Round One Wrap Up


“I don’t eat fast food often, but I love tacos. I could write prophetically about how perfect the taco is.”

Ken Baumann

Life, Liberty, and The Love of Tacos

It was another great day of hoops featuring several upsets, a couple of first time winners, and the world’s largest taco…sort of. Read on for this year’s round one wrap up.

  • Things I will not be watching in March, 2019: When we were newly married, my wife, Heather, was looking for college basketball on the TV on a night that, unbeknownst to her, the tournament had not yet begun. This was before all of the play-in silliness started, mind you. Coming across a game in the post-season NIT, she asked, “NIT? What’s the NIT?” After a brief but perfectly timed comedic pause she exclaimed, “Not In the Tournament!” Exactly. Sorry, Indiana fans, but the NIT will not be discussed here. I won’t be watching. Add to that list the latest predictably doomed experiment in forming an professional American football league to compete with the NFL, the Alliance of American Football. Like its predecessors, the USFL and XFL, this ragtag collection of football has-beens, rejects, and wannabes will take its place on the ash heap of sports history with only an ESPN 30 for 30 film to remind us of its existence. Speaking of football…
  • If Liberty University had a football program, #0 Myo Baxter-Bell could play left tackle. (Well, actually at 6′ 5″ and 255 lbs, he’s way too small to play O-Line in the FBS, but Liberty is a small school, after all, so…) He’s a wide body and a key contributor to Liberty’s first-ever NCAA tournament victory, one of three wins by a 12 seed in this year’s bracket. Incidentally, this is the first time three 12’s have advanced in the same tournament in five years. Speaking of firsts…
  • Top seeds get another minor scare. For the first time in tournament history, two 16 seeds led games at the half on the same day. Neither went on to victory like last year’s UMBC. Thus, the web masters for Gardner-Webb and Iona need not fear their servers being crashed this evening by overwhelming traffic from people trying to figure out who they are.
  • The bigger they come, the harder they Fall. Tacko Fall, that is, the 7′ 6″ (you read that right – the man is actually seven-and-a-half feet tall), size 22 shoe wearing, sleeps in two beds pushed together, can’t find clothes big enough to fit him, showers on his knees phenom from the University of Central Florida with the, hands down, best name in basketball. I had this amusing exchange via text with Mrs. Little this evening relating to the big man. Heather: “Ok fav player UCF Tacko Fall”. Jeff: “Yes! He’s awesome.” Heather: “As are all tacos.” Seriously, the man is just enormous. The TV broadcast showed a still image of him standing between the 5′ 2″ Tracy Wolfson, who barely comes to his waist, and the not-small-at-all 6′ 8″ Grant Hill, whom he also dwarfs. Fall is a computer science major, which makes me love him all the more.
  • Ban the free time outs. Is it just me, or are this year’s officials becoming increasingly anal-retentive over how much time ought to be on the game clock, especially after stoppages happening in the final minute? In the games I watched it seemed as though the zebras were constantly going to the monitor to put anywhere from a few seconds to a few tenths of a second back on the clock. Now, I’m all for accuracy in the era of super slow motion instant replay, but the problem with this practice is that it provides what amounts to a free time out to both teams. This can be significant. In at least one game I watched, such a situation arose at a point where neither team had a time out remaining, and yet there they were, at their respective benches going over strategy with their coaches. If the NCAA is really committed to the officials going through this Doctor Strange time adjustment routine several times a game, the players on the floor should be sent to opposite corners away from their benches where they can talk among themselves but not with their coaching staff. Get with the program, NCAA. No more freebies!
  • Do you know the way to San Jose? This particular site provided plenty of drama and bonus points, with the first three games all being won by double-digit seeds.
  • The B1G (pronounced “Big Ten” for reasons known only to folks like Prince who adopt weird symbols in place of actual names and expect us to know what we are supposed to call them) is now 7-1 thanks to Ohio State’s semi-surprising victory over Iowa State. Big Ten apologists will use this as evidence to support their assertion that the B1G (there’s that weird symbol again) is the strongest conference in the country. Indiana fans will use it to justify their offense at the Hoosiers omission from the tournament field.
  • 18 inches of nope: I have always loved those clever Allstate commercials with the actor who plays the incarnation of Mayhem. This year’s newest installment has Mayhem taking on the form of a basketball goal in which he describes himself as “18 inches of nope”. Nowhere was this better demonstrated than in the UCFVCU game where the score was 5-2 nearly seven minutes in. I wonder if Mayhem watches March Madness with his incarnate pals Death, Famine, and War. I heard Thanos was there, too, but Death sent him out for chips and dip.

Round One Awards

I know I implied that the best alias awards would be given tonight, but seeing that it is 2:21 AM EDT, and sensing the fog of exhaustion settling over my heavy eyelids, those will have to wait until I have both the time and energy to judge the creative wit of hundreds of minions. Until then, have a banana and enjoy these round one awards.

  • The I Hate This Stupid Scoring System award, self-awarded via his alias, goes to Gavin Hand, who incredibly picked 31 out of 32 round one games correctly! That’s right – he missed just a single game. The problem for Gavin is that the game he missed, UC Irvine’s victory over Kansas State, was worth 10 points total thanks to the upset bonus. This puts him in eighth place, not first.
  • The Dirty Dozen award, given in honor of the three 12 seeds that won in the first round, goes to the contestants who picked all 12 (yes, that’s ironic) first round upsets correctly: Tim Warren, Billy Brundage, Chad Wright, Dave Barndt, Adams Drew (did you reverse your first and last names in the entry form?), Don Townsend, John Hart, Paul Smith, Kip Layman, and Matthew Hickey.
  • Kip Layman also gets the Career Counselor award for advising me to quit my day job and become a sports writer. As much as I appreciate the sentiment, I think I will stick with what I know and keep this as a hobby.
  • The Hope Springs Eternal award goes to Sydney “I lost last year hopefully not this year” McDaniel, who is, indeed, not in last place…barely.
  • The You Know That Strategy Never Works award goes to Matthew Hickey, who, true to his annual tradition, picked the upset for all 32 games. This puts him in a tie for 49th, but there’s nowhere to go but down from there.
  • The I Might Beat You, But I Will Never Cheat You award goes to yours truly thanks to my current position of third place. First, I am way too invested in the integrity of this contest to rig it in my favor, so put those thoughts out of your head. Second, I have never won my own contest in 23 tries so far, so give me the benefit of the doubt.
  • The First Runner Up award goes to second place contestant Giuseppe DiIulio. If Steve Harvey were running this contest, you would be in first.
  • The You Ignored The Rules But I Will Let It Slide Since You Are Doing So Well award goes to Lizzy Randomly Picking who failed to enter her actual last name in the entry form. Tisk tisk, Lizzy, but if you really did pick randomly, your 15th place ranking says something about how much of this contest is luck versus strategy.
  • The Look On The Bright Side, Your Final Four Are All Still Alive award goes to last place contestant Stevie Cooper. Hang in there, Stevie. You likely will not remain in last for long.
  • And finally, the Leader In The Clubhouse award goes to first place contestant Billy Brundage, who not only has a terrifically performing bracket, but also a name that is totally fun to say!

That’s it for now, minions. Time for a little battery recharge before today’s games give us the first half of the Sweet Sixteen and our next edition of the commentary. Until then, I bid you good night.

The Wizard of Whiteland

Contest Home Page

Day Two Midday Madness

” Porridge. Who does she think I am, Goldilocks? Anteaters only eat ants. And that’s an ant.” – The Aardvark from The Ant and the Aardvark

Fear The Anteaters!

Greetings, fair minions! I am happy to report that I am home, unpacked, and back in the saddle for a full weekend of March Madness. The nice thing about coming back from a golf vacation is still being on vacation and, thus, having time to watch basketball all day. In case you missed it due to mundane responsibilities like work, here are a few highlights from today’s afternoon session.

  • What’s a guy gotta do to get an ant? Anyone remember the cartoon from the early 70’s called The Ant and the Aardvark? It aired as part of The Pink Panther, which was my favorite Saturday morning cartoon when I was a young wizard. Remember when you used to get up at the crack of dawn on Saturdays just to watch cartoons? Sweet memories. Now I get up before sunrise on Saturdays to spend 24 straight hours at a show choir competition, but I digress. Anyway, the big story of the day so far is UC Irvine’s first ever tournament victory, a 13-over-4 upset of Kansas State. The Anteaters have a winning streak dating back to January, and one would think that a Sweet Sixteen appearance would be a real boon to the contestants who picked them. Weirdly, however, another win by UC Irvine would be worth only a single upset bonus point thanks to today’s other big upset…
  • The Big 10 finally loses a game. After going 6-0 in early tournament action, the Big 10 suffered its first loss when the Wisconsin Badgers lost in the quintessential 12-5 trap game to trendy tournament Cinderella Oregon. Personally, I detest watching Wisky games. Their style of play sets basketball back 50 years. The Ducks will now face the aforementioned anteaters, guaranteeing a double-digit seed makes the Sweet Sixteen this year.
  • Cincinnati’s woes continue. I forget the exact stat, but I heard it mentioned in the live game call. The Cincinnati Bearcats have failed to make the Sweet Sixteen for several years in a row now, and this year will not break the trend. In another upset, the Iowa Hawkeyes provided three more upset bonus points to the sharp minions who picked them.
  • Virginia says “never again”. In the worst possible case of deja vu, the Virginia Cavaliers were down six at the half to 16-seed Gardner-Webb. You may recall that the Cavaliers have the dubious honor of becoming the only 1-seed ever to lose to a 16 last year. Fortunately, they woke up in the second half and beat the pants off of the school that sounds more like a personal injury lawyer. Seriously, the poor fellows walked off the court sans pants. Very embarrassing.
  • First four no more. Since its inception in 2011, the First Four has provided four “play-in” games where eight teams compete for four spots in the field of 64 – two 16 seeds and two 11 seeds. Every single year for eight years, one of the 11 seeds has won at least one game in the actual tournament. That streak comes to an end this year with both Belmont and Arizona State failing to advance past the first round.
  • Double duty. If you watched any of the games on CBS, you may have heard from NCAA rules analyst Gene Steratore. NFL fans may be surprised or confused, because Steratore was a well-known NFL referee for many years. Indeed, Steratore worked as both an NFL referee and an NCAA basketball official.
  • It’s good to be king. So far teams seeded 1-3 are undefeated. That isn’t all that unusual. Only once has a 16 seed won a game. 15 seeds have only 8 wins in tournament history, and 14 seeds have just 21 wins. Perhaps Georgia State can get the job done against Houston this evening.

Quick Awards

This being the midday update, I only have time for a few awards. Look for more this evening in the round one wrap up.

  • The Don’t Blink, You’ll Miss It award goes to Adam Detamore and Vanessa Sopke for the fleeting moments they spent in first place in the contest. It was fun while it lasted.
  • The You’ve Got Mail award goes to perennial contestant Bill Spyksma, aka Wazzu Spike, who has been emailing me all day, mostly in reference to the fact that he now sits atop the standings. He fears it may be short-lived. It usually is.
  • Not to be outdone, the Helping Hand award, sponsored by Hamburger Helper, goes to Jonathan Hand, who also sits atop the standings at the moment in a tie with Bill.
  • The Blame Game award goes to Tony Isch for his amusing tweets blaming ESPN’s Jay Bilas for his lousy bracket performance. That’s what you get for trusting the experts, Tony.
  • The Flattery Will Get You Nowhere, But It Will Get You A Shout Out award goes to Dave Barndt, who messaged me on Facebook to express his feeling of honor and privilege to be tied with The Wizard of Whiteland in the standings. Here’s hoping it doesn’t stay that way, Dave.

Time to turn our attention back to the evening session. There is plenty more to come late tonight in the final round one commentary. Until then…

The Wizard of Whiteland

Contest Home Page

Day One Debrief


If you watch a game, it’s fun. If you play it, it’s recreation. If you work at it, it’s golf.

Bob hope

Golf And March Madness Make Strange Bedfellows

I spent the afternoon attempting to do simultaneously two activities that require singular focus: golf and updating the Jeff’s March Madness Contest results. The results were mixed, although I am not certain that I can blame the deficiencies in my golf game on the distraction of day one hoops. My biggest problem on the golf course was hitting 24-foot putts 12 feet and 12-foot putts 24 feet. For the uninitiated, that is not the object of the game. Nevertheless, a good time was had by all, I managed to update all of the game winners within a reasonable time frame (except for the Murray State game, which I updated late in the evening thanks to a tweet from alert minion Jordan Lane), and no golf clubs were harmed in the process. That’s a good day.

Another Record Setting Year

I was pleasantly surprised when I saw that we have a record number of entries this year at 869. The popularity of this little contest never ceases to amaze and humble me. Thanks to all of you, faithful minions, this is the biggest (and hopefully the best) contest in its storied 24-year history. Please forgive me if this first edition of the commentary isn’t quite up to the usual standards. It is rather incredible what a day in the Florida sun will do both for and to the mind and body. Therefore, please enjoy this brief but hopefully entertaining rundown of the day’s action.

The Best Things I Saw On My Phone This Week

Unedited for your reading pleasure…

  • “i poked fun at claire for picking murray st over marquette and now i look stupid” – Amber Little, daughter of The Wizard and Rose-Hulman Freshman
  • “Would northeastern going to the sweet sixteen qualify for a scategories bonus? (thinking emoji” – Elliott Murray
  • “Did I make it in? Lol” – Angie Davis, text sent at exactly 12:00 PM EDT (She was thinking the deadline was noon instead of 12:15 PM
  • “3 Big Ten Teams in the same 1/2 of a region? MSU possibly playing Minnesota and Maryland to get to Duke??? NCAA is officially insane. MSU already played the Big Ten Tournament.” – Fess Bryson, who remembers the very earliest days of the contest.

Basketball Games Were Also Played Today

You might be surprised at how much basketball I actually got to watch today, 18 holes of self-abuse not withstanding. Items of note include…

  • Thousands of Michigan State fans nearly went into cardiac arrest when 15-seed Bradley took a two point lead to the halftime locker room. Nightmarish visions of Sparty’s defeat at the hands of 15-seed Middle Tennessee State in 2016 must have been dancing in their heads. Fortunately, the Spartans took care of business in the second half and saved about 800 entries in our contest.
  • Methinks the 1 seeds will be on a mission to obliterate their 16-seed opponents after last year’s history-making UMBC over Virginia debacle. Gonzaga got things rolling tonight with a near 40-point drubbing of hapless Farleigh Dickinson, proving once again that if your school name sounds like the main character in a Emily Bronte novel, you probably do not belong in the tournament field.
  • The 12 seeds always prove problematic for their 5 seed opponents, and today was not exception. Auburn has become something of a bandwagon pick this year, and with good reason, but they survived a real scare, beating New Mexico State by only one point. The aforementioned Marquette was not so fortunate, falling to a team we all knew was better anyway, the Murray State Racers. Well, I guess it’s actually that we all knew that Ja Morant, who has already been crowned the next best thing coming to the NBA since LaBron James, was better. The man put up a triple double. Read that again…slowly…a triple double…in a college game.
  • Then there were the upsets that we were all counting on that didn’t happen. Belmont led for most of the game before losing somehow (I didn’t get to watch any of this game) to Maryland, who as far as I am concerned is still an ACC team. (You’re welcome, Fess Bryson.) Saint Mary’s led defending champs Villanova for a time before finally succumbing 61-57.
  • The school you’ve never heard of, the Wofford Terriers, who will never win the most menacing mascot award, whooped Seton Hall in convincing fashion. The real headline from this game, though, was Wofford’s Fletcher Magee setting the NCAA record for career three point shots made. If you are a college recruiter looking for a three-point sharp shooter, look for the guy with two last names.
  • Nevada was a disappointment. Minnesota was a surprise. There is still plenty of time for Kansas to choke.

Day One Awards

Without much time for review or analysis of the 869 entries, I am not well positioned to hand out many awards tonight. However, since I know this is the best and most coveted part of the contest, I offer a few to whet your appetite.

  • The Never Get Advice From The Competition award goes to Claire Perkins, who is the “Claire” mentioned above who was mocked for her Murray State pick. The rest of that story is that she was dissuaded from her choice and changed her pick. Bad move.
  • The Top Seller award goes to the private group with the most members, Cru Digital Strategies. The fine folks at Cru contributed a whopping (not to be confused with the aforementioned whooping, which is something different altogether) 63 entries to the contest. Many thanks to the Cru crew.
  • The Peter Piper Picked A Peck Of Perfect Picks award goes to six brilliant minions who picked all 16 day-one games correctly: Eleanor Klein, Charles Harper, Gerardo Macias, Rita Dieringer, Gavin Hand, and Ken Dunbar. Way to go!

That’s all I have for today, minions. I will back tomorrow with more in depth analysis, groan-inducing witticisms, and the much anticipated “best alias” awards. Until then, good night.

The Wizard of Whiteland

Contest Home Page

The Last Word

“From first to last
The peak is never passed
Something always fires the light
That gets in your eyes
One moment’s high
And glory rolls on by
Like a streak of lightning
That flashes and fades
In the summer sky” – Neal Peart

Many Shining Moments

At some point during this year’s tournament, the studio crew was discussing one of the more poignant aspects of March Madness, that being how short the thrill of victory can be for 63 of the 64 teams that ultimately end their season with a loss.  For some, the elation of victory can barely be enjoyed before the agony of defeat comes right on its heels.  This year we were treated to many, many incredible moments – upsets and buzzer beaters galore.  But for most teams, the glory fades quickly.  UMBC made history on Friday and went home on Sunday.  Loyola of Chicago’s incredible run to the Final Four came up about 8 minutes short of a shot at their first national championship in 55 years.  Nevertheless, for so many of these young men, for one shining moment, they were more than conquerors.  I think this is one aspect of the tournament that makes it so enduring, and endearing.  It is why we stay up late after a blowout of a game, not to hear the post-game speeches of the victors, but to watch One Shining Moment, to relive the very best moments of the last three weeks, to feel the hair stand up on the backs of our necks one more time, and, if we are brave enough to admit it, to choke back a few tears, though we are not sure why we would cry over something that is, after all, just a game.  But maybe it is more than that, somehow.  The older I get, the more I recognize how fleeting and precious life’s moments are, both in victory and defeat, joy and sorrow.  If there is any virtue left in sport, perhaps that has something to do with it.

Ok, enough waxing of elephants.  Now for a few words about tonight’s game.  It went something like this.  “Whoa.  Wait!  Oh.  Never mind.”  I predicted a blowout.  Most expected a blowout.  After a brief Michigan spurt that lasted about half of the first half, we got a blowout.  Eric Bates, who was the hero of the night at our house, because he brought the Chicago’s Pizza and break sticks, said it best: “They [Villanova] are three point assassins.”  The shots weren’t falling early for Nova, but they sure were as the game wore on, especially if your name is Donte DiVincenzo.  Go ahead and call him “The Inferno,’ because he was on fire!  With the starters struggling to hit shots, double D came in and shot 10-15 including 5-7 from three point range for 31 points.  I think I heard someone say it was the most points scored by a bench player in a national championship game in I don’t know how many years – 30?  It was a big number.  According to ESPN, he also joins Bill Walton and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar as the only players to score over 30 points and shoot better than 66% in a Final Four game.  Donte’s Inferno, indeed.

With that, it is time now for the moment you have all been waiting for, brought to at the ungodly hour of 2:47 AM by our generous sponsor, ME.  That’s right, folks.  I do everything.  I pay for everything.  You’re welcome.  {big smile emoji here}

Final Contest Awards

  • The Plop Plop, Fizz Fizz award goes to the most upset of all contestants, Paula Novak, who incredibly picked 15 upsets correctly throughout the tournament.  This was good enough for 4th place overall in the contest.  You might be surprised to know, however, that though Paula picked the most upsets, she did not score the most upset bonus points.  That honor belongs to 21st place contestant Veronica Ramirez, who you may recall spent some time in the #1 spot.  Both Paula and Veronica will receive a year’s supply of Alka Seltzer.
  • The Top Prognosticator award goes to Ellen Althaus for picking 46 of the 63 games correctly, more than any other contestant.  Ellen finished in 10th place.  For making the top 10, Ellen will receive a signed picture of David Letterman.
  • The Air Ball award goes to Esther “Basketball Queen” (Yes, I see what you did there – clever) Neely, who picked the fewest games correctly out of all contestants, 13 out of 63.  Esther finished in 508th, which is not last, and that is what makes my contest so great, or so stupid, depending on your point of view.
  • The MIM (Most Improved Minion) award goes to Elliott Murray who went from “Oh no!” (740th) to “Oh Yes!” (24th) over the course of the proceedings.  Elliott will receive a suit of body armor.  This is to protect him from the fury of Amber Little.
  • The Shameless Self-Promotion award goes to the Booher clan – Patrick “Coach”, Zach “K-I-A straight out of dogtown”, and Jordin “LaBlonde James” – for texting me this on Sunday night.  They finished 25th, 56th, and 32nd, respectively.

 

  • The Rookie Of The Year award goes to Raj Shankar, who finished 16th overall.  There were actually two other rookies who finished ahead of Raj, but they have already received other awards.
  • The Young Sheldon award goes to the precocious Margaret “Marshmellow” I’ll-spell-it-how-I-want-to Dean, who finished first among all the 12-and-under contestants and an incredible 2nd place overall!  Margaret will receive the full first season of Young Sheldon on DVD.
  • The Retweet! award goes to the top teenage finisher, Brody “the champ” Shea, who finished 17th overall.
  • The 21 Jump Street award goes to the winner of the twenty-something age bracket, Ben “There Won That” Snyder, who finished 12th overall.  Ben will receive an autographed picture of Johnny Depp.
  • Since our contest winner comes from the thirty-something age bracket, the 30 for 30 award, sponsored by ESPN films, goes to the second place finisher in this age group, Nathan Kimbrell, who finished 6th overall.  Nathan will receive the boxed set of all of ESPN’s 30 for 30 films…just as soon as I finish watching them.
  • The WD-40 award goes to the top finisher in the forty-something age bracket, J.R. “I’m losing to Claire Dunphy” Shrader, who finished 3rd overall just 13 points off the lead.
  • The Mele Kalikimaka award goes to the 2nd place finisher in the March Madness 5-0 bracket due to the first place finisher already receiving the award.  Guess who gets this award this year.  Your Mom!  Ha!  I’ve been waiting the whole contest to say that.  Actually, “Mom” is the simple alias of one Kate Ginty, who finished 5th overall.
  • The No Country For Old Men award goes to my, ahem, old friend Dan Kopp, who finished first in the 60-and-over bracket and 7th overall.  Not bad for a Wisconsonian with no team to root for this year.
  • The Kristaps Porzingas award goes to Ava “The Unicorn” Dailey, who finished in 8th place overall.  Unicorn, indeed.  I know Ava.  She’s just a kid.  Justin Dailey should be ashamed of himself…or maybe proud, come to think of it.
  • The Memorial award goes to 9th place contestant Carol Taylor, given in honor of her late father Graham Taylor, sportswriter from our hometown of Madison, Indiana, who first published an article about my beloved contest in the hometown newspaper in 2002 and did so the three following years as well.  All four articles remain on the website.  You can read them here.
  • The Century award goes to Lee Braddock just for finishing 100th.  Thanks for playing.
  • The Yellow Lines and Dead Skunks award always goes to the contestant who finishes in the middle of the road.  This year that honor goes to 383rd place contestant John Wilcox.
  • The Participation Trophy goes to Sydney McDaniel for giving it the ole college try and finishing 761st.
  • The I Hate This Stupid Scoring System award goes to Emma Adams, who, believe it or not, was one of only THREE contestants who got more than 70% of the games right this year!  In fact, she picked the same number of games correctly as 6th place contestant, Nathan Kimbrell, and yet finished 53rd.
  • The I Love This Awesome Scoring System award goes to 14th place contestant Tim “Where’s the band?” Warren.  Tim picked only 25 games correctly and yet still finished in the top 20.
  • The Don’t Give Up, Your Time Will Come goes to long-time contestant Bill “Wazoo Spike” Spyksma, who emailed me Sunday bemoaning his standing in his friends-and-family private group.  Bill finished a respectable 143rd, which is higher than the Wizard this year.  One of these days, Bill, my son the Seahawks fan and I are going to get out there for a Seahawks game and a Gonzaga game…just as soon as I get rich.
  • And finally, the Grand Champion, Blue Ribbon, Gold Medal, Green Jacket, Grand PooBah Of Prognostication, Winner Winner Chicken Dinner award goes to this year’s contest champion, Julie Bowen.  A few keys to Julie’s victory include: she had Loyola and Florida State in the Elite Eight (sigh, I can’t believe I resorted to using that abomination), Loyola and Michigan in the Final Four, and Villanova as national champion, all with original picks.  Interestingly, Julie did not need some of the other high-profile upsets to win.  She picked Marshall, but not UMBC.  She did not pick Nevada over CincinnatiKansas State over Kentucky, or Texas A&M over North Carolina.  What does all that mean?  Probably nothing at all, except to reinforce my mantra when it comes to winning the contest.  It’s not about picking the most games right.  It’s about picking the right games right.  Congratulations, Julie!  May the odds ever be in your favor.

Signing Off

Now that my three-week homework assignment is complete, I will sign off for another 11 months until we meet again in March of 2019.  Maybe at some point between now and then I will be able to put my newly-acquired AngularJS programming skills to work and redo the website like I’ve been wanting to do for, oh, about 8 years now.  Who am I kidding.  I’ll never have time for that.

Many thanks to all of you for your clever aliases, quips, emails, texts, and Facebook posts.  I read them all.  It still amazes me that we’ve been doing this for over two decades, and that some of you have literally grown up with the contest.  This is, without a doubt, one of the the loudest notes in the symphony of my life.  Thanks to you all, and may the Lord bless you and keep you always.

Stepping back behind the curtain,

The Wizard of Whiteland

Contest Homepage

National Semifinals

“The Doctor: Never use force, you just embarrass yourself. Unless you’re cross, in which case… always use force!
Amy: Shall I run and get the manual?
The Doctor: I threw it in a supernova.
Amy: You threw the manual in a supernova? Why?
The Doctor: Because I disagreed with it! Now stop talking to me when I’m cross!” – Doctor Who

Custer’s Last Stand and Supernovas

Hello, fine minions.  I know it has been a week since my wit last graced your inbox, but tonight’s tome must be brief.  Tomorrow is Easter Sunday, and I still must iron my shirt.

For about 30 minutes this evening, it looked as though Clayton Custer and the Fighting Sister Jeans might actually pull of the miracle.  The Loyola-Chicago Ramblers actually had two different 10-point leads in the second half.  Alas, it was not to be, and the clock struck midnight on this year’s Cinderella.  Michigan clamped down on defense and patiently waited for their shots to start falling, which they did.  The final score of this game doesn’t really communicate how competitive it was.  For me, the most enduring image from this game might be that of Michigan Freshman Jordan Poole, the hero who hit the buzzer beater to win the Houston game (remember that one?), tracking down Sister Jean to personally congratulate her.  We will always remember the NCAA Tournament that made a 98-year-old nun into a social media sensation.

In Spanish, “No va” loosely translated can mean “It won’t go” or, in the imperative sense, “Don’t go!”  Tonight, NOVA definitely meant the latter, as in, Kansas, you don’t go to the national championship game this year.  In fact, Kansas should have just gone to the team bus at halftime.  Oy Vey!  The Villanova Wildcats are the Golden State Warriors of college basketball.  They set the record for number of three point baskets made in a Final Four game…IN THE FIRST HALF!  If I’m not mistaken, this year’s team also holds the record for most 3’s in a tournament and most 3’s in a season.  At one point in this game they had like 15 made 3’s and no made free throws, because they hadn’t shot any!  That’s just madness!  This game was never close.  Kansas was never remotely in it.  Once Villanova obtained their first double-digit lead, I do not believe they ever relinquished it.

I heard someone call Michigan’s Moe Wagner (pronounced VOG-NER like the composer) “Mo’ Buckets”.  Actually, that’s not original.  The NBA’s Marreese Speights is the original Mo’ Buckets, but I digress.  Anyway, Moe had better score a LOT mo’ buckets on Monday night, or the national championship could be a very lopsided affair.

So, after all the craziness of this year’s tournament, after UMBC and Buffalo and Sister Jean and Nevada and Florida State and Kansas State, here we are left with two big conference behemoths playing for the national title.  Sure, Michigan is a bit of a surprise, and in an odd bit of irony, the bigger school will be playing David to the smaller school’s basketball Goliath.  Let us hope it is at least a competitive game.

Quick Awards

We will have the full rundown of the final contest awards Monday night.  For now, I have just a few shout outs.

  • The Sister Jean award goes to Paula Novak whose incredible run in our contest, like that of Loyola-Chicago, ends tonight.  She remains in first place, but will not finish there.  Great job, Paula!
  • The Sour Grapes award goes to my daughter, Amber Little, who has spent the better part of a week complaining about everything from her poor performance to Elliott Murray’s strong showing in this year’s contest.  Better luck next year, kiddo.
  • The Blowin’ Up My Phone award goes to my good friend, Brad “Pit of Misery! Dilly Dilly!” Schafer, who supplies his own commentary to me personally in SMS soundbites.  If you think MY stuff is funny…
  • The 15 Minutes Of Fame award goes to the fifteen amazing contestants who managed to pick both of tonight’s winners with ORIGINAL picks: Tony Isch, Kate Ginty, Steve Glassley, Jordin Booher, Carol Taylor, Joseph Jenkins, Alicia Davis, Alyssa Regan, Trevor Norcross, Margaret Dean, Gary McCharlson, Emily Stauffacher, Michael Randazzo, David Kinchelo, and Ben Snyder.
  • The Contest Troll award goes to non-participant Paul Gallagher, who informed me on Thursday that while he didn’t enter, he’s been faithfully reading the commentary.  Isn’t that why everyone enters anyway?
  • The Best Dressed award goes to Villanova coach Jay Wright, who reportedly comes to every game in a $5,000 suit.  My entire wardrobe doesn’t cost $5,000.
  • The Phun With Phones award goes to Graham Little, who finally joined the I-dropped-my-cell-phone-and-broke-it club this weekend.  That’s one way to get a new iPhone, I guess (don’t get any ideas, minions).

The contest, like the tournament, has come down to two contestants vying for first place.  I would tell you who they are, but that would spoil the suspense.  Actually, if you are curious, it will take you all of five minutes to look at the standings and do the math.  We will announce the champion along with all the other fabulous prizes on Monday night.

Until then…

The Wizard of Whiteland

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Regional Finals Wrap Up

“Hey there, Mister Madman, what you know that I don’t know? Tell me some crazy stories; let me know who runs this show…It’s always here.  It’s always there.  It’s just love and miracles out of nowhere.”

– Kansas

The Final Four Is Complete

One exciting game and one not so much completes the 2018 Final Four.  With all the crazy upsets we experienced this year, the Final Four ended up 75% sanity and 25% madness.  Under the category of “a picture is worth 1000 words,” the following sums it quite nicely.

  • Nova Rolls Tech – I don’t have much to say about the first game of the day except that Villanova still looks like the team to beat.  Many weapons.  Terrific coaching.  Yes, Kansas will be a tough test, but, well, it’s Kansas.  Let’s not get ahead of ourselves.
  • There’s No Place Like Home – They definitely saved the best of the regional final games for last as the Duke Blue Devils and Kansas Jayhawks went to overtime in a back-and-forth affair.  After The Bazooka fouled out for Kansas with 2:00 to go, it looked as though Duke might pull out the win.  Those hopes faded for Duke fans as Grayson Allen’s last-second game-winning shot attempt bounced three times on the rim and fell off to the side.  March Madness is a game of inches.  With The Bazooka out and Sviatoslav Mykhailiuk with four fouls, the crew watching the game at my house was thinking, “advantage Duke.”  Instead, Kansas’ Malik Newman channeled his inner Michael Jordan and scored all 13 of the Jayhawk points in overtime to win the game.  I am reasonably confident that between The Bazooka and Mykhailiuk, all letters of the alphabet are present and accounted for in their names.
  • One One Will Be Done – One might say that this year’s bracket is rather conservative; it leans considerably to the right.  Rim shot.  I’ll be here all week.  One could also argue that the national championship will actually be determined on Saturday when the two remaining #1 seeds, Kansas and Villanova, square off in what ought to be a battle royale.  No doubt the rest of the country outside of Ann Arbor, Lawrence, and Villanova (yes, Villanova is actually a place in Pennsylvania and not just the name of the University) will be rooting for Sister Jean and the Rambling Hobo-Wolves of Loyola-Chicago.  Everyone loves an underdog, after all.  I have my doubts that Loyola can even keep the game with Michigan close, let alone win, but in a year of firsts, we should not be surprised if we see the first double-digit seed play for a national title.

And now on to the part you all skip to in the email anyway (I’m talking to YOU, Patrick Booher), the 2018 regional awards.

Awards

  • No one got all four of the Final Four correct with original picks this year.  Shocker.  However, I will give the Participation Trophy to those contestants who managed to get all four correct with the benefit of the re-picks: Ellen Althaus, Tuck Badgley, Andrew Bolin, Emma Adams, Ava Dailey,  and Bob Johnson.
  • The Southern Hospitality award goes to the two contestants who had the most success in the brutal South region, Rena Fairchild and Paula Novak.  They each picked 11 of the 15 games correctly.
  • The Best Western award goes to the contestants who dominated the West region with 13 wins each (with original picks): Lynsey Oberstadt, Julie Bowen, Steven Pettit, and Tyson Glassley.  Each winner will receive one night’s stay in their local Best Western.
  • The Beasts Of The East award goes to the minions who were nearly perfect in the East region, winning 14 out of 15 with original picks: Luke Furr, Patricia Carson, Matt Cox, Nathan Kimbrell, Andrew Barndt, Ryan Lamb, Rob Puglisi, and Carol Taylor.
  • The Omaha! award goes to the top performer in the Midwest region, Andre Echevarria, winner of 14 games with original picks.  Andre will receive a signed picture of Peyton Manning.
  • The Emperor Palpatine award goes to 38th place minion Raj Shankar for changing his alias to the most excellent Star Wars allusion, “I Am The Senate!
  • The Best Response To A Busted Bracket award goes to Heather Little, who after losing her last team in the tournament, Duke, set her alias to this gem: “My Bracket Is DUKiE.
  • The Best March Madness Pun With A Marvel Universe Reference award goes to 105th place contestant Jay “Mo ‘Thor’ Wagner-rok bringing the hammer” Namboothiri.  What you all don’t know is that Namboothiri was actually the great great grandfather of Odin and original king of Asgard.  No, actually, I’m just making that up.  Namboothiri is really the planet where the final showdown between Kylo Ren and Rey will take place in the next Star Wars movie.  You heard it here first.
  • The Cinderella Story award goes to Elliott Murray who continues his climb from the obscurity of 740th to the top of the leader board.  Elliott is currently in 18th and can still move up.
  • The Ask And You Will Receive award goes to Patrick “Coach” Booher, currently in 57th place, just because he asked for it.
  • The Honor Your Father And Mother award goes to Sydney “My Parents Made Me” Snyder, currently in 156th.  What wise parents you have, Sydney.
  • The Oh Ye Of Little Faith award goes to Jordan “These prayers aren’t working” Risner, currently in 57th.
  • And finally, the It Was Fun While It Lasted award goes to Paula Novak who held on to first place for the entire second weekend of the tournament, but, alas, will not finish there.  All of Paula’s remaining teams are now out.

With that, fine minions, it is time for me to return to the real world sans basketball for a week or so.  The contest standings are close, and with a couple of huge scategories bonuses on the table should Loyola manage to win another game or two, there are still a number of contestants who could end up number one.  Stay tuned!

The Wizard of Whiteland

Contest Homepage

Regional Finals Part One

“Ultimately, ‘Cinderella’ is the story of the underdog. You root for her in this fairytale; the girl who has nothing, deserves so much more, and gets it.” – Lily James

Cinderella Arrives At The Dance

In case you missed it, the Ramblers of Loyola-Chicago earned their first trip to the Final Four since 1963, winning in convincing fashion over Kansas State.  This was the first game of the tournament where the Fighting Sister Jeans did not need last second heroics in order to win.  The Wildcats were never able to get the lead back under double digits in the second half.  The Ramblers are only the fourth 11 seed to advance to the Final Four.

So how does an 11 seed get to the Final Four?  Certainly, they must be a good team, as the Ramblers definitely are.  At the same time, success in the NCAA tournament often comes down to match ups, and that is true for the better seeds and not just the underdogs.  This is why there is so much grousing about seeding “mistakes” made by the committee before the tournament even begins, because where you are seeded can often go a long way in determining your fate.  It would be an error to say that Loyola-Chicago had an easy road to the Final Four.  They defeated Miami and Tennessee, strong teams from strong conferences.  But they also benefited from other unlikely upsets in their region allowing them to face Nevada and Kansas State rather than Cincinnati, Kentucky, or Virginia.  None of the previous three 11 seeds to advance to the Final Four have won a national semifinal game, and it is exactly because of the match up factor that I believe Loyola will join that winless club.

Wolverines Win Ugly Game

The Michigan Wolverines will be a match up nightmare for Loyola of Chicago.  KenPom.com has the Wolverines ranked fourth in the country in defensive efficiency, and it certainly showed up in tonight’s game where I often wondered if either team would reach 50 points.  Their four point victory over Florida State featured 11 blocked shots, 12 steals, 31 missed three pointers, and 25 TURNOVERS between the two teams.  I am not saying a Loyola-Chicago victory over Michigan in the Final Four is impossible, as the Ramblers have shown themselves to be remarkably resilient.  Nevertheless, the Wolverines will be the heavy favorite, and rightly so.

Perhaps the most interesting thing about this game happened after it was over in the post-game interview with Florida State coach Leonard Hamilton.  Prompted by the panel in the New York studio, Dana Jacobson asked coach Hamilton why Florida State did not foul, down four points with eleven seconds to go.  At first, the 69-year-old coach acted noticeably irritated, his response implying that he thought the question was stupid.  “You think that’s why we lost the game?”  For a moment it appeared that Hamilton would pull a Bobby Knight and simply walk away in disgust, but to his credit, he composed himself and gave a more lengthy – and more classy – response, giving Michigan credit for playing stifling defense and basically disrupting his team’s entire game plan.

Let It Snow

March Madness seems to be infecting everything right down to the weather.  I don’t know what the weather is like where you live, but we received an unseasonal ten inches or so of snow today.  This made the trip to my brother’s, fellow minion Josh Marshall, quite the adventure, but we arrived safely.  It was there that I watched the first game of the night, ate pizza, talked Purdue basketball and other topics with the extended family, and fed breadstick bites to the dog.  Incidentally, there are no dogs left in the tournament, but there are still cats along with a couple of wolves, though, as I have explained already in a previous commentary, their team name (Ramblers and Raiders) has nothing at all to do with a wolf.  Perhaps more schools should simply change their mascot to a wolf in order to enjoy more tournament success.

Awards?

Speaking of dogs, I am sure you minions are much like Pavlov’s dogs by now, expecting awards every time one of these tomes arrives in your inbox.  Here are a few tasty morsels to hold you over until tomorrow.

  • The Two For Two award goes to Kate “Mom” Ginty and Julie Bowen, the only two contestants to get both games right with original picks.  Their prognosticating prowess has earned them 4th and 2nd place in the current standings, respectively.
  • The Don’t You Forget About Me award goes to my sister-in-law, Sara Marshall, who has no more teams left in the tournament.  To be fair, there are no less than two dozen minions in the same situation, but I am obviously picking on Sara because we are related.
  • The Isn’t That Spelled With An ‘A’? award goes to Margaret “Marshmellow” Dean, the precocious young minion who’s been hanging out in the top 10 for a good portion of the contest.  It turns out that Margaret is the daughter of 3rd place minion Veronica Ramirez.  I guess it runs in the family.
  • The Yes, But You Haven’t Figured It Out Yet award goes to Don “Is There A System To This?” Naugler, currently in 116th place.
  • The Ancient Chinese Secret award goes to Brock Zagel, who sent me a text this morning revealing the secret to our current contest leader’s success.  Brock will receive a year’s supply of Calgon for his efforts.
  • And speaking of the contest leader, the Phil Mickelson “Yeah, Yeah, Yeah” award goes to the STILL-in-first-place Paula “Cookie Monster” Novak.  According to the aforementioned informant, Paula’s system for picking winners involved choosing the team from a state where she has friends or relatives.  Who knew such a correlation existed?  There are chinks forming in Paula’s armor, however, as she lost BOTH games tonight.  Perhaps this opens the door for someone to take over the top spot tomorrow.

That’s it for tonight.  Be sure to tune in tomorrow when I will hand out the region by region awards.

The Wizard of Whiteland

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Eight Is Enough

“Work eight hours and sleep eight hours and make sure that they are not the same hours.” – T. Boone Pickens

The Great Eight

I know I have ground this axe before in commentaries past, but do you not agree that we should label the last eight teams in the tournament something other than “Elite”?  I know it is completely irrational on my part, but I am so averse to the term “Elite Eight” that I basically refuse to say it.  It feels like a media contrivance to me, an attempt to copy the alliterative and colloquial qualities of “Sweet Sixteen” and “Final Four” in a way that just doesn’t work.  Sweet Sixteen connects us to the joyful emotions of that unique coming-of-age milestone, and Final Four carries with it a sort of regal grandeur worthy of an Epic.  Elite Eight falls flat where those two succeed.  It just doesn’t do it for me.  It says, “We had an intern in the communications department search the Thesaurus for a word starting with ‘E’ that means ‘awesome’, and this was the best he could come up with.”  I think it is about time we renamed these eight teams who have managed to make it halfway to glory, winning three of the six games in a row necessary to be champion.  I am partial to Great Eight myself.  It rolls easily off the tongue, and the rhyme is sensible.  What are your thoughts?  Email or tweet me your ideas, and I will mention the best (and probably the worst, also) in my commentary.

Game Thoughts

  • Super Nova – Consider for a moment that West Virginia is arguably the best defensive team in all of college basketball with the exception of Virginia (and we all know what happened to them).  Now observe that Villanova just put up a 90 burger on them.  The Wildcats are so strong, so diverse, and have so many offensive weapons that I believe they are now the team to beat.  According to our Championship Predictions report, 193 of you agree with me.
  • What A Difference A Bazooka Can Make – Ok, it is an admittedly poor play on words, but the much ballyhooed return of Kansas big man Udoka Azubuike just in time for the tournament has, without question, improved Kansas’ fortunes immensely.  Tonight The Bazooka (which is what I shall call him henceforth) put up a 14 and 11 double-double before fouling out.  Without The Bazooka there is no way Kansas beats Clemson in this game, a game decided by just four points.
  • Lob City – That’s what we should call tonight’s game between Duke and Syracuse.  I don’t have the exact statistics, although I am certain some nerd at Elias has them somewhere, but I personally cannot remember a game with so many lobs to the basket.  It appeared this was a byproduct of both teams playing that Syracuse zone defense, which oddly seemed better implemented by Duke than Syracuse this evening.  With both Syracuse and West Virginia now out of the tournament, I am hopeful that we will not have to endure any more slogfests.
  • A Couple Of Guys Named Smith – There’s an old joke about a man with a wooden leg named Smith.  “What was the name of his other leg?” is the punchline.  Tonight the joke was on Purdue, as the Texas Tech tandum of Zhaire and Zach Smith combined for 27 points to beat the Boilermakers.  We all know that Smith is one of the most common surnames in all of America, so there is nothing remarkable about having two Smiths on the same team, but what are the chances of having two Smiths on the same team with given names that start with the letter ‘Z’?  Purdue fans will be quick to point out that the Boilermakers have their own same-surname-but-no-relation tandem of Carsen and Vince Edwards who combined for an even more impressive 42 points in the loss.  If I ever get a chance to coach a college basketball team, I am going to purposely recruit five guys with the same last name just to irritate the stats geeks at Elias and exasperate Jim Nantz.
  • Balance Has Been Restored To The Galaxy – As I noted yesterday, the left side of the bracket is more like a “Huh?  Who?” than a who’s who of basketball brilliance.  That side of the bracket has a 3, two 9’s, and an 11 seed.  Conversely, the right side of the bracket is more like the college basketball hall of fame (with the exception of Texas Tech, of course).  On that side we have both 1s, a 2, and a 3.  In a way this is unfortunate, as it means that in all likelihood the best two teams in the Final Four will play each other in the semifinal rather than the final.
  • Thanks, Captain Obvious – In the post game panel discussion on TBS, guest commentator and Wichita State coach Greg Marshall, when asked for his thoughts on the upcoming East regional final game between Villanova and Texas Tech offered this expert analysis: “The team that plays better is going to win.”  Ya think?
  • Mascot Madness – A quick look at the Mascot Watch report reveals that the Native AmericansMustelids (look it up)and Evil Spirits are undefeated thus far, a combined 9-0.  One is guaranteed to remain undefeated after the weekend, as the Seminoles play the Wolverines in the West regional final.  Kansas has the tall task of exorcising the Duke evil spirits from the bracket.
  • Games That Matter – Keep an eye on that Kansas State vs Loyola-Chicago game, as no matter who wins, some contestants will collect a 24-point scategories bonus.  A trip to the Final Four for either Florida State or Texas Tech would also earn a scategories bonus for a few skilled (or lucky) minions.  And speaking of luck vs skill…
  • The Best Thing I Saw On My Phone Today…was a text from Paul Sopke, currently in 20th place.  He dropped from 16th when Purdue lost.  In any case, he sent me this text: “Bro, I’m in 16th place in your contest and I literally picked all my selections not looking at the screen..{big smiley}  Then, I did my re-picks via ‘eeny, meeny, miny, mo’!”  There you have it, folks.  The secret to success in Jeff’s March Madness Contest is as simple as eeny, meeny, miny, mo.

Round Three Awards

Now that we have our, ahem, Great Eight, it is definitely time to hand out some well-deserved awards.

  • The Great Eight award, given in honor of the brilliant new name the world is about to embrace for the final eight teams in the tournament, goes to Bradley Geistwhite, currently in 29th place, whose judicious use of re-picks enabled him to get all eight games correct.
  • The Lost In A Time Warp ward goes to second place minion Veronica Ramirez who, according to her alias, missed the re-pick deadline due to time zone differences.  For future reference, all contest deadlines are in Eastern Daylight Time.
  • The Jekyll and Hyde award for the wildest swings in contest fortunes goes to Caroline Fairchild, who has been as high as 28th, as low as 738th, and now sits in 60th.
  • The Biggest Loser award, sponsored by Weight Watchers, goes to Clayton Fields, once 21st but now 708th and with nowhere to go but down.
  • The Rocket Man award goes to Elliott Murray, who has climbed from a dismal 740th all the way up to 34th.  Elliott will receive a signed copy of Elton John’s Greatest Hits.
  • The Best Alias Update I Saw This Week award goes to a couple of clever minions: Jason “The Haas-pital caused Haarms” Roehl and Kelli “Who’s Ready For Another Round Of” Payne.  Well played.
  • The Looking On The Bright Side award goes to 763rd place contestant Dylan “There’s always next year…or the next” Scheumann.  Dylan took advantage of the re-picks and still managed to lose almost every game, most of his Final Four, both national finalists, and his national champ.  A for effort, Dylan.  A for effort.
  • The I’m The Better Bowen award goes to Julie Bowen, currently in 4th place and 10 points ahead of 10th place contestant, Christy Bowen.
  • And finally, the This Contest Has To Be Rigged Somehow award goes to the apparently clairvoyant Paula Novak, our current contest leader who incredibly picked six of the Great Eight with original picks.  She didn’t pick the “easy” six, either.  I’m talking Kansas State, Loyola-Chicago, Florida State, and Texas Tech to go with the “easier” picks of Kansas and Duke.  Those are original picks, minions, not re-picks.  She only had to re-pick one game (Villanova) and only lost one game in this round (Texas A&M).

Now that I have completed what amounts to a 24-hour marathon, I’m off to count sheep.  Tomorrow’s…er, today’s South and West regional finals are sure to shake up the contest standings, so stay tuned!

Until next time,

The Wizard of Whiteland

Contest Homepage

When Things Go South

“When I was your age, I always did it for half an hour a day. Why, sometimes, I’ve believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast.” – Lewis Carroll

It Seems As If I’ve Seen This Movie Before

I was just looking over last year’s commentary for this same night of the tournament, and the circumstances were strikingly similar.  For one, as I was then, so I am now here typing the commentary less than three hours before I’m off to the airport to head home from Florida.  (Before you get too jealous, the weather was honestly brutal, at least by Florida standards, and certainly for golfing.)  But wait, there’s more.  Did you know that this time last year there also was an 11 seed in position to advance to the Final Four?  That’s right, a year ago it was #11 Xavier hoping to beat #1 Gonzaga to be just the fourth #11 seed to advance to the Final Four.  That didn’t work out, obviously.  This year, it is #11 Loyola-Chicago hoping to advance by beating another South region Cinderella surprise, #9 Kansas State, who won the battle of the Wildcats with their victory over Kentucky.  That South region has caused many a bracket to go south in a hurry.  In other news…

  • Bonus Points Aplenty – Of the four games played tonight, three were won by the lower seed, i.e., the underdog.  Those of you who had Loyola-Chicago or Florida State cashed in not only on upset bonus points, but Scategories bonus points as well.
  • Always Wear Your Sunscreen – I’m pretty religious about avoiding sunburn, but this year presented a strange set of circumstances.  The last two days of the golf trip treated us to morning temperatures in the 50s.  Not only that, but yesterday we had winds gusting up to 40 MPH!  The weather conditions prompted me to wear long pants and long sleeves, thus leaving very little exposed skin, making sunscreen something of an afterthought.  Today I remembered to apply some sunscreen to my face, but alas, I forgot one important body part – my left ear.  With a cloudless sky and many holes played into the setting sun this afternoon, being a right-handed golfer, my left ear got the brunt of the UVs and now looks like a slice of tomato on your BLT.
  • The B1G Wins Big – The surprising tournament juggernaut #3 Michigan absolutely pasted Texas A&M this evening.  Was that really the same A&M squad that beat North Carolina by 20?  I would say that Michigan is now the heavy favorite to advance not only to the Final Four, but to the national championship game given that the left side of the bracket now has two 9’s and an 11 along with #3 Michigan, but the way this tournament is going, I’m not making any more predictions.
  • Injuries Hurt…both literally and figuratively.  Gonzaga’s loss of Killian Tilly to injury really hurt them (pun intended) against Florida State.  Without their stretch 4, the Seminoles killed them on the inside.  It didn’t help that they couldn’t shoot a three or make a free throw, but I saw an interesting stat on the Twitter feed of the March Madness Live website.  Gonzaga shot 26 layups, but Florida State contested some outrageously high number of them – something like 20.  Of the 26 layups Gonzaga shot, they made 9, I think.  (I don’t remember the exact numbers, but you get the point.)  You just can’t win a game that way.  And as a totally random aside, is anyone besides me sick to death of that Florida State fight song or chant or whatever it is?

Quick Awards

I need a power nap before heading to the airport, so I only have a handful of awards for tonight.

  • The You’re Breaking My Heart award goes to my baby girl, Ashlyn Little, who sent me a text with a screen shot of her busted bracket.  Sorry kiddo, but join the millions who are in the same sinking boat.  Better luck next year.
  • The Four For Four award goes to two contestants whose judicious use of re-picks allowed them to get all four games correct tonight: Bradley Geistwhite and Andrew Bolin.
  • The Trifecta award goes to three contestants who picked three out of four of tonight’s games correctly with original picks: Julie Bowen, Paula Novak, and Jane Gomez.  Incredibly, Paula picked the three upsets and scored a boatload of bonus points!

That’s it for tonight, minions.  My tank is empty.  More to come tomorrow night.

The Wizard of Whiteland

Contest Homepage

Round Two Wrap-Up

“I can calculate the motion of heavenly bodies, but not the madness of people.” – Isaac Newton

Regression Toward The Mean

It’s a principle referenced mostly by statisticians which essentially means, “The law of averages always wins in the end.”  In yesterday’s assortment of eight games we saw only one upset.  In today’s batch we got only three favorites advancing, and one of those was Kansas State’s victory over UMBC.  I spent most of the day playing golf, not watching basketball, but I did manage to catch the conclusion of most of today’s shocking upsets.

  • UMBC Loses, But Who Cares? – Even the Kansas State players stood and applauded the UMBC starters as they were finally pulled from the game in the closing seconds.  The game announcers reported that K State coach Bruce Weber dragged his team out of bed after curfew on Friday night, not because he wanted them to see the team they’d be facing tonight, but because he wanted them to witness history.  The initials UMBC will live forever.
  • Purdue Survives – The Isaac Haas-less Boilermakers needed the whole game to survive the Butler Bulldogs and advance to the Sweet Sixteen.  Dakota Mathias hit a three in the closing seconds to seal the victory.
  • Hold That Tiger – The battle of the Tigers went to Clemson in a good old fashioned country butt whoopin’.  It was a 31-point victory over the Auburn Tigers.  Ouch!  Somewhere Sir Charles Barkley is covering his head in a paper sack.  Speaking of butt whoopin’s…
  • No Repeat This Year – Texas A&M crushed defending champion North Carolina by 21 points.  This is the game I half-watched at dinner in utter disbelief between bites of my French Quarter Pasta.  Oh, and speaking of dinner…
  • Guess Who’s Coming To Dinner – After our round of golf today, we asked the staff at the course what was good to eat in this particular suburb of Orlando.  They all recommended a place called Nona Blue near Lake Nona.  Now, if you know anything about professional golf or Orlando, you will know that Lake Nona is a place many pro golfers call home.  It turns out this particular restaurant is owned by pro golfer Graeme McDowell, a fact we suspected but were uncertain of as we found our way there.  Upon arrival, sure enough, there was a display case just inside the door with some of McDowell’s memorabilia.  As I was perusing the collection, one member of our crew said, “Isn’t that him right there?”  Thinking he was talking about a picture in the trophy case, I honestly thought that was a dumb question.  But no, he meant Graeme McDowell was sitting RIGHT THERE, not 10 feet from us at the bar with his wife.  Sure enough, it was him.  Another member of our crew who’s teenage son is a big fan even got a picture and an autograph.  Cool stuff.  The food was good, too.
  • Syracuse Wins Again – In a rather annoying turn of events, the Syracuse Orange, who seem to perennially underachieve during the season, controversially get a bid to the tournament, and then overachieve in the tournament to silence the naysayers (like me), remained true to form by dispatching #3 seed Michigan State.  If my memory serves, this marks the fourth time a First Four team has advanced to the Sweet Sixteen.  How does Syracuse do it?  I have a theory.  The teams in Syracuse’s league play them often enough to not be stymied, confused, or intimidated by their zone defense.  But when Syracuse gets to the tournament, they face teams who do not play them regularly, and those teams simply cannot solve that zone.  It happened to IU, you remember, the team with Victor Oladipo and Cody Zeller.  If they can get you to pass the ball around the perimeter and settle for a three point jump shot, they have you right where they want you.  You have to attack that zone, which I know is easy to say and perhaps hard to do.  I am just frankly surprised that Tom Izzo couldn’t manage to get the job done with his team.
  • Lightning Strikes Twice AGAIN? – It was not a good day to be from Cincinnati.  What are the chances of both Cincinnati schools losing on the same night at the same site?  That is precisely what happened, back to back, no less, in the same building, AND they both lost huge leads in epic meltdowns.  The Music City was not playing their song.  First there was Cincinnati, who squandered a 22-point second half lead to Nevada, then there was Xavier, who lost a more modest 11-point lead to Florida State.  Foul trouble was a factor in both games, but especially for Cincinnati when Jaron Cumberland fouled out with 4 minutes left and the Bearcats up by just 6.
  • Take Me Home, Country Road – The final game of the night is just wrapping up, and it is about the only normal thing that has happened all night.  It didn’t occur to me until I saw an interview with the Governor of West Virginia, but both of these schools, West Virginia and Marshall, are in the same state.  Apparently, this is the first time the two teams have played each other.  I am not sure if that’s just in basketball or in any sport, but I doubt Marshall will be signing up for a rematch anytime soon.  This one was never competitive.
  • Another One Is Done!Xavier’s loss marks the second #1 seed to lose before we even got to the Sweet Sixteen.  The entire left side of the bracket is in shambles.  Think about who is left in the South region for a moment: Kansas State, Kentucky, Loyola-Chicago, and Nevada!  I do not keep track of such things in detail, but this certainly feels like one of the craziest opening weekends of a tournament in recent memory.  The year 2000 may rival it when two #8 seeds made the Final Four.  Never has the re-pick round been more needed in the contest.  More on that in a minute.
  • The Scategories Bonus Comes In To Play – Naturally, those who picked UMBC earned an extra 3-point Scategories bonus for that game.  However, we also had two 6-point Scategories bonuses awarded in round two for those who had Kansas St. and Syracuse making it to the Sweet Sixteen.

Round Two Awards

  • There were a total of six upsets out of 16 games in round two.  The Upset Stomach award, sponsored this time by Alka Seltzer, goes to Paula Novak and Monica Muschalik who correctly picked four out of the six (and not the same four, by the way).
  • The I Told You So award goes to all-upsets picker Matthew Hickey, who didn’t win a single game in the second round.
  • The Darth Vader Says, “Impressive” award goes to Paula Novak (again) and Nathan Kimbrell who each picked a rather amazing 11 of the Sweet Sixteen correctly.  Given the number of insane outcomes so far this year, that’s not bad at all.
  • The Still In The Hunt award goes to now 2nd place contestant Veronica Ramirez who still has all four of her Final Four in the tournament.  The plot thickens.
  • The I Love This Awesome Scoring System award goes to Dave “Wakawaka” Barndt, the highest ranking minion with a winning percentage below .500.  Dave is currently in 12th.
  • The Hot 100 award goes to Giuseppe DiIulio simply for being in 100th place.
  • The It’s Never As Bad As It Seems award goes to Bob Johnson who lost his national champ early (Arizona) but is still in 13th place.
  • The Denial Is Not Just A River In Egypt award goes to last place contestant Scott “No second picks needed” Moore.  If anyone needs the repicks, it’s Scott.
  • The That’s What You Get For Picking The Teams You’re Rooting For award goes to Luke Furr, currently in 258th.  Luke is an IU guy, which makes him a B1G guy, which prompted him to put Ohio State and Michigan State in the Final Four.  See the re-pick instructions below, Luke.
  • Finally, the Mr. Miaggi Say “You beginner luck” award goes to contest leader and contest rookie Paula “Cookie Monster” Novak.  Paula leads by six points, has seven of her Elite Eight and all four Final Four teams still in the tournament.  Treat yourself to some cookies, Paula.

The Re-pick Round Has Begun!

Before I close this edition of the commentary, let me remind you that the re-pick round has now officially begun. This is a critical component of Jeff’s March Madness Contest, one that you will ignore at your peril. While it is true that some of you are in a position where no amount of re-picking can win the contest for you, we have certainly had instances in the past where people LOST the contest because they failed to take advantage of the re-picks. Why have re-picks?  I’m glad you asked. It is simply to keep people interested and rooting for teams for the remainder of the tournament no matter how good or how poorly they have done so far.

IMPORTANT: Everything you need to know to make your re-picks can be found on the website here.  Please read these instructions care – full – ly. I know the process is a tad confusing. That is why I have written such detailed instructions. I wish I could make it simpler, and perhaps some day I will, but for now, please check the instructions, paying particular attention to step #2.  Step #2 describes the part of the re-pick process about which I get the most questions every year. Of course you are welcome to email me if you still have questions or can’t figure out what is going on with the re-picks. The deadline to complete your re-picks is 7:00 PM EDT on Thursday.

With that, dear minions, it is time for the Wizard to shift attention away from hoops and toward another round ball – the little white one with dimples – for a few days.  If you have any issues this week with your re-picks, send me email. If you forgot your password, use the “I forgot my password link” available on the page where you enter your password to change your picks.  I will see you again Thursday night.

The Wizard of Whiteland

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