“Lettin’ the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier ‘n puttin’ it back in.” – Will Rogers

Today we were treated to a couple of wild and entertaining clashes of storied programs with vast basketball pedigrees. While it is not at all unusual to see names such as Kentucky and Connecticut on the Final Four logo, seeing them there with a 7 and an 8 by their name rather than a 1 or a 2 certainly is. Though it’s cliche, it’s still true that two extremely talented but admittedly underachieving teams have managed to peak at just the right time.

Double Trouble

Yesterday we had two brothers coaching in two different regional finals, and both lost. Today we had two B1G schools from the state of Michigan in two different regional finals, and they both lost. I’m sensing a pattern, here. The news isn’t all bad for duos this year, however. Kentucky starts twin brothers Aaron and Andrew Harrison, and the SEC has two teams in a Final Four which many thought, or perhaps prayed, would include three B1G teams. I’m still trying to decide if Kentucky came out of nowhere, or if they were under-seeded. Depends on who you ask, right J.R. Shrader?

How Does Your Garden Grow?

Connecticut coach Kevin Ollie reaped a bountiful harvest of the seeds he said they had been planting in The Garden, earning an improbable victory over favored Michigan State and an historic achievement. The History Maker award definitely goes to this year’s Huskies, the first ever 7 seed to advance to the Final Four. When I look at the box score for this game, two things stand out: free throws and turnovers. Sparty had an advantage in field goal percentage, three point percentage, rebounds, and assists. They even shot 87.5% from the free throw line. So how did they lose? Both Michigan State and UConn missed only one free throw each the entire game. The difference is that UConn attmpted 22 free throws and made 21, whereas Sparty shot only 8 and made 7. Do the math. That’s 15 points. The other eye-popping statistic is Michigan State committing twice as many turnovers as Connecticut, 16 to 8. When you commit twice as many turnovers and shoot one third as many free throws as your opponent, it is tough to win.

These Cats Are Out Of The Bag

In contrast, victorious Kentucky won in spite of horrific free throw shooting, making only 6 of 11 from the line (54%). I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. Bad free throw shooting does not win championships, and I believe this is an Achilles heel that could derail the Cats’ national championship aspirations. Kentucky made up for it with stellar shooting from the field, however, including a smoking hot 7-11 from three point range. Some of those were absolutely back-breaking bombs, too, including the eventual game winner. I will say this for Kentucky: every one of their games has been extremely entertaining, even more so, I’m sure, for the UK fans in our contest.

1st and 10 on the 35 Yard Line

I have a question. What’s with all these guys picking the ball up on a drive to the basket and cradling it like Adrian Peterson going in for a touchdown? When did such a move become not a traveling violation? Naismith must be turning over in his grave. The rules seem pretty straightforward to me. You get the step as you are picking up your dribble plus one more. The coaches in the basketball clinics I went to as a kid called it “a step and a half, almost two.” For these Barry Sanders wannabes, it’s more like two steps and a half, almost three. I don’t get it.

Speaking Of Things I Don’t Get…

I’m all for being clever and creative in advertising, but there are a couple of ads that have been running repeatedly this tournament the point of which completely escapes me. The first is the Sprint Framily Plan commercial with the daughter singing a creepy rendition of Motley Crue’s “Home Sweet Home” in French while we are introduced to her family, or I suppose, “framily”, consisting of dad, who is a talking hamster, and assorted other freaks and psychos. Then there’s the Audi commercial where various and sundry characters in completely unrelated and largely unfamiliar scenes and situations work their way through a piecemeal recitation of Queen’s “We Are The Champions”. What was it these companies were wanting me to buy, again?

On the other hand, I totally get geek culture, and so does AT&T, which is what makes their latest series of ads with the two geeks installing and tweaking wireless networking equipment so funny. “It means you’ll be able to post from the break room.” Perfect.

A Quick Look Ahead

With only three games remaining in this year’s tournament, here are a few quick observations.

• Wisconsin makes only its second Final Four appearance in the 64 team era and its first under coach Bo Ryan.
• Connecticut returns to the Final Four the first year after being ineligible for post-season play due to NCAA sanctions.
• Florida enters the Final Four on a 30-game winning streak. The last team to beat Florida? Connecticut on December 2, 2013.
• Kentucky makes its second Final Four appearance in the last three years.
• The success of the relatively low seeded UConn and Kentucky teams combined with the relatively surprising success of Wisconsin, at least among the minions, is a recipe for abundant opportunities for big time points thanks to the Scategories bonus. This means the final standings will likely not look anything like what they do now, so stay tuned.
• The conclusion of round four of the contest brings the upset bonus to an end. Upset bonuses only apply up to the regional finals because the teams are seeded within their region. Comparing seeds across regions does not make sense, so there are no upset bonuses awarded in the final three games. Scategories bonuses are still awarded, however, as appropriate.
• The Year of the Underdog? Of the 60 games played so far, 21 have been upsets, i.e., have been won by the lower seeded team. I am not sure if that is a record, but it sure seems like a lot to me.

Final Four Awards

The completion of the regional finals is a special time in the contest when I hand out several accolades that have become somewhat traditional.

• The Beasts Of The East award goes to Michael Weier and Phillip Huneck who each picked 14 out of 15 games correctly in the East region with original picks.
• The Wild, Wild West award goes to 14 out of 15 game winners Gary Charlson, Lynn Scofield, and Kerri Riley in the West region. Again, those are 14 original picks made correctly.
• The Whistling Dixie award goes to the top performers in the South region with original picks, Genya Trisler and Zach Richardson, who each picked 13 out of 15 correctly.
• The Crossroads Of America award goes to 13-game winners in the Midwest region Genya Trisler and Paul Boswell.
• The Three Out Of Four Ain’t Bad award goes to the minions who picked three of the Final Four correctly with original picks: Bruce Schafer, Alyssa Sines, Kerri Riley, Roy Stickney, Chris Cammack, and Zach Barnes. No one picked all four Final Four teams even with the benefit of re-picks, once again demonstrating just how difficult it is to pick a perfect Final Four.
• The Upset Stomach award, brought to you by Pepto Bismol, also goes to Genya Trisler who picked 14 of the 21 available upsets with her original picks. The Even More Upset Stomach award, however, goes to Gavin Hand, who scored the most bonus points from upsets (79) and also picked 14 when re-picks are included.
• The No Risk, No Reward award goes to those contestants who didn’t pick a single upset correctly out of the 21 available. My condolences go to Raymond Godman (674th place), Ariel Tucker (689th place), Eric Bates (637th place), and Garry Brackett (661st place).
• The Yogi Berra It Ain’t Over Until It’s Over award goes to Chris Grunden who has risen from nearly dead last (717th) to 6th place! Year of the underdog, indeed.
• The Cat Scratch Fever award goes to Kentucky Wildcat fan Roy Stickney who has ridden the Wildcats’ rising fortunes all the way to 7th place.
  
• The This Contest Is Child’s Play award goes to 6-year-old Abby “Lil Momma” Sadaka who just cracked the top 100 with Kentucky’s big win.
• Finally, the Catch Me If You Can award goes to contest leader Michael Weier. Michael’s big lead shrunk considerably after his national semi-finalist pick, Michigan, lost to Kentucky, but he is counting on UConn to take him all the way home to victory.

Three Games Left

And now it is time for the weary wizard to step back behind the curtain for a few days and take respite from the madness. Once again, I want to thank all you minions for your emails, posts, tweets, and alias updates that have made the contest more fun for me than ever this year. Check back next weekend as we crown both an NCAA National Champion and a 19th Annual Jeff’s March Madness Contest Champion. May the best minion win!

The Wizard of Whiteland

Contest Home Page

“Delay is preferable to error.” – Thomas Jefferson

“Indecision and delays are the parents of failure.” – George Canning

I Know This Horse Is Dead, But…

They say cats have nine lives, but I’m pretty sure this horse I’ve been beating all tournament has about 99 lives, because it simply will not die. I am referring, of course, to the now ubiquitous under-two-minute review of every out of bounds and dead ball. The out of bounds are reviewed to determine who it was actually out on. The dead balls are reviewed to see if a couple of tenths of a second should be put back on the clock. It seems that the NCAA officials have taken Jefferson’s advice to the extreme. All of this hand wringing over minutiae serves to bring the game to an unnatural and abrupt halt. The drama the game itself creates, especially when it is close, is lost in the lurch of ponderous deliberation. A text I received from alert minion Blake Dieringer this evening sums it up quite nicely:

“I ate two bowls of cereal during that review.”

Look, people, the end-game scenario is dramatic enough with the coaches playing cat and mouse, calling timeouts, and strategizing; we love March Madness because of this dramatic build up to the last possession, shot, or play. These reviews only serve to cause confusion and controversy, not drama, and at least as far as I have seen this tournament, they rarely prove conclusive, which is essentially the justification for having them in the first place. If this is an experiment, a trial run, by the NCAA, one would hope that they would recognize it for the disaster it is and get rid of it next season, or at least put a process in place to keep these reviews to about 30 seconds each, max.

Apparently Tonight Wasn’t Miller Time

Tonight we had two brothers coaching different teams in different games on the same night in different parts of the country. That is a neat story, but unfortunately for Archie and Sean Miller, the outcome was the same with both of their squads going home in defeat. The games were very different, though.

Dayton Earns Respect

Sure, the Florida Gators beat the Dayton Flyers with relative ease, though not nearly as easily or decisively as they defeated their first three opponents. Considering that Dayton defeated at least two high profile programs on their way to the Elite 8, and that they played admirably against the top overall seed in the tournament, I believe we will be hearing more from Dayton in years to come. A hearty congratulations for a  great season to the last true underdog to exit this year’s tournament.

Kaminsky Leads Wisky Past Tarczewski

The sixth overtime game of this tournament (seven if you count the First Four, which I don’t, but I digress) was as beautiful as it was bizarre. Living in B1G country, (B1G is pronounced “Big 10”, though I’m not sure why – perhaps we should refer to them as “the conference formerly known as the Big 10” ), I am accustomed to low-scoring, brutish contests where Wisconsin wins 42-40. This is not your father’s Wisconsin, though, and Arizona came in with the better defense and an even more deliberate style, actually. This is a game that never seemed to give either team any momentum. It was also a game in which it seemed that just when you forgot about the last wacky call the officials made, they would make another one just to remind you that they were still in the building. Wisconsin’s Frank Kaminsky won the battle of the big men with the Eastern European surnames, scoring 28 points to Arizona’s Kaleb Tarczewski’s 12.

What Just Happened?

I think it will be the way this game ended, though, that will stick with me, as many games this tournament seemed to have ended in similar fashion. The first couple of days of the tournament we saw games that made us stand up and shout “No way!” at the end. But as the tournament progressed we saw more games that made us cock an eyebrow and say, “Huh?” at the end. Maybe it’s my imagination. Maybe it’s the aforementioned end-of-game reviews. Maybe it’s what I consider to be an inordinate amount of close calls by officials with under 10 seconds left in a close game. Maybe those calls are right sometimes, but it sure feels like the guys in the striped shirts are doing more to decide the game than the guys in the jerseys and sneakers.

You Mean That’s It?

For those of you from the Midwest, you may be familiar with an amusement park near Cincinnati called King’s Island. They have a ride at King’s Island called The Adventureland Express, an easy roller coaster with a “surprise” ending. Near the end of the ride the train climbs what seems to be a very tall hill completely enclosed in a dark and ominous tunnel. There is loud music, banging drums, chanting natives, fire, smoke, the whole bit. On your first ride you are expecting to reach the crest and fall over the precipice of doom only to find out that the ride is actually over. No drop. No screaming. No thrill. Just get off the ride. It’s over. That’s how I felt about the Wisconsin/Arizona game tonight.

If you did not see the game but saw the final score, which was 64-63 in overtime, you might be inclined to say, “Wow, that must have been an exciting, close game!” And it was, sort of. What you wouldn’t know is that the score was 64-63 with 1 minute left, and not a point was scored by either team in the final 60 seconds. Like climbing the big hill only to find out the ride is over, the final minute of this game was a strange collection of missed shots, dubious officiating, long reviews, and poor decisions. In fact, in the final 60 seconds of this game, there were three missed shots, two rebounds, two turnovers, one foul, and one interminable officials review at the monitor. No points. No buzzer beaters. No kidding.

Nevertheless, this is Bo Ryan’s first trip to the Final Four, and it’s good to see Wisconsin finally reach that milestone after years of close calls.

Two Down, Two To Go

Half of the Final Four is now determined, and I have a feeling tomorrow’s games have just as much potential for drama. Will UConn make history as the first ever 7 seed to make a Final Four, or will Sparty continue its perennial dominance in March? Can Kentucky make the Final Four as an 8 seed, or will Michigan join Wisconsin as the second 2 seed in the Final Four? Could we see three B1G teams in the Final Four?  Tune in tomorrow to find out.

And now a couple of quick shout outs:

• The Gee, Your Bracket Looks Familiar award goes to Billy “Downhill from here” Brundage, whose Final Four looks a lot like mine. I feel your pain.
• The Remember How It Ended For Darth Vader Before You Taunt Obi Wan award goes to Christopher “And the minion shall become the master” Johnson, currently ranked 17th, yes, well ahead of The Wizard. Yes, I noticed your alias. I notice them all, of course. I am the great Oz. Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain. 
  
• The Despicable Alias award goes to Jason “My score just Gru” Roehl, currently in 72nd. Well played, sir.
  
• The Re-Pick’s Reward award goes to Brian Benson, who took full advantage of the re-picks including three of his Final Four, both national finalists, and his national champion. Even with the re-pick deduction he has managed to work his way up to 5th place.
• The Hanging On By A Thread award goes to continuing contest leader Genya “12th Man” Trisler who clings to a slim two point lead over second place minion Michael “Shabazz Bozie” Weier.  (I bet you can’t guess who Michael is rooting for in the MSU-UConn game tomorrow.)

Ok, minions, check back tomorrow night when I will be handing out the annual Final Four awards which will include our regional winners and other interesting accolades. May the games be close and the reviews be few.

The Wizard of Whiteland

Contest Home Page

“The ode lives upon the ideal, the epic upon the grandiose, the drama upon the real.” – Victor Hugo

You Can’t Make This Stuff Up

Consider this: four games played. Two decided by two points, the other two decided by five points. Comebacks. Lead changes. Big time shots. Big time mistakes. Three upsets out of four games. The last two games came down to the wire at the same time, making it nearly impossible for even the Wizard to keep up. As far as March Madness goes, does it get any better than this?

Can I Quote You On That?

I think I’m going to have to give the Best One Liner In An Interview award to Connecticut’s coach Kevin Ollie, who after the game said (paraphrasing), “We’ve been talking a lot about planting seeds, and what better place to plant seeds than in The Garden?” For those who don’t get it, the East regional is being played in Madison Square Garden, the arena the CBS folks keep telling us is the most famous arena in the world. Not sure how they know that, but we’ll go with it for now. UConn is now in position to make history if they can beat Michigan State and go to the Final Four as a 7 seed.  No 7 seed has ever made it to the Final Four since seeding began in the tournament in 1979.

The One That Almost Got Away

With 2:23 left to play, Michigan’s Jordan Morgan made a dunk to put them ahead of Tennessee by 8. I was ready to switch to the other game, as it seemed Michigan had this one well in hand. Not so fast. The Wolverines committed four consecutive turnovers and scored no baskets in the final 2:23, nearly earning themselves the Jean Van de Velde Utter Meltdown award. With 10 seconds left, down 1, and the ball on their own end of the court, Tennessee’s Jarnall Stokes gets called for what I think was a dubious charge. Nik Stauskas makes one free throw, Michigan’s only point in the last 2:23, and Michigan escapes with the two point win. As they say, survive and advance.

Reggie Would Be Proud

Good thing Greg Anthony is in Indy calling the Midwest regional games, because he might have had a psychotic episode from a flashback had he been calling the Michigan State vs Virginia game. If you’re old enough, you may recall about 20 years ago or so, Reggie Miller The Knick Killer score 8 points in 9 seconds to beat the Knicks in game one of their playoff series. The second of two three pointers came after Reggie and Greg got “tangled up.” Knicks fans prefer to point out the obvious – Reggie helped Anthony to the floor, allowing him to collect the inbound pass and bury the three.

Fast forward to tonight. With 34 seconds left and leading only by two, Sparty’s Keith Appling gave a hearty shove to his Virginia defender, allowing him to catch the inbound pass freely against a press that was giving Sparty some trouble. The no-call drew the ire of Virginia coach Tonny Bennett, not to mention the Wahoo faithful who pelted the refs with a shower of boos worthy of the merciless New York venue. It seemed that Michigan State had this one all but won, up four with 9 seconds to play, when Virginia’s Malcolm Brogdon made a three pointer to cut it to 1 with just under two seconds left. This earns the Wahoos the Princess Bride Mostly But Not Completely Dead award, because it seemed like every time I looked at the scoreboard expecting a final, there they were down only a point or two. If only they could have gotten that magic pill from Billy Crystal.

Backyard Brawl

In what was perhaps the best and most surprising game of the night, the Bluegrass Battle Royale between Louisville and Kentucky could not have been over-hyped. I haven’t verified it, but I suspect it was either a rare or perhaps a first-ever meeting of the previous two national champions in a tournament game. Add to that the in-state rivalry, the fact that Rick Pitino has coached both teams to national titles, and the endless scrutiny coach Calipari’s perennial “one-and-done” squads garner, and we had the makings of an epic contest. Boy, did these guys deliver!

Louisville charges out to a 13 point lead. Kentucky cuts it to three at the half. CBS quotes some ridiculous statistic like Louisville has won 68 consecutive games when leading at the half. Foul problems mount after the half, especially for Louisville. After scoring 34 in the first half, it took the Cardinals almost 7 minutes to score 10 more points. With 1:27 to go, the Wildcats take their first lead! With 14 seconds to go, down two, Louisville’s Wayne Blackshear earns the Black Sheep award by missing the first of two free throws. The second free throw he made was the last point Louisville would score, and Kentucky, perhaps the toughest 8 seed we’ve seen in a long time, moves on to the Elite 8, and Rick Pitino loses his first ever Sweet 16 game.

This game definitely gets the Last Man Standing award for utter brutality. Kentucky’s Willie Cauley-Stein goes out early with an ankle injury. Louisville’s Stephan Van Treese plays half the game with super-absorbent gauze stuck up both nostrils to stop the bleeding. making him look like some sort of demented warthog. I kept waiting for the old school Batman “Boom! Zaaam! Kapow!” to show up on the screen.

And Now We Interrupt Our Regularly Scheduled Basketball For This Ridiculous Huddle of Officials Around A TV Monitor

Nothing takes the air out of a great nail-biter headed toward a fantastic finish better than waiting five minutes on three officials to make up their mind about whose ball it is or how much time is left on the clock. If you follow me on Twitter or Facebook, you might have seen me tweet this toward the end of the Kentucky-Louisville game.

“Oh, so the players can now APPEAL to have the refs go to the monitor? What’s next, the coach throws a red flag on the court?”

I seriously expected Ed Hochuli to walk to center court at any moment and give one of his classic explanations in all of its lugubrious detail. I understand making good use of technology and wanting to get the call right, but this is just getting way out of hand. After the referee on the baseline made the call, (and he was right there on the baseline next to the play, I might add), and awarded the ball to Louisville, every Kentucky player and Coach Calipari started gesticulating vehemently toward the sideline monitor basically insisting on a review of the play. The officials complied. Now, to their credit, the zebras stuck with the original call, but not until an eternity had elapsed, and we had been treated to the same replay from every conceivable angle in ultra-slow motion over a dozen times. I was nearly asleep, drooling on my keyboard by the time play resumed. This has got to stop. It’s basketball, not probate court. It’s not supposed to take forever.

Which One Of These Is Not Like The Others?

The Elite 8 is set, and it’s a familiar cast of characters: Florida, Michigan State, UConn, Arizona, Wisconsin, Kentucky, Michigan, and Dayton. Wait. Who?!! Dayton??!!! They’re from the state that ridicules every institution except THE Ohio State University.  (Buckeyes in the contest undoubtedly grew up hearing, “Wright State, Wrong University.”) It has to stick in every Buckeye’s craw that it’s not even Cincinnati, but Dayton left with a chance to represent their fair state in the Final Four. I am not sure how good of a chance it is against mighty Florida, but I can name six minions who would really like to see it happen. These six contestants get the When You Wish Upon A Star award for taking Dayton to the Final Four with original picks, giving them a chance at a hefty scategories bonus plus upset bonus for a total of 34 points for one game! Those contestants are Stephanie Baumann, Jamison Cooper, Tyler Drone, Sarah Gillig, Adam Regan, and Paul Sopke.

Elite 8 Shout Outs

Half of the eight games played over the last two nights were won by the lower seed, which made for some big moves in the contest standings both up and down. Be sure to check them out on the Reports and Standings Page. And now, here are our Elite 8 shout outs.

• The Crazy Eights award goes to three contestants who got all eight of the Elite 8 correct, but this award comes with an asterisk. No one got all eight with original picks. Only these three got them all right by making good use of re-picks. Luke Anderson needed four re-picks, Josh Marshall needed three, and Sara Marshall needed just two. And while we’re on this topic, the I Sense Unsanctioned Collusion award goes to Josh and Sara, whose status as husband and wife makes their success in the Elite 8 seem rather suspicious.
• The I’ve Been Everywhere, Man award goes to Phil Stump whose position in the rankings has literally been all over the map, from a worst of 685th to a best of 25th to his current position of 59th. Phil is giving Johnny Cash a run for his money. For this award Phil will receive two bus tickets good for a trip to Reno, Chicago, Fargo, Minnesota, Buffalo, Toronto…
• The True Blue award goes to the whopping 68 contestants who picked Kentucky to advance to the Elite 8 with an original pick. There are too many names to list, so if that was you, pat yourself on the back.
• Similarly, the Lucky 7 award goes to 57 contestants who picked #7 UConn to advance to the Elite 8.
• The Three Is A Magic Number award goes to those contestants who picked three of the four third round upsets correctly with original picks.  (We know three people got all four correct, but they needed re-picks to do it.) Genya Trisler, Joel Nowacki, Carol Moritz, Andy Johnson, and Chris Grunden will receive School House Rock: The Complete Boxed Set for their efforts.
• The I Hate This Stupid Scoring System award goes to Steven Clair who has just as many wins as the contest leader but is in 120th place.
• The I Love This Awesome Scoring System award goes to Gavin Hand, the highest ranking minion with a winning percentage below .500.  Gavin is in 9th place.
• The Always A Bridesmaid But Never A Bride award goes to yours truly. I climbed as high as 25th and thought I might actually have a chance at a top ten finish, but alas, my national champion, Louisville, is gone, and so are my hopes. For the record, I have never won my own contest.
• The You’ll Be Sorry award goes to current contest leader Genya “12th Man” Trisler.  Though she is currently in first place, Genya did not make any re-picks! This could very well doom her chances of winning the contest, as she had Gonzaga going all the way to the championship game.

Parting Thoughts

This year’s contest could be the most competitive we’ve had this late in the game in several years. It is still very much up for grabs, so if you’re still riding the Dayton or Sparty or UConn train, keep watching. One big Scategories Bonus is all that sits between you and March Madness glory!

Until next time,

The Wizard of Whiteland

Contest Home Page

“Never contend with a man who has nothing to lose.” – Baltasar Gracian

Do We Believe in Dayton Yet?

How many games will the Dayton Flyers have to win before we actually believe in them? The #11 seed Flyers had 11 different players score in their third consecutive win over a power conference team to reach the Elite Eight for the first time since I was still in junior high. While Stanford may not seem like much of an opponent as a #10 seed, many of us and the experts had high expectations for Ohio State and Syracuse, both victims of Dayton. And Stanford didn’t do much to earn its date with Dayton; they just defeated #2 Kansas is all. Dayton faces a mighty test in #1 Florida, but they might have a better chance than you think. Did you know that of the five times a #1 and a #11 have played in a regional final, the #11 has actually won 3 out of 5 times? Who knows? Come Monday Dayton might just be flying higher than ever.

Bumbling Baylor Unbearable Against Badgers

Badgers win big. Nothing to see here. Move along.

G8R H8Rs Will Have to W8 Til L8R

It wasn’t a good night for the bears, but UCLA kept this one more respectable than the Baylor Bears could manage. Still, Florida was never really in trouble. The Bruins shot just 16% from three point range, and the Gators dominated on the boards and on defense. It will be an interesting match up with Dayton, as they are athletic with good shooters, but it will be their toughest test of the tournament by far.

The Best For Last

By far the best game of this particular evening was Arizona’s hard earned victory over pesky San Diego State. Steve Fisher is a great coach who gets the most out of his players, and the Aztecs actually controlled this game until about 8 minutes left. That’s when Nick Johnson hit his 11th shot after missing the first 10, and Arizona tried to pull away. There were still some interesting scenarios toward the end that kept me watching, but nothing like the boneheaded giveaways we saw over the first weekend. The two top seeds that played tonight lived up to their seeding. I think the Arizona-Wisconsin game promises to be epic.

The Name Game Revisited

If you haven’t gone to the View & Search Contestant Picks page lately simply for the purpose of reading the aliases, you should. This is by far my favorite part of the contest, watching people chronicle the rise and fall of their fortunes in the 40 characters I give them for an alias. As the first weekend closed and the re-pick round got into full swing, I saw some real gems come across the wire.

• The Nostalgia award goes to Ken “Jeff’s minion since compilers ’91” Schmidt. Here’s hoping I wasn’t too harsh a task master.
• The Best Pun award goes to Spencer “I’m in a re-pickle” Hofer.
• The Eeyore Award For Blatant Negativity goes to Trevor “I Never Win This Stupid Thing” Norcross.  
• The Best Commercial Tie In award goes to Matt “And bad mistakes…I’ve made a few…” Thurber. Matt may yet be singing “We Are The Champions” after all, as he currently sits in 39th place.
• The Sour Grapes award goes to Rob “My alias was vetoed by Jeff Obama” Fair. The rest of the story you don’t know is that his original alias didn’t make it through my diplomacy filter. And that’s all I have to say about that.
• The Tugging at My Heart Strings award goes to Matthew “Its hard to watch my son cry over a game” Hand. Wow. Poor little guy.
• The Looking On The Bright Side award goes to Doug “Repicks. How much worse can it get?” Goodwin. Not much. He’s in 720th.
• Finally, the I Can’t Believe I Missed It The First Time award goes to Jim “Want Some Kool-Aid” Jones. That’s just classic.

A Few Quick Shout Outs

Just a few quick shout outs tonight as I have a lot on my plate, and its mid-round.

• The I Told You So award goes to Matthew Hickey, the one person who picked all upsets in rounds one and two this year. As high as 10th at one point, Matthew is now in 556th.
• The Rising Star award goes to Todd Gross, who has climbed from the basement of 693rd all the way to 102nd. Bravo!
• The I Don’t Need No Stinking Re-picks award goes to Sammy Brauen who still had all of his winners for the last 15 games remaining in the tournament after the first two rounds. Sammy only had one loss tonight and is currently in 19th place.
• The Wishful Thinking award goes to Colman “Sparty, get me out of the basement!” Goodwin. Listen, coach Izzo is good, but he’s not THAT good. Colman is in dead last.
• The Back and Forth award goes to John Lederman and Genya “12th Man” Trisler who keep trading places in 1st and 2nd. John has the upper hand at the moment, but only by 3 points.
  

Actually, the standings at the top of the contest are tighter than I’ve seen them in years. The contest is still very much wide open.  So keep watching, keep rooting, keep praying – whatever works for you, and we’ll have more news tomorrow night after the games.

Until then, minions,

The Wizard of Whiteland

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“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.” – Charles Dickens, A Tale of Two Cities

What In The Dickens Is Going On Around Here?

Today was a day Dickens surely would have appreciated. We saw the best of competitive games with pulse-pounding finishes, and we saw (if we could stay awake) the worst of games, the kind where you wished for the 10-run-rule to be magically implemented in basketball somehow to put the poor losers out of your misery.

• We should have known the Cardinal would win in St. Louis – The 10 seed Stanford Cardinal apparently got some mojo playing in the city whose baseball champions bear the same (or at least similar) name, upending the Kansas Jayhawks in yet another disappointing year for coach Self and his crew. Highly touted Kansas star Andrew Wiggins was a non-factor, and Kansas could not hit a desperation three on its final possession to tie and send the game into overtime. Kansas became the second #2 seed to exit the tournament early following Villanova’s loss to former Big East rival UConn yesterday.
• The return of the Fab 5 – The college basketball landscape has changed so much that a team starting five freshmen is not so much of a novelty as it was back in the Chris Webber, Jalen Rose days of Michigan’s early 90s Fab 5 squad. In what was easily the best game of the day, the undefeated Wichita State Shockers because the second team from the state of Kansas to go down in the space of about three hours this afternoon. No doubt the Wildcats had them seeing double, with identical twins Aaron and Andrew Harrison each scoring in double figures. (Does that qualify as a double double?) Wichita’s Cleanthony Early was never late, hitting big shot after unbelievably clutch big shot on his way to 31 points, but ultimately it was the Shockers, no longer the Cinderella, whose day ended in shockingly bitter defeat. Fred VanVleet, struggling all day with foul trouble, could not convert the three point buzzer beater to win, and the only team ever to start a season 35-0 has to go back to Wichita thinking about what might have been. For that I award them the New England Patriots Award For Near Perfection, which is of little consolation when the only game you lost was the last one.
• Holy Harvey Dent, Batman! The Mayor delivers again! – Does anyone besides me think Iowa State Cyclones coach Fred Hoiberg bears a striking resemblance to Aaron Eckhart, the actor? I report, you decide.

• In any case, the Cyclones won the third of today’s tantalizing close games, defeating North Carolina by two points in a game with one of the most bizarre endings you’ll ever see. Instead of a buzzer beater or a last second heave, this one was more like an Indy 500 with the first and second place cars wheel to wheel only to have a crash on the last lap and the race end under caution. After North Carolina’s James Michael McAdoo, a horrific free throw shooter by any measure, managed to calmly sink two free throws to tie with 16 seconds left, Iowa State’s DeAndre “Raising” Kane made an acrobatic, go-ahead layup with just two seconds remaining. In a sequence that only be described as chaotic, UNC inbounded the ball rather than calling time out, and then advanced it to half court where they finally called timeout at the pleadings of wildly gesticulating coach Roy Williams on the sidelines. What ensued was a lengthy consultation by the exasperated officials at the monitor trying to decide how much time, if any, should be left on the clock. Ultimately it was determined that while the clock didn’t stop soon enough when the timeout was called, it also didn’t start soon enough when the ball was inbounded. The zebras decided it was a wash and declared the game over. Give this one to Iowa State by TKO.
• And it was all down hill from there – The first three games of the day were decided by an average of 2.3 points. The final five games of the day were decided by a titanic average of 21.6 points! I am not making this up. Those final five were contests only a mother could love, and believe me, only the mothers were watching past about 8 minutes into any of these debacles.
• The proverbial broad side of the barn – The Memphis Tigers missed an astounding 35 shots, not including the 12 free throws they also missed! The 35 shots Memphis missed were the same number of shots Virginia made en route to their, uh, rout. Talk about paper tigers. This one was ugly.
• Doug McBuckets did not get his happy meal – The consensus player of the year was completely stymied, and the Creighton Bluejays were thumped by 30 – yes, 30 – by the Baylor Bears. This was the day’s third upset, but you wouldn’t know it by looking at the box score. It seems that maybe the seeds were backwards on these two.
• No mercy for Mercer – Tennessee started the game on a 7-0 run and only briefly looked back. The Volunteers are long and strong and fast and mean. They will be a tough out in Indy this weekend.
• No dismemberment, no foul – That apparently is the philosophy of long-time referee Teddy Valentine. To say they “let them play” in the Arizona-Gonzaga game would do a disservice to the cliché. Arizona literally ran away with this track meet, scoring 84 points and becoming the only team this season to beat the Zags by more than 10 points.
• It’s a family affair – In an interesting twist this year, Dayton Flyers head coach Archie Miller and Arizona Wildcats coach Sean Miller are brothers. While not necessarily likely, it is possible that we could have the Harbaugh-Bowl, part two, with these two teams playing one another for the national championship. The way this wacky tournament has gone, I wouldn’t rule it out.

Sweet 16 by the Numbers

Our field of 64 has been whittled down to 16, and here’s a quick look at the make up of this sweet collection.

• By Seeds: 3 #1s, 2 #2’s, 1 #3, 4 #4’s, 1 #6, 1 #7, 1 #8, 1 #10, and 2 #11s.  The fours are having a good year. The fives not so much. The Midwest regional in Indy is the most interesting with a 2, 4, 8, and 11. In the South regional, a 10 or 11 is guaranteed to play in the regional final, as they play each other in the regional semi-final. The West regional was the most conventional, advancing a 1, 2, 4, and 6.
• By Conferences: 3 SEC, 3 Big 10, 3 Pac 12, 2 Big 12, 2 AAC, 1 ACC, 1 Mountain West, and 1 Atlantic 10. The new and not-so-improved Big East is a no-show.
• By Mascots: You’ve heard of lions and tigers and bears, oh my! Well for us it’s rodents and reptiles and bears, oh my! That collection of creatures is 11-1 so far in the tournament. The Sweet 16 has 3 Military, 2 Bears, 2 Rodents, 2 Cats, a Reptile, a Botanical, a Natural Phenomenon, a Dog, an Ethnic Group, a Bird, and a Hillbilly. Apparently there’s no home on the range this year, as the range animals are all gone. Both the Clergy and the Demonic Powers went oh-fer this year, as did the Wild West Icons.

Random Musings

• The seven people Greg Anthony needs to meet – In today’s broadcast, commentator Greg Anthony quipped, “I want to meet the person who has that [Dayton vs Stanford] on their bracket.” Well then, there are seven people in our contest that Greg needs to meet: Paul Sopke, Brian Benson, Matthew Hand, Own Johnson, Gabriel Geistwhite, Sarah Gillig, and Gavin Hand.
• Len Elmore showed his age by quipping, “Sometimes a player gets too revved up, and he’s going at 78 revolutions per minute when he should be going 45 revolutions per minute.” Only people around my age and older even know what in the world he’s talking about.
• You know the guy in the Lowe’s commercial who hurls his ceiling fan out the front bay window? That’s how some of you treated your brackets today. In fact, some of you would hurl me out the front window were I standing in your living room.
• I love the AT&T commercials where the nerds make fun of the techno-idiots in such a way that they don’t realize they are being made fun of.
  •  Nerd #1 in the attack to Nerd #2: “That should do it.”
  • Woman’s voice heard from below: “What are you doing?”
  • Nerd #2, obviously smitten by woman: “We’re fine tuning these small cells that improve coverage, capacity, and quality of the network.” #Nerd 2 waits for woman to be impressed, but instead receives a blank stare.
  • Nerd #1 sticks his head down from the attic: “It means you’ll be able to post from the break room.”
  • Woman: “Great!”
  • Nerd #2: “Did it hurt…when you fell from heaven?”
  • Woman smiles coyly: “Kinda”
  • Nerd #2 blurts out classic nerd laugh, at which time the hand of nerd #1 reappears from the attic, jerking nerd #2 out of harm’s way. Classic.

Round Two Final Awards

And now for the final shout outs for round two.

• The You Get A Gold Start For Reading The Commentary award goes to alert contestant Jason Roehl who changed his alias to Lowland Gorilla this afternoon. Jason is currently in 148th place.
• The Flattery Will Get You Nowhere award goes to Bethany Davis, who changed her alias this afternoon to Joined the contest to read PJs commentary. (For the uninformed, I’m PJ, as in Pastor Jeff.) Bethany is currently T for 609th. Enjoy the commentary.
• The Just Say No award goes to 720th place contestant Doug Goodwin – “no rhyme; no reason; no points.” No kidding.
• The Jason Borne Award for Secret Identity goes to rule-breaking minion Jonathon “I know an Al ias” Doe. Whomever this actually is, the entry is in 100th place. Sadly, your standing will be vacated due to violation of Rule 7, Section 2, subsection a, part ii, which clearly states, “Enter your real name, doggone it!”
• The Sometimes You Feel Like A Nut award goes to Fred “The Blind Squirrel” Duncan, who apparently has found enough nuts to be in 24th place. Fred will receive a year’s supply of Almond Joy.
• The Even The Lone Ranger Needed Tanto Award For Best Sidekick goes to Ashlyn Little.  Asho, as we call her, is currently in 213th and provided today’s color commentary for the quick video analysis I posted early on the Facebook page.
• The Shot Down In A Blaze Of Glory award goes to Tyler Drone who dropped from a quasi-respectable 186th to 683rd. Tyler will receive a copy of the Young Guns soundtrack signed by Jon Bon Jovi.
• The Stumping For Votes award goes to Phil Stump who has risen from a lowly 685th to 128th. Phil Stump for mayor of March Madness!
• The I Think Maybe You Need To Go Back And Read Up On The Scoring System award goes to 599th place minion Caden “Derpy” Doll. Caden has picked 33 games correctly, which isn’t bad, except that not a one of them was an upset, hence the rank.
• The Top Prognosticator award for rounds 1 and 2 goes to Mike Gillig, currently in 54th. Mike has the best winning percentage among all contestants with a record of 40-8. His 8 losses include some big-point upsets, though, which is why he isn’t in the top 50.
• Finally, the Leader Of The Pack award goes to 1st place minion Genya “12th Man” Trisler. I am not sure if that’s 12th man as in “the fans at a football game” or 12th man as in “the poor sap on the end of the bench on a typically sized basketball roster.” In any case, Genya moved into first with Stanford’s win over Kansas and held that lead throughout the day.  Congratulations! Now let’s see if she can keep it through the end.

Re-Pick Round Has Begun

Let me just give a couple of words of advice and instructions regarding the re-pick round, which begins today.

Please, please, pretty please read the two sections of the website relating to the re-picks. The first is on the Rules & Scoring page toward the bottom, and it explains how re-picks are scored. The second, and more important, is the Enter Your Picks page, which explains HOW to make your re-picks.

Every year, someone emails me claiming that their score is wrong because the system is showing a game in red that they obviously picked correctly. These emails come to me because folks haven’t read the re-pick instructions. I promise, the system has your score right. It’s been in service for over a decade. There aren’t any bugs. You aren’t being cheated. Your bracket looks “weird” because it has been specially prepared for you to make your re-picks. It will return to normal on Thursday.

The re-picks exist to keep the contest interesting for people who might otherwise lose interest in the whole thing. You have until Thursday, 7:00 PM EDT to finish your re-picks.  If you have any questions about the scoring or instructions (after you’ve read them, of course), please feel free to email me.

And with that, I take a 3 day, 15 hour, 12 minute, and 15 second break.

The Wizard of Whiteland

Contest Home Page

“Talent is God given. Be humble. Fame is man-given. Be grateful. Conceit is self-given. Be careful.” – John Wooden

Outwit, Outplay, Outlast

In some respect today’s offering of games resembled a season of Survivor. It’s not always the best or most talented but the last man standing that wins. The trend today seemed to be low-scoring affairs, some because of great defense (San Diego State) and some because of horrific offense (Syracuse, St. Louis).  Check out these halftime scores from today.

• Pitt 22, Florida 27
• St. Louis 16, Louisville 25
• San Diego St. 30, North Dakota St. 23
• Dayton 20, Syracuse 18
• UConn 25, Villanova 24

Ironically, the team known historically for its slow pace and low scores, Wisconsin, won a track meet with Oregon 85-77. How does Syracuse score 18 points in a half? We’ve gone through the looking glass here, minions. Normalcy has been voted off the island.

Bleacher Report

• SDSU beat upstart NDSU in the game sporting acronyms so similar it was hard to tell who was winning just by looking at the ticker. In the classic immovable object versus irresistible force, the team with the best field goal percentage defense (SDSU) held the team with the best field goal percentage offense (SDSU) – over 51% for the season – to just 29% shooting including 2-11 from the 3 point line. As I watched this game, I began to wonder if the old cliché about the relationship between brawn and brain had an element of truth, as NDSU’s best player, Taylor Braun, seemed stuck in a rut of bad decisions almost the entire game.
• Remember the Big Dog? Glenn Robinson, Jr. the Purdue standout from the early 90s, famously wanted to be the NBA’s first $100 million man. I remember the owner of the Milwaukee Bucks quipping at the time, “I’ll tell you what. You give me $100 million, and I’ll give you my franchise.” Robinson’s son and namesake, Glenn III, played like an NBA prospect as Michigan walloped Texas on their way to the Sweet 16.  Michigan made 14 three point baskets in that game.
• Now there’s something you don’t see every day. At one point in the second half of the Dayton-Syracuse game, Dayton’s Scoochie Smith (no, I am not making that name up) shot a long three pointer that hit absolutely dead on the back iron. Instead of sailing all the way back out near midcourt as most long range shots that hit the back iron do, this one defied all known laws of physics and dropped gently in the basket. It seriously looked like a joke you might see in a Harlem Globetrotters routine.
• Speaking of through the looking glass, we’ve seen teams so far defy the odds and win games despite horrific free throw shooting.  Exhibit A: Dayton, who shot a laughable 55% from the line and yet still managed to win. On the other hand, Oregon shot a stellar 91% from the line – 21 out of 23 – and yet still lost to a Wisconsin team that shot only 64% from the stripe. In fact, Oregon should get the How The Cincinnati Bengals Lost The Super Bowl award for leading the game in nearly every statistic except points scored.
• Actually, the one statistic that Wisconsin did dominate in was Offensive Rebounds with a whopping 14-3 advantage. Never was this more important or more evident than on their ultimate go-ahead possession. Trailing 75-74 with just under two minutes to play, Wisconsin missed two shots but collected two offensive rebounds to extend the possession. After a timeout, Wisconsin’s Frank Kaminsky missed yet another shot, but Sam Dekker grabbed the third offensive rebound of the possession, which eventually led to Ben Brust burying the go-ahead three pointer after almost 50 seconds of elapsed game time. You just can’t give a team four chances to score in one possession and expect to win.
• I’ve decided the EuroStep is aptly named, because you have to travel a long way to execute it. The move should be banned. It’s traveling almost every time.
• Not-so-lucky 7 – #7 UConn looked impressive in their victory over overrated #2 Villanova this evening (personally I think Louisville and Villanova were switched at birth this year), but consider this. No 7 seed has ever advanced to the Final Four. Ever. Ironically, a 7 seed has advanced to the Elite Eight…wait for it…seven times. They have lost all seven: four times to a 1 seed, two times to a 4 seed, and once to an 8 seed. If UConn advances to the Elite Eight, they will face (you guessed it) a 1 (Virginia), a 4 (Michigan St.), or an 8 (Memphis).
• The 25% trend continues. – In round one, 25% of the games were won by the lower seed. This trend continued today in round two with 2 out of 8 games being won by the underdog. Should we expect two more upsets tomorrow? Who will it be? The minions have put their money on Kentucky and North Carolina.

Team Awards

I know the point of the contest is to give the awards to you, the minions, but here are a few shout outs I simply must give to the squads who took the floor today.

• The Shoeless Joe award goes to Syracuse, or should I say, Syra-shoes, who had a player lose a shoe during live play not once but twice. Tie those puppies up, as Bill Raftery would say.
• The Kellen Winslow award for playing through the pain goes to UConn’s Shabazz Napier, who left the game hardly able to walk only to return to make sure Villanova could not mount a comeback.
• The What Not To Wear award goes, hands down, to the Oregon Ducks. Someone call the fashion police. Eesh.
• The X Factor award, sponsored by Simon Cowell, goes to San Diego State’s Xavier Thames. His coach calls him “X”. With 30 points, Xavier nearly outscored the rest of his team combined en route to a 63-44 victory over the Bison.
• The You’ve Got To Be Kidding Me award goes to the parents of Jordair Jett of St. Louis, who, according to the game announcers, named him Jordair because they were big fans of Air Jordan back in the day. Really?
• The Bagel award, sponsored by Einstein’s Bagels, goes to St. Louis and Syracuse for going a collective 0-25 from the 3 point line today. That’s Oh and in Zero for 25. St. Louis set a tournament record for futility, I believe, with their 0-15 performance. Live by the 3…you know the rest.

Day Three Shout Outs

• The One Shining Moment award, given in memory of the late Luther Vandross, goes to John Lederman who spent a few hours in first place today before being knocked back down to 2nd when Villanova lost. John took to Facebook to relish his moment of glory. You can see his comments on the contest’s Facebook page.
• The Pass The Popcorn award goes to April “Here for the halftime show” Adams, currently tied for 489th.
• The Return of the Cold War award goes to Trevis “Russia annexed my house from there” Litherland, currently in 29th.
• The Bombs Away award goes to Wendy Cooper, who after climbing as high as 23rd, has dropped to 162nd.
• The Comeback Kid award goes to Marc Worthley who has clawed his way up from 662nd to 107th.
• The Crazy Eights award goes to 8th place minion Janae Dailey who might not have known her rank had my wife not sent her a text.
• The Just In The Nick of Time award goes to Nick “Nick” Snider and Nicholas “Nicholas” Harper for reasons I hope are obvious. Oh yeah, they’re doing well in the contest, too, in 3rd and 21st, respectively.
• The When Your Ship Is Sinking, It’s Time To Lighten The Load award goes to Aleah “Lightening” Hand, who apparently is tossing all unnecessary cargo overboard to avoid dropping from next-to-last to dead last.
•  The Mission Accomplished award goes to Nicolette “Hopefully I do better this time” Fraser, tied for 77th. That’s much better than dead last where she finished last year.
• And finally, the You Conned Your Way To The Top award goes to contest leader Mike Weier, who jumped into first with UConn’s victory this evening. Mike can only win 6 of tomorrow’s 8 games, so it will be interesting to see if he can hold the lead.

Ok, minions, church comes early. Time for sleep. More news tomorrow night when the Sweet 16 is complete.

Until then,

The Wizard of Whiteland

Contest Home Page

“If we fight, we fight for our rights, nothing else.” – Stephen F. Austin

A March Madness Memory

The final game of what I consider to be the greatest 48 hours in all of sports is on my TV, 15 minutes left and reasonably competitive. It seems to me that, while there has certainly been a handful of blowouts, this year’s first round has treated us to an extraordinary measure of drama. Maybe it was that line of thinking that took me back to the following memory, one that I’d like to share.

Perhaps you’ve wondered, “Hey Jeff, when did you first become interested in March Madness?” (Oh, why flatter myself? Most of you have wondered nothing of the sort, not even once, but I’m still going to tell you, because it’s my contest, and you’re a captive audience.) One of my earliest memories goes all the way back to 1981. I was 10 years old and had ridden my bike the short mile or two to my dad’s house. I don’t remember the exact reason for my visit, but I vividly remember him sitting in his chair in the front room, on the edge of his seat, paper bracket clutched firmly in hand. He glanced up from the TV briefly and said to me with obvious anticipation, “We’re going to win, Jeff! I’m excited.” The “we” he was referring to was the defending national champion Louisville Cardinals. I grew up just 50 miles up river from Louisville in Madison, IN, hence there were many Cards fans in my hometown. What I witnessed next, standing right there next to my dad with his bracket held tenderly in his hands like it was the last copy of the magna carta, is a moment of sporting history I’ll never forget. Fortunately for you, I found it on YouTube.

Arkansas vs. Louisville 1981

I can’t accurately describe my father’s reaction to that 49-foot miracle. In a tone of utter incredulity, Dad simply muttered, “He made that.” Was that what hooked me on March Madness? I don’t know, but it’s a fond memory of my dad who passed away in 1999. He loved basketball and loved Louisville. It’s hard for me to watch Louisville play without thinking of him.

Game Thoughts

• I’m A Lumberjack and I’m OK! – Having already discussed in the previous commentary the unMercerful Duke debacle, the unquestioned game of the evening session pitted the Rams of VCU versus the Lumberjacks of Stephen F. Austin. After coming out of the locker room down 10 points at the half, VCU wreaked its legendary havoc defense on the Lumberjacks, at one point scoring three field goals in 27 seconds and forcing 12 turnovers in the second half. Just when I thought my bandwagon pick of SFA was about to go down the tubes, VCU’s JeQuan Lewis committed the Boneheaded Play of the Day. Up 4 with 3 seconds left, Lewis fouled SFA’s Desmond Haymon as he drained a three pointer. Haymon made the free throw to tie the game, and like the Phoenix rising from the ashes, SFA went on to win the game in overtime. The Unsung Hero award for this game goes to the man from Bixby, Oklahoma, Jacob Parker for SFA.  Parker averaged just two points per game this season but poured in 22 tonight on 64% shooting from the field to help lead the Lumberjacks to victory.  Anyone out there from Bixby? I’m looking at you, Tim Davis.
• Cotton, The Fabric of Our Game – The Providence Fryers got a game that was 100% cotton from guard Bryce Cotton who scored 36 points including 7-7 from the line in what turned out to be a losing effort. This was another one of those games that got away from an underdog in the first round, as Providence simply imploded at the end of the game. First, trailing by only one, they failed to block out UNC’s James Michael McAdoo (only distantly related to NBA great Bob McAdoo) after he missed the back end of a 1-and-1.  Getting his own rebound, McAdoo was fouled again and went back to the line. McAdoo gave the Fryars one more chance, missing the back end of the next 1-and-1 again, but the Fryars couldn’t handle the rebound, fumbling it out of bounds. Game, season, upset, all gone.
• Get On With It, Already! – Ok, I have mixed emotions about this new thing of going to the monitor in the last two minutes to double check on certain calls, most notably, who last touched it before going out of bounds. On the surface it seems like a good idea, but it has turned out to be yet another rendition of the now familiar song in American sports entitled, “Indisputable Video Evidence”. That song is becoming more irritating than the Macarena. Look, it already takes 20 minutes to play the last two minutes of a basketball game, and now in addition to enduring the usual parade to the free throw line, we get to watch 13 replays of the same out of bounds play from 4 different angles. “Now, from that angle, Vern, it looks like he touched it, but from this other angle, you can’t really tell. So I don’t think there’s enough evidence there to overturn it, do you?” These discussion go on for 2, 3, or 4 minutes while Teddy Valentine pretends to study the monitor intently just in case he can get some more on-camera time. Listen, if I wanted an exercise in forensics, I’d watch CSI. Come on boys, Play Ball!

In Other News

I usually like to make a few comments about some of the more interesting mascots in the tournament, and this year is no exception. By far the most ridiculous mascot in this year’s field is the Coastal Carolina Chanticleers. What’s a Chanticleer? Well, at first I thought it was a men’s a capella vocal ensemble, which I would have ridiculed without mercy. However, it turns out a chanticleer is a rooster. I kept expecting Foghorn Leghorn to come rolling up out of the locker room. “Fortunately we keep our uniforms numbered for just such an emergency.”  To be fair, the Chanticleers made a game of it against #1 seed Virginia until the Cavaliers, which I cannot resist pointing out rhymes with Chanticleers, woke up and decided they did not want to make history tonight.  And speaking of Virginia…

I have often heard them referred to as the “Wahoos”. Now, several years ago I remember asking why Washington State referred to themselves as Wazzu.  Was it because they scored points out the Wazzu? Had money coming out the wazzu? Not sure. Nevertheless, I’m still trying to figure out what a Wahoo is, and that’s coming from someone who can’t explain what a Hoosier is, either. Google was no help whatsoever, as it told me a wahoo is a scombrid fish found worldwide in tropical and subtropical seas. Not exactly the kind of habitat you’d associate with Charlottesville, is it? Maybe it’s some sort of obscure hilljack insult of yesteryear, you know, something like, “I ain’t a goin’ over thar with them thar buncha wahoos runnin thar mouths.” The world may never know.

By far the coolest mascot in this year’s field has to be the Ragin’ Cajuns of Louisiana -Lafayette. This moniker evokes all sort of entertaining imagery. I mean, it just makes you want to talk like a Cajun and eat something spicy, doesn’t it? I think they should have Emeril Lagasse gesticulating wildly on the sidelines yelling, “Bam! Bam!” and handing out spices.That would be epic!

Commercial Success

Part of the March Madness experience, for better or worse, is repeated exposure to the same dozen or so commercials. When you watch TV for 28 out of 48 consecutive hours, the commercials unavoidably become part of your psyche. Here are my random musings about this year’s commercial crop.

• The two guys in the Sonic commercials have been at it so long I am surprised they don’t have their own sitcom by now. My favorite from this year is their argument over whether the sound the ball makes going through the net is “swiss” or “swish”. The antagonist of the pair finally gets the last word with, “Why don’t we settle this with a game of horsh.” When corrected by his pal, he simply says it again, hoarsely, of course.
• The new E-Trade commercial with the singing cat is reasonably entertaining. We all know cats are evil.
• On the other hand, the Buffalo Wild Wings commercials with “Coach T” give me terrifying Bobby Knight interview flashbacks. Coach T needs to be T’d up and tossed from the arena.
• Anyone besides me old enough to remember the original Fritos Corn Chip jingle that Subway has appropriated for its latest promotion? Everyone knows Fritos Corn Chips go with lunch, not subs.
• If you’re looking for evidence that the government is way too involved in every aspect of American life, look no further than the modern crop of pharmaceutical commercials. Maybe it’s just my warped sense of humor, but I’m amused by how they try to portray every-man or every-woman having a living room chat with us about how a certain medicine is really helping them with their health issues. What makes this fall flat is the FDA’s voluminous requirements for disclosure of clinical data in the advertisements.  So there’s grandma chatting away with us about her arrhythmia, which, she explains, is “an irregular heartbeat not caused by a heart valve problem.” Thanks for clearing that up, grams. Then grandma has to finish with the laundry list of possible side effects which are enough to make most people choose the disease over the treatment.
• And don’t forget the DirectTV commercials consisting of the lengthy string of non sequiturs. Actually, I think we can learn something from these particular ads. Stay with me, here, minions:
  • When you fill out your brackets, you think you’re going to win.
  • When you think you’re going to win, you taunt your friends and family in the contest.
  • When you taunt your friends and family in the contest, they challenge you with a crazy bet.
  • When they challenge you with a crazy bet, you have to accept.
  • When you have to accept, you end up getting mauled by some crazy redneck’s pet grizzly bear. Don’t get mauled by some crazy redneck’s pet grizzly bear. Instead, work it out over a nice game of horsh.

Round 1 By The Numbers

The round of 64 is done, leaving us with 32 teams going into the weekend.  This year’s round of 32 includes:

• One 14 seed
• Two 11 seeds
• Three 12 seeds
• One 10 seed
• Zero 13 seeds for the first time in 7 years.
• Zero 16 seeds for the 32nd time in 32 years.

Round 1 Shout Outs

If you’ve made it this far in the commentary, you have the constitution of a vending machine. To make it worth it, I now present you with the round one shout outs.

• The Halley’s Comet award goes to Matthew “Wyld Stallyn” Hickey who took the traditional all-upset route selected by at least one contestant every year. The good news is that Matthew is currently ranked 25th.  Of course he is. He picked all the upsets, by definition. The bad news is that of the 16 games that will be played in the next two days, Matthew can win just one if Mercer can beat Tennessee. Enjoy your shining moment, Stallyn. It won’t last long.
• The Doctor Who? award goes to Sammy “Don’t Blink, Trust Me, I’m The Doctor” Randazzo who, despite an impressive winning percentage of .750, is tied for 563rd.
• The Walking Tall award goes to Evan “The Tallest Contestant” Gidley, currently ranked 9th with 61 points.
• The It Was Worth The Wait award goes to Gavin “I’m finally allowed to play this!” Hand, currently in 10th despite a miserable winning percentage of .375.
• The Thiry One Flavors award, sponsored by Baskin Robbins, goes to the three minions who can still win every remaining game in the tournament: Kevin “Kwang” Wehner, currently 2nd; Shane Svenpladsen, currently 27th; and Paul “Gramps” Boswell, currently tied for 160th.
• In honor of this year’s 12 seeds going 3-1, the Twelfth Man award goes to 12h place contestant Billy Brundage. Ironically, the minion who calls himself 12th Man is actually in 32nd.
• The Your Wish Is My Command award goes to Bob “goweberstate” Weber. Gone, as is your ranking (T660).
• The Hieroglyphics award goes to those mischievous minions who managed to mangle their monikers with malformed characters: Heather Schafer and Ryleigh Lamb.
• And finally, the You Beginner Luck award goes to first-time contestant and contest leader Nick “NIck” [sic] Snider. Mr. Nick NIck boasts an impressive 29-3 record and 72 points. Nick will receive the original Karate Kid on DVD, autographed by Noryuki “Pat” Morita.

Parting Shots

• Games to watch this weekend: Pittsburgh, Mercer, and Harvard are all worth scategories bonuses to the minions who picked them to advance to the Sweet 16.
• Re-pick round starts Monday: After all 16 games are completed this weekend, your brackets will open back up for your re-picks.  I will explain the re-pick procedure and rules in detail in a later email, because, invariably, it is the greatest source of confusion among contestants.

And now the Wizard is stepping back behind the curtain to sleep just as long as he wants, but not past tomorrow’s first tip.

Until then,

The Wizard of Whiteland

Contest Home Page

“Behind every successful man is a proud wife and a surprised mother-in-law.” – Hubert H. Humphrey

Leveling The Field

Is it just me, or does this year’s tournament field feel about as even and wide open as it has ever been? Yeah, today’s loss by Duke busted many a bracket, but let’s be honest. Are we really that surprised? This is, in fact, the second time in just three years that Coach K’s Krew has lost in the first round, to a 14 and 15 seed, no less! Perhaps we will have to find a new word to supplant “upset” when a lower seeded team wins a game. After watching yesterday’s games, I would go so far as to say that there were games that the lower seed lost that felt more like upsets simply because that lower seed had led the entire game only to give it away late or in overtime. Perhaps I am merely restating conventional wisdom, but I believe a number of factors are contributing to this development, including the NBA revolving door, broader TV coverage of mid-major programs, and the success of mid-major programs such as Gonzaga, Butler, and Wichita State, success that ends up convincing talented high school prospects to go somewhere besides Kentucky, Duke, or North Carolina.  And why wouldn’t they? They can get more playing time while getting almost as much TV exposure and just as much chance to make noise in the post season.

With 23 games in the books, 7 have been won by the lower seed, and at least two more definitely should have been. That’s around a third, which is more than one would expect if the seeding was truly reflective of the expected outcome. Call it parity, leveling the playing field, or whatever cliche you prefer. The one thing that makes March Madness so compelling, the fact that anyone can win any one game on a particular night, is only becoming more apparent with each passing year.

Duke Cries Mercer!

“Dad, my bracket is ruined!” That’s the text I received from my 13-year-old, Amber, shortly after #14 seed Mercer downed #3 seed Duke in convincing fashion. While that tugged at old Dad’s heart strings, my response was pragmatic. “You are not alone, honey. There’s always the re-picks.” A quick look at the Carnage Report reveals that 111 minions lost a final four team, and 20 lost their national champion. The news is not all bad, though. Thirty contestants collected the contest’s first coveted Scategories Bonus for the win, which was worth a total of 13 points including bonuses.This shook up the standings quite a bit, as you might imagine.

Unnecessary Roughness

As I type this, the only remaining game in progress is Gonzaga vs Oklahoma State, a game in which 57 fouls have been called, and the most in a post-season game in over a decade! I’ve always been a Gonzaga fan.  I’m sitting here in my Gonzaga jersey, even. But these guys need helmets and shoulder pads, mainly to protect themselves from the bricks they have been tossing up from the free throw line. Once again – bad free throw shooting. It’s an epidemic.

Quick Shout Outs

These midday commentaries are tough because I am trying to do so much multitasking. If the contest gets much bigger, I’m going to have to hire a staff.

Before I hand out a few awards, I would like to acknowledge an interesting phenomenon I’ve noticed lately, and that is that the minions seem to be developing their own vernacular. (Given what we know about minions, I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised.) I’ve noticed you’ve taken to calling the awards “shout outs,” and so, from henceforth, that is what we shall call them.

So here you go, a few shout outs before the evening session.  Bee Doe, Bee Doe, Bee Doe…

• The It’s So Fluffy I Could Die! award for unfettered exuberance goes to John Lederman, who posted on the contest Facebook page, in ALL CAPS, no less, “THIS IS THE HIGHEST I’VE EVER BEEN IN YOUR CONTEST!!! WOOHOO!” John is currently in 5th place.
• The Always A Bridesmaid award goes to my brother, Josh Marshall, who lamented that all of his upset picks lost in overtime. Josh is currently tied for 170th.
• The Upset Stomach award, this year brought to you by Tagamet, goes to five minions who picked all 7 upsets thus far: Michael Weier, Gavin Hand, Kasiah Hand, John Lederman, and Matthew Hickey.
• The Winner, Winner, Chicken Dinner award goes to Russ Zimmerman, aka bblakerstyle, who has won 22 out of 23 games so far. You would think that would put Russ in first place, but that’s the beauty of my contest. Russ is currently in 10th.
• The You Could Have Done Better Picking All Upsets award goes to the one contestant who managed to win fewer than 7 games so far, which is how many you could win if you just picked the lower seed to win every game (which is what Matthew Hickey did). The winner is Josh Vaughters with just 5 wins so far. Weirdly, Josh is NOT in last place.
• And finally, the Yellow Jersey award goes to the current contest leader, Michael “Mike” Weier, with 61 points.
  

Ok, minions, time to grab my son, grab some dinner, and settle in for the evening session. Look for the Day Two wrap up in your inbox in the morning.

The Wizard of Whiteland

Contest Home Page

“I can calculate the motion of heavenly bodies, but not the madness of people.” – Isaac Newton

Before I get started, minions, we need a quick English lesson. The word “mad” is used improperly by, in my estimation, about 95% of the American population. Actually, perhaps that is unfair, because I am measuring what is proper by the word’s original definition, which, without doubt, has been lost in the modern connotation. Ask an American, “Are you mad?” and he will respond with an assessment of whether or not he is angry that you poured Pepsi all over his new iPad in your post-game celebration. Ask an Englishman the same question, and he will respond with an assessment of his own sanity. One of the many reasons to love March Madness is its preservation of the proper definition of madness, an insanity, a craziness that defies sense and reason.

Today was a day of madness the Hatter himself could have never conceived. Four overtime games (a first in NCAA tournament history), three double-digit upsets, two buzzer beaters, and a partridge in a pear tree.  It’s Christmas in March for a college basketball fan. Someone pass the Pepto.

Evening Session Observations

• Hack-A-Pack to Get The Win – Let’s start with the game that was perhaps the most bizarre of the day. The NC State Wolfpack had Saint Louis dead to rites, leading by as many as 16 points. But then the Billikens (what in the world is a Billiken, by the way), no doubt tipped off by some nerdy number cruncher in the press box, employed the dreaded Hack-A-Shaq strategy (or in this case, Hack-A-Pack), daring NC State to beat them at the line. The result? NC State shot a whopping 37 free throws, but they missed an even more astounding 17 of them! Please note the aforementioned lead they once held of 16 points. This was a game that NC State won, then lost, only to miraculously seem to win again, only to ultimately snatch defeat right from the jaws of victory. The Reggie Miller Choke Artist award definitely goes to the Wolfpack today.
• Someone keeps pressing that Buffalo Wild Wings button – This was an amusing quote Doug Gottleib repeated twice during his coverage of games in Spokane. He was making reference to those goofy commercials where everyone is in the restaurant watching a game that is essentially over, but no one wants to go home. So, an employee presses the magic button, and something completely random happens to send the game into overtime. That seemed to happen repeatedly today, especially in that Spokane location. First, Oklahoma star Isaiah Cousins inexplicably fouled North Dakota State’s Taylor Braun with 32 seconds remaining and a four point lead. This set the stage for the Bison’s dramatic comeback including a tying three pointer with 12 seconds left. Then in the night cap, San Diego State needed only to inbound the ball with 15 seconds left and a three point lead. That’s when Xavier Thames took his eye off the ball and fumbled it out of bounds, leading to New Mexico State’s Kevin Aronis hitting the game tying three pointer from the parking lot with 9 seconds to go.  Fortunately for the Aztecs, they ended up winning that game in OT.
• You, me, and Dupree – Speaking of North Dakota State, their star player, Taylor Braun, after having Nike tattooed on his forehead by a stumbling Isaiah Cousins, fouled out with 1:14 to go in OT. In comes freshman Carlin Dupree, who has spent the first 44 minutes of this game riding the pine. He gets fouled, and this freshman with a 58% free throw percentage calmly makes both free throws to put them up by two. Thirty seconds later he makes a clutch layup in traffic to put the Bison up by four, and they never looked back.
• It’s not FEE-lix, it’s fa-LEEKS – One of the more interesting aspects of March Madness to me is finding players with unique or even funny names, and today’s offering had a few worth mentioning. There was Texas guard Javan Felix, who apparently pronounces his name with the accent on the second syllable. Then there was St. Louis’ Austin McBroom, who most certainly was a McDonald’s All American. Then there was NC State’s TJ Warren, whom I think would be more accurately addressed as TJ Whiner given his reaction to calls he didn’t like and just about any other bit of adversity throughout the game. And let’s not forget UConn’s Shabazz Napier, not to be confused with the 1970’s campy super hero TV show Shazam. I’m sure Shabazz has his sights set on winning the whole shabang,
• We don’t need no steenking subs – That’s apparently the philosophy of the St. Joe’s Hawks, who basically play five players the entire game. This works great until the game goes into overtime and one of your permanent five fouls out, which is exactly what happened.
• And then there’s Manhattan, the anti-St. Joe’s, who played 11 players liberally in hopes of toppling mighty Louisville. The interesting quirk in this game was that Manhattan’s coach was a former assistant of Louisville coach Rick Pitino.  At one point sideline reporter Erin Andrews (I think it was her. It sure sounded like her.) reported that Manhattan’s coach was actually calling out Louisville’s plays to his guys so they would know what was coming on defense. I think that definitely deserves the Bill Belichick Award For Creative Coaching, don’t you?
• Bringing the Payne – Perhaps the marquee performance of the day came from Michigan State’s Adrian Payne who scored a whopping 41 points including a perfect 17-17 from the free throw line in Sparty’s dismantling of…who in the world did they play again? Who cares? Sparty has the entire east region having a nervous breakdown.
• Unlucky 13s – None of the three 13 seeds managed a win today, putting the lucky 13’s streak of 6 consecutive years with a tournament win in serious jeopardy. The only remaining representative is Tulsa, and I do not like their chances against UCLA.
• Imperfect 10s – Likewise, not one of the three 10 seeds managed a win today, which is unusual because 10 seeds normally do fairly well against 7s. The 10’s last chance rests with Stanford as they face New Mexico tomorrow.
• Low 5s – On the other hand, of the three 12s that played today, two were winners over their 5 seed opponents, and the third (NC State) choked big time. The final 12-5 match up promises to be a thriller with VCU facing Stephen F. Austin. That’s a game to watch.

Day One Awards

It sure felt like every game was an upset today, but in point of fact, only four of the 16 games today were won by the lower seed. I say “only” as if 25% is a low number for upsets. There could have easily been three more. One can only hope that tomorrow’s games are half as exciting as today’s.

And now, without further pontificating, let us distribute a few Day One Awards.

• The Hey! You Got Your Peanut Butter In My Chocolate award goes to Tamara (Dunbar) Schoder, whose parenthesis confused my code and messed up the alphabetizing of the minions. I think she did it on purpose, but I can’t prove it.
• The You No Make-a The Game, You No Make-a The Rules award goes to Wayne Murray, who declared the contest over after finding himself in first place after just a few games. It’s not over until … well, it’s just not over yet!
• The Don’t Count Your Chickens award goes to Andrea Bauschek who celebrated her picking prowess after I tweeted that Dayton was beating Ohio State. “Wahoo! I picked one right!” she replied. Unfortunately she missed the part of the tweet where I said there were still 15 minutes left to play. Fortunately, Dayton won anyway.
• The Quote of the Day award goes to Bryson Davis who texted me this zinger right after San Diego State’s Xavier Thames fumbled the inbounds pass. “The bad inbounds pass was on the same level as the Chris Webber timeout on the stupidity meter.”
• The Plagues of Egypt award goes to Brad Schafer, who called me right after Ohio State’s stunning loss to announce that his bracket was toast, the cab of his dump truck was full of mice, and it was snowing. What’s next, frogs and locusts?
• The Biggest Loser award goes to Bekah Bruner who gave it the ol’ college try but managed only six wins for six points today. Cheer up, Bekah. Tomorrow is a new day.
• The Trifecta award goes to a collection of minions tied for third place with just one loss each: Braden Murray, Jordan Whine (Not to be confused with the aforementioned TJ Whine), Nathan Kimbrell, Bill Spyksma, Nick Nick Snider (is that like Bam Bam or JoJo?), and Jim “no I don’t draw Garfield” Davis.
• The Sophomore Slump award goes to last year’s contest champion David “Pick the Mascot” Ricks, currently tied for 135th. Perhaps this year he has picked the wrong mascot.
• The Sweet 16 award goes to contest front-runners James “Changed more poops than watched hoops” Badgley and “bblakerstyle” who each picked all sixteen games correctly today! James will receive a one month supply of Pampers, and bblakerstyle will receive a dartboard with Phil Jackson’s picture on it.

That’s it for today, minions. Time to recharge batteries and prepare for the next 16-game onslaught which begins less than 12 hours from now.

The Wizard of Whiteland

Contest Home Page

Don’t talk to me about aesthetics or tradition. Talk to me about what sells and what’s good right now. And what the American people like is to think the underdog still has a chance. – George Steinbrenner

 

Underdogs Off to a Great Start

Dayton Had Me Flying.  The very first game of this year’s madness cast my heart into palpitations.  My poor wife was awoken from her afternoon nap by the sound of her husband hollering spontaneously at the television.  In case you missed it, the #11 Dayton Flyers upended the #6 Ohio State Buckeyes in a game that had two lead changes in the last 25 seconds!  OSU’s Aaron Craft made an unbelievable Dr. J maneuver to put the Buckeyes up by 1 with 15 seconds left only to be outdone 10 seconds later by Dayton’s Vee “I Don’t Have A Son” Sanford to win it for the Flyers.  What an incredible finish to the tournament’s opening game.

Be Nice to Nerds.  Some day you’ll be beaten by them in basketball.  Ok, I know that’s not how that cliche goes, but this extremely popular 12-over-5 pick came true when Harvard upset perennial underachievers Cincinnati.  New coach.  New players. Familiar result for Cincinnati.  I don’t like Harvard’s chances going forward, however, if they do not improve their free throw shooting.

Colorado Gets Buffaloed.  Colorado nearly lost by 30 to Pittsburgh in a game that looked more like a 1-16 than an 8-9 match up.

That’s Just Un-American.  American did lose by 30, and then some, to the Wisconsin Badgers.  In fact, the Badgers more than doubled American’s score.  This one was ugly.

Name Game

All right, minions, it’s time for everyone’s favorite part of the first day, the coveted Alias Awards.  This is where I recognize and reward the clever, the witty, the funny and, occasionally, the groan-inducing creativity of our contestants.

• Dave “All he wants to do is dance” Allender – White men can’t dance.
• James “Changed more poops than watched hoops” Badgley – Thank goodness I am past that part of my life.
• Andrea “WWCID? (What would Charles Ingalls do?)” Bauschek – Cry, of course.
• Kristin “Just Tell Me Who Wins” Bidwell – I’ll be sure to do that.
• Derek “Picked in under two minutes” Britt – It shows.
• Fess “Winning a Billion” Bryson – Buy a lottery ticket.  Buy two.
• Mike “Xeroe” Cusick – Is that pronounced Eks-zero?
• Jason “Jay Metta World Peace” Dailey – Say hello to Ron for me.
• Bryson “My desert is hotter than yours” Davis – Now let’s not start measuring deserts.
• Nicholette “Hopefully I do better this time” Fraser – That should be easy.  It’s hard to do worse than dead last.
• Brian “Where’s all the Indiana schools?” Gerlach – In Indiana.  Next question.
• Pam “thanks Jeff for doing this” Glassley – You’re welcome.
• Philip “This is for a billion dollars, right??” Goodwin – Sure. Heck, make it two billion.
• Nathan “Haff Man Haff Machine” Haffner – Nice try. Decent pun.
• Mark “Analytics Made My Picks” Heyerly – Man after my own heart.
• Dave “6 more weeks of winter!” Hostler – Kill the groundhog!
• Dawn “I used a pen and a phone” Lamb – I don’t even want to know what you did with the phone.
• Kip “Bout to be a billionaire” Layman – I need a loan.
• Jon “Where is IU” Merritt – I already answered this question.  I-N I-N-D-I-A-N-A.  Pay attention, please.
• Rick “Going with a non-Indiana team this year!” Morgan – As if you had some other choice.
• Joel “How does the scoring work again?” Paine – It doesn’t.
• Derek “Dakich shouldn’t be an announcer” Perry – He shouldn’t have a radio show, either.
• Veronica “I work at a zoo, and I live in one too!” Ramirez – I can only imagine.
• Chris “I’ll trade brisket for a shout out” Randazzo – I don’t like brisket.
• Lilly “I love the Little family” Richardson – Flattery will get you nowhere.
• Zach “My wife is hot!” Richardson – On the other hand, flattery will get YOU somewhere.
• Larry “Erif Mot Naerc” Shepherd – Backward masking is so 1980’s.
• J.R. “Seth Davis is a blue-blood alien robot” Shrader – And that’s being kind.
• Randall “Links Nut” Shucart – Let’s get together for 18 sometime.
• Paul “just as tuff 2 get last place as first” Sopke – But not nearly as fun.
• Rhonda “Don’t” Walker – Good advice for basketball players.
• Steve “North Dakota has more teams than Indiana” Williams – Thank you, Mr. Obvious.
• Tara “which college do I cheer 4 in OK to” Wynn – Neither one.
• Scott “Ockham’s Razor” Boohoer – The simplest approach is always best.

Honorable Mentions

• Tony “My picks should be seen and not” Heard – Good one. Your prize is an autographed copy of Petra’s seminal disc Beyond Belief.
• Chris “Jesus take the bracket” Jones – An autographed photo of Carrie Underwood is in the mail to you now.
• David “Keeping Up With The” Jones – It was hard not to include this one in the top five.
• Brian “Hope My Picks Don’t Flounder” Trout – Ok, that was too easy, but funny nonetheless.

Special Awards

• The Etymology Award goes to the minions whose aliases required me to consult a dictionary or other reference material.
  • Mike “Propiniquity but Never a Cigar” Baines – Don’t stand so close to me.
  • Allen “Valar Morghulis” Davidson – Basketball…this is the game of basketball.
  • Douglas “pheliosaquarias” Fisher – Back to the 60’s with you!
  • Chris “res ipsa loquitur” Wright – The evidence does not always speak for itself.
  • Mark “Idina Menzel” Wynn – Let it go.
• The annual Burma Shave award goes to the extremely creative Fairchild Family who long ago figured out that all entries are listed alphabetically on the view and search page.  Read in order, their statuses read, “You’ll find that the only thing you can do easily is be wrong, and that’s hardly worth the effort.“
• The May The Force Be With You award goes to the minions who made use of Star Wars references.
  
  • Garry “Chewbacca” Brackett
  • Anderson “Ando Clarissian” Cooper
  • Garrison “Obi Gar Kenobi” Cooper
  • Jamison “Jamo the Hutt” Cooper
  • Wendy “Call me WINNER boys, not Princess Leia” Cooper
  • Toby “One Kenobi” Schneckloth
• The Please Read the Instructions award goes to Nate Rocks “NateDog” Copeland who violated the policy of entering an alias in a field other than the alias.  Nate will receive, appropriately, a box of rocks.
  
• The Too Much Texting award goes to Angie “G8R H8RS B G8R B8” Crone.  It was actually painful reading that alias.
• The Inside Joke award goes to the aliases that you’d have to be me to understand fully.
  • Andrea “no picks no prom” Little – Don’t you forget it, eitiher.
  • Amber “#excited” Little – #crackingUp
  • Melody “I got my room back” Darnall – But not your garage.
• The Literalist award goes to the very observant minion, Matt “A Great Pun” Thurber, so named because I said those who wanted to win an alias award should keep in mind that I love a great pun.
• The annual Shameless Self-Promotion award goes to Mason “www.breakingwallscounseling.com” Gallmeyer.  Actually it’s shameless spouse promotion, but close enough.
• The Hatfield and McCoys award goes to the crew that just cannot resist giving grief to Brad “Nanook of the Midwest” Schafer every year.
  • Toby “Thumper of the Nanook” Risner
  • Bruce “Nanook slapper” Schafer

Top 5

And now, without further ado, here are the top five aliases in this year’s contest.

5.  Jonathan “Full Metal Bracket” Fortman
4.  Jason “Cool as Ice Cream that Requires a S” Cooper
3.  Dave “Wooden TruthPicks” Barndt (with bonus points for invoking the Wizard of Westwood)
2.  Nathan “Not outgive, but” Inskeep (Perfect)
1.  Shane “My Last Name Can Beat Up Your Last Name” Svenpladsen (I’ll say)

Great job, minions.  Your creativity knows no bounds.

Parting Shots

A quick look at the contest standings shows that a good number of contestants are still perfect.  With only seven games in the books, it is too early to hand out any awards for contest performance, but if you’re one of the undefeated minions so far, good for you! That means you picked three upsets already.

And now I need to give my blurred vision and cramped fingers a rest and get some dinner. Check back this evening for the Day One round up and awards.

Until then, keep the faith and your bracket.

The Wizard of Whiteland

Contest Home Page