I make it a yearly habit of tracking the performance of conferences and mascots in the tournament. For example, if you take a peek at the Mascot Watch report, you’ll see that, by far, the most successful mascot group this year was the Farm Animals. Maybe we should give North Carolina the Old McDonald award, since they won’t be getting a National Championship this year.
It occurred to me as I watched the Final Four that perhaps I should add team color to the list of arcane and inconsequential things I relate to overall success or failure. This year, all four Final Four teams sported some shade of blue. I bet that made it difficult to discern friend from foe in the stands. The crowd shots I saw looked like a Kentucky home game. Maybe careful research would reveal that blue is one of the most popular school team colors. Fortunately for you, I don’t have time for any careful research on the topic.
I get the distinct impression that Memphishas been sandbagging all along with that bad free throw shooting act. Perhaps they just wanted to be a little more sporting with the lesser victims in the first two rounds. In the last three games, whack-a-Tiger wouldn’t even get you one of those cheap carnie prizes. In fact, all it would get you is anther 10 points behind. Right now, the Tigers are playing like a one-loss team whose one loss was the fluke of the ages. Seriously. These guys are awesome.
Did anyone besides me feel like the second game was a trip to the basketball Twilight Zone? I mean, North Carolina comes in to last night’s game with an average margin of victory at or near 30 points. Barely half way through the first half, I had to rub my eyes and make sure I wasn’t watching Memphis vs. Michigan state from round 3 on my DVR. Kansas led by 28. TWENTY-EIGHT! That’s four touchdowns. My wife went to bed. My buddy, Zach Richardson, sent me a text message asking for periodic updates. He was changing channels to watch James Bond. It was over before it even started.
Then someone whispered in Bill Self’s ear, “Our TV ratings are in the toilet! DO SOMETHING!” Next thing I know, I’m watching a pick-up game at the local park. No passing. No screening. No defense. No ball security. No teamwork. No strategy. Just a bunch of turnovers, cherry-picking, 3/4 court passes, one-on-four drives to the basket and 30 foot jump shots 4 seconds into the shot clock. Ugly. And so Carolina’s shooters finally started hitting a few shots (Which is amazingly easy when the guy who’s supposed to be defending you is chatting with his girlfriend on his cell phone. Oh, wait, that is our local park pick-up games. Sorry. I keep getting them confused with this one.)
Next thing I know Carolina is within 5. Now, the only thing that would have been more inexplicable than Kansas blowing UNC out of the gym would be for Kansas to blow a 28 point lead. Having learned to never underestimate the Jayhawks’ ability to choke in the tournament (can you say Bucknell?), I said to myself, “Self, this will go down in history as the biggest collapse since Jean Van de Veld jacked his tee shot into the bleachers on 18.”
Then Toto pulled the curtain back, Kansas woke up and realized what was happening, and promptly buried the tournament’s overall #1 seed (or so they tell us) for an 18-point victory. There you go, Roy. Thanks for the memories, and don’t let the door hit you on the way out.
I will say this, though. Tyler Hansbrough deserves the Good Sport award for the tournament. The only place you’ll find more hackers than on the team playing Hansbrough is on the local municipal 9-holer on a Saturday afternoon. I’ve never once heard him, or really even seen him, complain about the officiating. He just plays, even when guys are riding him like a cheap Suziki…which is most of the time.
And while I’m on this rant, whatever happened to basketball, anyway? The pro game has made an absolute mess of things. With a few notable exceptions, today’s most successful college players are as big (and mean) as NFL linebackers – hulking, overgrown brutes delivering blows that would put normal mortals in traction. And has traveling been stricken from the rulebook? Besides the obvious offenders such as the “crossover dribble”, you’ve got the jump-stop, the running-jump-stop, the hop-skip-and-a-jump-stop, the pit-stop, back-stop, when’s-it-ever-gonna-stop? I was playing a pick-up game many years ago with a high schooler at least 10-years my junior. After taking no less than 3 1/2 steps on his way to a layup, I called him for travelling. He dismissed me with a roll of his eyes and began to explain the finer points of modern basketball to me. “It’s a jump stop. See, you can…nevermind.” He waved his hand and walked away. Obviously the old guy would never be able to understand just how impressive running to the basket without dribbling really is. I coached my daughter’s second grade girls team, and I saw it all the time. Impressive, indeed.
Where was I….
Last night’s outcomes have led to some interesting results in the contest. As is my usual custom, I’m not going to make final pronouncements until after tomorrow night’s championship game. I will, however, hand out a couple of awards to worthy recipients.
The You Gotta Be Kidding Me award goes to 15 contestants who, unbelievably, correctly picked the final two teams with original picks. Alex “I Guess He Thinks He’s Special” K (since he only have his last initial), Ben McCleskey, Christien Alexander, Christopher Randazzo, Kerry Lehman, Pat Beck, Paul Schnaitter, Ron Pozzi, Sarah Smith, Sean Woodall, Skid “Come On, Tell Us Your Real Name” Booles, Tim Davis, Toby Risner, Tom Ables, and William Sedam.
The This Is Child’s Play award goes to Elliott “The Man Child” Murray. At age 7, Elliott is already being recruited by Tom Crean as a power forward. In the meantime, he’s enjoying 15th place in the contest and a Memphis pick that looks fairly brilliant at the moment.
The Look Out Below award goes to Olivia Klinker, who I believe was as high as 2nd or 3rd at one point, but has plummeted to 97th since the Sweet 16.
The Your Bandwagon Just Blew Up award goes to the 156 contestants who picked North Carolina to win it all.
The Analyze This award goes to Trevis Litherland, whose brainy computer algorithm looked like it finally might win for him, only to lose BOTH games last night. Cue the Price Is Right loser’s music here.
The Check The Scoreboard award goes to Jane Stump, whose alias still claims victory over Brock Zagel. Brock – 62nd. Jane – 289th.
The Oh, Shut Up! award goes to Matthew Hand, who apparently feels the need to complain even when he’s winning, as evidenced by the alias, “Memphis Blew Up My Bracket”. Uh-huh. 3rd place. Yeah, man, it’s on fire. Yes, I’m bitter.
And so we near the end of another year of Jeff’s March Madness contest. I will have the final analysis, along with the final awards, tomorrow night.
Adios!