections officer…who happily let Mr. Carjacker drive away in his LoJacked vehicle, which allowed the county Sheriff to track and apprehend him less than an hour later. Whatcha gonna do when they come for you?
• Those 3D videos they project onto the court for the pre-game player introductions are totally legit, unlike my command of the vernacular of modern youth, as I am certain that “totally legit” is no longer legit.
• The Masters is coming up this weekend, professional golf’s first major, but the PGA is shaking things up this year, rearranging their season schedule to avoid the FedEx Cup playoffs having to compete with the NFL. This means that the PGA Championship, which has been the season’s final major for a long time, will now be the second major of the season and will be played in May. Does that mean that “Glory’s Last Shot” will now be “Glory’s Second Shot”? That just doesn’t have the same ring to it if you ask me. And while the US Open will still be played on the traditional Father’s Day weekend (I assume), it appears the PGA had enough sense not to put the PGA Championship on Mother’s Day weekend. If mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy, and mama probably doesn’t want to watch golf on Mother’s Day.
• I am just old enough to remember when the NCAA Tournament had a consolation game. Yes, I am completely serious. They played a game between the Final Four losers for third place. The last such game was played in 1981, and the participants were…wait for it…Virginia and LSU. Virginia won 78-74, though pretty much no one cared. This was Ralph Sampson’s sophomore season. Speaking of sporting events no one cares about…
• The 2019 NIT Championship game was played between two teams that were on the bubble on selection Sunday, Texas and Lipscomb. Texas won 81-66. Somehow that feels like winning the D flight in the club golf tournament. Lipscomb…is that like when your lips are chapped and ridged like a comb? OK, bad joke, and actually, Lipscomb was quite good this year and probably deserved a bid.
• Readers of this commentary know by now how I feel about pets. A quick look at the Mascot Watch report shows that the dogs were an unimpressive 5-8 this year, while the evil cats were 12-9. The criminals were 5-3, so maybe crime does pay after all. Most noteworthy, though, is that the military was an incredible 13-5. Members of our armed forces, we salute you! (Seriously.)

Final Awards

Enough blathering about trivia and minutia. Let us get on with the 24th Annual Jeff’s March Madness Contest Final Awards.

• The Top Prognosticator award goes annually to the contestant who picks the most games correctly with original picks. This year we had a tie between Dylan Scheumann and Gavin Hand, both with 52 wins. Dylan finished 3rd overall, while Gavin also gets the not-so-coveted I Hate This Stupid Scoring System award for finishing 61st with the same number of wins as Dylan.
• The Peter Piper Picked A Peck Of Re-Picks award goes to Drew Adams who had more re-picked games correct than anyone else with 8. Drew finished 413th and will receive a year’s supply of pickled peppers.
• The To Infinity And Beyond award, sponsored by Toy Story 4, in theaters this summer, goes to 7th place finisher Meg Seibenhar, who was once a lowly 860th. You may recall Meg was one of only two minions who got the Final Four correct this year. Meg will receive an adult-sized Buzz Lightyear onesie.
• The Selective Amnesia award goes to 5th place finisher Vanessa Sopke who sent me a text earlier today bemoaning the fact that she originally had Texas Tech in the final game only to switch it to Duke during the re-pick round because of all of the “Zion talk”. Except, she did not change her pick during the re-pick round. In fact, she didn’t change any of her picks at all. The memory is the first thing to go, and the second thing is…???
• The Rookie Of The Year award goes to Benjamin Michael who finished a respectable 28th. Benjamin will receive an autographed photo of Dennis Quaid.
• The Young Sheldon award goes to the winner of the 12-and-under age bracket, Trevor Anderson, who finished 24th overall. Trevor gets a guest appearance on an episode of The Big Bang Theory.
• The Teen Queen award goes to the winner of the 13-19 age bracket, the amazing Kristen Davis, who nearly cracked the top 10 with an 11th place finish.
• The GenZ award would normally go to the top finisher in the 20-29 age bracket, but since he already received an award, this year’s award goes to Spencer Ricks, who finished 4th overall in an attempt to follow in his Dad, David Rick’s, footsteps, who won our contest in 2013.
• The Millennial Madness award is another one that goes to the second place finisher due to the first place contestant already having received an award. This year’s winner for the 30-39 age bracket is Veronica Ramirez, a long-time contestant who finished 18th overall this year.
• The X Factor award goes to the second-best Generation Xer in this year’s contest (the top finisher in the 40-49 age bracket actually won the contest…more on that in a minute), Andrew Ables, who not only finished second in this age group, but also 2nd overall. Andrew will receive a recorded personal video greeting from Simon Cowell in which Simon mocks him for not being good enough to win.
• The Happy Days award, given because, you know, Happy Days was set in the 50s, goes to the winner of the 50-59 age group, Scott Risner, who finished 10th overall. Scott will receive a genuine leather jacket worn by the Fonz himself. Aaaayyyyyyy
• I’m sensing a bit of a pattern here, but nevertheless, the Pass The Geritol award goes to the top senior prognosticator, Toby Risner, who finished 13th overall. Not sure if Toby and Scott are related. Toby will receive a cane and a year’s supply of Depends.
• Why not? Let’s make it a Risner trifecta. The Jeff’s March Madness Contest Is Good For The Heart award goes to Shelby “Steph Ascope” Risner, who finished 6th overall. Girl power in the Risner clan.
• The Eight Is Enough award goes to 8th place finisher Alyssa Sines. Alyssa will receive an autographed photo of Dick Van Patten.
• The Fahrenheit 451 award goes to 9th place contestant Taylor Bradbury. Those picks were hot.
• The Yellow Lines and Dead Skunks award goes to middle-of-the-road finisher James Wells, who finished at exactly the median position of 435th. James had the same Final Four I had, which goes a long way in explaining his finishing position.
• The I Don’t Need No Steenking Re-Picks award goes to 26th place minion and Duke hater Sam Brauen, who picked Duke to lose in the first round out of sheer spite, refused to make any re-picks, and still nearly cracked the top 25.
• The The Devil Made Me Make These Picks award goes to 666th place contestant Philip Trout.
• The Sweet Memories award goes to 346th place contestant Richard Schrimpf, who won the contest in 2006. This matters because…
• The Blue Ribbon, Gold Medal, Green Jacket, Top Dog, Master Of The Madness, Grand Poo Bah of Prognostication, Winner Winner Chicken Dinner award goes to Richard’s bride, Shelly Schrimpf, who by virtue of her victory creates the first ever husband-and-wife dual-winner duo in the storied history of the contest. Shelly won comfortably thanks to picking both Texas Tech and Virginia as semifinal winners followed by Virginia as the ultimate champion. Actually, 2nd place finisher Andrew Ables also had the same picks in the Final Four and the national championship, but it was Shelly’s pick of Michigan State that won her the contest, as Andrew had Duke going to the Final Four. Congratulations, Shelly, our 2019 Jeff’s March Madness Contest Champion!

And Now It’s Time To Say Goodbye To All Our Company

OK boys and girls, our three-week adventure has come to a close, and it is time for the Wizard to step back behind the curtain for another 49-week hibernation. I want to thank my loving and patient wife, Heather Little, who is also my biggest fan. This hobby doesn’t happen without her, as does little else in the Little household. Many thanks to all of the generous folks who pitched in with donations to help with the expenses related to the contest. I appreciate it very much. Also a big thank you to the many, many folks who email, text, Tweet, and message me via social media throughout the tournament with your insights, quips, jokes, jabs, corrections, keen observations, and snide remarks. I tell people this is the time of year I get to watch the greatest sporting event in the world with 800 of my closest friends, and I mean that sincerely. I hope you will all be back next year for the 25th anniversary edition of the contest, and as always, I hope you bring a friend.

With that, I bid you adieu. May the Lord bless you and keep you.

Warmly,

The Wizard of Whiteland

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