“The invention of basketball was not an accident. It was developed to meet a need. Those boys simply would not play ‘Drop the Handkerchief’.” – James Naismith
Mr. Wizard Goes To Orlando
Greetings from Florida! I have decided it is exceedingly difficult to watch March Madness while traveling. I spent most of the day attempting to watch games on my phone, games on my Surface Pro, games on the TV at the airport restaurant, games on the plane, games while waiting in baggage claim. Thanks to 21st century mobile technology, I caught more than I would have even three or four years ago. Nevertheless, this commentary is likely to be on the light side tonight.
We had only one upset tonight, but it felt like we had three the way the Texas Tech-Florida and Houston-Michigan games ended. Read on.
Blue Bloods Dominate – The boys in blue were impressive tonight, with Kentucky, Duke, and Villanova all winning in convincing fashion. No doubt Virginia’s stunning loss has put all the “favorites” on notice that you cannot mail it in no matter who you are playing. But even as I say that, Kansas didn’t seem to get the memo.
Another Close Call – Perhaps it is my imagination, but Kansas seems to underachieve every year. Today they survived a real scare from #8 Seton Hall, winning by just four points. The Pirates’ Angel Delgado turned in a mammoth performance with 24 points and 23 rebounds, but it wasn’t enough to upend another #1 seed.
Livin’ On A Prayer – The only upset of the day was a miracle in the making. Much has been made in the media about Loyola of Chicago’s 98-year-old chaplain, Sister Jean, who prays with the team before every game. Tonight those prayers were answered in dramatic fashion as the Ramblers’ Clayton Custer avoided his last stand by hitting the go-ahead jumper with 3.6 seconds left to be beat third seeded Tennessee. For those keeping score at home, that makes two games in a row won by the Ramblers on two last-second shots. How could you not love watching this game with a guy named Custer facing off against a dude named Admiral…and that’s his first name! Ironically, if Cincinnati defeats Nevada tomorrow, the Sweet 16 match up between Cincy and Loyola-Chicago will be a rematch of the 1963 national championship game which Loyola won.
Gonzaga Makes Fans Sweat Again – It sure is tough being a Gonzaga fan sometimes, despite their being a model of consistency and a perennial tournament participant for nearly two decades. After a close call in round one verses a scrappy UNC Greensboro, the Zags came out looking strong and determined to not let that happen again. They scored the first 15 points of the game and looked poised to win going away. Then the second half happened, and Ohio State turned up the defense. Honestly, this has been a probably with the Zags for years – they have stretches in the second half where they seem to simply lose their minds. With 6:00 left in the game, Gonzaga trailed the Buckeyes by 6. That’s when red shirt freshman Zach Norvell Jr. put the hammer down and led the Zags to victory, finishing the game with 28 points including six three pointers.
Buzzer Beater Beats The Bun – The final game of the night was also a thriller with #3 Michigan spoiling #6 Houston’s upset bid on a buzzer-beating three pointer by freshman Jordan Poole who hadn’t scored in the second half. There were so many things that happened in this game that contributed to the dramatic finish and crushing defeat for the Cougars. Perhaps it was Rob “The Man Bun” Gray’s trying to do too much and turning the ball over late in the game. Perhaps it was Devin Davis, who arguably would have been the hero of the game had Houston won, missing two free throws with 3.6 seconds left that could have sealed the victory. But ultimately it came down to history repeating itself as Houston seemed to forget the lesson of 1992. You simply must put a man on the guy inbounding the ball. Not doing so makes it too easy to throw the long pass, which advances the ball with no time expiring and gives them a better chance to get a good look. Grant Hill and Christian Laettner executed that play to perfection in ’92 when Kentucky decided not to put a man on Hill. I’m not sure of all the players’ names in this case, but with Houston choosing to not guard the out of bounds man, The Man Bun looked lost, playing a sort of rover rather than guarding anyone specific. The ball came in three-quarter court to Abdur-Rahkman, who found Poole on the wing for the game winner. Not two minutes later, long-time friend and alert minion Fess Bryson sent me a simple text: “Once again, you don’t guard the ball, you lose.” I was just thinking the same thing.
A Few Awards
It’s 1:21 AM, and I get to golf tomorrow, so I need to wrap this one up.
Look who’s in third place now. Yep. It’s Mom! Mom has been doing exceedingly well this year, and given all the garbage she’s had to put up with for decades, she deserves it. Speaking of Mom…
The Commercial That Still Makes Me Laugh Even Though I’ve Seen It 100 Times award goes to the Geico commercial with the Heckling Peasant at the joust. Every time he says, “Your Mom!” I just lose it. And if I may digress for a moment, where in the world did that particular insult start, anyway? And what does it mean? You know what…never mind. I probably don’t want to know.
The Can I Get A Mulligan? award goes to Andrew McGuire, who texted me last night asking when the re-pick round starts. Andrew is in 750th.
The Worst Place To Try To Watch A Basketball Game award goes to the Orlando International Airport Baggage Claim. That place is a zoo.
The Nyah Nyah Nee Boo Boo award has to go to Veronica Ramirez, who is still in first place. I’m looking at her bracket and wondering if it was a brilliant strategy or random luck. Tell ’em it was skill, Veronica, even if it wasn’t.
And with that, I’m ready to count sheep before I have to count strokes tomorrow. Until then…
“Oh, somewhere in this favored land the sun is shining bright;
The band is playing somewhere, and somewhere hearts are light,
And somewhere men are laughing, and somewhere children shout;
But there is no joy in Mudville—mighty Casey has struck out.”
– Earnest Lawrence Thayer
U.M.B.C.
This will be the easiest commentary I have ever written in twenty-three years.
Be honest. How many of you would have known what UMBC stood for without looking it up before about 11:00 PM EDT tonight? The University of Maryland-Baltimore County Retrievers have done the impossible. They have beaten not just a #1 seed, but the number one seed in the entire tournament, the prohibitive favorite to win the championship, the Virginia Cavaliers. At tip-off of tonight’s game, the other three #1 seeds had already done their duty, handily defeating their sacrificial lambs. The 16 seeds were 0 and 135, surely headed for 0 and 136. And then History called, and the Retrievers answered the phone.
I thought it amusing that the game was tied at 21 at the half, but I gave no thought at that point to UMBC having a chance to actually win. After all, other 1 seeds had walked this way before – playing poorly for 20 or even 30 minutes only to wake up and put away their lowly opponents. Sure, we have seen a few close calls over the years – Fairleigh Dickinson, East Tennessee State, Western Carolina (remember, Purdue fans?) – but it will never actually happen, right? So I flipped over to watch the Auburn-College of Charleston game.
After College of Charleston failed to be the third 13 seed to win in a single year for the first time ever, I flipped over to UVA vs UMBC, fully expecting a double-digit lead. A double-digit lead I saw indeed, but not in favor of the Wahoos. As I started to realize what just might be happening, I went upstairs to fetch my two youngest kids. No way was I letting them miss something this historic.
“Graham, you need to come look at the TV.”
“Why, what’s wrong with it?”
“Just come and see.”
“Ashlyn…” “I’m not dressed, Dad.” “Get dressed and come downtstairs. You need to see this.”
As they joined me in my office one at a time, all I had to do was point. The reaction was the same. First a look of confusion, followed by a slacked jaw, followed by wide eyes and then a long, “Noooooo waaaayyyyyyy.” My senior, Amber, walks in a couple of minutes later, returning from her jazz choir’s victory at the state jazz festival.
“What are you guys all doing in here?”
Dad points at the TV. Slack jaw. Wide eyes. You know the rest. It was about that time that my phone started blowing up. The world was waking up to history in the making. “Are you seeing this?” my phone says. Am I seeing this? Is the Pope Catholic? I am glued to the set, not even thinking about changing the channel even as the lead grew and grew and grew and the outcome became a foregone conclusion. There were no other games happening in my world at that moment. This was history. We may never see this again.
So how did this happen? How could a 31-2 team with the best defense in the country, only allowing 54 points a game throughout the season, give up 74 points to THEM? I am sure the pundits will talk about it all week. The sports world will talk about it for decades. My kids will tell their kids the story long after I’m gone. All I can say is that this Virginia team won all season by playing defense. They were not a high-powered offense, and when their most potent offensive weapon, sixth man De’Andre Hunter broke his wrist, many worried that it would hurt their chances to make the Final Four. No one worried it would hurt their chances to win a single game. This team is built to suffocate opponents, not come from behind or win a shootout. And so when Jairus Lyles started taking over the game and piling on the points in the second half, the Cavaliers were in uncharted territory. They couldn’t stop Lyles, which hadn’t happened to them before, and they couldn’t score points in bunches, which they had never needed before.
“These are the moments you dream of,” Lyles said after the game. Indeed. This is the stuff of 12-year-olds in the driveway, calling their own imaginary game as they make the winning shot. This will be the fixture in One Shining Moment at tournament’s end, even if the Retrievers don’t win another game. This is a tournament where the headline will become the footnote, the national champion will become the afterthought instead of the lead story, overshadowed forever by the most improbable upset in sports history. For one shining moment, these Retrievers are kings of the world, instant legends in their own time.
To borrow another of my hated sports cliches, this is why they play the game. This is precisely why we watch sports, why we find them so compelling. It is because the best team does not always win. As the Proverb says:
“The race is not to the swift or the battle to the strong, nor does food come to the wise or wealth to the brilliant or favor to the learned; but time and chance happen to them all.” – Proverbs 9:11
1-135. That’s the new record for 16 seeds in the tournament. 1-135. Chisel the name of the one in stone, the UMBC Retrievers. Well done, men. Well done. Nothing can take away your place in history.
Best Reaction To The UMBC Win I Saw On Facebook
And Then Other Stuff Happened
Believe it or not, seven other games were played tonight. A couple are worth mentioning.
You Can’t Beat Destiny…Unless You Are UMBC – I guess it is too much to ask for history to strike twice on the same evening. With two 13 seeds already advancing to the round of 32 (Buffalo and Marshall), the College of Charleston was trying to become the third 13 seed to advance in the same year for the first time ever. They came close, but it was not to be, as the Auburn Tigers escaped to face another set of Tigers, those from Clemson, on Sunday.
The Streak Continues – As I had mentioned earlier, ever since the inception of the First Four in Dayton, at least one of the “play-in” 11 seeds has advanced to the round of 32 every year. This year, I guessed it would be St. Bonaventure, but I should have known better. Instead, it was the Syracuse Orange and their maddening zone defense that notched the victory over TCU and became the second 11 seed to advance this year along with Loyola of Chicago.
An Incredible Sum – Have a look at the South region. The sum of the seeds of the remaining eight teams in that region is a whopping 66! Overall there are six double-digit seeds remaining in the field, by no means any kind of record, but that one 16 left on the bracket looms large over the rest. Cinderella has arrived at the dance. Can she last until midnight?
Oh, The Humanity! – Have a look at the Carnage Report. It shows that 380 contestants had Virginia in the Final Four, and 156 had them as national champs.
By The Numbers – Alert minion Adam Lamb sent me a text this evening asking if the 50 available bonus points this year were the most ever in the first round. It turns out the answer is no, it isn’t. Thanks to Adam’s own research, I can tell you that the top year was 2012 with 66. If you recall, that was the year two 15 seeds won on the same day, an unprecedented feat in its own right.
Best Alias Awards
And now it is time to move on to a favorite pastime of our contest, the best alias awards. Let’s begin with the categorical honorable mentions.
Best Political Aliases
David “Trump’s Former Secretary of Bracketology” Bauchspiess
Jason “Kim Jung Un’s Target Bracket” Cooper
Best Puns
Mac “And Cheese” Allen
Jordin “LeBlonde James” Booher
Gregory “Haas No Idea Who to Pick” Harman
David “Game of Jones” Jones
Jason “Ex-savory Picks” Roehl
Jordan “you wish you were this” Wise
RJ “Who, Where, What, Why &” Wynn – Best of Category
Best Cultural, Literary, or Musical References
Anderson “Ando Clarissian” Cooper
Ada “These are not the picks you are looking4” Lam
Wayne “The Rain Falls Mainly On The Plain” Murray
Katie “Nobody puts Katie in the corner” Muschalik
Gene “A Connecticut Yankee in Basketball Court” Pollastro – Best of Category
Brad “Get off my lawn” Schafer
Gary “My bracket, Jesus’ words – Both in Red!!!” Tucker
Best Nods To The Contest Commentary
Evan “Dilly Dilly!” Gidley
Philip “So Your Saying There’s A Chance” Goodwin
Jay “Round 1 goes to Houston Man Bun” Namboothiri
Luke “Come on man bun guy” Shannon
J.R. “I was born a Ramblin’ Man” Shrader
Shane “Pronounced “Smith”” Vaiskauskas – Best of Category
Aliases That Made Me Literally LOL
Richard “McGruff already went” Schrimpf
Dustin “oops I ripped my pants” Van Sloten
Brock “Big Baller Brackets” Zagel – Best of Category
Best References To The Latest NCAA Scandals
Sammy “Pickers need Paid like the Players” Brauen
Bryson “Only picked teams w/ players implicated” Davis
Rob “Cheaters win in the NCAA” Fair
Ralph “Arizona is Instant Vacate-tion” Forey – Best of Category
JC “Pitino’s Girls” Thomas (Ouch!)
Odds and Ends
Best Use of Latin – Andrea “In omnia paratus” Bauschek (“Ready for Anything”)
Best Rhyme – Scott “Tower of” Bower
Best Obscure Reference To xkcd – Jason “Little Bobby Tables” Buckner
Best Reference to a D3 School (tie)
Amber “Why isn’t Rose-Hulman int he bracket?” Little
Gary “What No Cornell?” DeLong
Good To Hear From An Old Friend – Jamie “in this through thick and thin” Prime
Been In The Contest Forever With The Same Alias – Mike “Skid Booles” Sines
Most Incomprehensible – Phil “Call me when your streak hits 111” Stump
Most Uniquely Hilarious
Typically I award the Burma Shave award to the Fairchild Family every year.Years ago they realized that the contestant picks page lists all entries in alphabetical order. So, they started creatively coordinating their aliases to read out some funny or clever saying, much like the sequential Burma Shave road-side signs back in the day. This year the Fairchilds took it to a whole other level. Their aliases form the lyrics to a song that I had to look up to know what it was, and boy am I glad I did. The song is a sort of parody in the spirit of “What Does The Fox Say” but not nearly as annoying and way funnier. It is built around the idea that the lyrics were derived via bad lip reading of scenes from the Dagoba training segment of The Empire Strikes Back. If you haven’t seen it, you simply must.
Finalists
And now for this year’s Final Four and grand champion of the best alias awards.
Third Runner Up – Ryan “Alias winner? Only time Vitale” Helton
Second Runner Up – Tamara “My Cup Boiler Over” Dunbar
First Runner Up – Josh “I put the MAN in” Pearman
Grand Champion – Mark “Anti Irish Apostrophe Discrimination” OMaley, so chosen because my ancient website will not accept the apostrophe in his name! Well played, sir. Well played.
Round One Awards
And finally, some plain old boring first round awards.
The Top Prognosticator award for the round of 64 goes to seven contestants who picked 27 out of 32 games correctly: Ryan Lamb, Jan Benshoof, Jeff Cardwell, Stacy Schulte, John Hart, Emma Dean, and Jenni Garten.
The Normally This Would Be Bad, But Thanks To UMBC, It’s Not award goes to Matthew Hickey, whose very strategy of picking ALL upsets virtually guaranteed him the fewest number of wins, 9. Nevertheless, “Captain Underdog” finds himself in 7th place…for now.
The Upset Stomach Award, once again sponsored by Pepto Bismol, goes to the three minions who picked all nine first round upsets correctly: Matthew Hickey (of course), Tim Warren, and Veronica Ramirez.
The Crash And Burn award goes to April Adams who fell from a high of 21st to 226th.
The Comeback Kid award goes to Wayne Murray, who climbed from a low of 750th all the way up to 105th.
The This Simply Isn’t Fair award goes to former first place contestant Isen Schafer, now in 20th.
The Who’s In 27th Place? Your mom! award goes to Kate “Mom” Ginty. Way to go, Mom!
The Apparently, They Are Playing Your Song award goes to Tim “Where’s the band?” Warren, currently in 2nd place and just two points off the lead.
And finally, the Green Jacket award goes to our round one leader in the clubhouse, Veronica “SWOOSH!!” Ramirez, sporting a win/loss percentage just over .500 but vaulting to the top on the strength of the UMBC pick. Veronica’s strategy was interesting, picking three 16s and then Villanova, but not advancing any 16s to the second round. Obviously hoping to hit the 16-seed-makes-history jackpot, her approach just might pan out. Stay tuned.
And with that, I have run out of energy and inspiration for one night. Things get easier for me from here on out, with only one version of the commentary required per game day. Until tomorrow night then, minions, I bid you adieu.
“In the middle of Huntington, West Virginia there’s a river. Next to this river there is a steel mill. And next to the steel mill there is a school. In the middle of the school, there is a fountain. Each year on the exact same day, at the exact same hour, the water to this fountain is turned off. And in this moment once every year, throughout the town, throughout the school, time stands still.” – We Are Marshall
It’s Deja Vu All Over Again
I was taking a peek at last year’s day two midday commentary when I realized that this year feels much like a repeat of last year. Twenty-four games into this year’s madness, we have only five upsets so far. With all the talk of “parity” in college basketball these days (and I generally agree it exists), the last two tournaments have been surprisingly “chalky”. I know this will sound like prophecy after the fact, but I personally wasn’t buying all the talk about many major upsets in this year’s tournament. My thinking was that this would be a year of mostly favorites. The remaining eight games will tell just how right I was, but nevertheless, I failed to follow my own advice and picked too many upsets myself.
The lack of upsets belies the fact that there have been several close and very exciting games, even if the better seed eventually won. But let’s not bury the lead, here. The top story of the afternoon was definitely an upset of significant proportion.
Post Game Thoughts
We Are Marshall! – The Thundering Herd went thundering into the round of 32, shocking the fourth-seeded Shockers of Wichita State with a thrilling victory. Marshall’s Jon Elmore was absolutely lights-out deadly, draining three pointers from the hash! This is another case, though, where the reality of the box score doesn’t quite match the feel of watching the game live. It felt like both teams were bombing three pointers left and right, especially Elmore and Wichita State’s Conner Frankamp, who each had 27 points. In reality, both teams shot an incredible 52 threes, but only made 17! Perhaps it was the frantic pace of this game coupled with the timing of those made threes that made it so thrilling. In any case, congrats to the 123 minions who picked Marshall and earned themselves 10 points. That definitely moved you up in the standings.
A Pyrrhic Victory For Purdue – The Boilermakers shellacked the hapless Cal-State-Fullerton Titans, at one point leading by over 30 points. Alas, it was a costly victory, as Purdue’s star big man Isaac Haas took a hard foul near the end of the game and exited with what would later be revealed as a broken elbow. It’s March Sadness for Boilermaker fans, as their chances of a deep run into the tournament diminish significantly without Haas, no disrespect to the Edwards boys.
Philosophical Question Of The Day – This one comes from long-time contestant Dan Kopp. “Which is tougher? Picking the teams that win, or picking the teams that lose?” Things that make you go hmmmm.
Sweet Caroline – The final game of the afternoon session was an overtime thriller between #7 Nevada and #10 Texas. The Longhorns controlled much of the game, leading by as many as 14 on the strength of their big man Mo Bamba. Unfortunately, after a furious Nevada comeback, Bamba fouled out with 3.8 seconds to go. A frenetic closing sequence after a silly Texas turnover failed to yield a winner, and the game went to overtime, but with no Mo Bamba. (See what I did there?) The hero of the game was Nevada’s Jordan Caroline, who scored the last three Wolfpack points of regulation to tie the game and send it to overtime. Weirdly, this game felt like an upset even though it wasn’t. Texas was the clear favorite in our contest with about 65% of the field picking them to beat Nevada.
The Butler Did It Again – While the popular upset pick of #10 Texas did not pan out, the other upset pick involving a #10 did. Butler defeated Arkansas in convincing fashion, earning a date with the now Haas-less Boilermakers Sunday. Butler was also a popular pick in the contest with just under 75% of the minions choosing the Bulldogs. Moreover, 105 minions may have reason to rejoice for picking Butler to advance to the Sweet Sixteen considering the injury to Haas.
Quick Awards
In case you are wondering, I have been reading through your aliases, and many are very clever and funny. As much as I would love to include the coveted best alias awards in this commentary, the judges need more time to tabulate their scores. Look for the best alias awards (hopefully) in tonight’s day two wrap up.
The Of Course You Did award goes to my brother, Josh Marshall, who picked Marshall to win for reasons that ought to be obvious. The funny part is that he didn’t even know they had won until I sent him a text. “How many points did I get?” I should have said ZERO for not paying attention. Hmph.
The Wait, I’m In WHAT Place? award goes to Jenni Garten, who continues to impress but has to be wondering how she could have only two losses and not be in first place. Welcome to Jeff’s March Madness Contest.
The Gimme Five award goes to the fourteen minions who picked all five upsets correctly: Brock Zagel, Jaxon Dailey, Bryce Hand, Tim Warren, Matthew Hickey, Kent Keller, J.R. Shrader, Christy Bowen, Dave Barndt, Billy Brundage, Rebecca Harper, Veronica Ramirez, Esther Neely, and Tatum Hawkins.
Of the aforementioned fantastic fourteen prognosticators, the I Love This Awesome Scoring System award goes to Orlando Boilermaker Kent Keller who is our current contest leader.
On the other hand, the I Thought Picking The Upsets Was Supposed to Help Me WIN award goes to Matthew Hickey, who guaranteed himself all of the upsets by picking nothing but upsets. Unfortunately, this strategy also guaranteed him nineteen losses and 94th place.
The That’s What You Get For Waiting Until The Last Minute award goes to Dejan “picked these with only hours left” Davis, currently in a tie for 761st.
The Look Out Below award goes to Bob Johnson who lost his national champ, Arizona, and dropped to 589th place.
The Rising Star award goes to Jeff Borod whose stock has risen from 714th all the way up to 138th.
Finally, I am compelled to award the Epic Fail award to myself for thinking that Kasiah Hand was Jonathan Hand’s son, when in fact SHE is his WIFE! Now that I think about it, I believe I have made that same boneheaded mistake in past contests. A cliche involving old dogs and new tricks comes to mind, but of course, I hate cliches.
OK, minions. It is now time for me to turn my attention to more basketball and clever aliases. Enjoy the evening session, and look for the next commentary in the morning.
“The winner’s edge is not in a gifted birth, a high IQ, or in talent. The winner’s edge is all in the attitude, not aptitude. Attitude is the criterion for success.” – Denis Waitley
What Day Is It Again?
The clock reads 2:38. I am certain I saw it read the very same thing at least once since I last slept. I have a real love-hate relationship with the opening two days of every tournament. On the one hand, it is arguably the best 48 hours in all of sports, with near non-stop basketball for two straight days. You just can’t beat the excitement. On the other hand, for me it is also a dizzying test of endurance, a battle with fatigue, attention deficit disorder, hunger, insomnia, and writer’s block. Undaunted, I soldier on.
It Felt Crazier Than It Was
I must say that today’s games felt closely contested in all but a few cases. That is why one might be surprised to look at the results and see that there were only three upsets, and one of those isn’t really a true upset, #9 Alabama beating #8 Virginia Tech. The two upsets we did get were doozies. That’s for sure. More on that in a minute. In any case, days like today are most painful to those of you who took more chances in your picks and chose more upsets. Those who played it a bit safer fared better. I will recognize some of those winners and losers in a moment, but first, a few thoughts from the night session.
Today’s Grab Bag
The Funniest Thing I Saw In A Game Today – If you caught any of the Texas Tech vs Stephen F. Austin game, you might have seen SFA’s Shannon Bogues (no idea if there is any relation to Mugsy) writhing in agony on the sideline as a result of a cramp in his hamstring. Now, before you think me sadistic for laughing at a man’s pain, what was funny was his own reaction when the trainers touched his leg in an effort to work out the cramp. The look on his face was not one of agony but rather the kind of look you would expect to see on a ticklish man being tickled without mercy. It was actually quite comical, and as a ticklish man myself, I can relate.
Two Words I Never Want To Hear Again – “Basketball IQ” – Contest veterans will know that I have an innate aversion to cliches, especially sports cliches. This one in particular is having the nails-on-a-chalkboard effect on me (which I suppose is also a cliche – oh, the irony). Chris Webber in particular seems to gravitate toward every sports cliche in the handbook. Honestly, I do not mind Webber’s color commentary. Just go easy on the “Basketball IQ” references, please, Chris. OK? OK.
Channel Surfing Is Good – I have my favorites on my cable box locked in to the four stations that carry March Madness games. That way I can quickly cycle from one to the next. The amount of channel surfing I do seems to be directly proportional to the overall competitiveness of the games. If the games are blowouts, I tend to sit on one game – the most competitive one – and ignore the others. Today I was switching channels a lot, an indicator that most of the games were competitive, and I wanted to make sure I caught the end-game drama. Speaking of close games and end-game drama…
Houston, We Don’t Have A Problem – Did you know that, before today, the Houston Cougars hadn’t won a tournament game since 1984? That was the end of the Phi Slamma Jamma era that gave us notable future NBA superstars such as Akeem Olajuwon and Clyde Drexler. The 1984 Houston team lost the championship game to Georgetown. Before today, the program hadn’t even won a tournament game since. Thirty-four years is a long time. Today’s win was anything but easy. In fact, Houston trailed San Diego State toward the end of the game. But with the game tied and time running out, Houston’s Rob Gray, sporting the man bun, hit a driving layup that was so impressive color commentator Steve Lavin dubbed it the “dipsy doo scooperoo.” But wait, there’s more. With one second left on the clock, SDSU completed a Christian Laettneresque three-quarter-court pass to Trey Kell who had an open, albeit difficult and rather long, three-point shot for the win. Alas, Trey Kell is no Christian Laettner, and Houston moves on to the round of 32.
History Maker Award – Today’s winner would rather not accept the award. If you paid any attention to the Conference Watch report, you might have noticed that the Pac-12 is 0-1. What you may not have realized is that the Pac-12 had only one team in the field of 64, Arizona. The only other two representatives from Bill Walton’s “conference of champions” were UCLA and Arizona State, both of whom lost in the First Four. So what’s so historic about that? I am glad you asked. ESPN’s John Gasaway tells us: “With Arizona’s loss to Buffalo, the Pac-12 has officially made history. (Not the good kind.) Per ESPN Stats and Info, no major conference has failed to send a team to the round of 32 since the formation of the Big 12 in 1996-97. The 2018 Pac-12 is the first of its kind.” Who’s the Truck Stop League now, Bill? And speaking of Arizona…
The Running Of The Bulls – The Buffalo Bulls pulled off the biggest upset of the day, clobbering the Arizona Wildcats by 21 points. I doubt the University of Arizona Men’s Basketball team will be planning any field trips to Pamplona any time soon. If there’s one rule of thumb for March Madness that this game exemplified to a tee, it is that the key to success in the NCAA Tournament is guard play. Arizona is a team stacked with bigs – really, really big bigs. Deandre Ayton is a giant of a man whom Jay Bilas compared to Wilt Chamberlain. He will absolutely be a lottery pick in the next NBA draft. But every time I looked up at the TV, there was one of Arizona’s big men holding the ball waist high, and then there was a Buffalo guard taking it away from him. Curiously, Arizona only had nine turnovers in this game. It felt more like 90. They simply were outplayed by Buffalo’s three-guard lineup, who together scored 67 of their 89 points. Keep an eye on this Buffalo team. They could go further than you think.
Kevin Harlan Is the GOAT – The man just has a knack for saying the right thing at the right time. I don’t remember how many years ago it was, but one year there were actually games being played on Easter Sunday. The game Kevin was calling featured a particularly impressive comeback, after which he exclaimed, “Back from the dead on Easter Sunday!” Classic. Today’s Harlanism comes from the Alabama vs Virginia Tech game. At some point in the game, Alabama’s feature player, Collin Sexton, took a shot to the chops which apparently loosened a tooth. I did not hear exactly what he said, but evidently Sexton actually commented on the tooth after the game, alluding to an impending trip to the dentist. After noting that Alabama’s next opponent is Villanova, Harlan quipped, “Nova on Saturday. Novocaine on Sunday!”
My Bonnies Drowned In The Ocean – Or perhaps they were eaten by gators, Florida Gators, that is. One of the popular upset picks of the tournament didn’t pan out for me and many others as the Bonnies of St. Bonaventure were thumped by the Gators. It was this game, in fact, that prevented our top two contestants from remaining perfect. And with that thought, we will move on to today’s awards. But first…
I Told You They Should Have Picked A Better Mascot – The wolves are 1-3 so far in the tournament. Enough said. And speaking of mascots…
The Mary Poppins Practically Perfect award goes to our two contest leaders, Isen Schafer and Stacy Schulte, who each went 15-1 today, losing only the aforementioned Florida-St Bonaventure game. Honorable mention goes to Jenni Garten who was also 15-1 but lost the Alabama game, thus missing out on the one upset bonus point and putting her in solo 3rd.
The Persistence Pays Off award goes to Ellen “Maybe I’ll Win This Year” Kozisek, currently in a tie for fourth and only one point off the lead. So far, so good Ellen. Maybe you WILL win this year.
The Take Me Back To 2012 award goes to Kasiah Hand, who as his alias suggests, did very well in the contest in 2012. So far in 2018, not so much. Hang in there, Kasiah. There’s nowhere to go but up from last place.
The The Larger The Crowd, The Smaller The IQ award goes to the 113 minions, a group which include yours truly, who foolishly picked Arizona to go to the Final Four. Our brackets are officially busted.
The I Told You So award goes to the eight contestants (names withheld to protect the guilty) who picked Oklahoma to advance to the Final Four. Everyone knows Oklahoma should not have even been in the field.
And with that, I am absolutely, positively, officially out of gas. Time for the Wizard to recharge his batteries for another full day of hoops.
“I hope you’ll understand
That I was born a ramblin’ man” – The Allman Brothers Band
Rapid Reactions
While I am thankful for the modern Ted Turner-CBS partnership that has made it possible to watch any and every game from the East coast opener at noon until the 1:00 AM West coast night cap, the arrangement has taken away the TV break I used to have between the afternoon and evening sessions. Thus, these midday editorials must be shortened. In fact, the first game of the night session (Kentucky vs Davison, Wildcats vs Wildcats) is already 5 minutes in as I write this.
Fast Start or Fat Start? – The madness started early this year with the first game of the day going in to overtime. The winners? The Rhode Island Rams defeated the much-maligned Oklahoma Sooners thanks in no small part to the 165-pound Fatts Russell, so named because he was allegedly a chubby toddler. Like I always say, I’d rather be fat than good any day.
Ending The Drought – The Tennessee Volunteers ended a tournament drought by notching their first win in four years. Sing a couple bars of Rocky Top with me.
Was That REALLY Necessary? – My game-watching was interrupted today by a (apparently obligatory) monthly test of the Emergency Alert System. Really? You couldn’t have picked one of the OTHER 30 days in the month to perform that monthly test?
Gonzaga Makes Me Sweat It Out…Again – Oh, the travails of being a Gonzaga fan. They narrowly escaped a scare from UNC-Greensboro to advance to the round of 32. The Zags have one of the longest streaks in the country both in terms of consecutive tournament appearances and consecutive first round wins, but that consistency belies the nail-biting they subject their fans to with alarming regularity.
The Best Thing I Saw On Facebook Today
The Text Of The Day came from Jim Cockrum: “If you missed it, Powerade just showed their new (quite funny) “broken ankle crossover” commercial right after an Ohio State player went down with an ankle issue.” Perfect timing.
Play Of The Day – If you missed the game between Loyola-Chicago and Miami (FL), you missed the most exciting game of the tournament so far. The madness started when the Ramblers’ Lucas Williamson managed to knock the ball off of Miami’s Lonnie Walker IV to force a turnover with about 23 seconds left. Down just one point, the Ramblers missed not one but two shots at point-blank range. Replay revealed the second shooter was fouled, but there was no call. Instead, Miami got the rebound, and Loyola-Chicago was forced to foul with under 9 seconds remaining. Walker missed his chance at redemption and the front end of the one-and-one, however. After securing the rebound, the Ramblers took it the length of the floor where Donte Ingram hit an NBA three-pointer at the buzzer to win. You may not realize that the Ramblers (whose mascot is a wolf, remember) won a national championship in 1963. Their quest for a second championship resumes on Saturday when they play the Volunteers of Tennessee.
The 8-0 Club – With only the one upset in the opening session, 47 minions are still perfect and tied for first with 13 points. How many will emerge from the evening session still perfect? My guess is none, but we will soon see.
This Just In – I just heard on the broadcast that March is colorectal cancer awareness month. Really? There’s a month for that? Now, I am in no way trying to make light of a very serious condition, especially if any of you minions or your loved ones have battled with it. But some things just, you know, maybe don’t need their own month.
Awards
This early in the contest it is difficult to come up with many significant or even insignificant yet witty awards, but I will give it a shot.
The Nowhere To Go But Up award goes to last place contestant Clayton Fields, who according to his alias apparently has a cousin who is a Kentucky fan. Maybe that Kentucky pick will help move you up the standings.
The Sorry, But Rules Are Rules award goes to the unlucky Russell Lair who unfortunately missed the contest entry deadline. While I would have liked to allow the late entry, alas, this is not possible. My guess is that Russell will be the first entry next year.
The Can You Hear Me Now award goes to my good friend, Brad Schafer, who has been blowing up my phone with regularity since about Tuesday. We used to have this banter on AOL Instant Messenger, but in case you missed it, that was app decommissioned in December. Thus, we have resorted to copious amounts of text messaging. Keep ’em coming, Pappy.
That’s all I have for now. The day one wrap up and awards will arrive in your inbox while you sleep and I don’t.
“A bee is never as busy as it seems; it’s just that it can’t buzz any slower.” – Kin Hubbard
Ready, Fire, Aim!
Hello Minions, and welcome back to our annual Spring rite of passage. We did not have quite as many entries this year as we have had recently, but we still have a very strong field of 766 entries. I do not know why we “lost” about 75 entries from last year. Perhaps my commentary is running out of steam after so many years, and the same tired, old jokes and puns aren’t as funny as they used to be. Perhaps interest in the tournament is waning a bit. Perhaps folks are worried that any association with NCAA basketball whatsoever will expose them to an FBI investigation. Or, maybe folks are just too busy for this foolishness. Seriously, I do not know what your week has been like, but I can tell you with certainty that for me it is best summed up by a wise and ancient proverb:
“They don’t call it March Madness for nothing.”
OK, maybe that proverb is neither wise nor ancient. In fact, I just made it up a few seconds ago. To tell the truth, just about everything I am doing this week feels like an exercise in ready, fire, aim! Not only are we on the cusp of the best 48 hours in all of sports, but I have multiple work-related tasks I am trying to wrap up so that I can head to Florida on Saturday for my OTHER annual Spring rite of passage, GOLF! So, if my early editions of the commentary this year do not seem up to par (pun absolutely intended), please forgive me. Work is distracting me from March Madness.
Enough complaining. Now that I have overslept, done three conference calls, signed some documents for the impending sale of my rental property (the signing agent locked his keys in his car in my driveway and had to call his wife to bring a spare set, poor guy), downed the first cup of coffee, and inhaled a bowl of marshmallow Fruit Loops, I am ready to down the NEXT cup of coffee, write some really clever stuff to make the minions smile, and hopefully actually watch some basketball in between the software installations I am grinding through today. I guess I was not done complaining after all.
Dilly Dilly!
One of the side effects of running this contest and watching so much basketball on TV is being subjected to hundreds of iterations of the same collection of commercials. Without a doubt, my favorites – and my most hated – will make their way into my tomes from time to time. I am truly impressed by the talent and skill of people who work in marketing. This is a skill I do not possess. When you create an add campaign that makes its way into the modern vernacular as a catch phrase, you know you have done your job. Where’s the beef? Got milk? Just do it! Nationwide is on your side. This year’s example of catch phrases that will live forever has to be Bud Light’s “Dilly Dilly!” I don’t drink beer, and I have no idea what this little phrase means, but I find myself exclaiming, “Dilly Dilly!” whenever something good happens. Don’t lie. You do it, too.
Then there is the latest round of Geico commercials, the “as long as fill-in-the-blank-is-true, you can count on Geico saving folks money” commercials. If you haven’t seen the one with McGruff the crime-fighting dog, you need to search it on YouTube. It is hilarious. Maybe McGruffy-Wuffy can give me a tippy-wippy on my picks next year – after he goes outside for his tinky-poo-poo, that is.
Mascot Madness
Those of you who have done the contest for years know I like to follow the team mascots, especially those that are unique or unusual. This year I have discovered a few mascots that simply make no sense. For example, can you guess what the mascot is for the Loyola-Chicago Ramblers? A wolf. Oh, absolutely, when I think of a “Rambler” the first thing that comes to mind is a wolf. Apparently the mascot used to be a hobo, but the era of political correctness deemed having a homeless person as a mascot culturally insensitive. While I do not necessarily disagree with that assessment, it doesn’t seem like much effort was expended in coming up with a replacement. I wonder if they play “Rambling Man” by the Allman Brothers before games.
Staying on this theme, the mascot for the Wright State Raiders is…wait for it…a wolf. Now, I suppose wolves conduct raids of sorts, but come on. When I think “Raider” I think “pirate” not “wolf”. Actually, “Raider” makes me think of Al Davis, but I digress. Then we have the uber-hyphenated Cal-State-Fullerton Titans, whose mascot is obviously some giant monster from Greek mythology, right? Nope. It’s an elephant. I suppose an elephant is a rather large animal, but I am not sure I’d go so far as to call it a titan.
And finally, I think it is obvious that the graduating seniors among us who are considering English as a major (why anyone would consider English as a major is beyond me, but to each his own) should favor Bucknell over Lipscomb. Both have the Bison as their mascot, but Bucknell uses the proper plural form, going by “The Bucknell Bison”. Lipscomb, on the other hand, are officially known as “The Lipscomb Bisons”. I am not kidding. Look it up. This may not bother most of you, but I know there are those among us who had Gary Hyslop for English in the 8th grade, and for us, it’s a real problem.
And how about those Bonnies of Saint Bonaventure? Does their mascot lie over the ocean? Nope. It’s a wolf. I am not making this up.
By The Numbers
This has become something of a ritual, so as not to disappoint, here is this year’s analytics rundown.
766 – The number of entries in this year’s contest. Not a record by any means, but I still marvel at how many people actually enter this thing every year.
116 – Number of rookies in this year’s contest. Welcome! I speak for all of the veterans when I say that I hope you do terrible.
1 – Number of contestants who took the it-never-works-and-never-will approach of picking the upset for all 32 of the first round games. I’m not mentioning any names, but it was Matthew Hickey.
6 – Number of minions who took the safe route and picked no first round upsets at all. For the record, that strategy has never been successful, either.
377 – Number of contestants who have made at least one pick that qualifies for the coveted scategories bonus.
13 – Number of games that Texas Southern lost IN A ROW to start the season, and yet they made the field by winning their conference tournament. They have the honor of getting obliterated by Xavier.
9 – Number of teams the ACC has in the field this year, same as last year, and also the most of any conference again.
0 – Number of times in 22 tries that I have won my own contest.
Early Awards
It is time to close this edition and get back to some real work, but before I go, here are a few awards to whet your appetite for what’s to come.
The First In Line award goes to Cheri Howerton-Rayles, the first entry in this year’s contest.
The Skin Of Your Teeth award goes to JJ Deaver, our last contestant to make it in this year literally seconds before the deadline.
For the second year in a row, the Top Recruiter award goes to the Cru Crew from Cru Digital Strategies, the private group with the largest number of members at 50.
The Coach K award, given in honor of the famed Duke coach with name that is hard to say and even harder to spell, goes to the contestant with the most interesting name I have ever seen, I think, in 23 years: Wojtek chodzko-zajko. Now, maybe the joke’s on me, and that is not said minion’s real name. However, assuming it is (since the rules say you have to use your real name, remember?), from now on I will just call you CZ.
The I Managed To Overcome The Technical Limitations Of This Ancient Website And Enter The Contest Anyway award goes to Jay Moritz the younger, or perhaps more properly Jay Moritz II. No doubt Jay’s first attempt to enter failed, because his father had already entered as Jay Moritz. Since my database model requires the first name/last name combination to be unique, Jay smartly entered as Jay2 Mortiz. Jay2 sounds like a cool hip-hop stage name. Maybe he should look into that as a career.
Ok, minions. I have to sign off for now and get back to some real work…and hopefully watch a little basketball in the process. I will return with the midday update early this evening.
“Whoever said, ‘It’s not whether you win or lose that counts,’ probably lost.” – Martina Navratilova
I had a strange experience tonight. I was watching a free throw shooting contest, and a basketball game nearly broke out. While I thought the first half of this game was well-played, fairly officiated (for the most part), and exciting to watch, the second half was a teeth-gnashing nightmare. I have watched some national championship games that were excruciatingly unentertaining (UConn vs Butler, anyone?), but typically it was because of a blowout, poor shooting by one or both teams, or generally poor play by one or both teams. But what was it that made this game nearly unwatchable after the break? Oh, let us count the ways…
The Body Count Is Rising – There were fouls aplenty in this game, 44 to be exact, 22 whistled on each team. I guess at least it was even. The teams collectively shot an unbelievable 52 free throws (weirdly, again even at exactly 26 apiece), even more unbelievably missing 20 of them. Neither team could take over the game in the second half because these whistle-happy referees decided to take it over instead, to the detriment of both teams, the fans in the building, and the viewers at home. Even the Nance-Hill-Raftery trio was noticeably exasperated by the utter lack of game flow in the second half. Both teams were constantly sending guys in and out to play the foul trouble dance, which prevented many of the star players from truly make a difference in the game. Meeks, Jackson, Karnowski, Collins, Williams, and Hicks were all handcuffed by often ridiculous foul calls. What the officials did for us tonight is make it impossible to know who the truly better team was. However, I’m the one who said complaining about the officials is a loser’s excuse, and I’ll own that. North Carolina won the game, and they are the champions. It could have been MUCH more entertaining, and a much better contest, had the refs not decided to take center stage and make it about them. This has to be one of the poorest jobs of officiating I’ve seen in a decade, and I’m not saying it cost Gonzaga the game. It didn’t. It cost ALL OF US a game, though, because we didn’t get a game. We got a parade to the free throw line, stupid reviews, and blatantly missed calls. More on all of that in a moment.
By The Numbers – If you look at the box score, you might truly wonder how in the world UNC won this game. They were out-rebounded 49-46. They were staggeringly awful from three point range, shooting 4-27 for just 14.8%. Compare that to Gonzaga who went 8-19 for a respectable 42.1%. Gonzaga also made two more free throws (a stat which surprised me, as it felt like all Gonzaga did was MISS free throws all night). About the only stat where UNC was superior was the one that mattered most, total points on 35.6% shooting compared to Gonzaga’s barely-worse 20-59 for 33.9%. The Tarheels did take 14 more shots that Gonzaga, and that no doubt was a factor.
Karnowski Was A No-Show – Gonzaga’s mountain of a man, Przemek Karnowski had his worst game of the tournament at the worst possible time. He made only one basket all night and missed seven shots from about 4 feet or less. Collins typically picks up he slack when the Big Pole is off, but that was impossible tonight with Collins getting whistled for a foul pretty much every time he exhaled. Before fouling out, Zach Collins was 4-6 from the field, 1-1 from the line, with 7 rebounds, 1 steel, and 3 blocks. Imagine what a game he might have had had he been allowed to actually play more than two consecutive minutes.
Upon Further Review, The Review Process Should Be Terminated – I am flabbergasted to the point of struggling to find words for how stupidly administered the review process has become in college basketball. In the space of three days I have witnessed two high-profile games in which a foul which was NOT CALLED become a foul after the fact because a review deemed the not-called foul to be flagrant. I was under the impression that the flagrant foul rules were instituted to cut down on player injuries, ergo, to punish intentionally rough play. I was also under the impression that called fouls could be upgraded to flagrants upon further review, but apparently that’s only in the NBA. In college, it seems, you don’t have to have a foul called first in order to upgrade to a flagrant. You can just go for the flagrant in one swell foop. No foul required. In the UConn vs Mississippi State women’s semi final and again in tonight’s men’s final we witnessed completely accidental contact that was not called as a foul in live action being retroactively called not just a foul, but a flagrant foul, which carries free throws and possession of the ball as a penalty. In the women’s game, this review took place AFTER THE ENSUING POSSESSION BY THE OTHER TEAM! How does that fit the spirit of reducing intentionally rough play? What possible benefit do these preposterous deliberations by the striped tribunal bring to the game? Now, as I’ve already said, Karnowski was not playing well in tonight’s game, but after that flagrant incident, if you were watching, you noticed he just completely quit playing altogether. He was done. This hurt the Zags even more after Williams-Goss, the only Gonzaga player who could score down the stretch, suffered a freakish ankle injury with 90 seconds left that basically made it impossible for him to be effective. Instead of hunkering down and trying to make one play when it counted, Karnowski just stood around and watched. Don’t get me wrong. I think PK is a terrific player, but I think his rough start coupled with the way the game was called in the second half just shut him down completely. Anyway, back to the topic of reviews. So at ANY POINT in the game, you can stop play, stand at the monitor for five minutes, and assess a foul that was not called in live action because it was “flagrant”. BUT, you can’t review easily fixable, non-subjective and blatantly wrong calls, such as the not-tipped shot that erroneously went to Gonzaga, because it didn’t happen in the final two minutes of the game. Stupid. Unspeakably stupid. And then, why in the world was the held ball where replay shows Meeks clearly out of bounds while touching the ball NOT reviewed when that took place under the two minute mark? The whole thing is a circus, capriciously and unevenly applied, unfair to both teams, exerting undo influence on game outcomes for reasons that defy any measure of logic, and barring major reforms, should be done away with entirely. And speaking of video reviews and changing calls after the fact…
How About We Just Let The Fans Tweet The Officials To Prompt Video Reviews? – I mean, it works great in golf, right? Why not basketball? Let’s just let the fans in the arena or at home send a tweet or a text or an email to the officials whenever they want to point out an infraction they saw on TV. Better yet, let’s let ’em do it any time before the game is over, even if the supposed infraction happened in the previous half. And let’s assess free throws and possession of the ball and such retroactively based on a video review prompted by these concerned citizens. ICYMI, the golfing world is enduring another rules-violation scandal involving an anonymous spectator emailing tournament officials about a rules violation committed by Lexi Thompson in the LPGA’s first major of the season. Here’s the kicker. This virtuous whistleblower waited until the next day to send the email, thereby increasing Lexi’s penalty, because she signed an incorrect scorecard. Of course, she had no opportunity to sign a correct scorecard, because she wasn’t notified of the infraction until a day later. Now, we can argue all day about whether or not she broke the rules, if the rule she broke is idiotic or not, and whether the penalty was appropriate or not. The first question I want to ask is, how in the world do these spectators get their hands on an email address for the rules officials? I mean, do the PGA and LPGA publish a “report an infraction” link on their websites? Here’s the point I really want to make. You don’t let fans have any input, ever, into the rules officiating process in any sport, because fans are not impartial by definition. I simply cannot fathom why officials in professional golfing events allow this to happen. There’s no way to know for sure, of course, but what if this particular “armchair weasel” as one frustrated fan Tweeted, noticed the infraction when it happened, but waited purposefully until the next day to report it in order to magnify the severity of the penalty? Had she been notified prior to the end of that round, she could have taken her two-stroke penalty, signed a correct score card, and avoided the additional two-stroke penalty. This whole fiasco cost her the championship, folks. Again, one can argue she broke the rules, and so it’s her own fault. Granted. But in a sport so obsessed with the integrity of the game, allowing fans with agendas to participate in the adjudication of rules violations is putting the inmates in charge of the asylum. Such a policy also unfairly targets popular players and tournament front runners, because they are the ones getting most of the TV time, whereas players further back in the standings or less popular are not being scrutinized nearly as closely. If you’re leading a golf tournament, every shot you take is on camera. If you’re in 69th, not so much. So again, until you can get a camera on every shot by every player all the time, and you can set up an official team to be in charge of reviews, and input from spectators is both forbidden and ignored, no decisions in golf should be made based on video review. None. Ok, back to basketball…
Championship Surprises – Aside from being horrifically not-fun to watch, regardless of which team you were rooting for, there were a couple of surprises in this game. UNC’s Joel Berry, whom I expected to be a non-factor due to his injuries, was the hero of the game for the Tarheels, scoring a game high 22 points and generally making the key plays when it counted. On the other hand, Gonzaga’s Nigel Williams-Goss, whom I expected to not be hampered by injury at all, suffered a freak injury at the worst possible moment in the game. You have to feel for the Zags, as they faced a perfect storm of circumstances and yet still were within a point with less than 90 seconds to play. But the Zags didn’t lose this game because of officiating, awful as it was, or because of that injury to Williams-Goss. Karnowski could not buy a bucket. Williams-Goss missed half his free throws. And they had that awful second half drought that I have seen way too many times this year as a Zags fan, and they could not afford that in this game.
They Aren’t Underdogs Anymore – It is my hope that the general public now recognizes Gonzaga basketball for the terrific program it is, and grows to love and appreciate it as much as I have over the past 18+ years. Mark Few and his men had a genuine breakthrough season, and while I wish it had ended with a championship, I am still very proud of this team. They went further than many thought they ever could.
Credit Where It Is Due – In some ways, North Carolina winning another championship is like the New England Patriots winning another Super Bowl. It lacks a certain novelty that leads to a “ho-hum, so what” response. That was certainly my response, but they really deserve better. Coach Roy Williams won his 100th NCAA tournament game, and that’s no small accomplishment. This is UNC’s sixth national championship, and to be fair, these particular guys were on a mission to avenge their own heartbreaking loss at the hands of Villanova last year. Mission accomplished. Congratulations, Tarheels. You are national champions.
And now without further ado, I present the 22nd Annual Jeff’s March Madness Contest final awards.
Final Awards
The Rookie Of The Year award goes to first-time contestant Raleigh “BadgerBuster” Wade who finished 5th overall with 168 points. Raleigh will receive a commemorative poster of every one-and-done Kentucky player of the Calipari era.
The Little Einstein award goes to the winner of the 12-and-under age bracket, Jordyn Glassley, who placed 13th overall. Based on her alias, it looks like Jordyn will ACTUALLY be receiving her favorite Blizzard from DQ, courtesy of dear old dad.
The Teen Wolf award goes to the top finisher in the 13-19 age bracket, William “McPick2” Harper, who finished 9th overall. William will receive an autographed photo of Michael J. Fox. Ask your parents who that is.
The Magnificent Millennial award goes to the 2nd place finisher in the twenty-something age bracket, Evan “Make March Great Again!” Whiteaker, because the 1st place finisher was our rookie of the year. Evan finished 19th overall and will receive a commemorative Make March Great Again hat signed by Donald Trump.
The Guessing Game award goes to Trevor “No Logic. No Strategy. All coinflips” Norcross, winner of the thirty-something age bracket and 3rd place overall. Trevor will receive a set of 63 quarters to flip next year, one for each game.
The 45 Is The New 44 award goes to forty-something age bracket winner and overall contest runner-up, Chad “My Picks Are Awful” Wright. Chad finished just six points behind our contest winner.
Since our contest champion this year came from the fifty-something age bracket, our March Madness 5-0 award goes to the second place finisher in that age bracket, David “ChumpChange” Boyd, who finished 17th overall.
The Geriatric award goes to our top senior prognosticator, Patty Carson, who finished 6th overall. Patty will receive a lifetime membership to life alert, just in case in all the excitement of the tournament she has fallen and can’t get up.
The annual Top Prognosticator award is typically given to the contestant who picks the most games correctly without regard to upset or scategories bonuses. Ironically, this would also be our contest champion, which I guess demonstrates how little upsets factored in to the ultimate outcome this year. So, we will give the award instead this year to the second best picker, Ethan Grunden, who went 50-13 and finished in 10th place overall. (Coincidentally, last year’s top prognosticator also picked 51 games correctly, as did our contest champion this year, but finished in 32nd place. Upsets, or lack thereof, really make a difference.)
The I Hate This Stupid Scoring System award goes to the lowest finishing contestant with a win/loss percentage of at least .700. This year’s winner is Sven Schoenherr, winner of 45 games but finishing in 414th place. By way of comparison, our 4th place finisher overall had the same number of wins as Sven.
The I Love This Awesome Scoring System award goes to the highest finishing contestant with a win/loss percentage below .500. This year’s winner is 25th place finisher Paul Smith, whose apparent definition of insanity involves picking only 27 out of 63 games correctly while still finishing in the top 25.
The Yellow Lines And Dead Skunks award goes to middle-of-the-road finisher and personal golfing buddy, Ryan Helton, who ended up smack dab in the middle at 421st. This is an appropriate award for Ryan, since the middle of the road is typically where his golf ball ends up.
The Final Four award goes to 4th place finisher Alyssa Regan who climbed from 703rd all the way up to a top 4 finish.
The Seventh Heaven award goes to 7th place finisher Jessi “J. Mar” Marshall. Jessi will receive all ten seasons of Seventh Heaven on Blu Ray.
The Oscar Meyer award goes 8th place contestant Tony “Toney Baloney” Isch, who must have spent the majority of his childhood having the other kids sing to him, “My baloney has a first name…” Tony will receive a year’s supply of Oscar Meyer wieners.
The Close Only Counts In Hand Grenades And Horseshoes award goes to 41st place finisher Alicia “Gonzaga sounds close to Godzilla” Davis, who would have won the contest had Gonzaga pulled off the victory. Since I have neither hand grenades (too dangerous) nor horseshoes (my HOA doesn’t allow farm animals), Alicia will receive a vintage Godzilla costume along with a 1/30th scale model of Tokyo to destroy in her next fit of rage.
The I Pretty Much Don’t Care, But I Didn’t Come In Last award goes to the contestant who picked the fewest number of games correctly (20), Makenna “Makuna Manada” Moen. Makenna made no re-picks whatsoever, won only 20 games, but still finished in 769th, which is not last.
The Blame Shifting award goes to last place finisher Chares “Shut Up Kara It Wasn’t My Fault” Marr.
The Family Feud award goes to the Brantner clan who finished at the top of the surname standings with an average score of 143.50. It’s weird because Family Feud host, Steve Harvey, had originally told me that my family, the Littles had won, but apparently there was some sort of mix up.
This award actually comes from alert minion Chris Deaver. The 800 Club Award For Contest Futility goes to three contestants who never made it out of the 800s in the standings: Andrew McGuire, Javen Wynn, and Wesley Brauen. These three will receive a prayer card signed by Pat Robertson, which may help them perform better in the contest next year.
Another good friend and alert minion, Dave Barndt, pointed out that two of his sons sandwiched The Wizard in the standings. We all three scored 119 points, but due to tie breakers, Matthew Barndt finished 140th, The Wizard Of Whiteland finished 141st, and Jonathon Barndt finished 142nd. I guess I’ll give them the BB&J Sandwich award, which at this time of night sounds delicious. I haven’t eaten anything in several hours.
The I Don’t Need No Stinking Re-picks award goes to my lovely wife, Heather Little, who despite not getting her re-picks submitted for reasons unknown (she claims programmer error, I claim operator error), finished first amongst the Little tribe and 21st overall.
The Zach Attack award goes to Zach McConnell and Zach Booher who, ironically, finished with the same point total (152) and right next to each other in the standings at 22nd and 23rd, respectively.
The Top Nerd award goes to 14th place finisher Jared “No Place Like 127.0.0.1” Adams. Jared will receive an autographed picture of Sheldon from Big Bang Theory.
And finally, the Ageless Wonder, the Big Kahuna, the Sharpest Shooter, Pun Absolutely Intended, Winner Winner Chicken Dinner, Grand Poobah of Prognostication award goes to this year’s contest champion, Shawna the Sharpeshooter Sharpe. Shawna correctly picked 51 games, more than any other contestant, but more importantly, she had both Gonzaga and UNC with original picks, and the national champion, UNC, with an original pick. Weirdly, the only games Shawna got wrong after the re-pick round were three games she re-picked. (She had Baylor going to the Final Four, which accounted for two losses, and then Kansas in the Final Four, which was the third loss.) Well done, Shawna. Listen closely and you will hear the minions singing, “We Are The Champions” in your honor.
With that, I am utterly exhausted and dreading four hours of meetings I have at work starting less than six hours from now.
Final Thoughts
And so we close the books on another year of Jeff’s March Madness Contest. Thanks to all of you for entering, for inviting others to join, for coming up with those clever aliases that make me laugh, for engaging me on Twitter, Facebook, and via email, and for generally making March my favorite time of the year. Thanks to my daughter, Amber Little, whose room is above my office, for putting up with late nights of Dad screaming at the television. There was a lot more of that this year with Gonzaga advancing as far as they did.
Thanks to everyone who responded to the survey regarding updating the contest website. I’m still pondering whether to move forward with that effort or not. If I do, I will send out a notification to this list later in the year for those who would like to contribute.
And now the time has come for the Wizard to step back behind the curtain. May the Lord bless you and keep you, and all those that you hold dear, and may the madness of March be more kind to your bracket next year.
“The reason sport is attractive to many of the general public is that it’s filled with reversals. What you think may happen doesn’t happen. A champion is beaten, an unknown becomes a champion.” – Roger Bannister
This One Is Free
It has become something of a tradition for me to write one installment of the commentary on one non-game-day during the tournament. Typically, it’s precipitated by some topic or trend or happenstance about which I simply cannot resist launching into a self-indulgent rant.
So, I am sitting here on the off night between the men’s national semifinals and the championship game. The women’s championship game is on my TV. My wonderful wife is cooking supper, and I’m cruising Twitter, reading the buzz about this year’s tournament. A recurring theme I’m seeing in the Twitter-verse is the downplaying or de-legitimizing of Gonzaga’s tournament success, and of course, being the Zags fan that I am, this is all the incentive that I needed.
While I realize the people I am talking to in the diatribe that follows will likely never read it, I still find some measure of catharsis in writing it. And since you are my captive audience, fair minions, you are the lucky winners of the Jeff Little’s Lecture Lottery. Here is your freebie for this year. You’re welcome.
Excuses, Excuses
As is always the case in the realm of sports fandom, the winners do the winning, and the losers do the whining. Here is a sampling of the gems I saw floating around on Twitter, the reasons why Gonzaga shouldn’t really be taken seriously, even though they will play for the national championship tomorrow night. (Editor’s Note: Even though I’m surrounding each of these in quotation marks, they are not always direct quotes. I will paraphrase in many cases, mainly because I am too lazy to go back to Twitter and look everything up.)
“Gonzaga had the easiest road to the championship game. They never had to play a seed higher than 4.” (16, 8, 4, 11, 7)
“Gonzaga hasn’t beaten a single team ranked in the Top 10 the entire season.”
“Gonzaga plays in a weak conference and they were rewarded with the #1 seed in the weakest region. They haven’t played anyone all year.”
“Gonzaga only beat West Virginia because of the refs gave them the game.”
“Even if Gonzaga beats North Carolina, it means nothing, because UNC’s star point guard is playing on two bad ankles.”
And my absolute personal favorite, “Gonzaga [is a bad team] because they lost to BYU.”
OK, boys and girls, it is high time for a not-so-quick lesson in the nature of sports. Over the course of this discussion, I shall attempt to either directly or indirectly address each of the criticisms above, and perhaps a few others not expressed but implied.
It’s Not A Beauty Contest – Polls are just that – polls. They are based on opinions, not objective outcomes such as wins, losses, and other hard statistics. I realize that there exist in our world certain activities that are referred to as “sports” but are more like beauty contests where the winners are determined by judges who vote – diving, gymnastics, figure skating, and the like. I do not wish to disparage any of those activities – they require incredible skills that I do not possess, but to me, they are in a different category from what I will call the “hard sports”. By hard I don’t mean in terms of difficulty or skill required to be successful, but rather in terms of soft versus hard in the way winners are determined. In soft sports, winners are determined by votes, and thus the outcome is highly subjective. In hard sports, winners are determined according to points scored in a well-defined framework of predetermined rules. While people from the amateur to the expert can and will argue ad infinitum about and vote upon who the best teams are in hard sports, the winners and ultimate champions (with the possible exception of College Football, a topic about which you don’t want to get me started) are not determined by these votes, but rather by results on the field of play. There a million ways to rank teams in any hard sport, from the highly subjective such as opinion polling of coaches and sports writers, to the more objective such as computerized advanced metrics, but ultimately, in hard sports, Bill “The Tuna” Parcells’ mantra rings true: “You are who your record says you are.” In any sport that features an end-of-season tournament of any form, whether it’s a single elimination tournament such as March Madness or the NFL playoffs, or a series-based, multiple-loss format such Major League Baseball or the NBA, it doesn’t matter WHOM you play. It only matters that you WIN. Winning provides all the legitimacy that is required of a champion.
You Don’t Have To Beat Everyone – The most hysterical of the aforementioned criticisms are the ones that attempt to either disparage Gonzaga’s 37 wins (the most of any team in the country, by the way) as unimpressive, or inflate their one loss as the nuclear bomb that destroys the value of all 37 of those wins. Now, had that one loss come in the post-season tournament, then it certainly would end the season and, in that way, be a bigger loss than any that may have occurred in the regular season. But this is sports 101, folks. The regular season serves as a qualifier for the post-season tournament. This is the way of all hard sports, granted that there are variations in how the qualifying works. At the professional level, qualification for post-season play tends to depend on wins and losses only, and that is the method I personally prefer. At the college level, qualification for post-season play is a mixture between actual performance as measured by wins and losses and the beauty contest which is the process by which invitations are extended to participating teams. I would love for the beauty contest element to be removed from the equation in college sports, but I don’t see that happening any time soon. Nevertheless, again with the exception of College Football, which I sort of toss out as the black sheep of the sports family because of the utterly nonsensical way the champion is determined, in all hard sports at any level, it is not necessary to go undefeated to ultimately win the championship. But, let’s take this a step further. It is also not required that you beat every other team in existence to prove the legitimacy of your championship. It is not even required that you beat every other team who qualifies for post-season play. It is not a round-robin system. You don’t even have to beat the “best” team. You just have to beat the teams you are required to play. The argument that goes, “Well, they didn’t even have to play team X, and if they had, they would not even be playing in the championship game,” is utter nonsense and completely irrelevant. It is not demanded of ANY TEAM, EVER that they beat the one team YOU think they can’t overcome. The tournament framework is set up according to whatever the system is, and then each team’s task is simply to win the games presented to them. Teams have zero control over whom they play. All they can do is win and advance. That being said…
It IS About Match Ups – Of course it is true that if the tournament bracket or framework is oriented differently, it will lead to a different outcome. That’s a given, and it is true at any level of sport, professional or amateur. It is a big reason why professional teams jockey for playoff positioning at the end of their regular seasons, because who you face in the playoffs matters, of course. As fans, we love to play the what-if game, but the what-if game is not what determines the eventual champion. Certain teams create match up problems for certain other teams, and whether a team faces its nemesis in match up terms is, without doubt, a critical factor in how far it is able to advance. No workable system could be conceived in which a team would have to prove itself against every possible opponent in order to emerge as champion. In March Madness, the champion is the team that can win six consecutive games against the opponents with which it is presented. This is true of all 64 teams entering the competition. You can argue all you want about the ease or the difficulty of the match ups (and honestly, that’s part of the fun of it as a fan), and indeed I have my own issues with the committee’s selection process. I do think it is flawed in many ways. BUT, that in no way can be used as an argument to somehow de-legitimize a team’s championship. If you win the tournament, you are the legitimate champion. That’s what winning the tournament means. It means you are champion.
The Best Team Does Not Always Win – Winning the tournament does not necessarily mean you are the “best” team in the sport by every possible measure. Again, there are many ways to rank teams, and the ranking process is most often a mixture of the subjective and the objective. But come on, folks, let’s wake up and smell the proverbial coffee. One of the reasons, if not THE reason, why we find sports so compelling is that the best team does NOT always win. I hate sports cliches, but I’m going to break one out, because it is appropriate in this context. That’s why they play the game. You may be the better team by every possible metric, but you still have to take the floor or the field and win. Winning is the ultimate answer to, “If you’re the best, prove it.” Just ask Geno Auriemma and the Connecticut Huskies women’s basketball team, without question the best and most dominant basketball program over the last decade, either men’s or women’s, and in the conversation for perhaps the best dynasty of all time, right up there with John Wooden’s UCLA teams. And yet they are NOT the champion this year, even though one could easily argue they are still the best team in the country. They are not the champion because they lost in the tournament, and that’s the nature of tournaments. That’s what makes them so compelling, so exciting, and so much fun to watch. Coach Auriemma gets this better than anyone, as evidenced by his broad grin after his team LOST the game. Why was he grinning? Because he knew that what just happened is what makes his passion so sublime. If all we had to do is compare pedigrees, ring the gong, and hand out the trophy without playing the game, no one would watch. No one would care. Incidentally, the team that beat them, Mississippi State, subsequently lost in the championship game to SEC rival South Carolina just a few hours ago. Why? Primarily because they don’t match up well with South Carolina, and South Carolina, being an in-conference rival, is a team familiar with their tactics. So, does this mean UConn was somehow cheated? Does it mean South Carolina’s championship is not legitimate because they didn’t even have to play the best team, Connecticut? No, OF COURSE NOT. So let’s shut up with all of the Gonzaga didn’t have to play Kentucky or Duke or Arizona or Villanova or Kansas or UCLA garbage, OK? It means nothing at all.
Good Wins And Bad Losses – And if you really want to play the whole Truck Stop League versus Conference Of Champions game, Bill Walton, let’s take a look at good wins and bad losses for some of the other teams I see being tossed around Twitter as more “worthy” than Gonzaga. On the season, the Zags have a single loss, to BYU in the final game of the regular season. Of course that is a game that they should not have lost, but it is their only blemish on the season. In the good wins column; they beat Florida when they were unranked, but they finished the season ranked 20th; Arizona when they were ranked 16th, final rank 4th; Iowa State when they were ranked 21st, final rank 17th; and St. Mary’s three times, all of which they were ranked in the top 25. How about Gonzaga’s foe, UNC? They had 7 losses on the season, which I believe is close to the most ever for a team receiving a #1 seed in the tournament. Bad losses? How about Indiana??!!! Anyone want to argue that Indiana is better than BYU? Didn’t think so. (Yes, Indiana was still ranked at that point in the season – 13th.) They also lost to unranked Miami and unranked Georgia Tech (GT did advance to the NIT championship, losing to TCU),Virginia when they were ranked 23rd, Kentucky, and Duke TWICE, and yet the committee still gave UNC a #1 and Duke a #2. Let’s take a team that Gonzaga didn’t have to play, say, Kentucky. Kentucky had a great season with only 5 losses prior to losing to UNC in the tournament. But one of Kentucky’s losses was to lowly Tennessee. How about UCLA? The Bruins had a great win over Kentucky when they were ranked #1, but lost to lowly USC and to Arizona twice. I could go on and on examining any team you care to bring up and pointing out a great win and a bad loss. So what is my point? You cannot take a single “bad loss” and hang it on a team like an albatross and say it makes them undeserving overall. Neither can you demand that a team run the gauntlet and beat every major contender in existence to prove its worth. Sometimes teams are required to win multiple games against stiff competition to win a championship, and teams that have done just that become the stuff of legend (the 1997 Arizona Wildcats immediately come to mind, and perhaps Danny Manning and the Miracles). But at other times, champions are not required to beat a parade of heavyweights. Neither situation makes a team more or less of a legitimate champion. It just makes for interesting conversation Tuesday morning at work.
“Complaining About The Officials Is A Loser’s Excuse” – This is a direct quote from one of my favorite radio play-by-play men, the Pacer’s Mark Boyle. Every fan complains about the officiating. I do my share of criticizing officials in this blog. It’s part of the sports experience. It’s no mystery at all that officiating can certainly influence the outcome of a game, but officiating is part of the game, and is one of many factors that influence the eventual outcome. A game’s outcome is dependent upon a myriad of factors, officiating being only one. It is rare that officiating alone can be blamed for either a victory or a loss. Is it a significant factor? Sure. Is it the factor that trumps all others? No. Yes, Gonzaga got the benefit of the missed goal tending call in the game versus Northwestern, but it is impossible to determine what would have happened had the call been made. At the same time, Gonzaga has no doubt been on the receiving end of missed or questionable calls as well. Every team in the tournament could be said to have both benefited and been hurt by some piece of officiating somewhere along the way. When a call happens at a particularly critical point of the contest, it certainly feels like a determining factor in the final outcome. But this is not the 1972 Olympics where the charges of conspiracy by the officials were more than a theory, but rather patently obvious to any observer. Officials are human and make mistakes just like the players. Overall, though, it’s a wash, and trying to use “the refs won the game for them” or “the refs lost the game for them” as a means to detract from a team’s success smacks of sour grapes.
Injuries Are Part Of The Game – Not only is officiating part of the game, but so are injuries. Injuries are endemic to any sport. The argument that a team like Gonzaga has or will benefit from an opponent lacking a key player due to injury, thereby implying that its success should be marked with some sort of asterisk, is asinine. Did anyone hear Roy Williams apologizing because UNC beat Oregon without Chris Boucher? Of course you would prefer to beat a team at full strength, but as a team in competition, you have no control whatsoever over the players your opponent is or isn’t able to field. People who already are dismissing Gonzaga’s championship, should they win it, as hollow because Joel Berry is hurt are completely clueless about the basic nature of sports. Staying healthy is definitely a key to success, but no victor ever surrendered the trophy because its opponent lost a player to injury. Unless you can prove the Gonzaga ball boy knee-capped the dude in a dark alley, the argument has no relevance at all.
And thus I conclude my Gonzaga apologetic. As much as it may sound like the ravings of an unabashed homer, and no doubt to some extent it is just that, I do believe that the principles I’ve presented apply equally to any team and could just as easily be used in defense of the squad of your choice. We love sports because, again to use a hated cliche, on any given night, anyone can win. People can and always will try to bring down the winner; it’s human nature to do so, I think. But the truth is that once they hand you that trophy, you are a champion, and no amount of Tweeting, talking, criticizing or complaining can take that away from you. Such will be the case for whoever wins tomorrow night, and for my part, I’m rooting for Gonzaga. All they have to do to be champions is win one more game. They do not have to silence or answer all of their critics. They do not have to defeat some other opponent who lost too soon for whatever reason its fans care to put forth. All they have to do is win one more game. Just one more. Go Zags!
“When I was a kid I got no respect. The time I was kidnapped, and the kidnappers sent my parents a note they said, ‘We want five thousand dollars or you’ll see your kid again.'” – Rodney Dangerfield
A Night Of Great Games
Tonight we were treated to two truly exciting games, which is always preferred to Final Four flops. I find it oddly coincidental that both games were decided by crucial rebounds in the closing seconds, and both games were won by the #1 seed. After all of the drama and Cinderella stories this year’s tournament provided with the likes of Xavier, Michigan, and South Carolina, the Championship match up followed the path of the chalk, pitting two top seeds against one another in what should be a truly titanic struggle.
I Tell Ya, I Get No Respect – While the numbers say the national final is #1 vs #1, it still has the feel of David vs Goliath, heavy favorite vs underdog, storied program vs mid-major. On the one hand, we have North Carolina vying for its 6th national championship, and on the other, we have Gonzaga who before this year had never made a Final Four much less a championship game. Gonzaga, whom Bill Walton said didn’t even deserve the #1 seed in the West in his now infamous “Truck Stop League” comment. Gonzaga, who lost one game and dropped three spots in the national polls behind teams that are long gone from the tournament. Gonzaga, who were constantly questioned about everything from being able to win a close game (they have now won two against two of the best defenses in the nation…except for THEIR defense, of course, which is, by the way, the top ranked defense according to KenPom.com) to getting monkeys and other jungle creatures off of Coach Mark Few’s back. While I do certainly recognize the special nature of South Carolina’s story and their accomplishments, it seemed to me that CBS made THAT the story, and Gonzaga’s victory was almost an afterthought. There’s only one way this Gonzaga squad will earn the respect it deserves, and that is to win on Monday night. To be sure, it will be no small task, but Gonzaga has proven that they are balanced, steady, poised, resilient, deep, and resolute. If anyone can slay the mighty Tarheel giant, it is these Zags.
The Steve Harvey Award For Bumbling Winner Announcements goes to CBS announcer Greg Gumbel who mistakenly referred to the winner of the first game as either South Carolina or The Gamecocks not once, but twice in the post game show. The media seemed so captivated by South Carolina’s story that they just couldn’t get away from it.
Live By The 3, Die By The 3 – Much will be made about Oregon’s inability to get a defensive rebound not once, but twice at the end of the game on North Carolina’s missed free throws. Down a single point and smartly fouling Kennedy Meeks, one of the worst free throw shooters on the team, Oregon’s Jordan Bell made no attempt at all to box out North Carolina’s Theo Pinson, who back tapped the ball to a waiting Joel Berry, whom they then had to foul AGAIN. Berry, who is an 80% foul shooter, unbelievably missed both free throws himself, but once again, Bell could not get the rebound, this time being essentially run over by Meeks. While one could argue that Meeks deserved a foul on that final rebound, that one play, or even the one before it, are not really why Oregon lost this game. Instead, Oregon inexplicably shot itself out of the game in the second half, repeatedly jacking up three point shots – sometimes very deep, longer-than-NBA-range three point shots – at a time when they had the game close and needed only to score. One has to wonder if the absence of Chris Boucher finally caught up with the Ducks. They seemed to lack any confidence in their inside game, or their ability to drive to the basket, instead settling for those jumpers that they continued to miss. As a team, they were 7-26 from three point range.
Making Sure The Coast Is Clear – Tonight my wife, Heather Little and our son, Graham, attended a birthday party for one of his friends at the local Pizza King. This was during the Gonzaga-South Carolina game, which I was watching here in the command center, and they were watching at the pizza joint. Heather would later tell me after they came home that she refused to live Pizza King until the game was over, explaining to the other parents, “I need to know what kind of environment I’m going to be coming home to.” That’s wisdom only 24 years of marriage can bring, folks. I will confess that there was a fair amount of screaming at the television. The offensive foul call on Zach Collins late in the second half was preposterous. Yes, I am biased. In fact, the Zags were called for 21 fouls versus just 14 for the Gamecocks, a disparity that my friend, Brian McBride, noted on Facebook could be attributed to playing styles. South Carolina drives to the basket whereas Gonzaga tends to spread the floor and throw the ball inside to the big men. Still, for this Gonzaga homer, it sure felt like South Carolina’s “amazing comeback” was due at least in part to them being put in the double bonus at the 10 minute mark while only being whistled for four fouls themselves. And speaking of fouls and double bonuses…
Is It Time For College Hoops To Go To Four Quarters? – The NIT conducted an experiment this year where they set the foul limit to an NBA-esque five fouls and you shoot two free throws on every subsequent team foul, eliminating the one-and-one altogether. They also reset the foul count at the 10 minute mark, effectively dividing the game into four, ten-minute quarters for foul purposes, though they still kept the traditional 20-minute halves for the overall game structure. One of the goals was to cut down on the early parade to the free throw line when a team collects several fouls early in the half, such as in the aforementioned Gonzaga game. Reports coming back say the referees really liked it. I’m not sure what I think. The one-and-one single bonus is a feature long lost from the pro game, and I don’t know if removing it from the college game is a good thing or not. It would certainly be consistent with the latest push to simplify the game as evidenced by the removal of the five second closely guarded above the hash call (last season, I believe). The women’s college game has already gone to four quarters. What do you think? Is this something you would like to see in the men’s game? And speaking of the women’s game…
What’s The Statute Of Limitations On A Flagrant Foul? – Did you happen to catch the end of the women’s national semifinal between Mississippi State and the undefeated Connecticut Huskies? The UConn women boasted the longest winning streak in collegiate basketball history at 111 games. Weirdly, their handful of losses over the last decade or so have all come in overtime. Anyway, this game was, indeed, in overtime, with Mississippi State up two and around a minute to play. That’s when a Connecticut player took an elbow to the chin on a rebound that wasn’t called a foul. The Bulldogs played an entire possession – about 20 seconds or so – which ended in some kind of dead ball situation without them scoring. In a bizarre turn of events that followed, the team of officials went to the monitor and reviewed the elbow-to-the-chops play that happened earlier to see if there was a flagrant foul. Now, riddle me this, Batman. Why didn’t they stop the game immediately after that play for the review? If they didn’t see it, so to speak, who or what prompted them to perform the review a full possession later in the game? Did UConn coach Geno Auriemma request a review? Was it some other official on the sideline? I have no idea, but the whole thing seemed really sketchy to me. After a ridiculously long delay, they ended up calling the flagrant foul after the fact, which gave UConn two shots and possession! UConn made the free throws to tie the game, and the Mississippi State coach was understandably livid. In what might be viewed as poetic justice, Mississippi State ended up winning the game anyway on an incredible buzzer beater after UConn made a boneheaded turnover instead of playing for the last shot. Anyway, add this rant to my long list of reasons why the review process in college basketball has to change, especially in the area of flagrant fouls. It would be one thing if a foul had been called, and then a review was made to determine if the foul actually called was flagrant, but in this case, no foul was called. Somebody please explain to me how you justify a review in which a not-called foul became a flagrant foul AFTER THE ENSUING POSSESSION BY THE OTHER TEAM. It sure feels like we’re making up rules as we go, and that’s bad for the game.
What’s Up, G? – In the spirit of my earlier rant on the frequent mispronunciation of Xavier, I would like to point out to Bill Raftery and Clark Kellogg that the word length has a “g” in it. The g is not silent, so I am not sure why they pronounce it “lenth” rather than “length”. Perhaps they don’t like the length of length and therefore shorten it to lenth? Regardless of the reason, it makes me cringe every time they say it, and because today’s college game is stocked with tall players with long arms, they say it A LOT.
Quick Awards
And now for a few appetizer awards before the main course, the final awards that will come on Monday night.
The Benedict Arnold award goes to 5th place minion Rob “Tar Heel Die Hard” Foley who, after correctly picking both Gonzaga and UNC for the final game, picked Gonzaga to win. I guess that Tar Heel fandom doesn’t die too hard after all.
The I Made It Out Of the 800s award goes to Paul Sopke who rose from 835th to 756th thanks to his one good pick of UNC.
The You Did The Math award goes to 8th place contestant Brian “How can I get 4 bonus points” Gerlach for realizing that even if his championship pick of Gonzaga pans out, he will still lose by 3 points.
The Breaking The Ties That Bind award goes to Alicia Davis, currently in 4th place, who leads the aforementioned 5th place contestant, Rob Foley, by virtue of the second tiebreaker ONLY. They have the same total score and the same win-loss percentage, but Alicia scored one more bonus point than Rob. One. It doesn’t get any closer than that.
And finally, the Sharpest Knife In The Drawer award goes to contest leader Shawna Sharpe, who also leads by virtue of a tiebreak, in this case, the first tiebreaker, which is win-loss percentage. Shawna can win the contest if UNC wins the championship on Monday night. If Gonzaga wins Monday, then Alicia Davis will be our champion, yes, by the thinnest of margins, with Rob Foley coming in second because of the second tiebreaker. That would absolutely be the closest photo finish in the history of our contest.
Only one game to go before we have a national champion and contest champion. The only thing I have left to say this evening is, Go Zags!
“First of all, a lot of respect to you. That’s a heck of a question. I’ve been doing this a long time and that’s the first time anyone’s ever asked me that.” – South Carolina Head Coach Frank Martin responding to a question from SI Kids child-reporter “Max”
Ladies And Gentlemen, Cinderella Has Arrived At The Ball
I remember coach Frank Martin when he took an upstart Kansas State team to the brink of a Final Four in 2010. In that year his Wildcat squad was a #2 seed and seemed to be on the fast track to the Final Four after a scrappy Butler team shocked #1 Syracuse in the Sweet Sixteen. But after outlasting Xavier in double overtime to advance to the Elite Eight, the stern, no-nonsense, flat-topped Martin made a decision he later regretted and swore he would never make again. He decided his guys had fought hard and deserved some rest, and so he did a walk through and shoot around on the off day between games rather than his usual grueling full practice. Martin would later recount that his team slept-walked through the first half of the regional final, and ultimately lost to Gordon Haywood and the Butler Bulldogs, who came one 40-foot heave away from winning the championship at Lucas Oil Stadium that year, incidentally, the only Final Four I have personally attended.
Fast forward to 2017. Martin is now at the helm of the South Carolina Gamecocks, the best team nobody was talking about coming in to the tournament. After beating Baylor in convincing fashion in the Sweet Sixteen, Frank (as he insists his players call him – not coach or coach Martin, just Frank) would not repeat his past mistake. Driving his players as hard as ever in the off day practice, he prepared them well for another victory in their showdown with SEC rival Florida, giving the school it’s first ever trip to the Final Four. While this story may not quite have the same small school panache as Butler’s miraculous run to the championship game in 2010, it is no less of a Cinderella story given that for whatever sporting exploits South Carolina may be known, Men’s College Basketball is usually not in the conversation. South Carolina certainly wasn’t on the radar of most of our contest entries. Only three contestants, in fact, be they lucky or be they prescient, picked South Carolina for the Final Four without using a repick. Those three contestants are currently ranked 1st, 2nd, and 5th in the standings.
As for the other game that happened today, you know, the boring one between the two college basketball Titans who have 37 Final Four appearances between them? Yeah, it was a pretty good game. Five points were scored in the final 8 seconds of regulation, first tying the game, and then sealing the two point victory for North Carolina with 0.3 seconds left on the clock. North Carolina’s second consecutive Final Four and 20th overall (an NCAA record) is the antithesis of the rest of this year’s Final Four, the other three teams effectively making their first appearance. (I say “effectively” because Oregon technically appeared in the “Final Four” in 1939, but that hardly counts. It was the first year ever for a men’s basketball tournament, and it included only eight teams. There was no final four, per se, even though Oregon went on to win the first ever national championship. When I talk about Final Four, I implicitly limit the conversation to the modern 64-team era, which began in 1985.)
Quick Hitters
Lucky 7s – Weirdly, since 1985, no 7 seed had ever made the Final Four until UConn did it for the first time in 2014, ultimately winning the national championship that year. Now, a 7 seed has made the Final Four three of the last four years: UConn in 2014, Michigan State in 2015, and now South Carolina in 2017.
How Big Is That Bandwagon? – 27 people jumped on the South Carolina bandwagon after they made the Sweet Sixteen, using a repick to put them in the Final Four. Good choice.
The Minions’ Picks – Of those who still have their national champion left in the tournament, it is a nearly even split between Gonzaga with 119 votes and North Carolina with 111. On the other hand, only six picked Oregon and just four are counting on South Carolina to complete the miracle.
Region By Region – A quick look at the Region Difficulty report shows that the South region was the easiest to pick, whereas the East (where most of the crazy upsets happened) was the hardest. Overall the entire contest field got less than half the games correct in the East.
Four for Four? – Even with the benefit of repicks, not a single minion picked all four Final Four teams correctly this year. By way of comparison, out of the 18+ million brackets submitted in ESPN’s bracket challenge, about 0.0035% correctly picked the Final Four. If we apply that same ratio to our field, we would expect about three of us to get it right. Apparently we are a bit behind the curve this year.
Sam, Spike, & Chuck – So what’s your favorite Capital One ad featuring the Samuel L. Jackson, Spike Lee, and Charles Barkley trio this year? For me it’s a toss up between “Steaks On A Plane” and “You Put Your TV On The Clapper??!!!” Now if only we could clap twice and turn Charles off during the halftime show.
You Mean Those Aren’t Real? – OK, confession time, minions. Who thought Grant Hill’s Pizza Hut “Pie Tops” – basketball sneakers you can use to order a pizza from Pizza Hut – were a real thing? Better yet, who WISHES they were a real thing?
Funniest Thing I Saw On Twitter Today – Recently at the Arnold Palmer Invitational at Bay Hill, PGA professional Cody Gribble was caught on camera casually slapping the tail of a large alligator to chase him off the course and back into the water. I’m not sure if that’s brave, bold, or stupid. In any case, after today’s upset of the Florida Gators, Bleacher Report posted an edited version of that video with the South Carolina Gamecock mascot superimposed over Gribble’s torso. It was classic. You’ll get it in a minute.
Awards
Now that all of the regional finals have been played, it’s time for the annual region-by-region awards, along with a few others.
The Beast Of The East award goes to Marco Randazzo for correctly picking 13 of the 15 games in the East region with original picks. That’s quite a feat considering how difficult the East was to pick.
The Wild Wild West award goes to perfect prognosticator Carol Moritz who picked every game correctly in the West region with original picks. Carol will receive a collectors edition copy of Will Smith’s colossal box office flop, Wild, Wild West on DVD.
The Crossroads Of America award goes to a dozen contestants who got every game but one correct in the Midwest region with original picks: Steve Porter, Jason Roehl, Aaron Marks, Manny Morales, Beth Gilles, Kathy Thomas, Martin Marks, Alyssa Regan, Lauren Hooley, Luke Walters, Rob Fair, and Dustin Pell.
The Southern Hospitality award goes the handful of minions who picked all 15 games correctly in the South region with original picks: Daniel Wirgau, Steve Elkins, Andrea Little, Denise Rodgers, and Kuba Njie.
The Stick A Fork In Me, I’m Done award goes to the army of contestants who have no winnable games remaining. Better luck next year.
The Biggest Loser award goes to Andrew Ables for dropping from a high of 21st down to 627th. Andrew will receive a year’s membership to LA Fitness.
The Enjoy It While It Lasts award goes to Nicholas “Talk about luck” Kusiak who has vaulted from a low of 777th all the way up to 2nd place. Sadly, Nicholas has no more winnable games remaining, and thus, this will be the highest he ever gets.
Now that we have reached the Final Four, there are no more upset bonus points available. The Upset Stomach award, sponsored by Pepto Bismol, goes to Bradley Walters for correctly picking 11 upsets and collecting 57 upset bonus points in the process.
The I Love This Awesome Scoring System award goes to Nathan “Link-N” Tucker who between upset bonuses and scategories bonuses has collected more bonus points than any other contestant, 77 bonus points to be exact. With more losses than wins (29-31), Nathan is riding the SCARy train all the way into the station, or at least that’s what he is hoping for.
The What Moron Invented This Stupid Scoring System?! award goes to Millie “KajunKi” Charlson who picked 46 games correctly, which is just two less than the highest number of correct picks in the contest (48). However, Millie hasn’t scored a single bonus point and sits in 266th place.
As I stated earlier, no one correctly picked the Final Four. The Close But No Cigar award goes to a few contestants who got three out of four correct: Joel Klein, Andrew Bolin, Jamie Prime, Patty Carson, Paulette Baines, Kathy Thomas, Bethany Davis, Evan Whiteaker, and Laura Connell. These folks got three out of four with original picks.
And finally, the Marco Polo award goes to Marco Randazzo, our current contest leader. Marco has a sizable lead, but can only win one more game. Chances are there aren’t any scenarios in which Marco can actually win, but I haven’t done the math yet, so that’s not necessarily a foregone conclusion.
This is shaping up to be an interesting finish to our contest. Those who can still win all three remaining games are certainly in the strongest position, but a very small number of contestants stand to benefit with big time scategories bonus points if either South Carolina or Oregon keep winning, and those folks MAY not need to win more than one game to win the contest. As I said, I haven’t done the math, but if you are so inclined, you have a week to crunch the numbers yourself.
It’s time for the Wizard to step behind the curtain and get back to real life for a while. I hope you are enjoying the contest so far, and I look forward to wrapping things up next weekend with the Final Four.
