“If you don’t set the tone for the day, the devil will set it for you.” – Joel Osteen

Devils Get Their Due Again In Indy

The Wisconsin Badgers might have done well to heed the Rev. Osteen’s advice, as they seemed to inexplicably allow the Duke Blue Devils to set the tone going down the stretch at a point where they had taken a commanding 9 point lead. At that point I mentioned to my oldest daughter, Andrea Little, that when you’re talking about Wisconsin, their ability to shorten the game makes 9 points feel like 18. No sooner had those words left my mouth than Duke had pulled back to within 4.

In many ways this game was the quintessential cliche. Epic struggle. Clash of the titans. Heavyweights trading punches. I saw these and then some all scrolling by on my Twitter feed. I would say that until about the last 2 minutes, this was one of the best championship games I’ve watched since, well, the LAST time Duke won in Indy in 2010. A couple of bad calls and bad Wisconsin possessions later, and Duke walked away with a rather anticlimactic win in a game that was closer than the final score indicated, much like the Gonzaga game.

So before we get to the good stuff, the contest awards, how about one last dose of random musings?

• 10 Out Of 10 People Surveyed Agree The Officiating Is Awful – Everybody’s saying it, and I do mean everybody, from the former pros and college standouts on TV to the Twitter-verse to the minions texting me non-stop for the last month. There are some things that simply must go from college basketball, among them:
  • The Ninja Turtle to the Face – A minion and good friend commented to me tonight that Sam Dekker’s poor shooting performance might have had something to do with that Donatello elbow he took to the chops. He may not have been all there in the second half. Whether that’s true or not, I’ve never seen so many poked eyes, bloody noses, and rung bells as I have in this year’s tournament.
  • The Stiff Arm – Great move. Wrong sport. Yes, Grayson Allen played terrifically with great heart and spunk. He also gave the ole Walter Payton stiff arm on every single drive to the basket. Clearly players are taught to do this, and until they start getting called for it, they will continue to do so with increasing frequency and ferocity.
  • The Anticipation Whistle – One of the things that galls me the most about the NBA is creeping into the college game, and that is the whistle in anticipation of the foul that never actually happens. This call is usually made because the defender is there and the offensive player is making a, quote, “Aggressive move to the basket.” The rules committee has to do something to get some consistency in the block-charge calls.
  • The Bail Out Whistle – A close relative of The Anticipation Whistle and one that I find even more prevalent and more infuriating about the NBA game is the official waiting to see if the shot goes in. If it does, no whistle. If it doesn’t, put him on the line. No way, man. It either is a foul or it ain’t.
  • Pointless Replay Reviews – As alert minion Blake Dieringer tweeted, my position is thus: what’s the point of having a review if you’re going to get it wrong anyway? I never want to hear the words “Indisputable Video Evidence” ever again in my life.
  • World War Three In The Lane – I honestly don’t see how some of these guys survive a season. Most big men in D1 could play tight end or linebacker in the NFL, they are so big and strong. One of the reasons scoring is down is because they are absolutely killing each other in the lane. Naismith invented basketball to be a non-contact sport, and while I wouldn’t necessarily advocate going THAT far, the amount of allowed contact has to be reduced, or we are going to continue to see games being won 49 to 47 or worse.
• Something Foul Is In The Air – One of the weirdest things about this game was the foul situation. It felt like Duke was dealing the most with foul trouble with marquee players Okafor and Winslow spending long stretches on the bench, but while Wisconsin had just 2 fouls in the first half, they had 7 by the 12 minute mark of the second half, putting Duke in the bonus, and 10 by the 7:30 mark, leaving Duke in the double bonus the rest of the way. Now, how does that happen? Coach K said at the halftime interview, “We need to get to the line more.” Ok, but how does a team REALLY draw more fouls? I know you basketball geeks are going to say by driving to the basket more, but Duke was driving to the basket the whole game. Wisconsin gets called for fewer fouls than any team in basketball, but they suddenly got foul happy in the second half on a team they were BEATING by 9 points? I smell a skunk in the woodpile.
• Funniest Thing I Saw On Twitter – “Duke is the Nickleback of college hoops. A lot of records but won’t go away despite the wave of hatred.”
• Funniest Thing I Said On Twitter – “Why does this feel like another Patriot Super Bowl win?”
• The Indy Trifecta – Coach K is now 3-0 in National Championships played in Indianapolis. That alone should guarantee future Final Fours in Indy, until he retires at least, which shouldn’t be long from now given his age, honestly.
• What Were They Thinking? – With Okafor in foul trouble, why did Wisconsin seem to get tentative and stop going to Kaminsky? The world may never know. In their defense, there were a couple of possessions where they did go to Frank, and he did not get the benefit of a call. Dekker was not hitting his jumper and took entirely too many. I know running down the shot clock is their game, but they seemed to do it with too much dribbling and not enough passing and ball reversals. I don’t know. It’s easy to armchair coach after the fact, I guess. It just feels like this is one Wisconsin let get away.
• “Diplomacy is the art of saying ‘Nice doggie’ until you can find a rock.” – Will Rogers – In his post game interview, Bo Ryan adeptly complained about the officiating as indirectly as I have ever heard a coach do it. I don’t know if he’ll be fined for it, but I think anyone who was listening got the message. He didn’t like the way the game was called.

And now, without further ado, I present to you the 20th Annual Jeff’s March Madness Contest…

Final Awards

• The Tweet Of The Tournament award goes to Steve Williams for this lament:

@littlejeff1970 There’s no way I could have picked Wisconsin over Duke with original picks and finish below 100? Is there?#scoringsystem🙁

— Steve Williams (@kwconchesq) April 7, 2015

Had Wisconsin won, Steve, you would not have finished below 100. As it is you ended up 142nd.

• The Fear The Beard award goes to 10th place contestant, Jeffrey Beard, who from the Sweet 16 onward picked 14 out of 15 games correctly with Original Picks. Jeffrey will receive a Just For Men beard coloring kit.  Jeffrey also shares the…
• Top Prognosticator award with Ron Walker and Zach Miller, all of whom won more games, 49 to be exact, with Original Picks than any of the other minions. Honorable mention goes to Kory Wilcoxson, Janet Schweizer, Rita Dieringer, and Brandon Lane who all won 50 games with the benefit of re-picks.
• The Worst To First award goes to Bryson Davis who made the biggest rise over the course of the contest from a low of 737th to a final rank of 32nd.
• The If At First You Don’t Succeed award goes to Tyler Rubach for making the best use of the re-picks. Tyler finished in the top 100 at 98th after being as low as 634th by re-picking 8 games correctly.
• The I Hate This Stupid Scoring System award goes to the lowest ranking minion who shares the highest winning percentage (0.794, or 50 wins out of 63 games), Brandon Lane. Brandon finished 112th.
• The I Love This Awesome Scoring System award goes to Dave “Wooden Truth-Picks II” Barndt who finished 58th despite having a winning percentage barely above .500 (.508 to be exact).
• The Family Feud award goes to the DiIulios who finished atop the surname scoreboard with an average score of 151.67. Honorable mention goes to the Wise guys (and girls) with 142.00.
• The Win, Good. Lose, Bad. award goes to the Goodwin clan who finished last in the Family Feud. Thanks for playing, and please try again next year!
• The Robin, Boy Wonder award goes to the winner of the 12 and under age group and 9th place minion overall, Tyson Glassley. Tyson will receive an authentic pair of 1970s Robin (as in Batman and Robin) Underoos.
• The Teen Queen award goes to the winner of the 13 to 19 age group and 4th place minion overall, my very own Amber Little. Amber gets nothing at all, because she already has everything I own.
• The Hindsight Is 20/20 award goes to the winner of the 20-something age group and 5th place finisher overall, John Lederman. John had a shot at winning the whole thing if only Wisconsin could have won. Insert Price is Right loser music here.
• The 30 for 30 award goes to the winner of the 30-something age group and 13th place minion, Randy Jewell. Randy will receive a copy of ESPN’s 30 for 30 film, “Broke,” because that’s what he is given his newlywed status.
• The Man In The Middle award goes to the runner-up in both the overall standings and the 40-something age group, James aka Jamie Wise. For your excellent performance, Jamie, you win a free “send Jordan Wise to the Littles’ house” night when you need, you know, a time out.
• The No, You Are NOT Getting A Free Trip To Hawaii award goes to the winner of the March Madness 5-0 age group and 3rd place overall contestant, Dave “mrmm” Moritz. Since I know you all are expecting the obligatory cultural reference, I’ll go ahead and say it. Book ’em, Dan-o.
• The Golden Girls award goes to the winner of the “don’t ask me my age or I’ll smack you” age group and 11th place minion overall, Rita Dierigner. Rita will receive an autographed picture of Bea Arthur.
• The Rookie of the Year award goes to the top scoring contest first-timer, Ryan Mungovan, who finished 6th overall and climbed as high as 2nd after Wisconsin beat Kentucky. As Mr. Miaggi would say, “You beginner luck.”
• The I Really, Really Hate This Idiotic, Unfair, Completely Bogus Scoring System award goes to John “Motsyball” Motsinger. John finished 7th overall, which is terrific, but he has to be wondering how he could pick the two finalist AND the national champion correctly with original picks and still not win.
• The Eighth Is Enough award goes to 8th place minion, Rob Puglisi, who after that brutal first day soaked his South regional in red, managed to crawl out of the cellar (665th) and into the top 10.
• The annual Yellow Lines and Dead Skunks award goes to middle-of-the-road minion Becky Thornton, who finished precisely at the median rank of 377.
• The Century Mark award goes to 100th place minion Braxton Wentworth. Ask your mom for 100 pennies.
• The Ranking Nobody Wants award goes to 666th place contestant Scott Paros. I don’t have anything witty to say here.
• The Participation award goes to last place minion Pawel Pawlowski.  Believe it or not, Pawel was as high as 89th at one point.
• The Hoosier Hospitality award goes to 37th place finisher, Adam Lamb, who graciously invited me to join him for tonight’s game. I politely declined the invitation, however, because I knew I had this tome to write after it was all over.

And finally, The Champ, The Big Cheese, The Big Kahuna, The Grand Poo Bah of Prognostication, The Winner Winner Chicken Dinner award goes to the one and only winner of the 20th annual Jeff’s March Madness Contest, she of the unspellable surname, Heather “I’d Like To Buy A Consonant, Please, Pat” DiIulio. Heather’s victory is truly a rags-to-riches story, since she was ranked as low as 566 at one time. How did she do it? Quite simply, by judicious use of a single re-pick, she is the only minion out of 753 who picked all 15 games from the Sweet 16 round onward correctly! Her one re-pick was Notre Dame beating Wichita State. That means that out of a maximum possible 135 points that any contestant could have scored in the last four rounds, Heather scored 134! Well done, Heather. If I infer correctly from your alias that you live with at least three males (husband and sons), you are undoubtedly going to be the most reviled member of the DiIulio household for at least a week.

And now I have a very special surprise. I know it is my common practice to joke about certain “prizes” that people receive along with their goofy awards. However, for winning the 20th Annual edition of my contest, Heather will actually receive the following 12″ x 18″ aluminum sign, generously donated by fellow minion Troy Breidenbach, President of IGT America, Inc. (For the curious, Troy finished 626th. Tyler Breidenbach, whom I’m assuming is somehow related, finished 89th.) If you or your business is in need of any specialty printing on metal, I shamelessly recommend IGT America for the job. Check them out at igtamerica.com.

And Now It’s Time To Say Goodbye

I have to say that despite the general lack of upsets in this year’s tournament, as evidenced by the fact that no Scategories Bonuses were awarded this year, the actual entertainment value of the games in total was the best we’ve seen in years. March Madness remains, in my estimation, the best three weeks in sports, with the first two days without question being the best 48 hours in all of sports. I want to say a big thank you to all of you, the faithful Jeff’s March Madness Minions, who make this little…ok, BIG…hobby of mine worth it every year. I read every email, tweet, post, comment, and text you send me, and they all make me smile. I tell people that March is the time of year when I get together with about 700 of my closest friends to watch basketball, and it truly feels that way. Many of you I’ve never met in person, but I feel like I know you simply because of this yearly free for all.

A special thanks, of course, to my family, the other five that make up sixlittles.net:

• Heather the wife and mom for keeping a steady refrain of “leave your dad alone!” going all March long.
• Andrea the oldest who humors me even though she doesn’t care.
• Amber the luckiest who also doesn’t care but always seems to kick my butt every year.
• Ashlyn the sportiest who actually loves to play basketball. We had a great time at the Fan Fest last Saturday.
• And Graham, who was so heartbroken when Notre Dame lost, even his sisters felt bad for him.

Now, fair minions, I bid you farewell, God bless, and until next year, may your makes be many, and your misses be few.

Stepping back behind the curtain,

The Wizard of Whiteland

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