Killer Cats
If you watched the game, I am not sure much needs to be said. I think I can sum it up in about three words: TOO MUCH KENTUCKY. They looked dominant even when they were making mistakes. I will give Kansas a bit of credit, though. They followed the same script they followed throughout the tournament. Go down double digits in the first half, then play ridiculous clamp down defense in the second half and win by a whisker while the opponent who lead most of the way wonders what in the world went wrong. This was the fate of Purdue, North Carolina State, North Carolina, and Ohio State. I think had it been anyone other than Kentucky, they would have folded like the rest.
In sports, and especially in a tournament such as this one, the best team does not always win. That is, in fact, why we watch – why sports are so compelling. Sometimes the best team does win, however. The results are predictable. The champion proves himself worthy of the title. And thus did these Kentucky Wildcats. Congratulations to them and to Kentucky fans the world over. Just try not to burn down Lexington.
Final Contest Awards
We had an historic year for the contest. For the first time ever in the contest’s 17 year history, a woman is our contest winner! But we’ll get to that in a moment.
- The Top Prognosticator award each year goes to the contestant or contestants who win the most games. This year’s award goes to Sam Glassley, who was 47-16 and had the same number of wins as this year’s contest winner. Ironically, Sam finished 74th overall, falling from 12th after tonight’s game. Sam therefore also gets the I Hate This Stupid Scoring System award. How can you win more games than anyone else except one person and finish 74th?
- The I Love This Awesome Scoring System award goes to Kasiah Hand, who feel from 1st to 14th tonight, but would have won going away had Kansas won. Kasiah was barely over .500 in terms of winning percentage, but still lead multiple times and was one game away from total victory.
- The Participation Award goes to the contestant with the fewest wins – 17 out of 63 – Gabriel Geistwhite. Gabriel did not finish last, however. His final rank was 258th.
- The Nice Girls Finish Last award goes to Rebecca “Nice Cinderella” Harper.
- The Faded Glory award goes to former contest winner Cayden Bauschek, who finished 515th this year, proving past performance does not guarantee future results.
- The Peyton Manning Can’t Win The Big One award goes to Sam Brauen, who led most of the contest only to fall to 20th in the final two games. Better luck next year, Sam…and never count on Thad Matta. Sam will receive 10 truckloads of surplus #18 Colts jerseys.
- The Pay No Attention To The Man Behind The Curtain award goes to Andrea “daughter of the wizard” Little, who fared much, much better than her father, finishing 24th. Andrea will receive a hug from Dad…and a 20 for the mall.
- The Rookie of the Year award goes to Troy “I read the re-pick rules” Breidenbach. Apparently, reading the rules helps. Troy was the highest ranking amature, finishing 4th overall. Troy will receive a free entry in next year’s contest. Oh, wait…
- The Robin, Boy Wonder award goes to Aidan “Dr. Bracketology” Gillig, the top finisher in the under 12 age group and finishing 6th overall. Aidan will receive the keys to the Batmobile.
- The Teen Sensation award goes to the top finisher in the teen age bracket John Peters, who finished 10th overall. John will receive backstage passes to the next Jonas Brothers concert.
- The Roaring Twenties award goes to Nathan “Frada Feltcher?” Inskeep who finished first among all contestants in the 20-29 age group and 8th overall. Nathan also gets the award for most incomprehensible alias. Nathan will receive a rare first-printing edition of The Great Gatsby.
- The Thirty Is The New 20 award goes to contest runner-up Giuseppe “GFunk” DiIulio, who was also runner up in his decade but gets the award because the contest champion also falls in his age bracket. I know it’s a consolation prize, but it’s better than nothing. As such, Giuseppe will receive a free box of sporks.
- The Casey Kasem Memorial Top 40 award goes to Russel “The Uniblocker” Jones, the top finisher in the 40’s age bracket and 3rd overall. Russel will receive a certified copy of Frankie Valli’s greatest hits.
- The Hang Ten award goes to the winner of the 5-0 age bracket, Don Townsend. Don finished 18th overall and will receive a surfboard and free surfing lessons. Trip to Hawai’i not included.
- The Golden Girl award goes to our top senior prognosticator, Esther Wilson, who finished 17th and rose as high as 3rd. Esther will receive an autographed picture of Maud Adams.
- The All Aboard award goes to Jason “Goin off the” Roehl for finishing 5th overall. Jason will receive 100 free entries in the Ozzie Osbourne colonoscopy sweepstakes (which actually exists, by the way).
- The Lucky Seven award goes Dave “I’m ready for the madness” Brush who finished 7th overall. I can’t think of anything clever to give to Dave.
- The Don’t Call Me Vanessa award goes to Shawn Hudgins, our 9th place finisher. Shawn will receive The High School Musical boxed set on blue ray.
- The Yellow Lines and Dead Skunks award goes to Kelley Mesterharm who finished exactly in the middle of the standings at 266th. Kelley will receive one of those really cool machines they use to paint the lines on the highway.
- The Better Than Expected award goes to yours truly, The Wizard of Whiteland, for finishing 185th after spending most of the contest in the bottom 100. For that, I will give myself a year off.
- And finally, The Contest Champion, The Big Kahuna, The Queen Bee, The Grand Poo-Bah of Prognostication goes to the first ever female winner of our contest, Teri Wilson! Teri won the contest much like Kansas won most of its tournament games. She never led until the very end, but never strayed too far from the top. Her lowest ranking was 39th. She also won in rather conventional fashion. She did not pick either of the big 15-over-2 upsets, and in fact scored a relatively meager 33 bonus points throughout the contest (the highest number of upset bonus points awarded was 72). Instead, Teri won the old fashioned way – by winning more games than anyone else (except for the aforementioned Sam Glassley). So congratulations, Teri. To the victor go the spoils. Girls rule, boys drool, I guess.
And so ends another year of March Madness and Jeff’s humble contest. I hope that you enjoyed it as much as I did. The contest website will remain up for you to review your final outcome and to change your alias one last time. If anyone would like to volunteer some time to develop an iOS and/or android app for the contest for next year, send me email. It’s time to bring the contest into the 21st century.
With that, I step once again behind the curtain for another year.
Sincerely yours,
The Wizard of Whiteland