To improve is to change; to be perfect is to change often. – Winston Churchill
I Survived Day One Of March Madness
Someone should put that on a T-Shirt, because I would wear it proudly. What began at 12:15 today finally came to a close sixteen games, 12.5 hours, two large sodas, three cups of coffee (two decaf), a half a can of Pringles, two dozen facial tissues, and several doses of various medications later. Even now I can feel the pseudoephedrine kicking in. So, if this commentary descends into nonsense from this point forward, its the antihistamines talking.
Not Much To Be Upset About
One thing that is immediately noteworthy about this year’s opening day of the tournament is the sheer lack of upsets. Even the 9s and 10s, which are really upsets in name only, failed to convert today, and of the two upsets that actually took place, one team, Middle Tennessee State, was actually favored to win in the sports betting community. The consequences in our contest are immediately obvious. Those who took more chances today paid the price as their upsets didn’t pan out. We also have what I believe is an unprecedented number of perfect brackets – six, to be exact – remaining in the contest. More on that in a moment.
A Few Game Thoughts
Once the antihistamine fog set in, I found it difficult to pay close attention to the games. That’s my excuse, anyway, for having fewer in-game observations than I might normally have on day one. Nevertheless, here are a few random tidbits for your amusement.
- Apparently The Locals Don’t Stick Around – The announcer thought it ironic, and I concur, that the North Dakota men’s basketball team has no players from – wait for it – North Dakota. In fact, the vast majority hail from Minnesota. Sadly, the exodus from Minnesota to North Dakota did not spare them the agony of first round defeat.
- They Might Be Giants – Is it just me, or is the Florida State roster stacked with players who are freakishly tall? Fortunately this is the information age, and so I can do a quick fact check on that observation. They do, in fact, have two seven footers, the 7′ 4″ Christ Koumadje from the African nation of Chad, and the 7′ 1″ Michael Ojo from Nigeria. They also have four other players who are 6′ 8″ or taller, and I promise it seemed like they were all on the floor together most of the time. I’m pretty sure I heard them breaking into a chorus of “Istanbul, Not Constantinople” on their way off the court.
- Where’s the BEEF? – For the uninformed, I have three daughters, one of whom attempted basketball for a couple of years in elementary school and another who actually plays organized ball in middle school. I spent a few of those elementary school years coaching girls from K-6 grade. One of the fundamentals we taught them to aid in developing good shooting form was the acronym BEEF, which stood for Balance, Eyes, Elbows, Follow Through. Clearly, Florida Gulf Coast’s Demetris Morant never mastered the BEEF principle, as he has one of the most unique and bizarre shooting motions at the free throw line I have ever seen. Color commentator Steve Lavin wondered aloud how exactly he came to use that shooting motion, and no doubt it had something to do with counteracting what was likely a Shaq-like ineptitude from the line. If that is, indeed, the case, it is having limited success, as a quick check of the box score shows Morant was 1-3 from the line this evening.
- The Hate Can Wait – Being a Gonzaga fan, I’ve grown quite accustomed to the general derision with which my beloved Zags are regarded by fans of other teams, particularly those from the so-called power conferences. NBA legend and Pac 12 announcer Bill Walton, who provided color commentary for last week’s Pac 12 tournament, quipped that Gonzaga plays in the “truck stop league”, the implication being that they don’t deserve to even be in the same conversation as teams from the “Conference of Champions”. As Gonzaga’s opening round game got underway, I could almost hear the I-told-you-so’s emanating from the hallowed halls of UCLA as the Zags struggled to make shots and actually trailed the South Dakota State Jackrabbits for a significant portion of the first half. Then came the second half when the Jackrabbits were absolutely torched, and Gonzaga looked like the #1 ranked team they were for a good portion of the season. Those of you waiting for the inevitable Gonzaga meltdown will have to wait at least one more game.
- That’s Quite A Truck Stop – The other team from the West Coast Conference (WCC), Saint Mary’s, acquitted itself quite well this evening, overcoming VCU’s trade mark harassing defense and frenetic pace to advance to the round of 32. Hey Bill, that’s TWO teams from the Truck Stop League that will be playing for a spot in the Sweet Sixteen.
- The Curse Is Broken – After a few disheartening first-round exits from the tournament in recent years, Purdue has finally righted the ship, taking care of the Catamounts from Vermont in a game that was more competitive than the final score implies. You might as well go ahead and Boiler Up, Hoosiers. Indiana got dumped from the NIT by Georgia Tech, and Tom Crean got dumped by Indiana.
- X Marks The Spot, But Don’t Pronounce It – OK, it’s time for my obligatory rant about the utter inability of trained professionals who do nothing but talk for a living to pronounce the name of this school properly. Depending on whether you favor the two or three syllable flavor, it is pronounced ZAVE-yer or ZAY-vee-er. Regardless, it is most certainly NOT pronounced EKS-ZAY-vee-er. Why is it that people believe that just because they can see the letter X, they must say it? In any case, EKS-ZAY-vee-er showed Maryland the EKS-zit in the not-so-surprising only upset of the evening session.
Day One Awards
Faithful minions, I realize this is the time when I would normally hand out the much-anticipated best alias awards, but I simply must wrap up this tome and get some sleep if there is to be any hope at all of you hearing from me tomorrow. Actually, tomorrow is already here, so I suppose I mean today, but I digress. I do promise that the alias awards are coming, so do not despair. In the meantime, here’s the hardware for day one.
- The Sixteen Candles award goes to six contestants who still have perfect brackets at the end of day one: Ray Denning, Kurt Eichstadt, Julie Harman, Raleigh Wade, Angie Davis, and yours truly, The Wizard of Whiteland. First of all, it is extremely rare for even one contestant to be 16-0, let alone six, and though I cannot prove it, I do believe this is unprecedented in our contest. Second of all, I know what you contest rookies are thinking. “Riiiight, you run the contest, and you’re a perfect 16-0 at the end of the day. Been changing a few picks as we go, have we? It’s good to be king of your own contest, isn’t it?” Friends, while I may beat you, I assure you that I would never cheat you. I am just too big a fan of rules to do that. Ask anyone who’s done this contest for a few years, and they will tell you that I have never won, and typically, I don’t appear near the top of the standings, either. So yeah, I’m relishing this moment of glory just as much as any of you would.
- The You Asked For, You Got It award goes to Paul “Let me know how I’m doing” Sopke, who frankly isn’t doing very well. Paul, you are tied for 836th, which isn’t quite last, but is certainly close enough.
- The How’s That Working Out For You? award goes to Amber “Must beat Wyatt” Sprague, currently tied for 827th, who trails her husband, Wyatt “My wife will beat me…Again” Sprague by about 250 positions.
- The Funniest Thing I Saw On My Social Media Today award goes to Bryson Davis, who sent me a Facebook message with this gem: “I feel like every single team is required to have at least 1 guy with an Odell Beckham Jr hairdo this year and if you’re an 8 seed or worse you’re required [to have] 3.” That’s just classic.
- The Non-Conformist award goes to the only contestants in the field who are NOT currently tied with someone else in the standings: Sandy McCharlson (604th), Adam Veeley (755th), Elianna Regan (800th), and Chelsea Goodwin who is in sole possession of last place. You all just keep being you.
That’s all I have today, minions. With so few upsets today, there hasn’t been enough parity to create significant separation in the contest standings yet, and besides, my tank is empty. Time to recharge the batteries and prepare for another packed day of March Madness. Until then, may the odds ever be in your favor.
The Wizard of Whiteland