ORU Kidding Me?

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“Something GOOD is going to happen to you today.”

Oral Roberts

By The Numbers

This year’s tournament continues to confound, surprise, and impress. After three days of tournament action, here are a few numbers of note.

  • 15 – Number of different seeds winning at least one game in the first round. Every seed except the 16s were represented in the round of 32.
  • 4 – Number of teams seeded 13 or lower that advanced to the round of 32, the most ever.
  • 2 – Number of 15 seeds ever to make the Sweet 16. ORU became the second on Sunday. Florida Gulf Coast was the other in 2013.
  • 12 – Number of free throws Oklahoma State missed in Sunday’s game versus Oregon State.
  • 10 – Number of points the Cowboys lost by.
  • 9 – Number of teams the B1G (pronounced “Big Ten”) conference had in the field of 68.
  • 3 – Number of B1G teams remaining.
  • 1 – Number of 1 seeds that made an early exit on Sunday (Illinois).
  • 6 – The highest number of winners picked correctly by any contestant on Sunday.
  • 0 – Hours of sleep I’m likely to get tonight.

Sunday Game Thoughts

  • Loyola of Chicago has a consistent game strategy, and they employ it to perfection: build an early lead, and then take the air out of the ball. As both Illinois and Georgia Tech will attest, it is exceedingly difficult to come back against the Sister Jeans, because they force you to play at their pace – slooooowwwwwwww. Patience, discipline, and efficient shooting will be required of any team wishing to keep them from making their second Final Four in the last three tournaments. When I look at the other three remaining teams in the Midwest region, the most likely candidate in my view is…
  • Syracuse, the most infuriating school to make the tournament field year after year. Even in years when the Orange seem bad, they find success in the tournament. Why? I’m glad you asked. The key is that fabled 2-3 zone defense. Teams outside the ACC (and before that, the Big East) that do not play Syracuse regularly simply cannot figure out how to score against that defense. After watching Houston barely got by Rutgers this evening, I am not at all convinced they will be the ones to do it. The path has been laid out for Jim Boeheim to reach his sixth Final Four. And speaking of Rutgers…
  • The Scarlet Knights managed to snatch defeat from the gaping jaws of victory as they employed the “run out the clock” strategy both way too early and way too poorly. Turning the ball over twice in the final minute, they earned for themselves the Reggie Miller Choke Artist award. And speaking of choking…
  • How many layups did Texas Tech miss in the final minute of their two-point loss to Arkansas? The answer is just two, but it felt like twenty. Kyler Edwards missed the game-tying point-blank shot with just three seconds to go, and one could argue he was fouled, but there was no whistle. And speaking of fouls…
  • I am already over the referees on parade to the replay monitor to see if a foul is worthy of an “upgrade” to a flagrant. Upgrade? Is this basketball, or are we catching a flight to Cabo? Add to it the obligatory refsplaining of rules analyst Gene Steratore, and I’m ready to head to the kitchen for that sandwich I’m pretty sure Tracy Morgan pulled from the Rocket Mortgage backpack and left for me in the fridge.
  • Both games played between in-state rivals have been won by the underdog. Abilene Christian felled Texas on Saturday, and Loyola-Chicago bounced top seed Illinois on Sunday.
  • So what’s the deal with Oral Roberts University? For one thing, to quote Charles Barkley, if you’re the leading scorer in the country, you’re pretty good, and Max Abmas is just that. ORU’s one-two punch of Abmas and Kevin Obanor is a classic trait of a tournament Cinderella, and she has definitely arrived at this year’s dance. Something tells me they are not going to take Arkansas by surprise next weekend.
  • In other news of double-digit dominance, the Oregon State Beavers, who largely stunk for most of the regular season, continued their post season run that began with a surprising win of the Pac 12 tournament and continued with upset victories over Tennessee and Oklahoma State. If the Beavers manage to beat to the 8 seed Ramblers of Loyola-Chicago in round three, it will be worth a coveted scategories bonus to a select few contestants.

Best Alias Awards

And now the moment you’ve all been waiting for, a Jeff’s March Madness Contest tradition, recognition of the most clever, entertaining, and amusing aliases shall now commence.

Before getting to the actual awards, I want to recognize a few recurring themes among this year’s aliases.

  • Disdain among IU fans for former coach Archie Miller
  • Pleading for IU to hire Brad Stevens (not gonna happen)
  • Fascination with dental hygiene
  • COVID-19 (of course)

Nerdiest Alias

  • Jared “4d 61 64 65 20 79 6f 75 20 6c 6f 6f 6b” Adams – The alias consists of ASCII character codes in hex that say “made you look”
  • Matthew “OneJoulePerSecond” Watts – Yep, that’s a watt alright

Best Use Of Latin In An Alias

  • Andrea “In Omnia Paratus” Bauschek – “Ready for anything”
  • Jochen “per aspera ad astra..and biont” – “Through hardship to the stars”, though I am unsure why the Latin for “organism” (biont) was included

The Burma Shave Award

Every year the Fairchild family use the fact that the website lists all contestants in alphabetical order as a way to present a catchy phrase using their aliases when read in order. I call this the Burma Shave award in homage to the old Burma Shave signs that the shaving cream company used to place on the side of the road. This year’s offering:

The sun did
not shine. It was
too wet to play.
So we sat
in the house
that cold, cold,
wet day….(Dr. Seuss)

Best COVID Reference

  • Ann “Covid Survivor” Barndt
  • Ryan “Socially distanced in the standings” Helton
  • Chris “I’m not vaccinated yet” Jones
  • Jamie “Picking like I’m still in a bubble” Prime
  • Jordan “stay 6 ft away from me” Risner

Best Attempt At Flattery By Imitating My Alias, The Wizard of Whiteland

  • Allen “The Tomato Man of Greenwood” Davidson
  • Chris “The Oracle of Olympia” Wright – Bonus points for the Greek Mythology tie-in

Best Meta-Alias

  • Alicia “I refuse to pick an alias” Davis
  • Rob “Nothing – no good alias – Sorry!” Evans
  • Steve “Most Original Alias Ever” Fifield
  • Phyllis “Maybe an Alias Will Help This Time” Helton
  • Matthew “Insert stupid pun about covid or 2020” Muschalik

Best Pun

  • David “Fill or Buster” Bauchspiess
  • Scott “Truth to” Bower
  • Sam “sometimes Charlie” Brauen
  • Angie “Quaranteam” Crone
  • Tony “The Shot…Around the World” Heard – You have to think about this one a minute
  • James “When they go low, we go” Highsmith
  • Christina “Shaquille Oatmeal” Klinker
  • Graham “The biggest” Little – This is true, by the way. He is the tallest.
  • Jen “Eat, Drink, Watch Hoops, and Be” Merry
  • Jason “Passing on the Pundemic” Roehl
  • RJ “If I ever lose, I juts let you” Wynn

Throwing Shade On The Wizard For His Inability To Spell Oklahoma

  • Richard “Is Okla ham any good?” Schrimpf
  • Jason “O-K-L-A-H-O-M-A spell it with me!!” Snyder

Miscellaneous Alias Awards

  • Best Cancel Culture Reference – Chas “Don’t Cancel Me” Harper
  • The I Don’t Recommend This Approach award – Emma “winning team determines my college” Dean
  • Shameless Marketing award – Josh “Is Selling 2 Sweet 16 Tickets” Pearman
  • Best Use Of An Advertising Slogan – Avedis “the only serious choice” Zildjian
  • Best ESPN Mike-and-Mike Reference – Jason “Brackets of Integrity” Weimer
  • The Tugging At My Heart Strings award – Andrea “not so little anymore” Bates – Andrea is my oldest daughter who got married last summer
  • The TMI award – Chris “Picked on the throne” Pollastro
  • The That’s Just Gross award – Bob “My Feet Itch” Pixley
  • Best Oblique Political Reference – Dave “HoopAnon” Barndt
  • The Wut? Who’s Eddie? award – Doug “Do you think it really matters, Eddie?” Goodwin

Top Five

And now, without further ado, the top five aliases in this year’s contest. Drum roll, please…

5. Andy “My Pics Are Perfectly” Dunn
4. Brock “etology” Zagel
3. Zach “Sister Jean’s Holy Bracket” Richardson
2. Solomon “Quarantined picks released in 2 weeks” Clair
1. Spencer “Morehead is the St. of My Hairline” Hofer – This one literally made me LOL

Whew, I hope that was less exhausting to read than it was to write. Check back tomorrow for the final round of 32 awards.

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