“A bee is never as busy as it seems; it’s just that it can’t buzz any slower.” – Kin Hubbard
Ready, Fire, Aim!
Hello Minions, and welcome back to our annual Spring rite of passage. We did not have quite as many entries this year as we have had recently, but we still have a very strong field of 766 entries. I do not know why we “lost” about 75 entries from last year. Perhaps my commentary is running out of steam after so many years, and the same tired, old jokes and puns aren’t as funny as they used to be. Perhaps interest in the tournament is waning a bit. Perhaps folks are worried that any association with NCAA basketball whatsoever will expose them to an FBI investigation. Or, maybe folks are just too busy for this foolishness. Seriously, I do not know what your week has been like, but I can tell you with certainty that for me it is best summed up by a wise and ancient proverb:
“They don’t call it March Madness for nothing.”
OK, maybe that proverb is neither wise nor ancient. In fact, I just made it up a few seconds ago. To tell the truth, just about everything I am doing this week feels like an exercise in ready, fire, aim! Not only are we on the cusp of the best 48 hours in all of sports, but I have multiple work-related tasks I am trying to wrap up so that I can head to Florida on Saturday for my OTHER annual Spring rite of passage, GOLF! So, if my early editions of the commentary this year do not seem up to par (pun absolutely intended), please forgive me. Work is distracting me from March Madness.
Enough complaining. Now that I have overslept, done three conference calls, signed some documents for the impending sale of my rental property (the signing agent locked his keys in his car in my driveway and had to call his wife to bring a spare set, poor guy), downed the first cup of coffee, and inhaled a bowl of marshmallow Fruit Loops, I am ready to down the NEXT cup of coffee, write some really clever stuff to make the minions smile, and hopefully actually watch some basketball in between the software installations I am grinding through today. I guess I was not done complaining after all.
Dilly Dilly!
One of the side effects of running this contest and watching so much basketball on TV is being subjected to hundreds of iterations of the same collection of commercials. Without a doubt, my favorites – and my most hated – will make their way into my tomes from time to time. I am truly impressed by the talent and skill of people who work in marketing. This is a skill I do not possess. When you create an add campaign that makes its way into the modern vernacular as a catch phrase, you know you have done your job. Where’s the beef? Got milk? Just do it! Nationwide is on your side. This year’s example of catch phrases that will live forever has to be Bud Light’s “Dilly Dilly!” I don’t drink beer, and I have no idea what this little phrase means, but I find myself exclaiming, “Dilly Dilly!” whenever something good happens. Don’t lie. You do it, too.
Then there is the latest round of Geico commercials, the “as long as fill-in-the-blank-is-true, you can count on Geico saving folks money” commercials. If you haven’t seen the one with McGruff the crime-fighting dog, you need to search it on YouTube. It is hilarious. Maybe McGruffy-Wuffy can give me a tippy-wippy on my picks next year – after he goes outside for his tinky-poo-poo, that is.
Mascot Madness
Those of you who have done the contest for years know I like to follow the team mascots, especially those that are unique or unusual. This year I have discovered a few mascots that simply make no sense. For example, can you guess what the mascot is for the Loyola-Chicago Ramblers? A wolf. Oh, absolutely, when I think of a “Rambler” the first thing that comes to mind is a wolf. Apparently the mascot used to be a hobo, but the era of political correctness deemed having a homeless person as a mascot culturally insensitive. While I do not necessarily disagree with that assessment, it doesn’t seem like much effort was expended in coming up with a replacement. I wonder if they play “Rambling Man” by the Allman Brothers before games.
Staying on this theme, the mascot for the Wright State Raiders is…wait for it…a wolf. Now, I suppose wolves conduct raids of sorts, but come on. When I think “Raider” I think “pirate” not “wolf”. Actually, “Raider” makes me think of Al Davis, but I digress. Then we have the uber-hyphenated Cal-State-Fullerton Titans, whose mascot is obviously some giant monster from Greek mythology, right? Nope. It’s an elephant. I suppose an elephant is a rather large animal, but I am not sure I’d go so far as to call it a titan.
And finally, I think it is obvious that the graduating seniors among us who are considering English as a major (why anyone would consider English as a major is beyond me, but to each his own) should favor Bucknell over Lipscomb. Both have the Bison as their mascot, but Bucknell uses the proper plural form, going by “The Bucknell Bison”. Lipscomb, on the other hand, are officially known as “The Lipscomb Bisons”. I am not kidding. Look it up. This may not bother most of you, but I know there are those among us who had Gary Hyslop for English in the 8th grade, and for us, it’s a real problem.
And how about those Bonnies of Saint Bonaventure? Does their mascot lie over the ocean? Nope. It’s a wolf. I am not making this up.
By The Numbers
This has become something of a ritual, so as not to disappoint, here is this year’s analytics rundown.
- 766 – The number of entries in this year’s contest. Not a record by any means, but I still marvel at how many people actually enter this thing every year.
- 116 – Number of rookies in this year’s contest. Welcome! I speak for all of the veterans when I say that I hope you do terrible.
- 1 – Number of contestants who took the it-never-works-and-never-will approach of picking the upset for all 32 of the first round games. I’m not mentioning any names, but it was Matthew Hickey.
- 6 – Number of minions who took the safe route and picked no first round upsets at all. For the record, that strategy has never been successful, either.
- 377 – Number of contestants who have made at least one pick that qualifies for the coveted scategories bonus.
- 13 – Number of games that Texas Southern lost IN A ROW to start the season, and yet they made the field by winning their conference tournament. They have the honor of getting obliterated by Xavier.
- 9 – Number of teams the ACC has in the field this year, same as last year, and also the most of any conference again.
- 0 – Number of times in 22 tries that I have won my own contest.
Early Awards
It is time to close this edition and get back to some real work, but before I go, here are a few awards to whet your appetite for what’s to come.
- The First In Line award goes to Cheri Howerton-Rayles, the first entry in this year’s contest.
- The Skin Of Your Teeth award goes to JJ Deaver, our last contestant to make it in this year literally seconds before the deadline.
- For the second year in a row, the Top Recruiter award goes to the Cru Crew from Cru Digital Strategies, the private group with the largest number of members at 50.
- The Coach K award, given in honor of the famed Duke coach with name that is hard to say and even harder to spell, goes to the contestant with the most interesting name I have ever seen, I think, in 23 years: Wojtek chodzko-zajko. Now, maybe the joke’s on me, and that is not said minion’s real name. However, assuming it is (since the rules say you have to use your real name, remember?), from now on I will just call you CZ.
- The I Managed To Overcome The Technical Limitations Of This Ancient Website And Enter The Contest Anyway award goes to Jay Moritz the younger, or perhaps more properly Jay Moritz II. No doubt Jay’s first attempt to enter failed, because his father had already entered as Jay Moritz. Since my database model requires the first name/last name combination to be unique, Jay smartly entered as Jay2 Mortiz. Jay2 sounds like a cool hip-hop stage name. Maybe he should look into that as a career.
Ok, minions. I have to sign off for now and get back to some real work…and hopefully watch a little basketball in the process. I will return with the midday update early this evening.
Busily Yours,
The Wizard of Whiteland