Monthly Archives: March 2016

Day One Midday Report

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“After what she did to me, I feel toward her as I’d feel toward a Yale man.” – Thurston Howell III

A Great Start To The Madness

Sure, there were a couple of blowouts, but we were treated to some truly great games today. If you didn’t get to watch, here’s a sampling of what you missed.

  • Sack That Quarterback – Duke’s Derryck Thornton went all J.J. Watt on UNC Wilmington’s Chris Flemmings, nearly taking them both out of the game. No on is entirely sure exactly what Thornton was doing, but I heard the Cleveland Browns expressed interest after the game.  Speaking of the Duke/UNC Wilmington game…
  • Block/Charge Needs An Overhaul – The block/charge call is becoming the “when is a catch a catch” of basketball. It’s so subjective as to be almost impossible to apply consistently, and when called at inopportune times, it can really change the flow of a game. Case in point, UNC Wilmington was down 6 with 90 seconds left when UNC-Wilmington’s Dylan Sherwood appeared to draw a charge Derryck Thornton. Only the refs didn’t see it that way. Instead, Thornton got the basket and the foul, essentially putting an end to Wilmington’s comeback bid.
  • Gruden’s Doppleganger – Is it just me, or does Steve Lappas, the color commentator at the Denver location (where Purdue played), sound a lot like John Gruden of Monday Night Football fame?
  • A Dozen Reasons to Love (or hate) March Madness – It was a good day to be a 12 seed. Living up to their reputation as the best bets for first round upsets, both 12 seeds that played in the opening session won today. Yale held off a furious comeback attempt from Baylor, handing the Bears their second consecutive first round exit at the hands of a double digit seed. Apparently this wasn’t such a difficult pick, as 171 minions got it right. In the other 5/12 matchup…
  • Boiler Down – Arkansas Little Rock “stunned” Purdue in a toenail-pulling agony of a double overtime game. In fact, that game is the reason this commentary is much later than usual. Could Purdue have tried any harder to lose this game? They were up 14 with less than 5 minutes to go. Does anyone know why Vince Edwards stood motionless in the back court with six seconds left and the game tied? How could you possibly have so little game awareness? Didn’t they also have two timeouts left? Purdue will look back at this game as a parade of blunders and missed opportunities, but such is March Madness.
  • Don’t Adjust Your TV Set – What’s up with the lighting in the arena in Denver? Is it my eyes, my TV, or does it just reflect weirdly off the floor? It was so distracting I kept switching the “modes” on my TV to try to make it look right. Anyone else as OCD as me?
  • Why Are The Last 2 Minutes More Important Than The First 2? So the officials can go to the monitors to confirm who last touched the ball on an out of bounds play, but only in the last two minutes. Does anyone really believe that a close out of bounds play in the last two minutes is more consequential to the outcome of the game than a similar play in the first two minutes? I know they are trying to save time, but the real problem isn’t when the officials are allowed to check the monitor. The problem is that it takes too long. If the monitor is going to be used, it should be used on every play, but there should be procedures in place to keep the referees from standing at the scorers table for five minutes trying to figure out whether there should be 0.8 or 0.7 left on the clock. To quote a rather famous book, “strain out a gnat and swallow a camel.”

Quotables

  • “The Plummer [sic] with the flush!” – Ian Eagle responding to a dunk by Duke’s Marshall Plumlee.
  • “I’ve watched tape on them. They play to win each game.” – Duke Coach K in his pre-game interview. This one was submitted by alert minion Andrew Ables who observed, “Wow, I figured they would play to lose.”

Midday Awards

I only have time for a few quick ones, minions. I’m missing the evening session games. We’ll have more awards tonight after Day One is complete.

  • The Eight Is Enough award goes to the nine minions who picked all 8 games from the afternoon session correctly: Andrew Bolin, Chad Wright, Ryan Dennis, Ryan Taylor, Bill Bailey, Jim Heffner, AJ Spuches, Caroline Randazzo-Modarressy, and Wayne McGuire. Each will receive a signed picture of Dick Van Patten.
  • The Captain Obvious award goes to Brian Gaffney and Amber Little, both of whom asked me, essentially, “Who in the world would pick Yale to beat Baylor?” 171 people in this contest, that’s who.
  • The Achy Breaky Heart award goes to the 22 minions who picked Purdue to go all the way. You know who you are. Don’t tell your heart, your achy breaky heart…
  • The Best Hair award definitely goes to the Virginia Cavaliers. No crew cuts on that team, no sir.
  • The Little Red Caboose award goes to Connie Randazzo and Warren Gambella, each with just two wins so far and at the bottom of the standings. Don’t worry, folks. There are a lot of games left to be played.

Ok, minions, check back late this evening or in the morning for the Day One wrap up.

The Wizard of Whiteland

Contest Homepage

The Ball Is Tipped

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“Luck is believing you’re lucky.” – Tennessee Williams

A Fitting Beginning

The only thing more apropos than starting March Madness on St. Patrick’s Day would be if the Notre Dame Fighting Irish were actually playing today. Alas, no such luck. They play tomorrow. Whether you’re relying on luck, skill, or a little bit of both, good luck to you, and welcome to the 21st annual installment of Jeff’s March Madness contest. Some of you have literally grown up with this contest, making your first entry as a child, and now you’re off to college or fully engaged in adult society. I must say it’s been an exercise in perspective watching what began in 1996 with a few friends and family literally take on a life of its own. I hope that you’ve enjoyed the journey as much as I have.

So, sit down, strap in, shut up, and hold on! The best 48 hours in all of sports is about to begin. If you’re new to the contest, it’s important to enter the contest with the proper expectations. There will be shouts of joy, laughter, tears, weeping, wailing, and gnashing of teeth, but don’t take it too seriously. I know it will be hard to swallow when your co-worker who attended one basketball game with you six years ago and asked how many points they get for a touchdown ends up 217 positions ahead of you in the standings, but just relax. When his one 6, two 11s, and a 13 Final Four goes down in flames, you’ll get the last laugh. And remember, it’s all for fun.

And for those of you for whom NOTHING is EVER a game, well, just make sure there are no pets, small children, or expensive breakable items nearby when you check the standings.

March Madness 2016: First Thoughts

Now that the important matter of picking you’re incredibly clever alias is out of the way, let us turn our attention to other important matters.

  • Sweet 16? – In the 64-team era, no #16 seed has ever won a game. Even the Detroit Lions were never this futile: 0 and 124. I keep hearing that it’s going to happen “one of these years”. I also seem to be hearing that THIS year might be as good a chance as any. Why all the buzz around the 16s this year? Part of it is the perceived parity in college basketball this year caused by a number of factors, most notably, the one-and-done nature of NBA prospects, the new 5th-year-transfer rules that allow players to move to a different school for their final season, the absence of two of the best teams in the nation from the tournament altogether (Louisville and SMU), and the head-scratching decisions of this year’s selection committee. (Syracuse and Tulsa got in, but Monmouth and St. Mary’s didn’t?) Whether it will actually happen, this year or ever, is anyone’s guess, but if it does, someone is going to hit the bonus point jackpot in the contest.
  • First Four Are A Joke No More – When the idea of one or more “play-in” games was first introduced, the teams who participated were essentially the punch line of one of my opening jokes. Typically they were playing for the privilege of being destroyed by the tournament’s top seed overall. That all changed when the committee went to the “First Four” model and started having respectable teams play for spots that mattered. Consider this.  At least one team from the First Four has subsequently advanced to the round of 32 teams every year since its inception. In 2011, 11 seed VCU advanced all the way to the Final Four.  Two First Four teams have advanced to the Sweet Sixteen: 13 seed La Salle in 2013 and 11 seed Tennessee in 2014.
  • The Tooth Hurts – I don’t know what the cosmic connection is between dentistry and basketball, but 51 of our entries belong to private groups set up by dentist offices. Maybe they get a lot of post-game walk-ins from tootheless players.
  • The Thing I’m Most Looking Forward To – No, it’s not winning my own contest, which I never have. It’s not reading all of the clever, punny aliases you minions come up with. It’s not even having multiple games to watch for four consecutive days. The thing I’m most looking forward to is the 4:00 PM matchup today between Kansas and Austin Peay. Why? I’m glad you asked. It’s so that I can hear those Governors fans shout in perfect harmony, “Let’s! Go! Peeeee!” I hope they have plenty of bathrooms in Des Moines.

By The Numbers

It’s become something of a tradition for me to give a by-the-numbers rundown in the opening commentary, and so as not to disappoint, here it is.

  • 816 – Total number of entries in this year’s contest, yet another record. It is also the number of quips, puns, witticisms, and obscure cultural references I have to wade through to hand out the coveted Best Alias Award.
  • 181 – Number of rookies in this year’s contest. Welcome!
  • 14 – Number of WINS the Holy Cross Crusaders have for the entire season.  The Crusaders are the only team in the field with a losing record, and if you count the First Four, they have already won a game.
  • 7 – Number of teams in the tournament from the Big 10, aka, the B1G, conference.
  • 14 – Actual number of teams IN the Big 10 conference.
  • 10 – Actual number of teams in the Big 12 conference.
  • 1 – Actual number of conferences that can count, the Pac 12.
  • 2 – Number of minions who couldn’t help themselves and picked all 32 upsets in the first round. At least one person tries this strategy every year, and even with the re-picks, it has never worked.
  • 3 – Number of minions who picked the favorite to win every first round game. Again, this “safe” but boring strategy has been tried every year but has never been effective.
  • 512 – Number of minions who made at least one pick that is eligible for the coveted Scategories bonus.
  • 1,000,000 – Number of ants in my downstairs bathroom. I’m not calling an exterminator. It’s personal this time.
  • 0 – Number of Anteaters available to take care of my problem.  (The UC-Irvine Anteaters didn’t make the field this year.)
  • 1 – Number of 4 or 5 seeds that have won a national championship. Of all the 4 and 5 seeds in the 64 team era, only the 4 seed Arizona Wildcats in 1997 have won a national championship.
  • 20 – Number of teams seeded lower than 4 in their region to reach the Final Four since 1985.  The other 104 were seeded 1 through 4.

First Awards

Just as the NCAA has the pre-season poll, here we have the pre-contest awards.  These are just to whet your appetite (especially you rookies) for what’s to come.

  • The Persistence Pays Off award goes to Mason Gallmeyer and Teri Gschwind who suffered through the Monday morning angst of my site’s technical difficulties.  Mason entered his picks no less than four times before succeeding, and Teri, who lives in Germany, had to remote to a machine in the U.S. to get hers in. Bravo, minions. Bravo.
  • The Early Bird Wins The Contest? award goes to my beloved wife, Heather Little, this year’s very first entry Monday morning. Not sure how she avoided the technical issue debacle, but nevertheless, three hugs for my biggest fan.
  • The Top Recruiter award goes to Daniel Labbato whose connection with Brunswick KiDDS dentistry netted 50 entries! I need you on my marketing team.
  • The Rotten Egg award goes to the last minion in, Andres Fradkin. Andres got his picks in literally with seconds to spare.
  • The Founding Fathers award goes to long time contestant Charlie Hillman for playing such a crucial role in the success of this contest. It was Charlie who first introduced me to this thing called PHP in 2003, and that was a turning point in the life of the contest.  From that year forward, the contest has been completely online and automated. Tip of the hat to you, Charlie. Your inspiration played no small part in all this.

Ok, minions, I know this was short, but sadly trivial matters such as my full-time paying job are getting in the way, and so I must attend to those matters for a while. Do not fret. There is much more commentary to come, including the highly anticipated Best Alias awards.

Until then,

The Wizard of Whiteland

Contest Homepage