“I hate losing more than I like winning.” – Charles Barkley
The Final Four has a serious case of the blues, the black-and-blues that is. The blue teams left the crimson and orange squads limping away from the beatings they took. These games were so lopsided it seems pointless to rehash them. Therefore, to make this commentary even remotely interesting, let’s have a look at some of the numbers from tonight’s debacles.
Semifinals by the Numbers
- Worst Beating Ever – Villanova’s 44 point destruction of Oklahoma is the worst defeat ever suffered in the Final Four, and by ever, I mean EVER, as in since 1939. Oklahoma couldn’t throw it in the ocean. Villanova couldn’t miss. Speaking of…
- Nice Shootin’, Tex – Villanova shot 71.4% from the field. The only other team to shoot a better percentage in tournament history is…wait for it…VILLANOVA! Some of you are old enough to remember the miracle that was the Wildcats victory over Georgetown in 1985. That would be the Patrick Ewing Georgetown Hoyas. The 1985 Wildcats shot 78.6% from the field in that game, including 9 for 10 in the second half. Yes, they only took 10 shots in the entire half and made 9 of them. This was before the shot clock and before the three point shot. Some of you are old enough to remember that game. Some of you WENT to that game, right Mark Wynn?
- Brick City – On the other hand, tonight was marked as much by poor shooting as it was Villanova’s impressive performance. Multiple sources have pointed out this building was the site of the Butler vs UConn final in 2011, one of the worst shooting displays ever in a national championship. Some suggest the sight lines are weird or something. Apparently, only Villanova has it figured out. Oklahoma shot an unbelievably bad 19-60 from the field, including 6-27 from three point range. Syracuse was hardly better: 27-66 from the field and 8-25 from three point range. Even victorious North Carolina missed their first 10 three pointers, ultimately going 4-17. If the Tarheels shot even 30% from three point range they would have won by 30.
- Tough Picks – The national championship will feature North Carolina vs Villanova. Given the success of both of these teams throughout the season, you would think this would have been relatively easy to pick. Not so. Only 1.6% of the millions of entries in ESPN’s tournament challenge had Villanova vs North Carolina. In our contest, it was half that percentage, but more on that in the awards.
- Foresight Is 20/20 – Twenty Jeff’s March Madness Minions had Villanova winning it all. If that were to actually happen, most, if not all, of them would finish in the top 20 of the final standings due to the 96-point ultimate Scategories bonus. Now, I know what you are thinking. “What?!! That’s STUPID! All you had to do was pick ONE TEAM, and you win the whole contest?! That’s too easy! Your scoring system is dumb.” Too easy, huh? Then why didn’t YOU and 795 other minions pick them, too? Exactly. Apparently, it wasn’t easy at all, which is precisely why those who made the hardest pick will get the biggest reward IF Villanova wins. The more likely outcome is that the second most popular national champion pick in the entire contest, North Carolina, will win, so relax. You know who you are.
Miscellany
- Dumbest Thing I Saw On Twitter Today – Some rather famous person (name withheld to protect the guilty, but he’s a golfer whose name rhymes with teeth) implied that maybe Villanova is the best basketball team in Philly, i.e., better than the Philadelphia 76ers. Let’s get one thing straight, shall we? I’ve heard this hypothetical water cooler debate for years. Could the best team in college basketball or football beat the worst team in the corresponding professional league. After I pick myself up off the floor from laughing hysterically, I will tell you that the answer is absolutely no way in this world! Yes, the 76ers are inarguably awful, perhaps the worst team in the NBA with all due disrespect to the equally awful Los Angeles Lakers. Nevertheless, they are a team comprised entirely of PROS. If Villanova were to play an exhibition against Philadelphia, the score would 20-0 before the first TV time out. It would be 40-0 before you finished your cotton candy. This is especially true if the game were played with NBA rules and NBA officials. NBA players are so much bigger, faster, and better than ANY collection of college players, they literally would not know what hit them. Never mind the fact that Villanova may not even have a future pro on the entire team. And yes, I would say the same thing about North Carolina, except maybe it would be 20-2 by the first TV timeout since UNC actually has a pro or two. It’s a dumb discussion, so stop it.
- If I Only Had A Brain – Anybody besides me think the chick who sings the creepy rendition of “If I Only Had A Brain” for the University of Phoenix commercial has a voice that is both strangely hypnotic and yet totally frightening? That song gives me the willies. “A degree is a degree, you’re gonna want someone like me…” Only if you promise not to sing that song.
- I’ve Been Waiting All Day For Final Four Night? – Ok, so I have mixed emotions about the pregame player introduction hoopla. The 3D graphics projected on the floor are pretty cool. The pre-recorded videos of players and their geriatric coaches dancing and dabbing, not so much. All that was missing was Carrie Underwood singing a catchy jingle. To be fair, the pregame shenanigans were the most entertaining part of the evening.
Awards
Just a few awards tonight. The best, of course, will be saved for last on Monday night.
- The Lucky Seven award goes to the seven contestants out of 816 who correctly picked both of tonight’s winners with original picks: Sam Woodford, Mason Gallmeyer, Ashlyn Little, Pat Gillig, Sue Chmura, Bryce Hand, and Tom Bruner. That’s 0.08% of our entries, or about half the percentage who reportedly picked both winners correctly in the vastly larger ESPN field.
- The I Couldn’t Agree With You More award goes to Teri “I Think We Should Get Points For Gonzaga” Gschwind. Unfortunately, just as the outcome of that game cannot be changed after the fact, so also the scoring in the contest is immutable.
- The Better Luck Next Time award goes to the 656 contestants who have now won as many games as they can win in this year’s contest. Hopefully you had fun and won’t drop too many places in the final standings after tomorrow’s championship.
- The You Gotta Be Kidding Me award goes to Toby “The Last Shall Be First…” Risner who once was as low as 760th but now sits in 28th. Toby somehow managed to miss every game but 4 in the Midwest region, and that’s including re-picks. It seems like you would have to try to actually do that bad. And yet here he is with a legitimate shot at the top 25 if Villanova wins. What a great scoring system this is!
- The Enjoy It While It Lasts award goes to current contest leader Braden Murray, who unfortunately cannot win no matter what happens Monday night. Enjoy your 48 hours of fame, Braden.
62 Down, One To Go
Sixty-two games have been played leaving two teams that have won five in a row. That leaves one more game with only two possible outcomes, and the same is true of our contest. We are down to only two possible winners depending on Monday night’s result, and while I could give it away, I’ll leave the math to you. I mean, you need something to keep you busy until then, right? I’ll give you one hint. This year’s contest winner is guaranteed to be under the age of 20.
That’s all for tonight, my friends. Here’s hoping that the championship game isn’t another stinker like these two were.
The Wizard of Whiteland