Everything Is Bigger In Texas

“I’d rather be a fencepost in Texas than the king of Tennessee.”

Chris Wall

Day One Provides Upsets, Firsts, and a Little Shakespeare

The return of March Madness did not disappoint in the madness department on day one as we saw six upsets in sixteen games, five double digit seed winners, four losses for the birds, three overtime finishes, two B1G losses, and a partridge in a pear tree. Here are a few thoughts and observations from today’s action in no particular order.

  • Wisconsin’s starting line up is older than the starting lineup of the Chicago Bulls. I’m not entirely certain what conclusion we should draw from that factoid, but I found it interesting nonetheless.
  • A B1G Letdown – It was a tough day (or two if you count yesterday’s First Four) for the Big Ten, with both Ohio State and Purdue losing in shocking upsets. Oral Roberts University became just the ninth 15 seed to win a game in tournament history, and North Texas won their first ever NCAA tournament game. Toss in Michigan State’s disappointing loss to UCLA on Thursday in the First Four, and you have three B1G losses all in overtime. But the news wasn’t all bad for the Big Ten. Rutgers got their first tournament win since 1983. Illinois clobbered Drexel by almost 30 points, and Wisconsin handed UNC coach Roy Williams his first ever loss in the first round of the tournament.
  • It was Sandy the Squirrel day today in March Madness as teams from the state of Texas completed a clean sweep, going 4-0. “You messed with the bull, Spongebob. Now here come the horns!” (If you haven’t seen that episode of Spongebob, I highly recommend it.) The aforementioned North Texas along with Texas Tech, Houston, and Baylor all won today. Throw in Texas Southern’s win from the First Four on Thursday, and you have a perfect 5-0 record for teams from the Lone Star State.
  • “Though this be madness, yet there is method in’t.” Hamlet, act 2, scene 2. A large contributor to Purdue’s undoing was one Javion Hamlet, whose 24 points, 12 rebounds, and 5 assists were enough to lift North Texas to victory. Seventy-six contestants felt the sting of losing a Final Four team with this one, but that’s nothing compared to the 216 minions who had Ohio State in the Final Four.
  • How do you spell Oklahoma? Apparently I don’t know, because I misspelled it not once, but twice on the contest bracket. Many thanks to alert minion Richard Schrimpf for pointing out the mistake. I also realized I had the South and East region labels reversed on the bracket. I fixed that, too. I’m blaming these brain lapses on COVID.
  • Apparently there is a relatively new “no flopping” rule in men’s college basketball, which seems to have been introduced in the 2019-2020 season. If the officials deem that a player feigns excessive contact in order to draw a foul, i.e., flops, the team can be assessed a class B technical foul after one warning. (A class B technical carries only a single free throw as a penalty.) This is a rule I would like to see implemented in the NBA, but I suppose they handled it by issuing flopping fines. In any event, I’m a fan of this rule and think it should be applied more broadly to other sports. Take soccer, for example, where flopping and faking injury seem almost compulsory, or the phantom “I got a cramp in me hammy” time outs garnered by NFL defensive linemen when they are getting run over by a hurry up offense. C’mon, man. Get rid of all that garbage and just play ball.
  • San Diego State felt the Orange Crush. Like so many before them, they were befuddled by the 2-3 zone, managing only 18 points in the first half. That’s 18 points total for the team in 20 minutes of play. They played them basically even in the second half, but by then it was too late. Coach’s son Buddy Boeheim dropped a 30 burger on the Aztecs in this one.
  • COVID strikes again, as Georgia Tech star player Moses Wright was eliminated from competition eligibility due to contact tracing issues. No doubt this changed the complexion of that game, and it’s pure speculation as to whether they would have won the game had Moses been able to play. In any case, I doubt we’ve seen the last of this sort of thing. I’m especially curious as to how being in quarantine for the past 10 days will affect defending national champion Virginia, whose entire team has not practiced for nearly two weeks.

Day One Awards

Having exhausted all available inspiration for the day, and having reached the literal point of exhaustion, I leave you with today’s awards.

  • The You Got Your Money’s Worth award goes to Mark “GotABetterQuarterThisYear” Knutsen. Hold on to that quarter. Your coin flipping has earned you a tie for seventh so far.
  • The Breaking From Tradition award goes to Matthew Hickey for modifying his usual all-upsets bracket by picking Purdue to go all the way. You should have stuck with the upset on that one.
  • The Enjoy It While It Lasts award goes to Paul Smith and his not-so-RandomGuesses. Clearly Paul took a modified all-upsets approach, which is good enough for a tie for second after day one. Perhaps this is the well-worn strategy of picking all the upsets and then re-picking the likely winners during the re-pick phase. I’ve never seen that work, but there’s a first time for everything.
  • The Practically Perfect award goes to 15th place contestant Chris Sivits who only missed two games and got all four games in the Midwest region correct. Chris will receive a copy of Mary Poppins on VHS, autographed by Dick Van Dyke.
  • The Pole Position award, given in honor of the Indy 500, goes to current contest leader Grant Miller. Grant is ahead only by a nose due to the tie breaking rules, but is alone in first for now regardless. Grant will receive an autographed photo of A.J. Foyt.

Alright, minions, time for the Wizard to get some sleep and recharge for Saturday’s action. The Best Alias awards will be coming soon, so stay tuned.

Wait, Who Changed The ‘S’ To An ‘R’?

“Life is never more fun than when you’re the underdog competing against the giants.”

H. Ross Perot

March Madness’ Welcome Return

It was almost exactly one year ago when we all sat in disbelief as the Men’s Division I Basketball Tournament, or “March Madness” as it is colloquially known, was canceled for the first time in, like, ever. Sadly, it was the harbinger of things to come, but now after a full year of quarantines, cancelations, closings, shortages, claustrophobia, unplanned homeschooling, bubbles, empty stadiums with piped in crowd noise, contact tracing, designer masks, and TikTok addiction, we finally have something that almost feels normal. March Madness has returned, albeit in ways that can only be explained in the context of a post-pandemic world. I must say that I am both nostalgic and proud that the entire tournament is being hosted in my great home state, the basketball state, the state with a hoop on every barn and in every driveway. “In 49 states, it’s just basketball, but this is Indiana.” That may not be as true as it once was, but it seems appropriate that Indiana would provide the venue for the return of the most exciting tournament, and the best 48 hours (the first two days), in all of sports.

We’re Not Even Halfway Through Day One, and It’s Already Started

Some of you were already burning your brackets when you looked at the results of the Ohio State game and discovered the winner had an “R” where the “S” should be. If you didn’t get to see any of this game, you missed an instant classic. Oral Roberts University joined the very short list (nine teams all time) of 15 seeds to defeat a 2 seed in the first round. That brings the total of B1G powerhouses to have an early exit to two, with both Ohio State and Michigan State losing in less than 24 hours. The Golden Eagles were led by the one-two bunch of Kevin Obanor and Max Abmas, which must be a Germanic name, because it is pronounced ACE-MAS sort of like Christmas. Maybe the “B” is really one of those funny German B-looking characters that sounds like an “S” instead. Anyway, this massive upset was worth 16 points to those minions who picked them – 13 upset bonus points plus the scategories bonus. If the rest of the tournament provides this much excitement, we’re in for a wild ride.

Never Underestimate the Power of Having a 101-year-old Nun On The Sidelines

The Loyola of Chicago fighting Sister Jeans are back, and so is Sister Jean at age 101. There’s nothing else to be said about that other than I hope that when I’m 101, I’m still writing March Madness commentary.

Stick to Toothpaste

For about 10 minutes of game time it seemed as though Colgate might shock Arkansas with a 14-over-3 upset, but the Razorbacks scored 17 straight points to close the first half and never looked back. Ultimately Arkansas was able to brush them aside in the battle of the bathroom toiletries.

Can Somebody Close That Blind?

With apologies to Butler grads in the contest and throughout the world, can somebody please close the blind on that window in Hinkle Fieldhouse? There is a narrow band of very, very bright sunshine just on one side of the floor that is totally annoying for TV viewing and has to be irritating for the players as well.

The 12-5 Upset Tradition Continues

Contest veterans will know that the 12-5 matchup is one to always watch for upsets, as the way the committee seeds the teams often results in 12 seeds that aren’t that far apart talent-wise from their 5 seed opponents. We got the first of our 12 seed victors already in the first session with the Oregon State Beavers victory over the Tennessee Volunteers. While not a scategories bonus, it still provides a hefty seven bonus points for all you Beaver backers. Incidentally, the Beavers were picked to finish dead last in the Pac 12, and then proceeded to win their conference tournament.

It’s Chinese Friday

I don’t have any real awards to offer yet, as I am still getting wits about me having been home exactly six hours after playing 144 holes of golf in four days. So, it’s time to order my Chinese food, watch more basketball, and sharpen my wits for the evening commentary and, yes, awards, I promise.

Ok, one award. Incredibly, it didn’t even take eight games for EVERYONE in the contest to take at least one loss. That means there’s not Crazy Eight or Eight Is Enough award to hand out for the first session. But, the Yes I Lost A Game But I’m Still In First So Nah Nanny Boo Boo award goes to our session one contest leaders: Ben Watkins, Spencer O, Bray Snyder, and Brielle Wynn.

Check back late tonight or tomorrow for the Day One wrap up commentary.

The Last Word

“You have just become a prisoner of the Commonwealth of Virginia.”

George Rogers Clark

We end this year’s tournament and this year’s contest with a few firsts. The championship game goes into overtime, of course, keeping the Wizard up even later penning the final tome of 2019. And, one really stupid local criminal gets his comeuppance. All this and more in the final edition of our contest commentary.

First, A Few Thoughts On The Game

  • Is that Saint Francis of Assisi? Well, he’s not quite that old, but, fun fact, Texas Tech’s top scorer Brandone Francis was former Florida Gators coach Billy Donovan’s last recruit. How long has Donovan been coaching the Oklahoma City Thunder now? Francis was everywhere tonight and a big reason why the Red Raiders were able to force overtime.
  • Can I get an explanation on that one, Gene Steratore? Something I saw a lot in this year’s tournament is a player driving to the basket and executing every component of a layup except the layup. After coming to a stop, he then passes the ball out to a teammate…or something. My question is, how is that not a travel? As far as I know, the NCAA rules are still that you get the step where you gather the ball plus one more on a layup (As opposed to the NBA wherein they have, no joke, codified two full steps into the rules, which is why it looks like NBA players are simply running around with the ball – because they are). But aren’t you required to actually, you know, attempt the layup? And please don’t lecture me about the jump stop. I know what that is, and I don’t think this is that. Somebody help me out, here. I am looking for some actual, factual rule and not just opinions. I don’t think I ever saw it called a travel, so, what provision in the rules allows that?
  • Return of the Bench Mob. Remember the Bench Mob from Monmouth a few years back? Those guys were hilarious. In fact, if you ever watched a Monmouth game, you missed half the game – even watching it on TV – because the camera was constantly cutting away to the hijinks of those dudes on the bench who barely played any basketball, but were spectacularly clever in their celebrations. I miss those guys. Anyway, the Texas Tech bench, which was really just Francis and Edwards, scored 29 points. In contrast, the Virginia bench had only 6, and those all came from one Key player. See what I did there? The Texas Tech bench honestly outplayed the starters until the late stages of the game, whereas it was Virginia’s front line players that carried the day for the Wahoos. And speaking of Wahoos…
  • What in the world is a Wahoo, anyway? I am so glad you asked. According to that great fount of often incorrect information, Wikipedia, the term Wahoo means, quote, “Official University of Virginia sports documents explain that Washington and Lee baseball fans first called University of Virginia players ‘a bunch of rowdy Wahoos,’ and used the ‘Wahoowa’ yell as a form of derision during the in-state baseball rivalry in the 1890s, presumably after hearing them yell or sing ‘wa-hoo-wa.’ The term ‘Wahoos’ spread around the University and was commonly in use by the 1940s.” And now you know.
  • The boneheaded play of the day came courtesy of Virginia stars DeAndre Hunter and Kyle Guy who quite literally nearly threw the game away with nary a second left on the clock in regulation. With the score tied, Hunter collected the rebound on a missed shot. Losing his balance, he threw a pass to Guy, not wanting to turn the ball over on a traveling violation. At the same instant, Guy, wanting to preserve time for a final shot to win the game, turned his back to Hunter as he begged the referee for a time out. The ball passed right by Guy’s backside and bounced out of bounds, giving Texas Tech one second for a final shot, which ended up being blocked by Virginia’s Braxton Key. This Virginia team has the wrong nickname. They should be some form of cat, because they definitely have nine lives.
  • Remember that wretched NFL season not so long ago when the officials went full-on crazy with instant replay on catch/no-catch and fumble plays? Long periods of time the referee spent under the hood watching super-slow-motion replays captured by cameras filming at hundreds of frames per second to see if even the tiniest, most imperceptible movement of the ball, invisible to the naked eye, could be detected. Announcers would exclaim with extreme gravitas, “That ball moved, Jim!” Thus we ended up with catches-turned-incomplete, preposterous “fumbles”, and denied touchdowns (I’m talking to you, Steelers fans). There’s a reason the NFL doesn’t do that anymore. Well, here we are in basketball, circa 2019, and we’re watching the same frame-by-agonizing-frame replays trying to determine if the ball came in contact with at least one square millimeter of the man’s epidermis before sailing out of bounds. Yes, that happened to Texas Tech in this game. I know I have been an ardent proponent in this blog of the use of replay to fix obvious missed calls, but I want to put emphasis on the obvious. This was borderline silly, and again, both teams got an extended free timeout. But I repeat myself.
  • Far be it from me to question the strategy of the national champions, but I was incredulous at Virginia’s penchant for one guy dribbling out the entire shot clock while the other four guys stood and watched. This seemed to be their primary MO at both the end of regulation and overtime as they were trying to protect their lead. I am never a fan of playing not to lose. This wasn’t the mode of play that got them the lead in the first place, which is why I find it so puzzling. Ultimately it ended up not hurting them, as they did one thing any team must do to seal a victory, and that his hit free throws down the stretch. At one point I think they made 14 freebies in a row.
  • From worst to first, the story of this Virginia Cavaliers team is truly one for the annals of March Madness lore. After suffering the most humiliating defeat in tournament history, becoming the first #1 seed to ever lose to a #16 and putting UMBC (who?!!) on the map – and off the grid (their web server crashed from the traffic) – they returned the very next season to win a national championship. It is worth noting that the aforementioned DeAndre Hunter was injured last season in the ACC tournament and did not play in that first round debacle.

From The Grab Bag

  • Everyone who picked Virginia as national champion in the contest finished in the top 100.
  • I had many thoughts I wanted to share on the much-maligned one-and-done phenomenon in college basketball, but rather than fill up this commentary with hundreds of words on the subject (if not thousands), I voiced my musings in a Facebook Live Video which you can find posted here if you are at all interested.
  • Strange but true, there were no real buzzer beaters in this year’s tournament. Close games, yes, but no games won by a shot at the buzzer, though Virginia Tech and UCF saw their would-be buzzer beaters beat them by not going in.
  • Corniest Commercial Award: Caldwell Banker – A realtor has a Brady Bunch teaching moment with a kid who is not wanting to move by suggesting if he puts a basketball goal on the side of the house, new friends will beat a path to his door.
  • Best Commercial Award: Geico – “Pie!” Don’t you wish that worked for things besides pie? You know, just shout it and the short order cook behind the counter has it on the way while the word is still on your lips. How about “Money!” or “New Car!” or “Obedient Children!” or “Five minutes of March Madness without Charles Barkley!”?
  • Funniest Commercial Award: Buick – “Did that bear just poo in our tent?” Yes.
  • Dumbest Criminal Award – A serial lawbreaker decided to brazenly carjack a Hamilton County, Indiana man in his own driveway in broad daylight. Now, I am not in any way attempting to downplay the harrowing nature of the experience, as the carjacker was armed, and the victim’s small daughter was nearby. However, the victim was also a Hamilton County Corrections officer…who happily let Mr. Carjacker drive away in his LoJacked vehicle, which allowed the county Sheriff to track and apprehend him less than an hour later. Whatcha gonna do when they come for you?
  • Those 3D videos they project onto the court for the pre-game player introductions are totally legit, unlike my command of the vernacular of modern youth, as I am certain that “totally legit” is no longer legit.
  • The Masters is coming up this weekend, professional golf’s first major, but the PGA is shaking things up this year, rearranging their season schedule to avoid the FedEx Cup playoffs having to compete with the NFL. This means that the PGA Championship, which has been the season’s final major for a long time, will now be the second major of the season and will be played in May. Does that mean that “Glory’s Last Shot” will now be “Glory’s Second Shot”? That just doesn’t have the same ring to it if you ask me. And while the US Open will still be played on the traditional Father’s Day weekend (I assume), it appears the PGA had enough sense not to put the PGA Championship on Mother’s Day weekend. If mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy, and mama probably doesn’t want to watch golf on Mother’s Day.
  • I am just old enough to remember when the NCAA Tournament had a consolation game. Yes, I am completely serious. They played a game between the Final Four losers for third place. The last such game was played in 1981, and the participants were…wait for it…Virginia and LSU. Virginia won 78-74, though pretty much no one cared. This was Ralph Sampson’s sophomore season. Speaking of sporting events no one cares about…
  • The 2019 NIT Championship game was played between two teams that were on the bubble on selection Sunday, Texas and Lipscomb. Texas won 81-66. Somehow that feels like winning the D flight in the club golf tournament. Lipscomb…is that like when your lips are chapped and ridged like a comb? OK, bad joke, and actually, Lipscomb was quite good this year and probably deserved a bid.
  • Readers of this commentary know by now how I feel about pets. A quick look at the Mascot Watch report shows that the dogs were an unimpressive 5-8 this year, while the evil cats were 12-9. The criminals were 5-3, so maybe crime does pay after all. Most noteworthy, though, is that the military was an incredible 13-5. Members of our armed forces, we salute you! (Seriously.)

Final Awards

Enough blathering about trivia and minutia. Let us get on with the 24th Annual Jeff’s March Madness Contest Final Awards.

  • The Top Prognosticator award goes annually to the contestant who picks the most games correctly with original picks. This year we had a tie between Dylan Scheumann and Gavin Hand, both with 52 wins. Dylan finished 3rd overall, while Gavin also gets the not-so-coveted I Hate This Stupid Scoring System award for finishing 61st with the same number of wins as Dylan.
  • The Peter Piper Picked A Peck Of Re-Picks award goes to Drew Adams who had more re-picked games correct than anyone else with 8. Drew finished 413th and will receive a year’s supply of pickled peppers.
  • The To Infinity And Beyond award, sponsored by Toy Story 4, in theaters this summer, goes to 7th place finisher Meg Seibenhar, who was once a lowly 860th. You may recall Meg was one of only two minions who got the Final Four correct this year. Meg will receive an adult-sized Buzz Lightyear onesie.
  • The Selective Amnesia award goes to 5th place finisher Vanessa Sopke who sent me a text earlier today bemoaning the fact that she originally had Texas Tech in the final game only to switch it to Duke during the re-pick round because of all of the “Zion talk”. Except, she did not change her pick during the re-pick round. In fact, she didn’t change any of her picks at all. The memory is the first thing to go, and the second thing is…???
  • The Rookie Of The Year award goes to Benjamin Michael who finished a respectable 28th. Benjamin will receive an autographed photo of Dennis Quaid.
  • The Young Sheldon award goes to the winner of the 12-and-under age bracket, Trevor Anderson, who finished 24th overall. Trevor gets a guest appearance on an episode of The Big Bang Theory.
  • The Teen Queen award goes to the winner of the 13-19 age bracket, the amazing Kristen Davis, who nearly cracked the top 10 with an 11th place finish.
  • The GenZ award would normally go to the top finisher in the 20-29 age bracket, but since he already received an award, this year’s award goes to Spencer Ricks, who finished 4th overall in an attempt to follow in his Dad, David Rick’s, footsteps, who won our contest in 2013.
  • The Millennial Madness award is another one that goes to the second place finisher due to the first place contestant already having received an award. This year’s winner for the 30-39 age bracket is Veronica Ramirez, a long-time contestant who finished 18th overall this year.
  • The X Factor award goes to the second-best Generation Xer in this year’s contest (the top finisher in the 40-49 age bracket actually won the contest…more on that in a minute), Andrew Ables, who not only finished second in this age group, but also 2nd overall. Andrew will receive a recorded personal video greeting from Simon Cowell in which Simon mocks him for not being good enough to win.
  • The Happy Days award, given because, you know, Happy Days was set in the 50s, goes to the winner of the 50-59 age group, Scott Risner, who finished 10th overall. Scott will receive a genuine leather jacket worn by the Fonz himself. Aaaayyyyyyy
  • I’m sensing a bit of a pattern here, but nevertheless, the Pass The Geritol award goes to the top senior prognosticator, Toby Risner, who finished 13th overall. Not sure if Toby and Scott are related. Toby will receive a cane and a year’s supply of Depends.
  • Why not? Let’s make it a Risner trifecta. The Jeff’s March Madness Contest Is Good For The Heart award goes to Shelby “Steph Ascope” Risner, who finished 6th overall. Girl power in the Risner clan.
  • The Eight Is Enough award goes to 8th place finisher Alyssa Sines. Alyssa will receive an autographed photo of Dick Van Patten.
  • The Fahrenheit 451 award goes to 9th place contestant Taylor Bradbury. Those picks were hot.
  • The Yellow Lines and Dead Skunks award goes to middle-of-the-road finisher James Wells, who finished at exactly the median position of 435th. James had the same Final Four I had, which goes a long way in explaining his finishing position.
  • The I Don’t Need No Steenking Re-Picks award goes to 26th place minion and Duke hater Sam Brauen, who picked Duke to lose in the first round out of sheer spite, refused to make any re-picks, and still nearly cracked the top 25.
  • The The Devil Made Me Make These Picks award goes to 666th place contestant Philip Trout.
  • The Sweet Memories award goes to 346th place contestant Richard Schrimpf, who won the contest in 2006. This matters because…
  • The Blue Ribbon, Gold Medal, Green Jacket, Top Dog, Master Of The Madness, Grand Poo Bah of Prognostication, Winner Winner Chicken Dinner award goes to Richard’s bride, Shelly Schrimpf, who by virtue of her victory creates the first ever husband-and-wife dual-winner duo in the storied history of the contest. Shelly won comfortably thanks to picking both Texas Tech and Virginia as semifinal winners followed by Virginia as the ultimate champion. Actually, 2nd place finisher Andrew Ables also had the same picks in the Final Four and the national championship, but it was Shelly’s pick of Michigan State that won her the contest, as Andrew had Duke going to the Final Four. Congratulations, Shelly, our 2019 Jeff’s March Madness Contest Champion!

And Now It’s Time To Say Goodbye To All Our Company

OK boys and girls, our three-week adventure has come to a close, and it is time for the Wizard to step back behind the curtain for another 49-week hibernation. I want to thank my loving and patient wife, Heather Little, who is also my biggest fan. This hobby doesn’t happen without her, as does little else in the Little household. Many thanks to all of the generous folks who pitched in with donations to help with the expenses related to the contest. I appreciate it very much. Also a big thank you to the many, many folks who email, text, Tweet, and message me via social media throughout the tournament with your insights, quips, jokes, jabs, corrections, keen observations, and snide remarks. I tell people this is the time of year I get to watch the greatest sporting event in the world with 800 of my closest friends, and I mean that sincerely. I hope you will all be back next year for the 25th anniversary edition of the contest, and as always, I hope you bring a friend.

With that, I bid you adieu. May the Lord bless you and keep you.

Warmly,

The Wizard of Whiteland

Contest Home Page

Don’t Mess With Texas


“Texas is so wrapped up in myth and legend, it’s hard to know what the state and its people are really about. Real Texans, raised on these myths and legends, sometimes become legends themselves.”

Joe R. Lansdale

Kyle is the Guy…again. Charles Barkley swallows hard and congratulates Virginia. And Clark Kellogg tells it like it is.

Phinal Phour Philosophizing

  • Blow out the candles. I went to a Final Four party today where some kid was also having a birthday. OK, actually it was my nephew’s 3rd birthday party, but I spent most of the time in front of the TV. Lest you think I’m a heartless old Wizard, I did take time out to sing happy birthday and watch him open a few presents. The poor child is mostly scared of me, anyway.
  • Who let the dogs out? Speaking of the birthday party, my brother’s house has gone to the dogs…literally. I spent the afternoon stepping over two fat puggles intensely begging for a scrap from my plate and a hyperactive pup who was extremely happy to see anyone within three feet of him. I know, I know – heartless old Wizard. I am many things. An animal lover is not one of them. Pets are like children who never grow up, learn to take care of themselves, and leave home. Apologies to all the dog and cat loving minions reading this. Actually, no, I do not apologize to cat lovers. Cats are evil.
  • Unhappy advertisers must be miffed at Virginia and Auburn. They played from the about the 5:30 mark of the first half all the way to the horn without a single stoppage of play, ergo, the “under-4:00” media timeout never happened. This game had 24 personal fouls total – 12 for each team – and just 26 free throw attempts. In contrast, Texas Tech and Michigan State had 33 personal fouls and 31 free throw attempts, which is honestly amazing given how physical that game was. Speaking of physical…
  • Basketbrawl is back and better than ever. I can say this now, because the opponent was not Gonzaga tonight. Texas Tech plays great defense. They have quick hands, and Tariq Owens is a shot-blocking machine. They also push, pull, pinch, grab, shove, hold, scratch, claw, bite, poke, gouge, and generally get away with everything short of fisticuffs. The Red Raiders were called for 18 personal fouls and not called for about 28 more. Yes, the Spartans also played physically, because they had to. When you play Texas Tech, you match their physicality or you lose. Those are your choices. Even Tom Izzo said in the post-game interview, “The tougher team won.” If the Monday night crew allows Texas Tech to play their gritty style, I think they have a great chance to win.
  • Fun socks, dude! Cool socks are all the rage. My daughter, Amber Little, has a pair with beakers, test tubes, and other assorted chemistry paraphernalia on them (Chemical Engineering Major). I have a pair of super cool golf socks. Alert minion Shelly Schrimpf posted a picture of the Texas Tech trainer’s socks bearing rolls of toilet paper and plungers in the Facebook group. Not sure what kind of statement those socks are intended to make, but I think I will just leave that alone.
  • Stats and analytics are a focal point in today’s sports. One oft-hyped stat in basketball is points in the paint, ostensibly points scored in the “painted area” of the floor inside the three-second lane. But what if the painted area isn’t painted? You see this more and more these days with floor designs opting for a sort of inversion, as is the case with this year’s Final Four, where the painted area is not painted, but the area between the lane and the three point line is painted. This must be troublesome for the statisticians, and I am shocked no mention is made of it. Does that change what is considered points in the paint? Or should we call them points in the not-paint instead? I find this horribly triggering for my OCD, and I think something should be done about it.
  • The BSOD (Blue Screen Of Death) reared its ugly head on my computer yesterday, leading to a trip to the local Best Buy for a new hard drive. Before all of you Mac snobs start hurling the “if you’d buy a Mac that wouldn’t happen” jabs at me, please re-read the part about “new hard drive”. It was a hardware failure. Even Macs cannot overcome a hardware failure. But, I’m sure I’ll still get an email from wiseguy@icloud.com claiming he dropped his MacBook Pro from a fourth floor window onto the concrete below and it still worked like a champ. Anyway, thanks to the miracle of Ubuntu 18.04 and virtual machines, I was back up in no time, and that is how I am able to sit here and grind out another witty commentary for you fine folks. OK, so leaving Nerdville now, we will return to NCAA basketball…
  • Did anyone catch the high-stepping referee in the Michigan State-Texas Tech game? Whenever he had to run down the court, he stood upright and brought his knees up nearly chest high like an Olympic sprinter. It was quite comical, actually, but hey, his form was superb! Unfortunately, we cannot say the same thing about the crew from the first game, and no, I am not referring to the foul called on Kyle Guy’s shot at the buzzer. That call was correct – an obvious foul. The problematic call was the one that was missed a moment earlier when Virginia’s Ty Jerome dribbled the ball off his own heel, grabbed it with both hands, and then started another dribble, clearly a double-dribble violation. To their credit, the announcers and even Auburn coach Bruce Pearl refused to throw the officials under the bus, saying that a game is a collection of many things whose outcome is not determined by a single event. Well said. Still, it will be difficult for Auburn fans especially to think of this game in any other context, and that’s unfortunate, because it is true that Kyle Guy should have never had an opportunity to even take that shot…unless of course there were a steal on the ensuing inbound that Auburn should have had, followed by an incredible buzzer beater that went in or a foul on that hypothetical play. Hopefully you see what I am getting at. What-ifs and conjecture are pointless. What actually happened is that Kyle Guy calmly hit three free throws to win the game in heart-stopping (if you’re a Wahoo) or heart-breaking (if you’re a Tiger) fashion.
  • The first scategories bonus has finally been awarded to nine contestants out of 869 who picked Texas Tech to advance to the championship game. Those nine received a massive 48 points for that win, vaulting them up the standings. Christy Bowen was perhaps the biggest beneficiary, moving from 800th all the way up to 85th. Now, I realize some might protest that a single game shouldn’t be worth that much. “It makes it too easy. All you have to do is pick one team, and you practically win the whole thing even if you miss most of the other games.” OK, if it’s so easy, why didn’t you pick them? Exactly. It wasn’t easy picking Texas Tech, which is why those nine brave souls were rewarded handsomely for it.
  • A bit of history has been made in this year’s tournament. It is the first time since 1979, and the first time ever in the 64-team era, that two first-time participants in a national championship game are playing each other. That 1979 game was fairly memorable. You might recognize the two marquee players for each team: Magic Johnson (Michigan State) and Larry Bird (Indiana State).
  • Who’s going to win on Monday? Good question. With two teams who have made their hay in this tournament on strong defense, it is a game that could very well be played in the 40s. However, both teams do have shooters and scorers as well, so it may not end up being as watching-paying-dry dull as I fear it could be. I think the status of Tariq Owens for Texas Tech is critical, as he is their primary defender and rim protector. That being said, Texas Tech is arguably the deepest team in the tournament, and that non-stop onslaught of fresh players from the bench has just worn teams out so far. I can’t help but think that destiny is in Virginia’s corner, though. After becoming the first team ever to lose to a 16 seed in spectacular fashion last season, they are on a mission to bury that horrible memory and prove their mettle. I will take Virginia to win, which given my performance since the Sweet Sixteen, is almost certainly the kiss of death and a virtual guarantee for Texas tech.

Quick Awards

  • The I Couldn’t Have Said It Better Myself award goes to CBS analyst Clark Kellogg, who somehow drew the short straw and ended up on the crew that normally works NBA games for TNT: Ernie Johnson, Kenny Smith, and Charles Barkley. I believe it was Ernie (it’s always Ernie) who introduced the final segment with something like, “Let’s wrap-up this up real quick. Who do you have in the championship game?” After several minutes of rambling banter primarily between Kenny and Charles, Clark quipped, “This is the longest quick wrap-up I’ve ever seen!” That was funny, but I am pretty sure he was completely serious.
  • The I Feel Your Pain award goes to Dylan “It was fun while it lasted” Scheumann, leader of the contest no more. Currently in 3rd, Dylan still has Virginia as national champ, but he cannot win the contest.
  • The You Have Been Voted Off The Island award goes to Braden Murray who spent about two hours in 7th place with high hopes of winning the contest, a feat he would have accomplished with a Michigan State national championship. Thanks for playing. Better luck next year.
  • The I Love This Awesome Scoring System award goes to William Hernandez who has picked more games wrong than right and yet still is in 14th place thanks to the Texas Tech pick. Great job, William!
  • The TTYL I’m a TTRR! award goes to Hans “TTRR!” Koebele, who has risen like the Kraken from the murky depths of 756th all the way to 10th.
  • The Always A Bridesmaid award goes to Andrew Ables who is currently in 2nd but cannot win no matter what happens on Monday.
  • And finally, the Clash Of The Titans award goes to the two contestant who are vying for victory in the 24th annual Jeff’s March Madness Contest: Shelly Schrimpf, currently leading the contest, and her challenger, Matthew Muschalik, currently in 4th. A Virginia win gives the contest to Shelly, while a Texas Tech victory gives the Ultimate Scategories Bonus of 96 points to Matthew and contest win by a wide margin.

And with that, I bid you adieu until the final commentary, which will be published in the wee hours of Tuesday morning thanks to the NCAA’s ridiculous practice of tipping off the national championship game at 9:20 PM EDT. Would it really hurt them to start this game even an hour earlier? Some of us do have to go work on Tuesday morning, you know. I guess 9:20 pm is 6:20 pm on the west coast, but there are no west coast teams in this game. Even Lubbock, Texas is only an hour behind, so you could still start the game at 8:00 and give all those Texans time to get home from work, grab some wings or pizza rolls or whatever they eat in Lubbock, and settle in front of the TV. Am I right? Who’s with me?

Sleepily Yours,

The Wizard of Whiteland

Contest Home Page

Next Stop, Minneapolis

“To be the best, you have to beat the best.”

Tom Izzo

After a number of yawners and blowouts in the Sweet Sixteen round, all four Epic Eight games were quintessentially March Madness. Today’s double header offered up yet another overtime thriller, another Duke game was decided by two points or less, and we have a new, first-time contest leader joining the teams making their first ever trip to the Final Four.

Sunday’s Hot Takes

Sundays can be busy for Mr. & Mrs. Wizard and family, not to mention exhausting. The Wizard decided to catch a quick snooze this afternoon only to wake up in a disoriented panic five minutes in to the first game. I am sure that never happens to any of you. Anyway, today’s ramblings won’t be quite as extensive as yesterday’s. I suspect this comes as a disappointment to some and a relief to others.

  • Which inmates are running this asylum? The officiating team for any NCAA game consists not only of the three officials on the floor, but also one alternate and the crew staffing the scorers table. The off-court crew are responsible for important tasks such as clock operation (which has been woefully inept this year, for some reason), score keeping, and tracking personal fouls, among other things. In the UK-Auburn game, the off-court crew seemed to have no control over any aspect of their assignment. Aside from the aforementioned clock issues, the game announcers made known that on four separate occasions the assignment of a personal foul to a player had to be changed at the scorers table to correct a discrepancy from what was called on the floor. The result? Nobody seemed to know which players had how many fouls, and when I say nobody, I mean coaches, fans, announcers, and on-court officials. If you follow me on Twitter, this is what prompted my tweet: “Do any of the refs know what is going on in this game?”
  • I heard a rumor there was a Bonnie Tyler sighting in DC today. She was standing behind the Kentucky bench belting out her 80’s hit single, “I Need A Hero!” Unfortunately for the Wildcats, Tyler Herro was short on heroics today, going just 1-5 from 3-point range and scoring only 7 points. PJ Washington was a monster for Kentucky. That dude has crazy long arms. Speaking of celebrity sightings, conspicuously missing from the UK crowd this year was alum Ashley Judd. Maybe that’s why they lost. OK, maybe not. On the other hand, Magic Johnson did show up for the Michigan State game, and Charles Broccoli was pouring on the cheese for Auburn from the studio. I’m just saying…maybe there is something to this celebrity fan stuff.
  • Defense wins championships? I did some quick checking. The three #1 seeds that have all been bounced from the tournament are ranked 1st (Gonzaga), 3rd (North Carolina) and 6th (Duke) in points per game this season. Conversely, Virginia and Texas Tech rank 1st and 3rd respectively in opponent points allowed per game, i.e., scoring defense. Texas Tech is also 1st in defensive efficiency, and Virginia is 6th. Now to be fair, Gonzaga was also 5th in defensive efficiency themselves, so this isn’t a bulletproof correlation. Add to it that neither Michigan State nor Auburn rank all that highly in either category. Still, it is an interesting observation. The prospect of a Virginia-Texas Tech title game is intriguing to say the least. That game could end in the 40s.
  • Useless tournament fact: In the two games previous to today’s, neither Zion Williamson nor Tre Jones sat out for a single second of game time.
  • Fun tournament fact: This year’s Final Four consists of essentially three newcomers and a traditional powerhouse. While this isn’t Virginia’s first trip in school history, it is their first trip since the field expanded to 64 teams. Neither Texas Tech nor Auburn have ever been to the Final Four. The Spartans have ten Final Four appearances, eight in the 64-team era. Does that make them the heavy favorite? Past performance does not guarantee future results, so probably not. However, Coach Tom Izzo probably does make them at least the odds-on favorite. Never count that guy out in March.
  • This overtime is made possible by Buffalo Wild Wings. Wait, wut? I realize everything has a sponsor these days, from kickoffs to timeouts to NASCAR pit stops to the winning putt at the Masters, so I can understand, “This overtime brought to you by…” But come on – made possible? Really? You mean, like, were it not for Blazin’ wings and fried pickles we would just call it a tie and send everyone home? Maybe the TV broadcast wouldn’t be possible without the large size box of boneless cash from B-Dubs tossed in your favorite sauce (personally, I like Asian Zing), but I’m fairly confident they would play the overtime regardless. And speaking of B-Dubs, have you ever stopped to consider what sort of creature those wonderful little drumsticks come from? When was the last time you saw a chicken that small? No Chicken Little jokes, please. This is a serious question. Inquiring minds want to know.
  • Some days nothing goes your way. Down two points with under five seconds to play, Duke’s RJ Barrett had a job to do – make both free throws and tie the game. He tried to make the first, but missed. Now RJ has a new mission – miss the second free throw and hope for an offensive rebound miracle ala Virginia the night before. Good solider that he is, he tried very hard and very obviously to miss that second free throw, and of course, it went in.
  • Bonus points aplenty await a handful of minions should either Texas Tech or Auburn win even one more game. In fact, a national championship by either team will be worth so many points as to literally have the potential to win the contest for someone who isn’t even on the first page right now. I love this awesome scoring system. (Insert wink emoji here.)

Regional Awards

With all four regions now complete, it is time for the annual region-by-region awards, plus a couple of others.

  • The Fantastic Beasts Of The East award – where to find them? In Gabe Foster, Yardley Glassley (which is really fun to say), and Tim Miles, all of whom got every game in the East region correct with original picks.
  • The West Side Story award goes to Robert Puglisi, the only contestant to be perfect in the West region with original picks. Do you feel pretty?
  • The Mouth of the South award goes to five contestants who got 14 out of 15 correct in the South region. Even with the benefit of re-picks, no one got every game right in the South. This year’s winners are John Ulmer, Phil Sadaka, AJ Spuches, Dave Barndt, and Jonathan Hand. Each of you will receive a signed photo of Jimmy Hart.
  • The Buy Me Some Barbecue award goes to those contestants, also five of them, who picked 14 out of 15 correctly in the region that concluded in Kansas City, the Midwest. The winners are Dale Roberts, Meg Siebenhar, Elaina Mullins, John Connell, and James McKay. Each of you will receive a bottle of your favorite sauce from Buffalo Wild Wings…plus a coop of miniature chickens.
  • The Upset Stomach award, sponsored by Tum-Tu-Tum-Tum-Tuuummmms, goes to Billy Brundage who correctly picked 17 of the 19 possible upsets in this year’s tournament. That’s with original picks, folks. No, he did NOT go the “weenie” route and pick all of the upsets in the first round. This would have made it impossible to pick the later games right, as most winners would have been lost after the first two days. Go have a look at his bracket. It’s pretty remarkable. Billy is currently in 15th place and has Michigan State as national champion.
  • The I Missed The Part About The Bonus Points award goes to four contestants who did not pick a single upset correctly: Ron Marshall, Andrew Fabrizi, Evan Cress, and Lee Braddock.
  • The Fantastic Four award goes to just two prescient minions who correctly picked all four Final Four teams with original picks. Given the make-up of this year’s Final Four and how unusual it is, I am truly impressed. The winners are Dylan Scheumann (rhymes with limon, which is a cross between lime and lemon and the secret ingredient that makes 7-Up taste so good when you are sick) and Meg Seibenhar (I have no idea what that rhymes with). Dylan is also our new contest leader – so congrats, Dylan – while Meg is 28th.

Closing Thoughts

The contest is still very much up for grabs, with a good number of contestants still able to win all three remaining games. OK, when I say it is up for grabs, I am misleading you a bit. Actually, with only four teams remaining, some quick math reveals that there are only eight possible outcomes from here. Thus, there are at most eight possible winners of our contest, fewer if a particular minion wins in more than one scenario. And even though Ryan Fogle made the extremely cool suggestion of adding a maximum score report that would be available once the Final Four is set, alas, the exercise is left to the reader, at least for this year. Duty (i.e., work) calls, friends. Duty calls.

Now it’s time for a five-day break from the Madness. See you again next Saturday after the national semifinals.

The Wizard of Whiteland

Contest Home Page

Epic Eight, Day One

“Oh my!”

Dick Enberg

Forget Elite. The first night of the round of eight was epic. Who could have possibly imagined the Purdue Boilermakers playing in two consecutive overtime games with only one day of rest between them? How about the Texas Tech Red Raiders going to their first Final Four in school history? So many utterly crazy, heart-stopping, hair-pulling, yell-at-the-TV-until-it-is-covered-with-spittle moments happened tonight, there is no way I can write about them all, but there is one moment in particular that captured my attention.

As the overtime period was about to begin, Purdue’s Carsen Edwards and Virginia’s Mamadi Diakite had an exchange where they smiled at one another and shook their heads as if to say, “Can you believe this game?” Sometimes as rabid fans we forget what we are watching, and that is essentially a bunch of kids having fun playing a game.

Nice Shootin’, Tex

I will go ahead and lead with the horrible pun that has been blowing up my phone and social media feeds all night: They zigged when they should have Zagged. As I mentioned in my last tome, I feared the Red Raiders’ formidable defense, and it was basically as advertised. I will offer a few thoughts and observations from this game with the disclaimer that I am an unapologetic Gonzaga fanboy. My bias will show, but it’s my commentary, so get over it.

  • Rumbin’, stumblin’, bumblin’. The Zags had some real banana peel moments in this one, due in part, no doubt, to playing a team that seemed to have twenty hands instead of ten, and if you were a Bulldog with the ball, about six of them were in your pockets. I will give Texas Tech credit. They have the quickest hand, perhaps, that I have ever seen, and this frustrated Gonzaga all night.
  • Bobby Huggins would be proud. Don’t get me wrong. A lot of what Texas Tech does is good defense, but some of it is just downright fouling that doesn’t get called. This game was chock full of grabbing, pushing, shoving, slapping, and poking. Their style reminds me very much of that of West Virginia, which I also found infuriating. I mean, I get it. You can’t call EVERYTHING, and I am not suggesting that the officials should. Sometimes I get the feeling that teams earn a reputation as good defenders, and that the officials, being human, are swayed by that. I don’t know. That isn’t why Gonzaga lost, mind you. They had ample opportunity to win this game.
  • Two points is not nearly enough. With only a two point lead at the half, I was worried, knowing that the Bulldogs are prone to long second-half scoring droughts. Sure enough, the Texas Tech defense clamped down, and Gonzaga couldn’t buy a basket.
  • From his own mouth, Gonzaga’s Josh Perkins owned the boneheaded play of the day when he reached across the out of bounds line and fouled the in-bounder. This with the Zags down just two points after some truly crazy moments that brought them from certain defeat to still alive.
  • Is it just me, or does every shot from Rui Hachimura look as though he is shooting down at the basket? I cannot decide if that’s an optical illusion due to the camera angle, or if his shot is just really flat. Hachimura had a terrific game despite the loss.
  • Mama Mia! Much was made about Texas Tech’s Davide Moretti coming alive in the tournament once his parents and other family members flew over from Italy to watch him play. If I’m not mistaken, his mother had never seen him play before their last game versus Michigan. In this game had a real international flavor with a number of players on both teams hailing from overseas. The aforementioned Rui Hachimura is only the fifth Japanese born player in NCAA Division I Men’s Basketball. Killian Tillie is from France.
  • Yet another inexplicably non-reviewable call got under my skin again tonight. After a truly extraordinary blocked shot by Texas Tech’s Tariq Owens, he clearly landed out of bounds. He then jumped back up in the air and “saved” the ball, tipping it back to himself. This, of course, is out of bounds on Owens and Gonzaga basketball. Unfortunately, no referee was looking at his feet, and the call was missed. And even though it was in the last minute of the game, and even though there was indisputable video evidence, the call was, by rule, not reviewable. Even rules analyst Gene Steratore agreed that the NCAA needs to expand the use of replay to cover such situations. Did that call cost Gonzaga the game? Probably not, but who knows? The Zags pulled within two before Perkins’ blunder. Why not get it right?

Edwards Scores 42, But It Isn’t Enough

The Purdue Boilermakers scored 75 points. Carsen Edwards had 42 of them, including ten 3-point shots. What can you say about the man? He was unconscious, and yet somehow, Virginia found a way to win, or perhaps, Purdue found a way to lose. I will report, and you can decide.

  • Here’s that wacky review/no-review situation again. I know I repeat myself, but clear out of bounds plays – not reviewable…ever…regardless of game circumstance or presence of indisputable video evidence. But hold the phone. If you make a basket at any point in the game, and there is some question as to whether you beat the shot clock, that is reviewable. Just ask Purdue. They were denied three points on such a review in the first half, and I direct your attention to the fact that this game went in to overtime. Now, Wahoo fans doth protest that it was the right call. Yes, it was, but that is precisely my point. Riddle me this, Batman. Why is it only OK to get the obviously right call right in certain situations? This makes no sense to me.
  • I’m not the only one who thinks Matt Haarms looks like Ivan Drago. In a pre-game interview, Haarms says he gets that all the time.
  • Did you notice that both teams made it to halftime without putting the other team in the bonus? I’m sure that happens, but I am not sure I’ve ever witnessed it.
  • Go big or go home. That’s exactly what Virginia did in the second half, rolling out their assembly of giants in an effort to stymie Purdue’s arsenal of three point shooters. Well, OK, it was really just to stop Edwards, who could not be stopped. Coach Bennett put the unusual combination of the 6’7″ De’Andre Hunter, the 6’9″ Mamadi Diakite, and the 6’10” Jack “the pillar of” Salt on the court together for long stretches. What this also allowed Virginia to do was dominate the offensive glass. At one point in the second half Purdue spent a full 90 seconds on defense because of two consecutive offensive rebounds by Virginia.
  • That’s the ugliest free throw motion I’ve seen since Shaquille O’Neal. If you’ve never witnessed a Nojel Eastern free throw, don’t. It is truly cringe-worthy. Nevertheless, he did make one of two, which is more than normally could be said of Shaq.
  • He made it when it counted. Diakite’s game-tying basket at the buzzer that sent the game into overtime was his only field goal of the second half. The events leading up to that improbable shot will be the topic of discussion around water coolers throughout West Lafayette come Monday, in particular coach Matt Painter’s decision to foul Ty Jerome with five seconds left rather than risk a game-winning three point shot. Now, we wouldn’t even be having this conversation had Ryan Cline made both free throws just two seconds earlier. Nevertheless, Purdue essentially failed to do the two things they absolutely had to do. One was make free throws. The other was secure the rebound on what was obviously going to be an intentional miss on Jerome’s second free throw. Again, lack of rebounding killed them.
  • Call George Orwell. This is Virginia’s first Final Four appearance since 1984.

Quick Hitters

  • After years of retirement, Gene Keady is still yelling at the refs.
  • Allie LaForce looks like Ronda Rousey. Nice bracelet, by the way.
  • Those KFC commercials featuring Colonel Sanders and Mrs. Butterworth are downright creepy.
  • My favorite commercial, though, is the State Farm add where Clutch, the mascot for the Houston Rockets, starts firing t-shirts from a Gatling Gun when “Jump Around” starts playing on the television.
  • Given the state of my bracket, I am now like a losing coach in the tournament. They get invited to the studio to comment, but they are no longer in the game.
  • Funny things Brad Schafer put on my text feed tonight:
    • “Haarms needs to spend more time in the weight room and less in the salon.”
    • “Cline is so slow he’s still not on daylight savings [time].”

Quick Awards

And I do mean quick…

  • The Stick To Pancakes award goes to Brad Schafer in honor of his favorite Gonzaga player, Josh Perkins. Brad gets a gift certificate to Perkins Family Restaurant.
  • The Thanks For The Sour Persimmons, Cousin award goes to Zach Richardson for sending me a Red Alert gif barely two minutes into the second half. Harsh.
  • The I Stand Corrected award goes to alert contestant Joe Goggin who reminded me of my fifth-grade U.S. geography. It turns out Louisville most certainly is south of the Mason-Dixon line, and I apparently am not smarter than a fifth grader.
  • And finally, the OK, You’re In First, So You Can Stop Complaining About The Scoring System Now award goes to new contest leader Gavin Hand, who certainly deserves the top spot given his incredible win-loss record of 52-6. I don’t believe Gavin has the contest sewn up just yet, but he, ahem, certainly deserves a hand.

OK, minions, church in the morning. Time to sign off. The remaining two Final Four teams will be decided tomorrow. So far we have one ACC and one Big 12. We are guaranteed one SEC team in the Final Four. Will it be two ACC teams, or will the B1G have a representative? Tune in tomorrow to find out.

The Wizard of Whiteland

Contest Home Page

The Great Eight

“Set your eyes to Zion”

P.O.D.

Some really good basketball was played tonight, especially in the late games. I hope you were able to watch, but in case you weren’t, read on for the Wizard’s take on tonight’s battles. The field has now been reduced to eight – a great eight. (Contest veterans may recall my aversion to the term “Elite Eight”. For reasons completely irrational, I don’t like it. It just doesn’t have a nice ring to it.)

Great Hair, Bad Calls, Injuries, and Close Calls

While the first two days of March Madness are the arguably the best two days in sports, from a perspective of writing these commentaries, these two days – the Sweet Sixteen rounds – are probably my favorite. With just four games a night, the material to cover is just perfect – not too much, not too little. It’s baby bear territory – just right.

  • East bound and down, loaded up and truckin’. UNC’s Luke Maye bears a strong resemblance to a young Burt Reynolds. I also agree with Sam Brauen’s take that he shared on Twitter: “Fairly certain Luke Maye was at UNC longer than Aaron Craft was at Ohio St.”
  • March Madness can get a little hairy. UNC’s Coby White has reportedly been growing his hair since he was a freshman in high school, giving him a coif about which play-by-play man Ian Eagle quipped, “He’s got that weeping willow look.” Speaking of great hair, Virginia Tech’s Ahmed Hill puts his braids up in pig tails that give him a Shrek kind of vibe. It’s truly spectacular.
  • Duke wins another close one. Zion Williamson is a pro playing among amateurs. He is the most dominant player in college basketball, and it’s not close. The man is headed for a big payday this summer. With Cam Reddish a surprising late scratch due to injury, the Blue Devils needed 100% from their NBA lottery pick, and he delivered. Incredibly, for the second game in a row, Duke’s opponent had a shot at the basket as time expired, albeit this time for a tie instead of a win. One could argue that Duke should never have been in that position, as replay clearly showed Virginia Tech’s Kerry Blackshear had his foot on the line as he saved the ball from going out of bounds with 5 seconds to go. Of course, that play is not reviewable, because logic, and because it would have been so easy to get it right in, like, two seconds of review time. But no, the only time we have video reviews is when we want to spend five minutes deciding whether to put two tenths or three tenths of a second back on the clock, or to decide if player Z committed a flagrant foul with unnecessary or excessive contact above the shoulders. Meanwhile both teams get a free timeout. But we can’t possibly change a blatantly missed, easily correctable call for which we have conclusive video evidence. That would be unfair…or something. Horse dead. Dismounting.
  • The Fighting Barkleys win again, making their deepest tournament run in 33 years. Auburn made 17 three-pointers, including four from Danjel Purifoy on their way to hanging 97 big ones on North Carolina. It may have been something of a pyrrhic victory for the Tigers, however, as team leader and leading scorer for the game Chuma Okeke went down with what coach Bruce Pearl believes could be a very serious knee injury. Nevertheless, the Auburn win sets up an SEC showdown in the Midwest regional final with the subject of our next take…
  • To win in March, sometimes you need a Herro. Kentucky was very happy to get PJ Washington back from injury, but it was Tyler Herro who hit the go-ahead three-pointer to lift the Wildcats to victory over Houston. This was another nail-biter, and to be fair, Houston’s Cory Davis was probably fouled on his game-tying shot attempt, but he didn’t get the call. Kentucky fans have to like their chances of another Final Four appearance now that they get to face a familiar opponent most likely without their best and most versatile player.
  • Panic! At the tournament. I’m fairly confident that in every game I’ve watched so far, I have heard one of the pep bands playing a song by power pop act Panic! At The Disco. At least we are spared endless repetitions of the theme from Game of Thrones this year.
  • It seems that the NCAA may be a little geographically challenged. The West regional is in Anaheim, CA. Makes sense. Midwest is in Kansas City, MO. Roger that as well. East is in D.C. OK, I’ll buy that, too. But the South regional is being played in…Louisville, KY? Sure, if you grew up in Indiana like I did, Kentucky is south…ish, but Louisville? Louisville is in northern Kentucky, and it definitely snows there in the winter. To me “South” has to be at least south of the Mason-Dixon line. Your mileage may vary.
  • Balance has been restored to the Force. After both 3 seeds defeated their 2 seed opponents yesterday, the roles were reversed this evening with both 2 seeds advancing. UNC gets the dubious honor of being the first 1 seed to go down. Auburn is the lowest remaining seed at 5. What does all of that mean? Not much, really, except that there aren’t many upset bonus points left to be earned in the contest.
  • The best thing I heard in a post-game interview tonight happened when Coach K was asked (in reference to the final play of the game when Ahmed Hill, aka Shrek, had practically a layup for the tie), “How do you usually defend that?” Coach K’s response: “Better.”
  • And now for a short lesson in the rules of basketball. There is this mythical foul oft mentioned by fans, parents, analysts, and announcers the world over, and despite its ubiquitous references, it doesn’t exist in the basketball rule book. The foul I am referring to is “over the back”, and I assure you, there is no such thing. If a taller player grabs the ball over a shorter player while positioned behind him, it is not automatically a violation, though you will almost always hear the howls of protest from the stands. “That’s over the back, ref! Open your eyes!” No, sorry, but it is not against the rules to grab the ball while standing behind another player so long as you do not foul said player in the process. What is against the rules is to use your body to gain an advantage on such a play, and that is true regardless of whether said player is positioned behind, in front of, or beside the offended player.
  • Reality check. The latest commercial for the new Orange Vanilla Coke features a dilapidated pick-up truck full of oranges crashing through a concrete
    highway barrier, spilling a handful of oranges and continuing merrily on its journey to join forces with the vanilla ice cream truck. That’s clever and all, but what actually happens when a piece of junk pick-up truck hits a concrete barrier at high speed? The concrete barrier does not shatter in a cloud of dust. It doesn’t even move. The pick-up is smashed to smithereens, and oranges aplenty are strewn down the freeway for miles, leading to a massive traffic jam and thousands of angry commuters. But I suppose that plot line wouldn’t sell much soda.
  • Don’t look now, but a drop-the-mic worthy war of words is being waged among the employees of Visage Imaging via their contest aliases. You know who you are.

Awards Time

  • I was a bit surprised to find that no one got all eight of the Elite Eight correct with original picks. Therefore, the Crazy Eights award goes to one Kathy Deaver, the only minion who picked all eight games correctly with the benefit of the re-picks. Kathy is currently in 47th place.
  • The One Day, A Jedi Will You Be, Young Padawan award goes to Brock Zagel who informed me that he provides his own “mini-Jeff commentary” each morning for his co-workers who play in the contest. Well done, my apprentice.
  • The Best Alias I Saw Tonight goes to Peter “Error //UNC/ChampionshipPath AccessDenied” Szabla. Well played, sir. (See aforementioned alias war.)
  • The Father Still Knows Best award goes to Brad Walters who has finally moved one spot ahead of his son, Luke Walters. They are 21st and 22nd respectively.
  • The Oh Ye Of Little Faith award goes to David “the year of the boiler” Ricks, currently in 13th place. When I looked at David’s picks, I fully expected to find Purdue as national champion, but David does not even have them in the Final Four. Clearly David resisted the temptation to pick with the heart rather than the head.
  • The Best Alias Relating To Today’s Hair Theme goes to Brian “J. Bilas wishes he had Coby White’s hair” Trout. My guess is that Jay Bilas wishes he had anyone’s hair. Brian is currently tied for 100th with Purdue senior Braden Murray, who gets the While The Basketball Team Is Off Pursuing Hoops Glory, I’m Stuck On Campus Studying award.
  • The There’s No Sense In Giving Myself Another Award award goes to me. Though I am still in the lead, I will not remain there. I have lost two Final Four teams on the same side of the bracket, meaning I can only win four of the remaining seven games. Not sure who is in the best position to win now, but I am confident it is not the Wizard. All talk of cheating and Russian collusion can stop now, thank you.

Great Games Tomorrow

It doesn’t take much analysis to see there are a very large number of Purdue fans in the contest this year. The Boilers will have their work cut out for them tomorrow night against Virginia, but since they have already beaten my pick, I wouldn’t mind a Purdue victory so much. The other game is much more important to me as an unabashed Gonzaga fanboy. I will admit that the stifling defense of Texas Tech worries me, but I think the Zags can win in a grinder, and I think they have the size to match up with the Red Raiders that Michigan lacked.

That’s all for tonight, minions. Tune in tomorrow for more March Madness musings.

The Wizard of Whiteland

Contest Home Page

Boiler Up, Duck Down

“I only feel this way when Purdue plays. I don’t know how people watch sports all the time. It’s so stressful.”


Sara Marshall, Sister-In-Law to the Wizard

I have a lot to say tonight, which stands to reason seeing that we had an overtime game which pushed the final game’s conclusion past 12:30 PM EDT. Nevertheless, the commentary must be written or the barbarian minion hordes will be at the gate! Excuse me, then, while I fire up the Keurig for one more cup of coffee before I dive in.

Cue 80s Muzak…”We built this city on rooockkk…”

Destiny, Defense, and Dumb Decisions

  • It was deja vu all over again. For the first time in nearly two decades, the Sweet 16 featured a rematch of two teams that played each other in the Sweet 16 the previous year, Gonzaga vs Florida State. A considerable number of contestants had the Seminoles winning this game, assuming their size would give the Zags the same trouble it did last year. To an extent that was the case, but the outcome was different this time around.
  • Plenty of Forrest, but not enough trees. FSU’s Trent Forrest had a stellar performance with 20 points, 5 rebounds, 4 assists, 3 steals, 1 block, and a partridge in a pear tree. Conversely, big men Koumadje and Kabengele combined for just 16 points and 8 personal fouls between them. Foul trouble plagued the 7’3″ Koumadje, limiting him to just 11 minutes of court time. Meanwhile, four of the five Gonzaga starters scored in double figures.
  • The word you are looking for is “tertiary”. I live in Indiana. Have my entire life. That means I’m a Pacers fan, and by extension, I love Uncle Reggie. The poor guy had a little difficulty tonight, though, when trying to explain why Florida State just didn’t have enough fire power to overcome Gonzaga. They were missing some key bench players due to injury and a death in the family, and their big men were saddled with fouls. Reggie wanted to point out that after Forrest, they really had no other scoring options. This was when he said, “They have no secondary or third-ee…uhm…third options.” He almost said thirdiary, I promise. You would think a guy who made his living with threes would know the related terms, but apparently not. Speaking of Reggie Miller
  • Kevin Harlan is great. Reggie Miller is tolerable. Dan Bonner is an insufferable Zags-hating, FSU homer! OK, I’m a little biased. OK, I’m a LOT biased, but it sure seemed like he really wanted the Seminoles to win. Speaking of homers…
  • Boiler Up! A whopping 225 contestants picked Purdue to advance to the Elite Eight. Sadly, I was not among them. Even more sadly, I had Tennessee in the Final Four. If you didn’t see any of this game, Purdue was up big, only to see the Volunteers come all the way back and even lead the game with mere seconds left to play. But alas, they could not come away with a victory in large part because of…
  • The boneheaded play of the day goes to Tennessee’s Lamonte Turner who fouled Purdue’s Carson Edwards on a three point shot attempt that missed with less than two seconds on the game clock. The Vols were up two at the time, and victory was almost assured until the whistle blew. Edwards incredibly missed the first of three free throws. Two makes and one overtime period later, and the Boilermakers were headed to the Elite Eight for the first time in 19 years. Never foul the jump shooter. Ever. It’s a cardinal rule of basketball.
  • I must break you! I know I Tweeted this out earlier, but does anyone besides me think that Purdue’s Matt Haarms looks like Ivan Drago? Alert minion Jason Cooper posted a picture on the Facebook page. You be the judge.
  • More 18 inches of nope. Aside from the Purdue-Tennessee 99-94 overtime score-fest, and Gonzaga’s respectable 72-point total, scoring was scarce. The final two games of the night were defensive battles, and that’s being kind. The four teams playing in the second games at both sites were a combined 37.5% from the field. Virginia hoisted up an incredible 33 three-point shots and made just nine. Not to be outdone, Michigan shot 19 threes and made one. I know it’s cliche, but the Wolverines have lived by the three often this season, and tonight, they died by it.
  • First team to 30 wins. The game between Texas Tech and Michigan was like a pick-up game at the playground or the local YMCA. The halftime score was 24-16. That’s the fewest points the Wolverines have scored in a tournament game since 1948. I can appreciate good defense as much as the next guy, but this game was excruciating.
  • The glass slipper has been shattered, with the only legitimate Cinderella left in the tournament, 12 seed Oregon, falling to top seed Virginia. The Wahoos are on a mission this year to erase the memory of their historic debacle last year when they became the first 1 seed ever to lose to a 16. Oregon had not lost since late February, and even led this game late in the second half. It was not to be, however, and the hopes of 26 minions salivating over a 23 bonus point bonanza went down with the Ducks.
  • Did that bear just poo in our tent? By now you’ve seen the Buick commercial where the kid with a million questions wears his dad out on the family road trip. I have a few questions of my own, such as, why were the first few minutes of the Michigan-Texas Tech game called remotely by the crew in the studio instead of the court-side crew at the game? It turns out it was because they lost power to the TV truck, probably because the bear tripped over the extension cord. Thus we were treated to several minutes of the color commentary genius of one Charles Barkley. Gotta love that guy. Why are video reviews of out of bounds/possession calls only allowed in the last two minutes of the game? They can and do review the clock and “was that a flagrant foul” throughout the game, but for some reason we are to believe that a missed possession call in the first half isn’t as consequential as one in the last two minutes? I understand not wanting to continually interrupt game flow, but, well, they are already continually interrupting game flow. Why not have a “video official” ala the NBA and NFL who can buzz the refs and stop play in the event that video shows a CLEAR missed call? Every play should be reviewable or none of them should be. That’s my take.
  • Ban the bail-out foul call. This happens in the NBA a lot. Player takes shot. Ref waits to see if player makes shot. Made shot, no whistle. Missed shot, late whistle and a foul. Now, in the NBA, officials are actually on record justifying this practice as a way of protecting players from fouling out. I am not sure if that’s the same rationale in the NCAA, but it seems to be happening with increasing frequency, and I am not a fan.

A Few Awards

Time to bring this rant in for a landing with a few awards.

  • The Spiritual Warfare award goes to Joel “repicks are for wimps (or Tacko fans)” McDaniel, who messaged me on Instagram with this gem: “I’m facing major spiritual battles dude…I have Purdue winning but my family has Tennessee winning.”
  • The That’s It, I’m Blocking Your Numbers award goes to my relatives Josh Marshall, Sara Marshall, and Jeffery Cardwell, who were blowing up my phone with non-stop snarkyness as Purdue closed in on their victory.
  • The Top 10 award, sponsored by David Letterman, goes to Kristin Detamore, who has climbed from 342nd all the way to 10th and has picked all four games correctly this evening with original picks.
  • The Look Out Below award goes to Jeff Davis who, once as high as 4th, has dropped to 567th.
  • The Who Do You Think You’re Fooling? I Know You Were Watching Baseball All Night award goes to Dylan “First time i haven’t used repicks” Scheumann. I know that Dylan is a big baseball fan, and I know today was opening day. Dylan is actually doing quite well in the contest, currently in 61st and yet to lose a game in round 3. Personally, I’d rather watch that Michigan-Texas Tech game repeatedly all weekend than watch a single baseball game.

Yes, I am still leading the contest, but my chances of staying in that position dropped dramatically tonight thanks to Purdue…or Tennessee, depending on how you look at it. There have basically been about ten of us trading places in the top five with each passing game. It will be interesting to see who ends up in the lead after the weekend.

That’s all I have for tonight. The next thrilling edition of the contest commentary will be coming your way after tomorrow night’s session, hopefully a bit earlier than tonight.

The Wizard of Whiteland

Contest Home Page

Round of 32 Final Thoughts

When the dust has cleared
And victory denied
A summit too lofty
River a little too wide
If we keep our pride
Though paradise is lost
We will pay the price
But we will not count the cost

Alex Lifeson / Neil Peart / Geddy Lee Weinrib

Medieval Madness: Wizards, Dukes, and Knights

The field of 64 is now 16, the Sweet Sixteen, as it is called, and this year’s Sweet Sixteen is historic in that, for the first time ever, all twelve 1 thru 3 seeds have survived opening weekend.

  • Perhaps the committee got it right this time. After a bevy of upsets in the round of 64, the round of 32 belonged to the favorites, or the “chalk” as it is often called. The second round provided only a single bonus point in terms of our contest scoring courtesy of Auburn’s victory over Kansas. What’s more, the Sweet Sixteen consists of only two teams outside the expected 1 thru 4 seeds if things proceeded according to Hoyle – #5 Auburn and #12 Oregon. One has to wonder if the newly developed NET rating system was instrumental in what could be the most accurate seeding of teams in tournament history, or, if it’s simply a fluke. Nevertheless, contestants who stuck mostly to the chalk line in the second round are performing the best in the standings so far. The first round was the time to pick your upsets this year, not the second.
  • It is the natural order of things. The Knight must always bow before the Duke. ICYMI, the game of the day, and arguably the game of the tournament so far, was the much ballyhooed showdown between The Big Burrito and Mount Zion, between the Master (Coach K) and the Apprentice (Coach Johnny Dawkins, who played for Coach K decades ago). With under two minutes to play, the game was UCF’s to lose, but when Dayon Griffin raced down the floor for what seemed to be the dunk that would put the exclamation point on their improbable victory, he was rejected by the rim, a mistake that lead to a 3-point basket by Duke’s Cam Reddish on the other end. The five-point swing turned what would have been a six point lead into just a single point. What happened next will become a permanent part of March Madness lore. After two free throws put UCF up three with 45 seconds to play, Duke’s next offensive possession led to what at first looked like a certain charge on Zion Williamson drawn by Tacko Fall, the unquestioned descendant of Goliath of Gath. But wait, Tacko’s large frame was his undoing, as replay clearly showed one size 22 shoe in the restricted area. Zion gets the and-one, and Tacko gets the DQ for five fouls. Zion then misses the game-tying free throw, but RJ Barrett gets the offensive rebound and the put back. Duke is now up one with 11 seconds left. Final possession – B.J. Taylor drives for the layup and misses. That’s when son-of-the-coach Aubrey Dawkins, who ended the game with 32 points, came sailing in with a perfectly-timed leap and a tip that rolled…around…the rim…and then fell to the ground. And thus did the Blue Devils snatch victory from the gaping jaws of defeat. What a game.
  • K is for Klass. In Coach K’s post-game interview, he spent about 20 seconds commending his team and players, and the rest of his time pouring out effusive praise for the vanquished opponents. “They deserved a win tonight. I hurt for Johnny. I love him.”
  • The one that almost got away. Tennessee seemed assured of victory after building a 25 point lead over Iowa only to see it evaporate in the second half when Admiral Schofield was demoted to captain and banished to the bench thanks to foul trouble. In overtime, the remaining Volunteers did yeoman’s work to S.E.A.L. the victory. See what I did there?
  • Drought alerts in March – Scoring droughts, that is, and there were plenty today. Buffalo went an incredible 60 minutes of real time without scoring a single point. Oregon, though ultimately prevailing, needed almost 8 minutes of the second half to score their first points of the half. With 4:00 left to play, Washington had missed a whopping 31 shots. No wonder we have had so many blowouts.
  • Add Steven A. Smith to the list of experts giving out bad advice. Early in the tournament, Tony Isch lodged his complaints against ESPN’s Jay Bilas via Twitter. Today, Heather Little voiced her regret over allowing Smith to influence her picks. These guys certainly know a lot about basketball, but they aren’t fortune tellers. On average, they are likely not that much better than any of us at picking a bracket.
  • The funniest commercial I saw on TV today is the one for Uber Eats where the delivery driver talks about taking his order to someone’s Sweet Sixteen party. After waxing eloquent about the scene he expects to arrive to – a house full of hoops fans screaming at the TV – he is surprised to walk in to a family’s sweet sixteen birthday party for their daughter. “I get my sweet sixteens mixed up sometimes,” he quips. Speaking of commercials, the AT&T ads with Phil the “just OK” NCAA announcer are pretty good, as are this year’s crop of Capital One ads featuring Samuel L. Jackson, Spike Lee, Charles Barkley, and Jim Nance. Grab your Chucksedo and hurry to the Final Fourgasboard for some good eating before the next round of games begins.
  • Liberty and Virginia Tech are schools separated by just 97 miles, but they were many more miles apart than that in terms of the final score. This was a popular upset pick that didn’t pan out for a sizable number of contestants. Add to that category Ohio State who were picked by 159 contestants to advance to the Sweet Sixteen as an 11 seed. A lot of B1G homers in the contest this year.
  • The re-pick phase of the contest has officially started. You can find the detailed instructions for making your re-picks here and at the bottom of this commentary. Please, please, pretty please, read the instructions thoroughly before sending me hate mail claiming a) the re-picks don’t work, or, b) you picked a game correctly but the web site says you got it wrong and didn’t give you your points. Neither of those things are true. Again, it is all explained in the instructions. If you have questions or find the instructions confusing, send me email.
  • Tacko puns abound among the aliases after UCF’s loss. Those crack me up…like a taco shell. Also plentiful on the contest’s Facebook page are wisecracks tying a certain 2-year investigation that has been in the news all day to suspicions that my success is due to cheating, manipulation of the data, or collusion with the Russians. I assure you, I would never do such things. Still, my good friend Brad Schafer has all but guaranteed that should I ultimately win, I will never hear the end of it from him. “Barndt (City of Champions in the contest) and I will ride you like a rented mule,” he warned.

Round Two Awards

  • The Picked To Perfection award goes to three contestants who picked all sixteen of the Sweet Sixteen correctly: Rick Morgan (70th), Ethan Hoeft (204th), and Ray “The Rainman!” Walker (20th). Great job, gentlemen!
  • The Positive Attitude award goes to last place contestant Desaray “Smile girl” Schwarz. Just keep swimming, Desaray.
  • The Hey I Should Have Gotten An Award award goes to Braden Murray who alerted me to the fact that I missed him in an earlier award given to folks who picked all three of the 12-over-5 upsets correctly.
  • The I Really Needed Those Upsets award goes to Wayne Murray who could have been at or near the top of the standings had only Ohio State or Liberty pulled off a victory.
  • The Best Inside Joke award goes to Dennis “Where are my pants?” Livingston, whose new alias stems from an exchange on the contest’s Facebook page.
  • The Mistaken Identity award goes to Giuseppe “Not First Place Giuseppe” Moore, currently tied for 624th. No doubt he updated his alias whilst Giuseppe “G-Funk” DiIulio was still in first, so if it makes you feel any better, the other Giuseppe is now in 5th. I also think it’s totally crazy that we have two dudes named Giuseppe in the contest field.
  • The Leggo My Eggo award goes to Maureen Proffit who insists she should have received yesterday’s What Are You, A Prophet? award.
  • And finally, I humbly receive the How Sweet It Is award for leading my own contest, for the first time in 24 years, after the round of 32. I think my chances of taking home the grand prize are reasonably good, but I am fretting over a few of my remaining picks. I now must decide, as all of you must as well, whether to change any in the re-pick round (and pay the re-pick tax, as Brad Schafer calls it), or let my original picks ride.

Speaking of re-picks, again, please pay close attention to the instructions given below and on the web site. The best advice I can give regarding the re-picks is as follows:

  • Always re-pick games where the original winner you picked has already lost. This is a no-brainer. It gives you a chance to score points where you otherwise would not.
  • You cannot re-pick games that have already happened. I know, thanks Captain Obvious, but it is a point of confusion sometimes.
  • Finish your re-picks by 7:00 PM on Thursday.

Now stick a fork in me, because I am done for this weekend. Look for the next edition of this commentary after Thursday night’s game. Good luck, minions!

The Wizard of Whiteland

Contest Home Page

Re-Pick Round Instructions

Here are the steps you need to follow to enter your re-picks for the final 15 games of this year’s contest.  NOTE: DO NOT attempt to click on the “Enter Your Picks” buttons in the FAQ section.  You will just confuse yourself and send me email saying, “The re-pick doesn’t work.”  The “Enter Your Picks” buttons are ONLY for the beginning of the contest, not the re-picks.  Follow the instructions below to enter your re-picks.

  1. Go to the Contestants Picks page and click on the link for your entry.  You will be asked to enter the password you entered when you originally made your picks.  If you forgot your password, use the “I forgot my password” link on the page where you enter your pasword, If that doesn’t work, Email me, and I will reset it for you.
  2. You will be presented with your re-pick screen.  Now, it is important that you understand what you are looking at on this screen.  The teams listed in the grid for rounds 1 and 2 are the teams that ACTUALLY WON the games, not necessarily the teams YOU PICKED.  Any games that you MISSED will appear in RED, and games that you got correct will appear in GREEN.  PLEASE NOTE:  All the teams shown in the Re-Pick Screen for rounds 1 and 2 are actual tournament game winners.  If a team shows up in RED for a round 1 or round 2 game on your Re-Pick Screen, it does NOT mean that team lost.  It means YOU picked some other team for that game, and therefore you got that game WRONG.  It is set up this way so that the 16 teams listed in your Re-Pick Screen are the actual remaining teams, which allows you to pick ANY team to win ANY of the remaining 15 games by clicking that team’s button.
  3. The teams listed in the grid for round 3 through the championship are the teams YOU ORIGINALLY PICKED for those games.  Any teams that have already lost will appear in RED.  These are the games you definitely want to change.
  4. The re-pick screen will only allow you to change picks for the remaining 15 games in rounds 3 through the championship.  To change a pick for any game, simply click on a button to advance the team to the next round, just like you did at the beginning of the contest.  As I stated before, you should at least change your picks for any RED games you have in the remaining rounds.  In fact, if you attempt to update your picks WITHOUT changing all your remaining RED picks, your updates will not be entered, and you will be asked to re-enter.
  5. When you are finished making changes, click on the Update Picks button.  Your picks will be checked for errors.  If your updates are successful, you will get a confirmation screen.  If there was a problem, you will get an error screen or a pop-up error message.
  6. If you return to your Re-Pick Screen before Thursday, you will see your latest picks for the final 15 games along with the ACTUAL WINNERS for rounds 1 and 2.  You can continue to make changes, even changing a pick back to your original choice, provided your original choice has not already lost, through the Thursday 7:00 PM deadline.

You will only be able to view your own picks during the re-pick phase of the contest.  This is so that your changes can be kept secret, making the contest as fun and competitive as possible.  Certain reports that would give away information for picks in the remaining rounds will also be disabled until the re-pick phase is over.

After 7:00 PM on Thursday, the Contestant Picks links will return to normal.  You will be able to view anyone’s picks, and the grid will show each contestant’s actual picks for the entire contest, including any changes made in the re-pick phase.  As the contest completes, games you miss will appear in RED, and games you get right will be marked in GREEN.

Day 3 Discussion

“In this tournament, everybody has something to lose.”

Kentucky Coach John Calipari

Let us not bury the lead, here. The Wizard of Whiteland finished the day in second place overall. This is by far my best showing in my own contest in well over a decade. We will see if I’m in the same position this time tomorrow. But enough about me.

Random And Not So Random Thoughts From Day Three

  • The enemy deserves no mercy. The first two games of the day were competitive, decided by a total of 8 points. The last six games were decided by an average of 19 points. The most exciting – indeed, about the only exciting – moment of the day was when LSU’s Tremont Waters made the game winning layup just over the outstretched fingers of Maryland’s Jalen Smith with 1.6 seconds to play. Shades of Tyus Edny there. (Bonus points if you get the reference.)
  • TNT’s Ernie Johnson has one of the most pronounced hitchhikers thumbs I have ever seen. That is the only thing I remember from the commercial he appears in this year. I don’t even recall the product being advertised, but man, that thumb is totally at a 90-degree angle.
  • Say what you will about Kentucky coach John Calipari, but he understands the game and has embraced his stated mission of accepting one-and-done players headed for the NBA with no delusions of finishing college first and grooming them for the rigorous demands of professional basketball. Speaking of Kentucky, the Wildcats held the NCAA’s all-time leader in 3-point shots made, Wofford’s Fletcher Magee, to 0-12 from 3-point range today. To put that in perspective, Kentucky won the game by just six points. Had Magee only shot a woeful 25% from 3-point range, it would have been enough to win the game.
  • Five Guys burgers and fries. Have you ever seen a single player draw all five defenders? I did today when Murray State’s Ja Morant drove to the basket and found himself quintuple teamed. Sure, the Racers got smoked by a frighteningly good Florida State squad, but Morant is the real deal and will definitely be getting paid next fall. Speaking of Murray State, their coach, Matt McMahon, had the quote of the day when he told his team, “You gotta guard somebody. We’re making them look like the Golden State Warriors out there.” The Seminoles did look rather impressive, and as a Gonzaga fan, I am frankly worried. FSU bounced the Zags from the tournament last year, and they are just as much of a match-up nightmare this year. One has to wonder if the committee considers these sorts of rematches when putting together the bracket.
  • Make that 23 years. The crew calling the Michigan State vs Minnesota game pointed out that the Gophers haven’t been to a Sweet Sixteen in 22 years. The Spartans made sure another year was added to that total. Speaking of long droughts between Sweet Sixteen appearances…
  • It has been sixteen years to the day since Auburn earned its last Sweet Sixteen appearance, and they did so tonight in convincing fashion, more than doubling Kansas’ score at the half. In an earlier commentary I cracked a joke about the Bill Self coached incarnations of the Jayhawks‘ penchant for losing early in the tournament. That may not be a completely fair assessment – after all, Kansas made the Final Four just last year. In fact, the Jayhawks have made it to the Sweet Sixteen or better in six of the last ten tournaments. However, in three of the years where they failed to win two games, they were either a 1 or a 2 seed. In fact, in 10 straight tournament appearances since 2010, this year is the only year Kansas was seeded lower than 2. Draw your own conclusions.
  • Anybody got a stopwatch I can borrow? What is wrong with the clock operators this year? I never seen so many stoppages of play due to “game clock issues” in all my years of watching March Madness. The clock operators need to get it together.
  • At one point in Purdue’s shellacking of defending champion Villanova, Carson Edwards had 22 points. The entire Villanova team had 24. That was in the second half. Ugly.
  • Who turned out the lights? Both low-beam headlights in my wife’s vehicle burned out at the same time, apparently. What are the odds of that? We made this discovery as she was about to head out to run an errand just after dark. Now you know what I will be doing tomorrow afternoon when I should be watching more hoops.
  • Correction: Alert minion Bethany Davis pointed out that Liberty University does, in fact, have a football team. They actually play in the FBS and were 6-6 last season. Go figure.
  • After seeing the plethora of commercials for Orange Vanilla Coke, I decided to try it. Turns out it is not as disgusting or bizarre as it sounds. Basically, it tastes like vanilla Coke with a hint of citrus. It’s not great, but it’s not horrible, either. I give it 2 stars out of 5.
  • Bring back the jump ball. It is high time for college basketball to jettison that relic of the 80’s, the alternating possession arrow, and bring back the jump for held ball situations. The alternating possession arrow has been around for so long now, no one remembers why it was introduced in the first place. If it was intended to save time, that argument no longer holds water. Way more time is wasted in the course of a typical game by the officials going to the monitor for whatever reason than is saved by taking turns on held balls. I mean really, how many held balls are there in a typical game? Two or three? Simply giving the ball to the team that didn’t get it last time is far from equitable, and the risk of a “bad toss” by the referee is a dumb reason to eliminate such a historically fundamental part of the game. Join the revolution. Demand the reinstatement of the jump ball.

Best Alias Awards

The time has finally come for the annual ritual you have all been waiting for, the moment of discovering if your clever alias will receive a shout out from our esteemed panel of judges. That panel, incidentally, is a panel of one.

  • Most Incomprehensible Alias: Mike “DMB of the Ballers (say it fast)” Baines. I’ve said it fast, with a variety of different syllabic inflections, and I still don’t get it. Somebody fill me in on this one.
  • Most Original Picking Strategy: Ann “Picks based on her Instagram feed” Barndt
  • Most Worthy Of A Snarky Response From The Wizard: Rob “I am due!!!” Barta. Are you pregnant? Honorable mention: Jim “Jim the blond bomber” Calhoun. Dude, you have no hair.
  • Most Original Instance Of A Recurring Contest Theme: Once again, the Fairchild family organized their aliases so that, when viewed alphabetically by their names in the overall contestant list, they read out a clever phrase or verse. This year’s quip gets bonus points for the Dr. Who reference. “People assume that time is a strict progression of cause to effect but actually from a non-linear non-subjective viewpoint it’s more like a big ball of wibbly wobbly timey wimey stuff.”
  • Most Committed To Their Spouse: Jenn “Just want to be my husband” Fandl.
  • Best Star Wars Reference: Anderson “Ando Calrissian” Cooper.
  • Best Attempt At Imitating, Or Perhaps Mocking, The Contest Manager: Remmy “The Pirate of Southport High” Davidson.
  • That Made Me LOL:: Rob “So what’s the character limit on this th” Janik.
  • Best Critique Of Conference Naming Stupidity: Kelly “Go Big 10…I mean 12…um make that 14?” Zeoli.
  • Best Zion Williamson Reference: Chris “Set Your Eyes to Zion” Jones.
  • Nerdiest Alias: Jay “\\UNC_PATH\toThe\championship” Namboothiri.
  • Best Rhyme: Kim “is the sharper” Harper. Honorable mention: Richard “I stubbed my toe in Mexico” Schrimpf.
  • Best Crack On Indiana University: Brent “I Who?” Bolin.
  • Best Crack On The Contest Manager:: Chris “No$4u” Johnson.
  • Best Self-Deprecation: Mike “Another year, Another useless bracket.” Desch.
  • Best Happy Days Reference: Keith “Franzarelli” Franz.
  • Best Karate Kid Reference: Jay “Sweep the Leg” Newland.
  • Best Robin Williams Reference:: Cheri “Oh Shazbot, not again!” Rayles. (Incidentally, the Mork from Ork character was actually introduced on Happy Days before getting his own show.)
  • Best Weirdly Awesome Martial Arts Film Reference: Tony “Crouching Boiler Hidden Bearcat” Smurlo.
  • Most Stubborn Alias: Andrew “I’m still not cheering for Purdue” Cox.
  • At Least We Know Why You Entered: Traci “Helping Jeff Get To 800” Murray. Thanks for your support!
  • Wait, How Many Games Are There?: Mark “46 coins Flips” Knutsen.
  • Most Hilarious Use Of A Foreign Language:: Holli “PolloEnFuego” Heffner. (Chicken on fire? LOL!)
  • Best Crack On Tom Brady: Jason “Hates that Tom Brady will win this too” Cooper.

If you’ve been playing the contest for any length of time, you know that I love puns. Thus, puns are in a class by themselves when it comes to the best alias awards.

Best Puns Making Use Of The Contestant’s Name

  • Scott “Now You’re Playing With” Bower
  • Abraham “AbraHam sandwich” Hadley
  • Benjamin “Son of my right” Hand (Especially good because that’s literally what Benjamin means)
  • Mark “It Down” Heyerly
  • Bobby “Roe-ing Down the Standings” Roe
  • Jason “Sniffin’ the Chemt” Roehl (only funny if you know that his last name is pronounced like “rail”)
  • Todd “SamplePicks” Sample
  • Brock “Gon-Zaga Gon-” Zagel
  • Don “Year of the Z ‘GonZaga, Zion, and Zerb'” Zerbian

Best Puns Referencing A Player’s Name

  • Ted “No Haarms in Trying” Badgley
  • Christopher “There’s morant 1 way to win ja bracket” Randazzo

Best Puns, Period

  • Raleigh “J. Edger Hoopers” Wade
  • Shelby “Steph Ascope” Risner

Best Aliases Overall

  • Third Runner-Up: Terry “What’s With All the Bracket?” Banks
  • Second Runner-Up: Amber “Little Family Champion est. 2015” Little
  • First Runner-Up: Anna “Anna Wears Hoops” McGuire
  • Grand Champion: Ryan “Here’s Johny oops wrong 1 shining moment” Helton

Other Contest Awards

  • The Biggest Loser award goes to Johnathan Hernandez who was once as high as 4th, but now sits in 337th.
  • The Rising Star award goes to Traci Murray who has climbed from 844th to 142nd.
  • The Seasick award goes to Levi Eads whose fortunes have swung wildly between a low of 844th and a high of 88th. He now sits in 184th.
  • The Little Red Caboose award goes to Evangeline Grunden who is currently bringing up the rear.
  • The Wrong Sport award goes to Rob “Go Cubs” Fair, currently tied for 62nd.
  • The Doing So Might Help You Win award goes to Tim “one of these years I’ll read the rules” Miles, currently in a tie for 53rd.
  • The Demoted To A Lesser Office award goes to Tony “El President” Morales. Once in 1st, Tony is now in 4th.
  • The What Are You, A Prophet? award goes to the still-incredible Gavin Hand who lost only one more game today. That brings his loss total to just two games over the first three days, but he’s still not in first place, though he did spend a brief moment there earlier in the day. That honor goes to…
  • The Play That Funky Music, Ball Boy award goes to the current contest leader, Giuseppe “G-Funk” DiIulio who leads the Wizard only by virtue of the games-won tiebreaker. I’m coming for you, G-Funk!

That’s all I have for tonight, minions. Church in the morning. Games in the afternoon. Another commentary in the third watch of the night.

The Wizard of Whiteland

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