Advertising Madness
One of the side effects of watching basketball non-stop for several days is that the tournament sponsors’ commercials start to work their way into your psyche. Some commercials are forgettable. Others are irritating or just plain bad. Still others ought to be annoying or of little impact and yet seem strangely hypnotic. It’s those commercials that worry me the most. Thus I offer my thoughts on this year’s crop of marketing madness.
- Just say no to crack – I haven’t seen it since opening Thursday, but the Duluth long-tailed T-shirt commercial where the product is offered as a solution to fix “plumber’s butt” is an instant classic.
- Dry cleaner-er-er – It’s like having an inconspicuous convoy of gigantic tour buses full of eclectic musicians following you everywhere you go. That’s what Buick would have us believe is the case if we purchase their new Verano that comes complete with Pandora radio. I don’t know which is creepier – the hooded Gregorian chanters or the dude in the tight red leather pants and heart-shaped sunglasses.
- Just axe them all – Is it just me, or did the whole Axe “use our product and hot women will love you” shtick jump the shark a long time ago? At first their commercials were shocking. Then they were revolting. Now they’re just stupid.
- These commercials are so 45 seconds ago – I have to admit that the first couple of instances of AT&T’s “that’s so nn seconds ago” ads were extremely clever. It seems, though, that they either fired their writers, or they ran out of good ideas beginning with the third “episode”. Hey, AT&T, did you hear your ads are…”already played out and totally irrelevant? Yeah, that’s so 32 seconds ago.”
- Alice has nothing on you guys – The Vitamin Water commercial with the dancing convicts, bmx racer, and the gazell the dude rides off into the sunset? I think they drank too much of their own product.
- John Williams, eat your heart out – The commercial is relatively unimpressive, but for some reason I find the cinematic orchestral score to the Northwestern Mutual Life commercial with their Tower of Babel reaching into the heavens rather appealing. Maybe CBS should use it for a game roll-in.
- Mr. Mayhem, you are my hero – By far the most entertaining commercial icon since Earnest P. Worrell, the Allstate Mayhem Dude is a monument to 21st century sarcastic cynicism. Their newest episode, “I”m your dog”, is side splitting as it ends with him being shocked by his invisible fence collar.
- This is the sound…of an 80’s band that should never, ever be rescued from the sea of forgetfulness into which it was cast – Spandau Ballet? Really? I know this much is true. Most, if not all, of 80’s pop music should be left to rot on the ash heap of pop culture history. Next thing you know, Madonna will be signing at the Super Bowl.
Game Thoughts
In between commercials, a few basketball games broke out.
- Knock Knock – Who’s there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you glad you didn’t pick Wisconsin? Of the four games this evening, this one was the closest, being decided by a single point. I still think watching the Badgers play basketball is like watching Professional Bowling on a Saturday afternoon. Sure, they’re really good, but who can stay awake long enough to care?
- Never pick against Tom Izzo in March – Unless, of course, he’s facing Rick Pitino in the Sweet Sixteen. Pitino is now 10-0 in Sweet Sixteen games. Pitino has this particular Louisville squad overachieving in impressive fashion, and Sparty becomes the first top seed to fall. Alert contestant Jason Snyder pointed out another oddity with the way “replay” is being used in college basketball. So the wrong dude shoots the free throw and misses, and that’s a “correctable situation”, but a blatantly obvious who-last-touched-it-before-it-went-out-of-bounds is not correctable? I don’t get it.
- Big Ten survivor – Three of the four remaining Big Ten teams played tonight, but only one advanced. Ohio State won the battle of Ohio, part 1, with a rather convincing late game surge to put away Cincinnati.
- Lucky 7 – The night’s only upset came courtesy of the Florida Gators, who advance to the Elite Eight for the second consecutive year. Will the Gators violate the iron law of March Madness and be the first 7 seed ever to advance to the Final Four? Tune in on Saturday to find out.
Contest Shuffle
Tonight basically had the top 20 contestants jockeying for position. We had three different lead changes, in fact, over the space of just four games. It will be interesting to see if any of the double digit seeds can win tomorrow and give a few brave contestants a coveted Scategories bonus.
- The She Loves Me, She Loves Me Not award goes to Jonathan Hand who has been using his alias to continually comment on his wife’s on-again, off-again #1 position in the contest.
- The That’s What You Get For Taking Advice From The 492nd Place Contestant award goes to Kip Layman, who lamented on facebook that he was doing poorly because he took my oft-repeated “never pick against Tom Izzo in March” advice.
- The Four for Four award goes to Eric Shelton, the only contestant to pick all four of tonight’s games correctly.
- The Dick Vitale Memorial “Warm Up The Bus, BayBee” award goes to Sandy Feet and Stephanie Stahre, both of whom already have no remaining games they can win.
- The Dude, You Should Have Re-Picked award goes to Phil Sadaka, currently in 22nd, once as high as 8th, and whose only losses remaining in his bracket are the Missouri picks he didn’t correct in this week’s re-pick round.
- The Who Do You Think You Are, Tom Brady? award goes to Sam Brauen, who has spent enough time in first this year that we’re starting to get sick of seeing him there.
That’s it for tonight, hoops fanatics. I’m looking forward to tomorrow night’s epic clash between Indiana and Kentucky, even though I’m skeptical of IU’s chances of being competitive. Until then, good night, and good luck.
The Wizard of Whiteland