“To his dog, every man is Napoleon; hence the constant popularity of dogs.” – Aldous Huxley
“In ancient times cats were worshipped as gods; they have not forgotten this.” – Terry Pratchett
Rare, But Strangely Familiar
All right, minions, this is going to be short and sweet. Sunday morning fast approaches.
You know, in a tournament where upsets seem to be the rule and not the exception, I think that the natural laws that demand equilibrium have kicked in. It is fitting, then, that the last two teams standing are not not rodents or reptiles, mythical creatures or wild west outlaws, warriors or weird weather phenomena. Phooey on all that clever mascot baloney! No, it’s a showdown between the oldest and bitterest of enemies, dogs and cats, canine versus feline. Under normal circumstances a national championship between a 7 and an 8 seed would be a shocking turn of events, but these seven and eights are not mid-major upstarts or bracket busting Cinderellas. As sports journalist J.A. Adande tweeted today, their seeds add up to 15, but their championships total 11. This isn’t exactly Hoosiers. UConn and Kentucky are storied programs from power conferences with rich histories, but they both missed last year’s tournament for a variety of reasons, none of them good. The last coaches poll taken this season had UConn at #21 and Kentucky completely unranked. So, yes, their success is something of a surprise in the context of this season, but it is hardly surprising to find Connecticut and Kentucky playing for a national championship.
See Ya L8R G8R
There was the overall #1 seed, the Florida Gators, consensus favorite to win the championship among pundits and the minions alike. They were up 16-4 nearly half way through the first half and looked well on their way to a rout. I was just about to write them off publicly on Twitter when something happened. Like Ivan Drago in whatever of the 13 Rocky movies he was in, the invincible champion got hit. “He’s not a machine. He’s a man!” And once he realized he could be hurt, he didn’t know what to do. I thought Florida’s defense would be too much for UConn, and for 9 minutes, it was. And then Kevin Ollie adjusted, Florida’s Scottie Wilbekin went from NBA lottery prospect to brick layer, and the next thing you know, the Huskies are going to the championship, and Florida is going home wondering what happened.
Nine Lives, Indeed
These Cats just will not die. They’ve won four consecutive tournament games by five points or less, the most ever in the history of March Madness. They’ve trailed in every game they’ve played. And how many back-breaking, ice-in-his-veins, game-winning shots can Aaron Harrison make in one tournament? It just hardly seems fair. Kentucky shot a lousy 66% from the foul line. Wisconsin shot a blistering 95%. Make your free throws, win the game. Miss your free throws, lose the game. That’s what I always say, but this game, like this tournament, turned conventional wisdom on its ear. Instead, the one free throw Wisconsin missed the entire game was the one point they lost by. The Wildcats were not decisively better in any statistic in the final box score, which undoubtedly explains the win by the narrowest of margins. Traevon Jackson no doubt is feeling like the goat, missing both the free throw and the potential game winning shot, which looked awfully good right up until it rolled off the rim. And because they are Kentucky, after all, I wonder if what this crew of one-and-done freshmen has accomplished will ever be truly appreciated for the spectacle that it is. Love them or hate them, the truth is, the very best games of this tournament have been the ones in which Kentucky has played. One has to wonder if they have one more miracle left in them.
Quick Awards
Just how crazy has it been this year? Only 20 of you minions picked either of the remaining two teams to win it all, and that is including the re-picks! That’s right, only 20 people can move up the standings Monday night, and some of them will score major points with the Ultimate Scategories Bonus, which will be awarded no matter who wins Monday night. Just one point separates first and second place at the moment, but that will change Monday night.
I will, of course, save the best awards for last on Monday night after the championship, but I do have just a couple of quick shout outs for worthy minions this evening.
- The Does She or Doesn’t She? award goes to Susan “Miz Clairol” Leisure, who vaulted all the way up to 4th with UConn’s win before dropping back to 12th. If memory serves, Susan has been picking UConn since we were in high school. Looks like that loyalty has paid off.
- The You Slapped Him Good award goes to Bruce “nanook slapper” Schafer, whose alias is a dig at his brother. Bruce is currently in 6th, 374 places ahead of his brother Brad “Nanook of the Midwest” Schafer, winner of the Thank You Sir, May I have another? award.
- The 7th Heaven award goes to my sweet Ashlyn “11yearoldballer” Little, whom you saw in my little video spot on Facebook. Ashlyn went with #7 UConn and spent a couple of glorious hours in 7th place. Good job, Asho!
- The You Get An Award Because I Gave Your Sister One award goes to my 16-year-old daughter, Andrea “No picks, no prom” Little, who went with Kentucky tonight and jumped up to 27th.
- The Welcome To The Top 50 award goes to 47th place contestant Valerie Riddle who may not even be paying attention anymore seeing that she has spent most of the contest below 400th. Wake up, Valerie. You just jumped over 400 places.
- The Cat’s Meow award goes to the highest ranking contestant to pick Kentucky to win the championship with an original pick, Chris Grunden. Chris will be wearing his Kentucky garb and rooting for the Wildcats to win him a place as victor in the annals of Jeff’s March Madness Contest.
- The Who Let The Dogs Out? award goes to current contest leader and UConn picker Michael Weier. A Husky victory will give Michael the coveted Jeff’s March Madness Contest gold medal.
Check back on Monday night for the final commentary and contest awards. Until then, sleep well, minions.
The Wizard of Whiteland