“A beaver is about like the ninjas – the suckers only work at night and they’re hard to find.”

Si Robertson

This was an unusual night in the history of March Madness. As has been previously mentioned, this is the first tournament where three teams seeded 11 or higher made the Sweet Sixteen. Three of them played today, and I’m certain that’s never happened before. Other firsts and quasi-firsts from today include:

• The Oregon State Beavers became the first 12 seed to advance to the round of eight in almost 20 years, and only the second 12 seed to do so all time. Missouri was the other in 2002. The Beavers have been quite busy lately, as the cliche goes. They have won nine games in a row, all of them on the road or at a neutral site. Four of their last six victories have come over top 25 teams. They have made an incredible 51 out of 59 free throws so far in this tournament.
• Oral Roberts was one missed buzzer beater away from becoming the first 15 seed to ever reach the round of eight. Max Abmas‘ open three point attempt hit the rim as time expired, and the Arkansas Razorbacks flashed hand signs (I was going to say “gang signs” but I don’t know that for a fact) and woofed it up like those little piggies hadn’t just escaped by the hair of their chinny chin chins. Arkansas basically man-handled ORU in the second half, pushing, poking, grabbing, shoving and playing very, um, “physical”. Nevertheless, the Golden Eagles, who led for much of the game, never quit, and had a legitimate chance at victory even having to go the length of the court in the final 3.1 seconds. The irony is that despite their physical play, to a man, every Razorback player shouted “AND ONE” after made basket, a practice made infamous by Draymond Green of Michigan State and now Golden State fame, that I personally think should be banned from basketball forever. Nothing is more annoying than a player who thinks he’s fouled if the defender is inside the 6-foot COVID-19 proximity of him. I think if shouting “AND ONE” after a made basket carried a mandatory Class B technical foul, it would probably stop. If I were rule committee chairman for a day, that would be the first one to go in. The second would be that if you change pivot feet, it’s a travel. Oh, wait, that one’s already there, isn’t it? You’d never know it from watching the games I watched today, but I digress.
• In the only game not featuring a double-digit seed, the Baylor Bears overcame a slow start to dispatch the Villanova Wildcats upset bid. The aforementioned Arkansas Razorbacks are going to have their hands full with this Baylor squad.
• Finally, not since the Phi Slama Jama days of Clyde Drexler and Hakeem Olajuwan have the Houston Cougars advanced to the Elite Eight. What’s more, this Houston team will become the first in tournament history to play four double-digit seeds in a single tournament. (They have victories over #15 Cleveland State, #10 Rutgers, and #11 Syracuse. Next up is #12 Oregon State.) It can be argued that their road to the Final Four has been the easiest imaginable. Syracuse could get nothing going tonight, their dreadful shooting resulting in them failing to reach 50 points. Buddy Buckets, aka Buddy Boeheim, the coach’s son, could not summon any of the shooting magic that made him a household name last week, and perhaps the only thing more stifling than that Syracuse zone is the swarming Houston defense they faced tonight.

More Random Rants

• H&R Block’s cheesy jingle doesn’t make tax time any more fun, and dancing “tax pros” are exactly who I want helping me with the annual ritual.
• Reggie Miller is back with us in the context of a March Madness-themed Wendy’s ad. Reggie was a phenomenal shooter. I also happen to think that Reggie is a competent color commentator. What Reggie is not is a good actor, but, nobody’s perfect.
• Lily the AT&T girl is all over the place this year, not just in commercials, but also in cutaways introduced by Greg Gumble as if they are part of the broadcast. Themed as “Lily Uncomplicates March Madness”, they are moderately funny in a cute sort of way, I guess, but what I come away with is the thought that either the desk is too tall or her chair is too short.

Best Alias Awards, Part Deux

After the first week of games concludes and the re-pick round begins, many of you minions switch up your aliases as a commentary on your performance or other matters relating to the tournament. Below are the ones that caught my attention this year.

• The Only A Programmer Will Get It award goes to Ken “I am !Groot” Schmidt, who not only cleverly included my Groot reference in the commentary, but also incorporated some top-shelf nerdiness that only computer programmers are likely to understand. The exclamation point is used in many programming languages as a logical operator meaning NOT, thus, Ken’s alias properly reads, “I am NOT Groot.”
• The Best Crack On the Big Ten award goes to Matthew “Should be the B0G” Risner. No explanation necessary, hopefully.
• The Best COVID-19 Joke award goes to Solomon “Good Picks Still Quarantined” Clair. Solomon is currently tied for 334th.
• And finally, the I Love This Country award goes to Josh “Sold My Tickets – Thank You Capitalism” Pearman. My wife informed me today that Gonzaga tickets are going for a cool $900, but you can get them in 12 easy payments of just $196.95 each.

A Few More Awards

• We handed out another scategories bonus today for the Oregon State victory. That game ended up being worth a hefty 16 points for the ten contestants who picked them with an original pick. In honor of the accomplishment, those ten contestants receive the Eager Beaver award: Caleb Coates, Erica Dunstan, Sam Ellingson, Chris Grunden, Emi Grunden, Caleb Hand, Phyllis Helton, Christina Klinker, Dennis Poppe, and Janet Schweizer.
• The Wishful Thinking award goes to all you haters who picked against my Zags tomorrow. You know who you are.
• The Funniest Thing I Heard Today award goes to my son, Graham Little, who said this when a song came up on his Apple music playlist: “Nah, that song was overplayed back in my day.” To which I responded, “Back in your day? Wasn’t that yesterday?”
• The Living Up To The Name award goes to long-time contestant Skid Booles who despite making re-picks managed to lose all four games today. Now that’s perfection.
• The Not Many Words Rhyme With Eleven But Your Name Sure Does award goes to 11th place contestant Steve Blevins. Steve is on my good list. He picked Gonzaga to win it all.
• And finally, the I Have To Guess At Your Name Because You Didn’t Follow the Contest Rules award goes to Emi? Grunden, current contest leader and owner of a rather cryptic “alias” which, as already stated, she put in as her first name rather than an alias, but hey, rules schmules, right? Not sure what is “lame” that she’s not a fan of, but it shouldn’t be her picks, which have her firmly in first place. It will be interesting to see if she can hold on to her 10-point lead, as she has a number of re-picks in the remaining games.

That’s all for tonight, minions. More witty (or not-so-witty) commentary and round three awards are on the way tomorrow. Go Zags!