“The Trojans have the size to frustrate the Bulldogs on Tuesday. They have the defense to stop them and the momentum to overcome them. Gonzaga should consider itself warned…”

Dylan Hernandez, los angeles times

Yes, the Trojans had size. Yes, the Trojans had talent in the Mobley brothers, along with an excellent supporting cast. Yes, the Trojans had momentum. They beat Drake by 16, Kansas by a whopping 34, and Oregon by 14. Yet they started tonight’s game with more turnovers than points. Despite the conventional wisdom that Isaiah Mobley’s size would frustrate Drew Timme, he scored at will, putting up a 24/5/3 line. USC never got closer than 17 in the second half, were down as much as 25, and lost by 19. The rest of the Final Four should consider itself warned.

The Gonzaga Bulldogs are now 30-0. They have won 29 of those games by double digits. Only West Virginia gave them any kind of test, losing by 5. The Zags beat Norfolk State by a ridiculous 43, Oklahoma by 16, Creighton by 18, and now USC, the team every beat writer from the Conference of Champions was convinced would be their kryptonite, by 19. Coach Mark Few has brilliantly prepared this team to do what no other has done since the tournament expanded to 64 teams, and that is complete the undefeated season. Yes, there are two more games, and they have to take the court and win them. I cannot guarantee those two wins, but there is one thing I can guarantee, and that is there is no way these Zags will take either opponent for granted, be unprepared, or come out flat. Maybe one of the other three teams will play the perfect game. It has happened before – can you say Villanova beats Georgetown, 1985? But as an unapologetic Gonzaga homer, I am thoroughly enjoying this tournament run. Every game has been a masterpiece.

A Scary Moment

Early in the first half of the Gonzaga/USC game, official Bert Smith spontaneously collapsed on the court, slamming his head hard as he fell. It was a scary moment that suspended play for some five minutes, but all reports are that Mr. Smith is in good health and good spirits.

Another One Bites The Dust

See what I did there? The tournament began with the Big Ten (aka the B1G because they have 14 teams in the conference, which is weird, but, whatever) having nine teams in the field, two of them #1 seeds. Now the B1G has no teams remaining, those two #1 seeds being the only two of the four to NOT make the Final Four.

To say the Michigan/UCLA game was ugly is to insult ugly creatures the world over. (I’m looking at you, Barbara Manatee.) Nine minutes into this game the two times had combined to score just 12 points. For the game, they combined for just 100 points, 25 fouls, and 22 turnovers. Each team shot under 40% from the field, around 25% from three point range, despite jacking up 50+ shot attempts each. UCLA’s Johnny Juzang scored 28 of their 51 points, and the UCLA bench scored exactly zero. To emphasize just how horrid this game was, the Bruins had two separate scoring droughts of at least five minutes each, led by just one point with four minutes to play, scored just three more points in those last four minutes, and still won the game. How does that happen? I’m glad you asked.

This is the point in the commentary where I have to ask the question on everyone’s mind, and that is, “What in the world was Michigan doing on those last three possessions?” In case you missed it, after getting a defensive rebound and advancing the ball over half court, Michigan called a timeout with 19 seconds left to set up a play. They were down one, 50-49. After inbounding the ball, they ran a ball screen for Franz Wagner, who finished the game 1-10 shooting, 0-4 from three, and with 4 points. It was an air ball. Michigan 7 foot center and game’s leading scorer Hunter Dickinson never touched the ball. They never even looked at him. Remember, they were down one. You cannot tell me the best play Coach Juwan Howard could come up with down one, 19 seconds to go, was to try to free up an ice cold Wagner for a long three.

But wait, there’s more…

Michigan fouled Juzang to stop the clock, sending the 91% free throw shooter to the line, where he inexplicably missed the second after making the first. Michigan secured the rebound, now down two with six seconds to play. Another timeout, but this time, they have to take the ball the length of the floor. I can almost forgive the Wolverines for not getting the ball to Dickinson in this case, because there was so little time left on the clock, but the equally ice cold Mike Smith missed another wide open three pointer.

But wait, there’s still more…

The battle for the rebound sent the ball out of bounds on UCLA with 0.5 seconds left on the clock. Michigan ball with one last chance at a miracle. Now, remember, they are down two. They need a tip-in or a catch and shoot to send it to overtime. So what do they do? They put Dickinson under the basket and throw it up to see if he can get it, right? Or they run a screen for Dickinson, right? They do SOMETHING to get their tallest player and leading scorer the ball, right? No, they send Dickinson out of bounds to throw the ball in. To Wagner. Who misses. Again. Game over. I mean, I don’t get paid large sums of money to coach in pressure situations, but, all I can say to that end-of-game sequence is, wut? Why? Why take Dickinson completely out of the play. And please, don’t try to tell me you need the tallest guy to throw the ball in. First of all, UCLA’s tallest player is 6′ 9″, and he had already fouled out. Second, and I know I keep saying this, but Dickinson is your leading scorer. I really just don’t get it.

Hey, I Know That Guy!

The news isn’t all bad for Michigan, though. During the final timeout, as the camera focused in on the team huddled on the sideline, my 15-year-old son, Graham, exclaimed, “Hey, that guy’s on TikTok!” Yes, apparently #0 for the Wolverines, Adrien Nunez, is a TikTok sensation. He never saw the floor in tonight’s game, but at least he has several thousand followers.

Grab Bag

• Go west, young men – This is the first time in tournament history that the Final Four has no teams hailing from east of the Mississippi. Also, UCLA becomes just the fifth 11 seed in tournament history to make the Final Four and the second team to go from First Four to Final Four.
• Be sure to get the shrimp cocktail – TBS/TNT analyst and former NBA superstar Charles “Chuck” Barkley mentioned St. Elmo’s Steakhouse on air as his favorite place to eat in Indianapolis. Later he bemoaned the fact that he would not be able to go, because apparently the media rules say once you are in the bubble, the only two places you can go are your hotel and the game venue. I hear St. Elmo’s does Door Dash, Chuck.
• Avenging Adam Morrison – Tournament historians may remember one of the more epic meltdowns in March Madness lore involving Gonzaga and UCLA. It was 2006, and Gonzaga senior phenom Adam Morrison was surely going to lead the Zags to their first ever Final Four. After leading by as many as 17, Gonzaga wilted down the stretch, and UCLA’s Luc Richard Mbah A Moute scored the final 11 points, including the go-ahead basket with 10 seconds left, to stun the Zags. I can still remember the image of Adam Morrison crying on his knees at half court as a couple of UCLA players tried to both congratulate and comfort him. On Saturday, the 2021 Zags get a chance to avenge that debacle. Something tells me the outcome will be very different this time.
• Where have I heard that song before? – If you’ve seen the commercial touting the introduction of the new all-electric Hummer SUV, you may have noticed the familiar soundtrack. The song is 1970’s Immigrant Song by Led Zepplin, and it shows up regularly in everything from ads to TV shows to movies, most recently, in Thor Ragnarok. (Oh, so THAT’S where I’ve heard it before!)
• Here’s what you’ve been missing – If you’ve been watching March Madness non-stop since Saturday, as I have, you’ve been missing some really exceptional professional tennis. Yes, tennis. If you’ve never seen Canada’s Bianca Andreescu play tennis, do yourself a favor and look it up on YouTube. She’s essentially the young Tiger Woods of women’s tennis, and in her most recent match at the Miami Open vs Garbiñe Muguruza, she made some of the most amazing shots I’ve ever seen on a tennis court. If you like tennis, if you used to like tennis, if you’ve ever played tennis on a Saturday, if you know what a tennis ball is, check out the highlights. You’ll be glad you did, and it will add some diversity to your sports viewing portfolio.

Region By Region Awards

And now without further ado, because frankly there’s been so much ado in the preceding paragraphs already, I give you this year’s region-by-region and other miscellaneous awards.

• The How The West Was Won award goes to those contestants who picked the most games correctly in the West region. The number was 14 out of 15 correct using only original picks, and the winners are Julie Bowen, Ethan Wright, Ted Badgley, and yours truly, Jeff Little.
• The Beast Of The East award goes to the lone contestant who picked 14 out of 15 games correctly in the East region using only original picks, Connie Randazzo.
• The Southern Hospitality award goes to those contestants who fared best in the difficult South region. These folks got 12 out of 15 correct: Alan Klein, Mark Jackson, Ann Barndt, Gabriel Geistwhite, Chris Deaver, and Zach Richardson.
• The Crossroads Of America award goes to two contestants who managed 12 wins out of 15 in the even more difficult Midwest region: Jordan Wolfe and Matthew Muschalik.
• Now that we have reached the Final Four, we have awarded all of the upset bonus points that are available for this year’s contest. There are still a couple of scategories bonuses in play, but there are no upset bonus points awarded for the final three games. Therefore, the winner of this year’s Upset Stomach award, sponsored by Pepto Bismol, is contest leader Emi Grunden who picked 13 upsets correctly for a total of 92 upset bonus points.
• The Four for Four award, sponsored by Wendy’s, goes to the only contestant who got all four Final Four teams correct this year. She did need re-picks to do it, and while a bevy of contestants got three out of four with original picks, Karis Wynn is deserving of the award. Karis will receive her choice of favorites off the Wendy’s four for four menu. (See your Dad, RJ Wynn, to collect on that.)
• The Two Of A Kind award goes to the only two contestants who picked UCLA to make the Final Four with original picks, thus collecting the 24-point scategories bonus: Tim Miles and Isabel Snyder. Incidentally, Tim Miles also receives the Most Ironic Alias award for his alias “B1G W1N. Go Green!!” Tim only received the scategories bonus for UCLA because the B1G L-0-S-T. Isabel rose from 400th to 50th, and Tim climbed from 374th to 45th on the strength of this one pick.
• The Let Me See Your Other Hand award goes to the second member of the Hand family to crack the top ten, Caleb Hand.
• The Truth In Advertising award goes to 11th place minion JR Shrader who accurately reports via his alias, “I’ve been mathematically eliminated”.
• The Top Lobbyist award goes to Nick “How about a shout out, Jeff?” Kusiak, currently in 156th place.
• The Houston, We May Have A Problem award goes to three contestants who picked Houston of all teams to go all the way with their original picks: Ava “Avacado” Dailey, Aleah “Slowly But Surely” Hand, and Katie “Shreddy McShredderson” Muschalik. If the Cougars actually pull that off, these three will collect the ultimate scategories bonus of 96 points and will likely finish 1-2-3.

Ok minions, this wizard is avocado toast. We get a few days off before the Final Four, so until then, have a good week, and watch a little tennis.