“The Doctor: Never use force, you just embarrass yourself. Unless you’re cross, in which case… always use force!
Amy: Shall I run and get the manual?
The Doctor: I threw it in a supernova.
Amy: You threw the manual in a supernova? Why?
The Doctor: Because I disagreed with it! Now stop talking to me when I’m cross!” – Doctor Who
Custer’s Last Stand and Supernovas
Hello, fine minions. I know it has been a week since my wit last graced your inbox, but tonight’s tome must be brief. Tomorrow is Easter Sunday, and I still must iron my shirt.
For about 30 minutes this evening, it looked as though Clayton Custer and the Fighting Sister Jeans might actually pull of the miracle. The Loyola-Chicago Ramblers actually had two different 10-point leads in the second half. Alas, it was not to be, and the clock struck midnight on this year’s Cinderella. Michigan clamped down on defense and patiently waited for their shots to start falling, which they did. The final score of this game doesn’t really communicate how competitive it was. For me, the most enduring image from this game might be that of Michigan Freshman Jordan Poole, the hero who hit the buzzer beater to win the Houston game (remember that one?), tracking down Sister Jean to personally congratulate her. We will always remember the NCAA Tournament that made a 98-year-old nun into a social media sensation.
In Spanish, “No va” loosely translated can mean “It won’t go” or, in the imperative sense, “Don’t go!” Tonight, NOVA definitely meant the latter, as in, Kansas, you don’t go to the national championship game this year. In fact, Kansas should have just gone to the team bus at halftime. Oy Vey! The Villanova Wildcats are the Golden State Warriors of college basketball. They set the record for number of three point baskets made in a Final Four game…IN THE FIRST HALF! If I’m not mistaken, this year’s team also holds the record for most 3’s in a tournament and most 3’s in a season. At one point in this game they had like 15 made 3’s and no made free throws, because they hadn’t shot any! That’s just madness! This game was never close. Kansas was never remotely in it. Once Villanova obtained their first double-digit lead, I do not believe they ever relinquished it.
I heard someone call Michigan’s Moe Wagner (pronounced VOG-NER like the composer) “Mo’ Buckets”. Actually, that’s not original. The NBA’s Marreese Speights is the original Mo’ Buckets, but I digress. Anyway, Moe had better score a LOT mo’ buckets on Monday night, or the national championship could be a very lopsided affair.
So, after all the craziness of this year’s tournament, after UMBC and Buffalo and Sister Jean and Nevada and Florida State and Kansas State, here we are left with two big conference behemoths playing for the national title. Sure, Michigan is a bit of a surprise, and in an odd bit of irony, the bigger school will be playing David to the smaller school’s basketball Goliath. Let us hope it is at least a competitive game.
Quick Awards
We will have the full rundown of the final contest awards Monday night. For now, I have just a few shout outs.
- The Sister Jean award goes to Paula Novak whose incredible run in our contest, like that of Loyola-Chicago, ends tonight. She remains in first place, but will not finish there. Great job, Paula!
- The Sour Grapes award goes to my daughter, Amber Little, who has spent the better part of a week complaining about everything from her poor performance to Elliott Murray’s strong showing in this year’s contest. Better luck next year, kiddo.
- The Blowin’ Up My Phone award goes to my good friend, Brad “Pit of Misery! Dilly Dilly!” Schafer, who supplies his own commentary to me personally in SMS soundbites. If you think MY stuff is funny…
- The 15 Minutes Of Fame award goes to the fifteen amazing contestants who managed to pick both of tonight’s winners with ORIGINAL picks: Tony Isch, Kate Ginty, Steve Glassley, Jordin Booher, Carol Taylor, Joseph Jenkins, Alicia Davis, Alyssa Regan, Trevor Norcross, Margaret Dean, Gary McCharlson, Emily Stauffacher, Michael Randazzo, David Kinchelo, and Ben Snyder.
- The Contest Troll award goes to non-participant Paul Gallagher, who informed me on Thursday that while he didn’t enter, he’s been faithfully reading the commentary. Isn’t that why everyone enters anyway?
- The Best Dressed award goes to Villanova coach Jay Wright, who reportedly comes to every game in a $5,000 suit. My entire wardrobe doesn’t cost $5,000.
- The Phun With Phones award goes to Graham Little, who finally joined the I-dropped-my-cell-phone-and-broke-it club this weekend. That’s one way to get a new iPhone, I guess (don’t get any ideas, minions).
The contest, like the tournament, has come down to two contestants vying for first place. I would tell you who they are, but that would spoil the suspense. Actually, if you are curious, it will take you all of five minutes to look at the standings and do the math. We will announce the champion along with all the other fabulous prizes on Monday night.
Until then…
The Wizard of Whiteland