“In the immortal words of Jean Paul Sartre, ‘Au revoir, gopher’.” – Carl Spackler, Caddyshack
Quick Hitters
OK, minions, now that we live in the era where all the games are televised nationally, there is precious little time available between sessions for pontificating. Thus, here are a few brief thoughts from today’s first eight games.
- Is There A Doctor In The House? – Notre Dame’s Rex Pflueger gets the Wounded Warrior award for taking a massive elbow that earned him several stitches. He was so impressed that he had someone take a picture with his phone. Not sure if that’s toughness or masochism, but if I’m a Notre Dame fan, I’ll take it. Speaking of Notre Dame…
- Dollar Shave Club – Somebody give Notre Dame coach Mike Brey a razor. The scruffy look isn’t doing it for me. Veteran play-by-play man Vern Lundquist even commented on it. No bueno.
- False Alarm – The You Gotta Be Kidding Me award goes to whoever is in charge of the EAS in my area. In the closing seconds of the Notre Dame-Princeton game, the only close game of the early session, they decided to do a TEST of the EAS, completely blacking out my screen for a full 30 seconds. I mean, come on, man! Even if it had been an ACTUAL EMERGENCY, you could have waited until the game was over to give me those vital public safety instructions.
- Best Thing I Heard In-Game Today – I don’t remember who said it, but the announcer referred to West Virginia as “Press Virginia”. The Mountaineers lead the NCAA in forced turnovers.
- Winter Storm Stella? – OK, naming hurricanes I get. A hurricane is a significant and incredibly destructive meteorological phenomenon. And while I know that major winter storms can be major headaches, naming them smacks of media hype. How many hurricanes can you recall by name? OK, now, how many winter storms? Yeah, I thought so.
- Boneheaded Play Of The Day – This award goes to Minnesota’s Reggie Lynch, a key player in the Gophers’ rotation, for committing three personal fouls in a grand total of 1:18 of court time. The third foul was truly stupid, taking a swipe at his opponent after having turned the ball over and fallen to the floor. Then he had the nerve to tell his irate coach to calm down. Oh no you didn’t. Not surprisingly, the Gophers suffered today’s only upset, the infamous 12-5 upset we’ve all come to expect every year.
- Boneheaded Play Of The Day, Part Deux – Not to be outdone by Minnesota, Vanderbilt’s Matthew Fisher-Davis had a Chris Webber moment when, after his team took a one-point lead with seconds to play, he apparently lost track of the score and fouled Northwestern’s Bryant McIntosh on purpose, sending him to the line and the Wildcats on to the round of 32. There isn’t a paper bag big enough for that poor kid to hide his face in. I truly felt horrible for him.
Awards
Just a few quick awards, and then I need to get back to the evening session’s games.
- The This Game Is Easy award goes to the 56 contestants who picked all eight games from the early session correctly. I am not going to name you all individually here, but I do not mind pointing out that I am among the 56.
- The Fact Checker award goes to alert minion Dan Ginsburg, who pointed out to me that Northwestern has been to the NIT (which stands for Not In Tournament) seven times since the tournament we now think of as March Madness came to prominence in 1983. So, it would be more accurate to say that Northwestern’s 78 year drought relates to the NCAA tournament, and not post-season play in general.
- The You Got Your Cupcake, and You Can Eat It, Too award goes to last-place contestant Chelsea “Cupcake” Goodwin. Do not fear, Chelsea. There is plenty of basketball left to be played.
- The You Should Have Picked THAT Upset award goes to the 134 contestants who, apparently, picked all chalk for the first eight games, thereby losing the only available bonus points so far from Middle Tennessee State’s victory over Minnesota. The good news is that you are 7-1. The bad news is that you are 8 points behind the leaders and tied for 382nd.
That’s all for now, minions. Check back late this evening for the Day One closing commentary and many more entertaining awards.
The Wizard of Whiteland