There’s nothing as exciting as a comeback – seeing someone with dreams, watching them fail, and then getting a second chance. – Rachel Griffiths
Hello and welcome to this special tournament intermission edition of Jeff’s March Madness Contest Commentary. While you are wrestling with your final decisions in the re-pick round (which isn’t going to be any easier than the first two rounds, I don’t think), here is an assortment of thoughts, musings, and observations, with a few awards sprinkled in for good measure. Remember, there are just 24 hours left to get your re-picks in, so don’t delay!
Winners And Losers
Anyone who has ever picked an NCAA bracket, whether in my humble contest or a national behemoth such as ESPN’s, is looking for any sort of signal to help them choose the right teams to pick. Some rely on real-world metrics, while others are more superstitious. So whether you pick by the seeds, stats, colors, states, or school names that are fun to say, here are some winners and losers based on data that probably doesn’t even remotely correlate to anything that actually impacts the outcome of this tournament.
- Mascots – Mascots are fun. Mascots are cool. Mascots are some of the bravest, athletic, and physically fit people on the planet. So why aren’t they on the team instead of stuffing themselves anonymously in a costume whose temperature approaches that of the surface of Mercury? The world may never know. In any case, a quick look at our Mascot Watch report shows this year’s winners and losers. Clearly this is the year of the more eclectic mascot. The Amphibians, Colors, Demonic Powers, Natural Phenomena, and Wild West Icons are a combined 15-1. On the other hand, the more traditional mascots have not fared as well. The Bears, Birds, Dogs, and Cats are just 15-18. I find it interesting that in an election year the Government Officials are 0-1. The Criminals are 1-4, proving once again that crime doesn’t pay.
- Conferences – The ACC is the clear winner in this category, going 12-1 in the first two rounds and sending an unprecedented six teams to the Sweet Sixteen. The Pac 12, the so called Conference of Champions, is the biggest loser at 3-6 and advancing only one team to the Sweet Sixteen. The other three power conferences (B1G, Big 12, and SEC), are a combined 16-9. Despite all the insanity we witnessed in rounds one and two, only one mid-major remains in the tournament, the WCC’s lone representative Gonzaga.
- Commercials – If you watch a lot of basketball, you’re going to see a lot of commercials. To me this year’s winners are a pair of ads that made me LOL. First, there’s the NAPA Auto Parts spot where the father watches in anguish as his son learns to drive, leaving a path of destruction in his wake. The voiceover deadpans, “Sure, you could get him a new car. You could also light a pile of money on fire.” Then there’s the Nationwide commercial where the couple makes excuses why they are too busy to do their retirement planning. The one shining moment comes when wife declares she is too busy washing the dog, to which the husband responds, “Washing the cat!” The shot of him holding up a sopping wet, clearly unhappy feline is priceless. For the losers, there’s the completely incomprehensible ad for Amazon Echo featuring Alec Baldwin and whoever that other knucklehead is. The fact that it’s obviously intended to be funny makes it that much less funny. But the biggest loser has to be that Wing Street “no pants required” commercial. First of all, why would an establishment attempting to sell FOOD choose “no pants required” as its tag line? Second, what idiot thought THAT image would put ANYONE in the mood to EAT?
- Minions – Aside from the obvious top 5, one of the biggest winners so far in this year’s contest is J.R. Shrader. J.R. is in a group of contestants with the second highest bonus point total of 66 (only those who took the never-successful “pick all upsets route” have more bonus points). His record is barely above .500 (26-22), and yet he sits in 15th place with plenty of original picks left in the remaining rounds to make noise in the home stretch. On the other side, there is 67th place minion Greg Schweizer, who has the same win/loss record as the 1st place contestant (39-9)! That’s right. Greg has picked exactly the same number of games correctly as the contest leader, and yet he is 66 places and 34 points behind. Without doubt Greg deserves the I Hate This Stupid Scoring System award.
- Elite Eight – The big winners are anyone who picked either Gonzaga or Syracuse to advance to the Elite Eight. No matter who wins, a sizeable 12 point Scategories bonus will be awarded, as just about everyone in the contest had Michigan State in this spot. The losers, of course, are all of us who picked Michigan State. Even with a re-pick, the best we can do is 3 measly points.
Alias Awards, Part Deux
One of my favorite aspects of the contest is watching people “react” to the tournament’s progress via their alias. I’ve got some Grus (we don’t have Oscar, because, free contest) to hand out for the best updates over the weekend.
- Best Reference to a Super Bowl Commercial – Jason “Not know where Jason’s picks go” Roehl
- Most Compassionate Alias – Christopher “I feel bad for the purple teams” Randazzo
- Most Hopeless Alias – Nicholas “Is this almost over” Kusiak
- Best Supporting Actor – Blake “I want to be a Hooper family member” Dieringer
- Best Stunt Performance In An Action Adventure – Kelli “Right now I feel no” Payne
- Most Colloquial Alias – Evangeline “Carry me back to old Virginny” Grunden
- Best (word) Picture – RJ “Wynn you lose, You don’t” Wynn
- Telling It Like It Is – Robb “this year stinks” Boswell
- Best Use Of Creative Accounting – Brock “I’m not 60th, I’m 59th + tax!” Zagel
That’s all for now, minions. One last reminder: the re-pick round ends at 7:00 PM EDT tomorrow night. Don’t wait until 6:52 to see if you remember what your password is. Check it early so that if you need a reset, I will have time to get you in.
Good luck, and may the best minion win!
The Wizard of Whiteland